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April 16, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Justin Bieber Wore a Hideous Hat While Dancing With Selena Gomez

Justin bieber selena gomez coachellaThat’s it. I’m convinced that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez’s entire relationship is based on record sales. That they break up whenever new music is being released to generate buzz and lead their mutual fans to believe that it’s about that.

I mean, why else release “Come and Get It,” with lyrics like “Hate the way I love you, maybe I’m addicted for life”? She’s got the fever baaaad, and maybe if she’d bothered to just look up a few inches at the top of Justin’s head the other night when they were bouncing around at Coachella she would realize that he is not the one be cured of her horrible affliction.

TMZ writes that Gomez chose to sit in Bieber’s lap at the music festival despite the fact that he was “dressed like a newborn baby at the beach.” I much prefer the idea of Justin kissing guys in the recording studio behind her back. It’s really too bad this picture of him and Austin Mahone was photoshopped

Read more…

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April 15, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

’90s Icons Veruca Salt Reuniting for First Time in 19 Years

Louise Post Nina Gordon friendsGrunge era band Veruca Salt – known for the song “Seether” from their 1994 debut American Thighs - announced via their website that they will be touring with original members Nina Gordon (co-lead vocals guitar), Louise Post (vocals, guitar), Steve Lack (bass) and Jim Shapiro (drums) for the first time in nearly 20 years.

The Chicago-based band lost all their core members besides singer Louise Post between 1997 and 1998 after they had toured with big names like Hole and even appeared on Saturday Night Live. Most notably, Nina Gordon left to pursue a solo career and saw success with the single “Tonight and the Rest of My Life.”  Read more…

April 14, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Paraplegic Aussie Mom Loves Being Duct Taped to Surfer’s Back

woman taped to surfer's back
So I’m scrolling through Facebook the other day and I see this post about an Australian woman who, after a severe car accident, can no longer use her legs. And I click on it and read that she always wanted to go surfing so her son’s friend offered to tape her to his back.

Call me crazy, but I cannot think of anything worse than being strapped to someone’s back on a strip of material that is less than two feet wide in a deep body of water. Oh and to top it off, I’m f*cking paralyzed.

So if he goes under, I go under. I’m putting all my faith in some kid who is probably crazy and, like all extreme sports people, secretly wants to die in a blaze of natural earth-related glory.  Read more…

April 14, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

King Joffrey Actor Jack Gleeson Says Purple Wedding Scene ‘Was Fun’

Joffrey there's no cure for being aLast night’s episode of Game of Thrones, titled “The Lion and The Rose,” featured the long-awaited union between Joffrey Baratheon and the redhead with the good boobs known to fans of the series as the “purple wedding,” and holy crap, I haven’t been this happy since my mom got me a golden retriever puppy in third grade.

For weeks I’d been trying to figure out what the hell a purple wedding even was, and I’m not going to say anything spoiler-y, I’m just going to tell you to watch it. Be one of the million oomanz to illegally download it. Get HBO. Read the book. I don’t care…

On filming the now-famous scene, Jack Gleeson saidIt was fun in the end, but kind of stressful to be so focused, but acting like you’re completely unfocused. Difficult, but exciting.”   Read more…

April 13, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Wonderful Actor Leonardo DiCaprio is a HORRIBLE Dancer

There are a few locations and events where you are guaranteed to see a celebrity, and one of them is Coachella…

This is probably because so many of them were probably conceived at music festivals, it’s like salmon coming home to spawn. People like Lindsay Lohan and Vanessa Hudgens swimming towards massive piles of MDMA to the tune of Zedd’s “Clarity.”

This year, famous folk with freshly bleached buttholes wore properly Bohemian getups to the desert to see the likes of Outkast, Skrillex and Lorde. A wise woman with a camera caught none other than Leonardo DiCaprio dancing to his personal ear poison of choice, MGMT, on Saturday and he may just be worse at dancing than John Travolta is at pronouncing names.George Bernard Shaw once said, “Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.” So that explains why Gisele left. And Bar Rafaeli. And Anne V. And that other lady…

April 12, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Lorde, Kim Gordon and Joan Jett Fronted Nirvana, then Courtney Love Hugged Dave Grohl

Courtney Love Dave Grohl hug The Rock and Roll Induction proceeded on Thursday in Brooklyn and that band calling themselves Nirvana stole the show. The most surprising moment wasn’t when Lorde got awkward with “All Apologies” or that Annie Clark from St. Vincent was the best of the worst weirdest with her vocal rendition of “Lithium” (better than Joan Jett and Kim Gordon on “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Aneurysm”), it was when Courtney Love gave Dave Grohl a giant hug, thus (hopefully) squashing their horrendous feud.

Over the years, Love has sued Grohl (and Krist Novoselic) multiple times over copyright issues, called him an “asshole” and accusing him being ultra skeezy with Frances Bean, who was sadly absent from the ceremony and missed her mother’s heartwarming moment of sanity.

Read more…

April 11, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

In Other News, Guy Gets Paid To Pour Water on Rihanna’s Back

Exclusive - Rihanna Does a Skin Photo Shoot Half Naked in the Hollywood Hills Some people list teacher, policeman, veterinarian or chef as their dream job, others put “dumping water on Rihanna’s backside.” …To each their own.

Let’s list the pros and cons of pouring water on Rihanna.

Pros: It’s easy.

Cons: If Rihanna sees your boner, she’ll probably alert everyone in the vicinity with a loud “EH!” resulting in the loss of your job and you looking on Craigslist for opposing employment that involves intense labor like hauling cement blocks in the pouring rain.

In other other news, totally attractive virgin bobsledder Lolo Jones wrote on Twitter that it’s going to be hard for Drake to “hand out all those awards to Rihanna’s ex boyfriends” at the ESPYs. Ho ho ho I get it and cannot contain my laughter because Rihanna dated one athlete in 2011.  Read more…

April 9, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Joan Jett: Kurt Cobain For a Day?

Joan Jett, Dave GrohlA photo of Joan Jett’s guitar next to Dave Grohl’s posted to the Foo Fighters Instagram indicates that the queen of rock ‘n roll will be performing with the remaining members of Nirvana tomorrow at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction.

I love how Dave Grohl trolls us with a potential plethora of Kurt Cobain “replacements.” An old guy and now a woman? I love her but OMG, what’s next? The screaming Taylor Swift goat? Taylor Swift herself? Maybe an actual rock with a chalk face and glued-on hair?

God help us. I hope they won’t be throwing any blasphemous “new material” at us. (I much prefer Joan as the lead singer of Evil Stig as a memorial, fundraiser and tribute to and for Mia Zapata of The Gits.)

Kiss, Peter Gabriel, Cat Stevens, Hall & Oates are among the other inductees at the ceremony.

April 8, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Amanda Bynes Frolics in Bikini, Makes Long-Awaited Return to Twitter!

Amanda Bynes bikini 2014
Amanda Bynes MAY be giving us the success story we wasted our time hoping for with Lindsay Lohan…

After entering a hospital and eventually rehab for driving crazily, smashing bongs and lighting fires in people’s yards, Bynes is seemingly back to her content, sane self – spending time with her parents and attending Fashion Institute of Design & Merchandising.

Of all the negative things Bynes was “famous” for in recent years, most know her for her presence on Twitter.

Once the queen of attention-grabbing tweets that often involved calling people “ugly” and getting her vagina murdered, not to mention the posting of one-eyed duckface photos, Amanda B. has quietly returned to social media with short and sweet messages about her fans and her birthday. (She just turned 28.)  Read more…

April 7, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

What ‘The Hound’ Looks Like Without a Beard…

The slightly uneventful but still wonderful first episode of the fourth season of Game of Thrones aired last night and the unexpected star and winner of the internet for the week was none other than the king of one-liners, burn victim Sandor “The Hound” Clegane, who is currently on a mission to deliver Arya Stark to her dead mother’s crazy sister for a hefty sum.

The Hound spawned a bunch of memes after he closed the episode by spewing amazingly humorous dialogue about eating chicken right before beating up a roomful of thugs and getting Arya’s sword back (gifted by Jon Snow, nicknamed “Needle,” “Stick them with the pointy end” etc.).  Read more…

April 7, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Peaches Geldof, Daughter of Rockstar Bob Geldof, Dead at 25

Peaches geldof party
Peaches Geldof, notorious British socialite and daughter of Boomtown Rats singer, solo artist and Live Aid founder Bob Geldof, was found dead in her home this afternoon at the age of 25.

A police spokesperson called her passing “unexplained and sudden,” stating that they are still working to “establish the circumstances surrounding the death.”
Peaches Geldof
Bob Geldof (most famous for the song “I Don’t Like Mondays”) addressed the heartbreaking loss:

We are beyond pain. She was the wildest, funniest, cleverest, wittiest and the most bonkers of all of us. Writing ‘was’ destroys me afresh. What a beautiful child. How is this possible that we will not see her again? How is that bearable?”

Read more…

April 6, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Kirsten Dunst Said an Unwise Thing About Women

Kirsten Dunst harpers cover 2014I don’t mind when other women say things like “My job is being a mother.” Not only is being a mother one of the hardest and most important “jobs” of all, I think if that’s what fulfills you and makes you happy then who am I to shake my head and hope there’s something more to life than stretching out my vagina until it’s the size of a hula hoop?

These days, we see more and more that any gender or sexuality can take on the idyllic role of “mother” and “father,” which is why Kirsten Dunst’s old timey comments about a woman’s place seemed odd.

She recently told Harper’z Bazaar UK:

I feel like the feminine has been a little undervalued. We all have to get our own jobs and make our own money, but staying at home, nurturing, being the mother, cooking — it’s a valuable thing my mom created. And sometimes, you need your knight in shining armor. I’m sorry. You need a man to be a man and a woman to be a woman. That’s why relationships work …

Read more…

April 5, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Why ‘The Goonies’ Sequel Will Confirm Your Status as a Senior Citizen and Kill Your Already Dead Childhood

Goonies castRichard Donner – director of the original beloved Goonies film about a group of typically mischievous children on an underground treasure hunt – told TMZ “We’re doin’ a sequel” just this morning.

As exciting as that may sound, think about what it really means. A bunch nods to the original (the truffle shuffle, “Goonies never say die!” shots of the famous “Goonies house” in Astoria, Oregon, the oldest, most haunted town west of the Rockies), and maybe some cameos that might keep a fraction of the diehard, easily-pleased fans satisfied, but do the rest of us not know better?

First of all, John Matuszak, the man who played sloth – a former defensive lineman for the Houston Oilers – died of an overdose four years after The Goonies (1985) debuted in theaters (and grossed a surprising $9 million at the box office, btw).  Read more…

April 3, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Stories I’m too Lazy to Write About [4-3-14]

R.I.P. … True Blood is ending after 2014. (Uproxx)

And hereee’s RoboCop eating donuts… (Grouchy Muffin)

 David Letterman retiring in 2015.  (Rolling Stone)

30 people confirmed dead in WA mudslide. (Yahoo!)

Nene Leakes looks contemplative in ’92 mug shot. (ohmyGAHH)

Wayne Gretzky’s daughter did Golf Digest?? (Deadspin)

Shakira lights herself on fire for “Empire” vid. (Idolator)

Cameron Diaz made a sex tape. (ComingSoon)

April 3, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

James Franco Hits on Teen Girl to Promote Teacher/Student Film, ‘Palo Alto’

James Franco LucyIn what is very likely an elaborate and bizarre scheme to promote an upcoming movie starring Emma Roberts, James Franco seemingly attempted to meet up with an underage Scottish girl named Lucy on Instagram.

A number of websites wrote about the scandal after the 17-year-old posted their conversation (Franco asking questions like “Do you have a bf?” “When is your bday” and “What’s your #?) on Imgur.

The girl was either in on it too or wasn’t and he had simply counted on her tattling to the news.

Palto Alto, out May 9, is reportedly about a high school teacher who has an affair with a teen soccer player. Check out the trailer HERERead more…

April 3, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Latest Ford Hood Shooter Had a History of Instability

Ivan Lopez shooterThe commanding general at Fort Hood in Killeen, Texas – where 34-year-old enlisted soldier Ivan Lopez shot and killed three fellow officers and then himself with a semi-automatic pistol on Wednesday, April 3 – says Lopez had a questionable medical history that may at least partly explain his behavior.

“We have very strong evidence that he had a medical history that indicates an unstable psychiatric or psychological condition. We’re going through all records to ensure that is, in fact, is correct,” Gen. Mark Milley told reporters today, adding that they believe his condition was the “underlying causal factor.” (Not that you can ever truly “explain” murder.)

Sixteen were wounded in this latest Fort Hood shooting, a military base that was plagued by a similar incident in 2009 that left 13 dead and more than 30 injured at the hands of Army psychiatrist Nidal Hasan.

Read more…

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