I’m just kidding. Those are just the faces she makes when she wins a bunch of awards.
One second of backstory: Swifty sat with Selena Gomez during the 2013 Billboard Awards last night. After the show, she witnessed her friend (Selena) planting a kiss on Justin Bieber.
You see where I’m going with this? Crazy USC Trojan style marching band drumroll please…
There you have it. The actual face she makes when her friends make bad decisions. Ew. Cooties.
Paris Hilton cried a waterfall of Valtrex and cranberry pills at Cannes Film Festival last week when she attended a screening of The Bling Ring. If you’ve seen the trailer or read about the movie, you know there’s a scene where Nikki (Emma Watson’s character) and her merry group of thieves burst into Hilton’s mansion and violate her shoe closet and stripper pole exactly like the Burglar Bunch of Hollywood Hills did in 2009.
“I was really emotional watching it,” Hilton told Vulture’s Kyle Buchanan. “I literally had tears in my eyes and I wanted to cry. I knew what happened with the burglaries, but I had never actually seen it – so watching it happen, I was like, ‘Oh my God, this really happened to me. These kids were really in my house and did this to me.’” Read more…
Have you heard of this kid, Miguel? I guess I shouldn’t call him a kid because we’re the same age. He won a Grammy for the song “Adorn.” He makes “intellectual” R&B (cringe) like Frank Ocean.
If we’re going screechy, I’d rather listen to MJ, Prince, Cee Lo or Bruno Mars. Snobbery aside, Miguel fell on a girl or two at the Billboard Music Awards in Vegas on Sunday.
I can only assume he didn’t intend to scissor-kick/nutcrack some poor woman’s head, but is it impressive or douchey that he didn’t stop singing after he gifted her with a potential vicodin addiction for neck cramps?
Miguel actually has a history of falling off the stage. (Previous locations include London and New Jersey.)
The second best part of the Billboard Music Awards (which I didn’t watch because of GoT) was probably when Kid Rock verbally bitchslapped all the lip-syncing pop stars. Click for other Billboard news…
WARNING: do not watch this trailer if you haven’t seen season 7 (or any previous seasons) of Dexter.
You wouldn’t like Deb when she’s angry. In the 8th and final season of Dexter, Dexter’s adopted sister and really awkward love interest (another season 7 spoiler) wishes she’d shot her bro instead of you-know-who.
To cope, she’s having a lot of sex, drinking a lot of booze, popping pills and making an “official statement.”
Johnny Cash’s “God’s Gonna Cut You Down” plays as familiar and new faces flash across the screen. Rita is sadly missing from the Trinity, Prado, Ice Truck Killer, Harry Morgan and Doakes equation.
Courtney Stodden must have felt a tiny pang of jealousy when she caught wind of the penguin exhibit at the zoo, also known as Farrah Abraham, because she’s now exclusively telling E! that she too has a sex tape. A “personal” tape of just her, solo, that no one will ever see because she’s not planning to release it or let hackers find it. “I don’t want to put any images in people’s mind; I’m gonna leave it up to you guys to think what you want,” she said.
This shocking outpour of modesty from the woman who consistently wears dresses smaller than Doug Hutchison’s bandanas has to do with her wanting to be better than Farrah Abraham and her self-released porn.
The sex tape her (and her creepy mom) keep talking about is not being shopped around to Vivid at this current moment in time because she still thinks she has a better career than some desperate Teen Mom.
Angelina Jolie caused quite a stir when she announced she had both her breasts removed shortly after learning that she had an 86% chance of developing cancer in them at some point in her life.
Most applauded her courage in one way or another. Some respected her choice even though it was not the one they would have made while others slammed her, calling the decision and following announcement extreme and irresponsible because it might encourage other women to “mutilate” themselves. (“Where is the proof that she even did it in the first place?” one ScienceAlert user wondered.)
Jolie’s predisposition to breast and ovarian cancer (caused by the BRCA1 gene) also brought up the timely issue of who can and can’t afford the highest quality of health care in our country. People know the system doesn’t work, but no one – politician or otherwise - seems to know how to fix it. Read more…
The reports about Kim and Kanye’s disintegrating relationship are super reminiscent of the constant flow of stories about Kris and Bruce Jenner falling apart. And they’ve been married how long? (22 years, since 1991.) Out of all the Kardashian sisters, Kim does have the worst track record in terms of longevity…
Maybe the tabloids are right this time. Maybe Kim is devastated because Kanye is absent all the time. Maybe Kanye really is having an affair with the guy who designed Kim’s Met Gala dress.
Maybe Kim cries tears maraschino cherry tears in bed as her baby daddy watches gay glory hole porn.
Let’s talk about what’s actually true. Kanye is appearing on the finale of Saturday Night Live with Ben Affleck tonight. It’s his fifth time as the musical guest. Here’s what he said at a recent concert in New York:
[I had a friend ask me, 'Are you gonna go on] SNL and you’re going to do like a skit about the paparazzi and shit and like humanize yourself?’ I ain’t here to apologize to no motherf*ckers man. It ain’t about me humanizing myself. At what point did I become unhuman where I had to turn myself back?
There are a few things that make celebrities impossible to like. Usually it’s a moral issue. Rape, murder and domestic abuse rank highest. (Reasons I hate Michael Vick, Mel Gibson and Chris Brown.) Sometimes it’s that they have a horrible personality (like Serena Williams, Justin Bieber, Amber Rose etc.).
Hell nah I ain’t doing no motherf*cking SNL skits, this my goddamn life. This ain’t no motherf*cking joke.
Most people dislike Kanye West because he’s pompous and has absolutely no sense of humor about himself (see above quote). Some overlook it because he’s a talented songwriter.
Think about the celebrities you find particularly enjoyable in interviews. They’ve probably heard of this thing called laughter. Emma Stone’s heard of it. Jennifer Lawrence. Justin Timberlake. Tina Fey…
Cancerous tumors are funnier than Kanye. F*cking rocks and blades of grass and tables from Ikea too.
If you’re thinking of something besides Kanye West at this exact moment – be it a funeral or a break-up or your drinking problem or your kid’s mood disorder - that thing is definitely more funny.
E! News’ “most read” article today is, unsurprisingly, one confirming that Beyonce is pregnant with her second child. This means she’ll pop out a beautiful baby (likely the subject of her next HBO special) named Green Violet sometime next winter.
(Hard to be excited for her when SOME people are having their breasts and ovaries removed.)
Clues include a concert cancellation (for dehydration and exhaustion), one stomach-concealing Givenchy dress, and the interviews Beyonce gave right after she gave birth to Blue Ivy. The ones where she said Jay-Z and her weren’t done making sweet unprotected love on a rug made of ground-up Destiny’s Child members. 
Beyonce’s “I’m about to have another baby” dance goes something like this...
Just when you think Vin Diesel has nothing going on (besides yearly Fast and the Furious movies and suggesting that Facebook owes him billions) he pulls another blockbuster out of his ass.
The near-forgotten franchise that began with Pitch Black in 2000 is back after 9 years (the last was The Chronicles of Riddick, in 2004). The latest movie aims to reminds us that Riddick is still dangerous.
Plot summary (via IMDb/Shock Till You Drop): Click for stuff about bounty hunters and aliens…
Inside the June/July issue of W Magazine, Emma Watson discusses her upcoming film and her past, before and right after scoring Harry Potter. And on The Bling Ring, Watson said, in the most demure way possible, that she was actually too classy to understand why her character would want people to see her bra.
In related news, Emma told reporters at Cannes that she watched “a lot of ‘Keeping Up with the Kardashians’ and ‘The Hills,’” to understand the psychology of Nicki/Alexis Neiers. She added that she “thought a lot about what her parents must have been like.”
I find this weird because Pretty Wild (with the real-life Alexis Neiers and her mother) is on Netflix streaming.
(Maybe she’s not allowed to say that was her real point of reference for legal reasons?) The dynamic between Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian is not exactly the same. Just watch. You’ll see. Read more…
When I first heard that ‘N Sync/Britney choreographer Wade Robson was suing Michael Jackson’s estate, I thought, on the off-chance that he wasn’t an attention-seeking liar, he should have spoken up before Michael died.
I now feel kind of bad for thinking that, because, despite being cleared of charges, we know Michael Jackson molested kids just like we know O.J. killed Nicole. (Wade made sure to reminds us of that on The Today Show, where he called his alleged aggressor a “pedophile” and a “child sexual abuser.”)
We also know that Robson spent time with Michael as a child. So why wouldn’t we believe him? Is it the timing, or the fact that he denied wrongdoing and testified not against but for Michael Jackson in 2005?
Maybe a combination of both. But that’s stupid because we know that victims often come out years after abuse occurs. And you’d think the safest time would be after their abuser was dead, right?
“In order to heal, I have to speak the truth and speak the whole truth,” Robson told Matt Lauer.
If he is lying, he’s a horrible person. If he’s not, we’re all horrible people for calling him a liar.
I think he might be telling the truth. I just don’t know why telling the public and bringing Jackson’s remaining family members into it is part of the healing process. What do you think?
Christina Aguilera is bringing her particular brand of sass and insanity back to the fifth season of The Voice this September.
She just signed a $12.5 million contract to return to the red “I Want You” chair that Shakira’s been keeping warm for her.
I happened to see the studio where The Voice is filmed when I traveled via wheelbarrow to California. It’s an unremarkable black square with no windows in The Valley (where it’s already hotter than the toilets at the U.S. Championship Cheese Contest).
That’s why Christina’s always fanning her escape artist tatas and why Robin Thicke looked like melted Dippin’ Dots on last week’s episode.
Speaking of tatas, I really wish Shakira and Christina could be on the show at the same time. Usher can dance off the edge of the earth that he probably believes is flat for all I care. Read more…
Now that the networks have saddened you by cancelling your favorite shows, they’re drying your tears with previews for new ones! One of the most buzzed-about is ABC’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D…
The show centers around the secretive law-enforcement agency from the Marvel universe. You know, the people who assembled Hulk, Thor, Iron Man, Captain America, Black Widow and Hawkeye?
Click for cast details, a boring photo, and links to other trailers…
TMZ reports that a young man swam all of two miles just to spy on Taylor Swift in her oceanfront mansion in Rhode Island. (The one she bought for $17 million cash in April.)
Actually, he swam one mile in the penis-freezing cold of the Atlantic and then swam straight back after he saw her beefy security guards patrolling the area.
Hold the “Looks like she found a new boyfriend” or “Ryan Lochte must be bored” jokes. We shouldn’t make fun of the champion stalker with the bravery of a thousand bayonet-wielding mountain lions.
I mean, that’s dedication. Look up the word in the dictionary and you’ll see a photo of this guy’s mugshot. She should really give him a signed photo or show him half a tit or something. Read more…
You may know Shenae Grimes as Annie Wilson on that blasphemous remake of Beverly Hills 90210, but before The CW spoiled her with L.A. sunbeams and endless Frappés, she played virginal spirit squad member Darcy Edwards on Degrassi.
(Me and an army of Canadian Mounties refuse to accredit 90210 for anything.)
Anyway, Darcy/Shenae/not-Annie laughed in the face of tradition when she wore a black Vera Wang dress at her May 10 hipster wedding (Keira Knightley, eat your heart out) to British model and musician Josh Beech at a HAUNTED hall in Ashford, England.
That girl would never have paid homage to the harlot witches of Salem if she hadn’t been corrupted by American television. I’m a second away from picking up my rotary phone and telling my nosy neighbors what happens when you play the Josh Beech record backwards. Read more…
Apparently hell hath no fury like a washed-up actress scorned. Remember Aunt Viv on The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? She was funny/good right? And it did kind of suck when she was replaced in season 4 by the less good, suspiciously lighter-skinned Daphne Reid.
Well, the great and powerful Janet Hubert, also known as Aunt Viv 1.0, is still absolutely furious at Will Smith and everyone else who worked on Fresh Prince for having her replaced. She’s also furious at anyone who talks about her on television. Like Wendy Williams, who dared to ask her guest, former FP star Tatyana Ali, about Aunt Viv 2.0 in March.
Hubert wrote a livid letter scolding Wendy for berating her fictional parenting skills, hinting that she felt especially betrayed because they’re both black women who should have each other’s backs. Read more…
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