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December 18, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Sony Pulls ‘The Interview’ From All Theaters

Kim jong il death scene the interviewSeth Rogen and James Franco’s The Interview has been scrapped from all major theaters by Sony, who also reportedly have NO PLANS to release in on DVD or on demand due to the plot of the entire movie, specifically a scene were their beloved(?) leader Kim Jong-un burns to death in slow motion.

Leaked emails from Rogen himself detailed the gory scene, which apparently included “hair burning,” “face embers” and a “wave of head chunks.” 

Sounds hilarious, right? North Korean hackers didn’t quite think so…

After catching wind of The Interview, a group calling themselves the “Guardians of Peace” threatened to bomb any venue who dared screen it, 9/11 style.

Warning

the interview posterWe will clearly show it to you at the very time and places “The Interview” be shown, including the
premiere, how bitter fate those who seek fun in terror should be doomed to.
Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made.
The world will be full of fear.
Remember the 11th of September 2001.
We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time.
(If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.)
Whatever comes in the coming days is called by the greed of Sony Pictures Entertainment.
All the world will denounce the SONY.

Read more…

December 18, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Chinese Husband Disgraced After Banging Wife’s Twin in Parking Lot

chinese couple cheating
A Chinese woman made American headlines when she exacted perfect revenge on her cheating husband. Basically, this guy’s wife found him riding her twin sister like the Hong Kong tram in his car and she locked him and the whore out of the car buck naked and surrounded by strangers with cell phone cameras.
cheating chinese man kicked out of car
The husband, identified as 30-year-old Chang Su, and his mistress were captured in several compromising positions, but it’s a lot easier to laugh than it is to feel bad because 1. it didn’t happen to us and 2. naked cheating Chinese whores.

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December 16, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Cosby’s Daughter: ‘Lying about Rape is as Bad as Rape’

Evin Cosby bill cosbyBill Cosby’s daughter and wife, Evin and Camille Cosby have responded to the allegations that Bill Cosby roofied and raped over 20 women.

While Camille, who has been said to have known about Cosby’s affinity for slipping pills in women’s drinks for more than a handful of years, only said that her husband is the child-friendly role model we all assumed he was in his Huxtables and puddin’ pop days, his daughter went on a rant suggesting that all the accusers are lying about being drugged….

Drugged- you can remember the whole damn day but you were drugged? Just sayin. Memory- you can remember you looked at (allegedly) eachother, people were starring allegedly remembering your home address allegedly the name you called him allegedly But you were allegedly drugged.

That’s not all. Evin Cosby went on to say that those who lie about being raped should be punished in the same way that actual rapists should: with a heavy prison sentence.

Rape is a serious allegation and it is suppose to be taken VERY seriously but so is Falsely accusing someone. When someone rapes a person they go to prison. THAT should also happen to the person that has wrongfully accused an innocent victim. They are not ONLY destroying innocent people’s life they are ALSO making it hard for the MEN and Women to find justice when they have been raped.

Read more…

December 14, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Nicki Minaj – “Only”

While you’re waiting for Nicki Minaj‘s third full-length album The Pinkprint (tomorrow), here’s a video of Nicki bouncing around in business casual attire with Drake professing his love for cellulite-laden ass dimples and Chris Brown in his most believable performance ever as a rapey-eyed devil. Produced by alleged Ke$ha and Lady Gaga rapist Dr. Luke.
  

December 13, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Angelina Jolie Releases Video Announcing her Chicken Pox, Glares Menacingly at Amy Pascal

Angelina Jolie glare amy pascalOne year after announcing a double mastectomy, Angelina Jolie wants you to know she’s f*cking fine and just needs a second to stop being scratching her beautiful face and body with her gnarled witch hands.

“I will be home, itching and missing everyone, and I can’t believe it because this film means so much to me,” she said in a video to her fans.

You see that photo? That’s not the face she made when she found out she couldn’t promote Unbroken due to her outbreak, it’s the one she made when she found out Sony executive Amy Pascal was a backstabbing, knob-eating slag who shit-talked her in emails.

Read more…

December 13, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Reese Witherspoon Loves Oregon

Reese Witherspoon oregon premiereFire hydrant-sized actress Reese Witherspoon recently re-visited Oregon for the premiere of Wild, written by local author Cheryl Strayed. Witherspoon called the state a “second home” and praised the beauty of filming locations like Bend, Crater Lake and the adorable Shakespeare-loving community of Ashland and Portland restaurants Tasty n Alder and Pok Pok.

“It was so great to shoot Cheryl Strayed’s story in Oregon,” Witherspoon said. “When I talked to Jean-Marc Vallee I said I wanted this to be a love letter to Oregon — the beautiful vistas, the mountains, the water. I felt like it was so important that people see how beautiful the state is.”

That’s so Portland: Laura Dern (of Jurassic Park and Enlightened fame), who plays Witherspoon’s mother in Wild, was was presented a box of Voodoo Donuts. Aww.

December 9, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Funny Video: Peter Pan Live on SNL

Peter Pan Live starring Allison Williams aired last week and was apparently even worse than you’d expect so of course Saturday Night Live jumped at the chance to parody it, inserting Cecily Strong as “the most gorgeous, womanly boy with shiny bright eyes and feminine features.” 
cecily strong peter pan whaddup players meme
Also, Aidy Bryant as Taco Bell, Tinkerbell’s ghetto fabulous half-sister, a “reverse tooth fairy” who enjoys landing on raw meat and stealing children’s money.

December 6, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Arizona Player Pukes on Ball Before Snap

Arizona Oregon puking Remember the name Carter Wood, because that’s who’s tossing the football to his quarterback right after blowing Gatorade chunks all over it in the most memorable gif of this year’s Pac-12.

Wood’s stomach was apparently almost as decimated as his team, the Arizona Wildcats, who lost (51-13) to the Oregon Ducks on Friday.

December 6, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Lizard Squad Took Down Xbox Live AGAIN

lizard squad logoLizard Squad, a hacker group whose bio reads “Some lizards just want to watch the world burn,” have tapped into the Xbox Live servers for the second time this week, rendering it unavailable for several hours.

This directly affects me and therefore makes me angrier than She-Hulk with third world dysentery.

“Why are they doing this?” you may ask. Well, the “reasons” for hacking are eerily similar to the “reasons” people commit murder:

1. Just because they can. 2. It makes them feel powerful. 3. They like the attention.

Read more…

December 5, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Trailer: Terminator Genisys

The new Terminator movie is just different enough to not be Salvation (the one with Christian Bale) or Rise of the Machines (the one with Claire Danes) and just familiar enough to generate interest. This is the one with Emilia Clarke with hardcore Linda Hamilton hair delivering the iconic “Come with me if you want to live” line.

  
Plus a school bus flipping over, shirtless Arnold and naked Jai Courtney (from Spartacus).

December 5, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Ronda Rousey Dated a Guy Who Repeatedly Banged His Teeth Into Hers

Ronda Rousey teethAfter being approached by one of TMZ’s professional celebrity-harassers, MMA legend Ronda Rousey explained what she’s looking for in a man. (Self-confidence, Zzz.)

She also launched into a very interesting story about a seemingly perfect guy who she called “catalog man” who turned her off with his unconventional kissing habits.

He would bite my teeth. Like, his teeth would hit my teeth when we kissed. It’s the worst! At first I was like, “Oh, it’s an accident” but then it started happening over and over and over. … He was absolutely perfect in every way except for that but that was just a dealbreaker. You can’t hit your teeth on my teeth! 

Read more…

December 4, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

I Refuse to Believe (or Care) that Mariah Carey Can’t Sing Anymore

The internet is abuzz with news that Mariah Carey has absolutely no ability to sing live after a disastrous televised performance at Rockefeller Center.

I’ll admit that the “true-ue-ue-ue” part of “All I Want For Christmas” sans music sounds like a downed bird being repeatedly stepped and unstepped on, but talent is not something you simply lose one day like a coin in a couch cushion.

I am of the slightly unpopular opinion that Mariah is the best female singer of my generation (suck it, Beyoncé) and would like to defend her honor by saying that she’s no dummy. She made it through the rain with multiple personalities, Glitter and a mustache in Precious. I say she’s pretending to suck so she can make another comeback.  It’s a brilliant business plan that you wish you’d thought of. Read more…

December 2, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Dum Dum Urges Girls to Stay With Guys Who Hit Them

So Howard Stern was recently talking about this video of a girl explaining why guys who give you black eyes are keepers. She’s 100% serious and it’s equal parts sad and funny.

Press play to listen to why you need to stay with abusive dudes who may or may not kill you. It might be the most busted-up “logic” you’ve ever heard.

I just wanted to say that if your boyfriend or the guy that you’re with puts his hands on you like he hits you or beats you up or whatever he does, stay with him. That nigga fucking loves you because he’s risking for you to press charges on him. He’s risking for you calling the police. He’s gonna do time or he’s gonna have to pay money to get out of jail or whatever the case may be, he’s risking all of that for you so that nigga fucking loves you.

December 2, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Kourtney Kardashian did the Naked Pregnancy Photo Thing

Kourtney kardashian dujour 2Kourtney Kardashian – my favorite, because she’s grumpy, throws the most shade at Kim and loves white meat even though it’s highly frowned upon in her family – is about to pop out another baby and figured she’d preserve the moment in time forever by showing her blown-up pregnancy belly and surprisingly not blown-up bosoms to the world via a naked Dujour magazine spread. (Scroll down for slightly NSFW photo.)

In their profile, Dujour calls Kourtney the “pacifying, nurturing one,” but you kind of have to be a little nurturing and patient when you have two little ones running around plus a Scott Disick AND, like all of us, you live in the constant cold shadow of Kim’s ass.  Read more…

November 29, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Is that you, Jake Gyllenhaal?

Jake Southpaw transformationJake Gyllenhaal has played a soldier, the moochy brother of a soldier, a detective, a creep, a time-traveling teen in a bunny suit and Taylor Swift’s boyfriend, and now he’s a hulked-out left-handed boxer in Southpaw.

Southpaw, directed by Antoine Fuqua (Training Day) and written by Kurt Sutter (Sons of Anarchy) is the not-at-all-based-on-a-true-story of struggling fighter Billy Hope. It was originally supposed to star Eminem.

November 29, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Things Worth Noting from the ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’ Teaser

John Boyega star wars
Before sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner I ask my Mom how she feels about new Star Wars movies being made and I learn that she had NO IDEA about the George Lucas abominations made long after the good ones from the ’70s and ’80s.

She might be the luckiest woman on earth, and not just because I’m her daughter.
droid bot volleyball gif the force awakens
Anyway, the new trailer – which hopes to fully erase The Phantom Menace from our minds as well – features a scared black man, a bot riding around on a volleyball and a mysterious member of the dark side hunched over in the woods. (Space Voldemort?)An authoritative voice tells us “There has been an awakening.” How awake are we?

Read more…

November 27, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Bill Cosby Timeline of Women

Bill cosby 2014Lately it seems like the internet is abuzz with two things and two things only: the race riots relating to officer Darren Wilson’s “not guilty” verdict in Ferguson, MO and the seemingly endless rape allegations against comedian Bill Cosby.

American’s image of Cosby as the sweetest, most family-friendly black man on television has been absolutely decimated by gut-wrenching stories of abuse from his victims.

Cosby disregarded the allegations at a sold-out show recently saying he “Shouldn’t answer to innuendos” and telling people to “fact check.”

If the reports are true, Cosby has been systematically spiking women’s drinks with quaaludes since the mid ’60s into at least 2005. Here’s a timeline of his many victims:

1965 – Kristina Ruehli (came forward Nov. 21, 2014)

Ruehli, who met Cosby while working at a talent agency, “completely passed out” after being poured a mere two drinks and woke up to a shirtless Cosby trying to force her to have oral sex with him.

“He had his hand on my head. He had his c*ck out, and he had my head pushed close enough to it,” she said. “I just remember looking at his stomach hair. And the hair on his chest. I had never seen a black man naked before.”

1967 – Carla Ferrigno (came forward Nov. 20, 2014)

Lou Ferrigno’s wife Carla alleges that she was “one of the lucky ones” who escaped Cosby after her date at the time and Cosby’s wife left her alone with him.

He lunged at her as soon as everyone left the room, kissing her “really rough.” She retaliated, “pushed and jumped and ran” after he persisted but was understandably shaken up, later telling a friend who didn’t believe her.

Carla also told radio hosts in Los Angeles that Cosby’s wife Camille is fully aware of his behavior.

“I thought it was disgusting that she stayed with him because she knew.”

1969 – Joan Tarshis (came forward Nov. 16, 2014)

Tarshis, a writer and actress who “idolized” Cosby, first met him at the age of 19 while he was playing Chet Kincaid in the Bill Cosby Show (not to be confused with The Cosby Show, ’84). Via Hollywood Elsewhere:

The next thing I remember was coming to on his couch while being undressed. Through the haze I thought I was being clever when I told him I had an infection and he would catch it and his wife would know he had sex with someone. But he just found another orifice to use. I was sickened by what was happening to me and shocked that this man I had idolized was now raping me. Of course I told no one.

1970 – Victoria Valentino (came forward Nov. 22, 2014)

Valentino, a former Playmate, was introduced to Cosby through friends. After a few meetings, they “popped pills” and went to his apartment where he grabbed her by the head and pushed her down towards his crotch.

Then he turned me over. It was like a waking nightmare.

1970 – Linda Joy Traitz (came forward Nov. 17, 2014)

One night, Traitz accepts a ride home from the co-owner of a cafe Traitz waitressed at who happened to be, you guessed it, Bill Cosby. Instead of taking her home, Cosby drove her to the beach and presented her with a “briefcase filled with assorted drugs.” 

He began to get sexually aggressive and wouldn’t take ‘No’ for an answer.

After he grabbed her chest “all over,” Traitz “freaked out,” running down the beach while Cosby chased her and eventually convinced her to get back in the car.  Read more…

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