We’re The Millers stars Jennifer Aniston as a stripper turned-Jason Sudeikis’-wife-for-hire, Emma Roberts as their daughter, Ed Helms as a mega millionaire, and Nick Offerman as a tent-dwelling swinger.
Amanda Bynes has no hair, no sanity, and according to her, no bong.
After being arrested and charged with unlawful possession of marijuana and reckless endangerment for allegedly throwing a bong out the window of her Manhattan apartment, Bynes tweeted that she doesn’t do drugs at all.
“I only smoke tobacco I don’t drink or do drugs. I’ve never had a bong in my life! I need to get another nose job after seeing my mugshot,” she wrote.
Amanda showed up to court in a messy blonde wig looking like Smurfette after an incestual gangbang.
So… Her shopping list now includes a new bong, more rhinoplasty and a better toupee? Read more…
I remember reading or watching an interview where Mariah Carey said she requires 12 or 13 hours of sleep. (This of course makes us kindred spirits.)
So Mariah didn’t maybe get her full 13 on not-so Good Morning America today and that caused her to swear on live TV. Nothing serious, just a little “Oh sh*t” as she was being introduced. Shortly after, the back of her Versace dress broke. In a true act of feminism, life-saving GMA anchor Lara Spencer held Mariah’s strap up so no one would see the goods. #WomenHelpingWomen
With the help of the brunette on his left (Kelli Allman), Time Magazine released two photos of 17-year-old Obama at the dance in honor of the Millions of American teenagers who will go to prom this year.
The guy in the white pants (Greg Orme) was Barack’s basketball teammate at Punahou School in Honolulu and brother from another mother, according to Allman. CLICK for bonus ’70s fun-time photo
One, “Black Skinhead” sounded oddly like a darker version of the non-Ke$ha rap part of Flo Rida’s “Right Round.”
The other, “New Slaves,” is Kanye’s hateful ode to capitalistic society, injustice, and the paparazzi.
For shock value, Kanye draws a few ridiculous comparisons to celebrity and slavery.
“I’ll move my family out the country so you can’t see where I stay, so go grab the reporters so I can smash their recorders” he sings.
(Bringing up Madonna’s name is mandatory when referencing church-related controversy.)
“The Next Day,” featuring Gary Oldman and Marion Cotillard as priest and prostitute, also became age-restricted on YouTube for its graphic content. In a way, I’m with Archbishop Carey…. Read more…
Photos featured in In Touch Magazine show Amanda Bynes living in squalor, smoking resin on a mattress with no sheet like a born crackhead. Bynes says In Touch “bought fake altered photos” by the “ugly black man” standing behind her.
“That’s not my bed! Those aren’t my toes! My toes are pedicured!” she whined on Twitter.
Obviously Amanda is f*cking with us. She knows we know those are her nasty, unpedicured fungus toes. She’s playing a game that we should not indulge, but it’s really hard not to. She’s like Jigsaw.
—-> Reminds me of this video.<—-
In Touch’s sources (partygoers) describe the apartment that unquestionably belongs to her as “empty” with spray-painted windows. They also say that Amanda is mentally “all over the place.” Read more…
Behind the Candelabra, based on the relationship between Scott Thorson (played by Matt Damon) and pianist Liberace (Michael Douglas), does not include an “explicit sex scene” or any nudity besides Damon’s ass, but there is a kissing scene that I assume took a good 20 minutes or more to film.
Executive producer Jerry Weintraub said the film was made to “show how we’ve grown” as a nation and how homosexuality (I feel like a conservative when I say that word) has lost some of its social stigma since 1977.
The stigma thing becomes especially apparent when we hear Michael Douglas making jokes about flavored lip gloss while Matt Damon laughs about having something in common with Sharon Stone and Glenn Close.
“I forgot it was Matt and me after about 10 minutes and then I forgot it was two guys,” Douglas told People. “But I would tease Matt about which flavor lip gloss he’d like for me to use!” …So now you know…
Matt Damon’s biggest obstacle during the love scenes was deciding between raspberry and peach.
(The Spanish-to-English translation of Los Feliz is “The Happy.” Ironic huh?)
Nobody knows exactly why these two split up for the second or third or bajillionth time, but everyone likes to guess. If a bird poops in the air enough he’s bound to hit his target (human female hair) eventually, right?
Certain TMZ employees (and maybe other randoms) think they only got back together for publicity and are splitting now because Breaking Dawn Part 2 is out on DVD. That theory is terrible because the movie came out two months ago.
Others aren’t sure if he was actually moving out or just taking some crap to Goodwill… Read more…
I don’t know if any of you saw V/H/S? It was this found-footage horror movie that was very unique (and by “unique” I mean confusing) and broken up into segments – each by a different director.
They sure managed to pump out a sequel fast (the first was from early 2012). But maybe that’s because these movies cost about as much to make as the collective dollar menus of Wendy’s and McDonald’s.
After the real monarch of England was too busy and self-involved to fulfill 10-year-old Oliver Burton’s dream of meeting her, dame Helen Mirren, who won an Academy Award, a BAFTA, a Golden Globe and a SAG for her performance as Camilla in 2006′s The Queen stepped in.
Mirren reportedly stayed in character during a sit-down with Burton, who is not expected to not live past June, sharing tea with him and introducing him to one of the Welsh Corgis from her play, The Audience. From The Sun:
The actress, 67, even KNIGHTED the excited schoolboy “Sir Oliver” during his visit, telling The Sun: “It was a pleasure and a privilege to meet such a brave young man.”
His mum Catherine, 29, and dad James, 32, said Oliver, who also has Down’s syndrome, truly thought the actress was the real royal deal. Read more…
Jesse James, the man famous for cheating on Sandra Bullock with nazi harlot Michelle “Bombshell” McGee, accidentally cut his pinky off today.
“My glove got caught into one of machines and took the finger off,” James told TMZ. “They’re going to take a skin graft of the chunk of finger and then sew it back on.”
Good riddance. One down, ten to go. (It’s too bad his penis is unlikely to ever be near the chopping machine.)
I haven’t been this happy since Showtime cancelled Weeds. No. Not harsh enough. Since Gaddafi died? Hmm. Still not there. I think I need outside help.
Microsoft unveiled the new Xbox today and it’s pretty much what we feared/expected. It’s not backwards compatible, requires the Kinect to be plugged in at all times, and it looks like a VCR from the ’80s.
What’s that you say? It looks nice and sleek in the picture, like a 360 and PS3′s lovechild?
Well yeah, in good lighting, with all the help of a hundred or more professional photographers and airbrushers it looks like a sober Kate Moss. Brace yourself. Beans are about to be spilled…
Flog and chastise me all you want for talking about Jennifer Lawrence‘s weight, but I’m one of the good guys. I talk about it because I can’t believe people actually think she’s “overweight” or big in any way and aren’t just saying it to be mean. (Need I remind you of formerly respected New York Times film critic Manohla Dargis, who wondered why Lawrence and her “womanly figure” were cast as starving Katniss Everdeen.)
Everyone’s like “Oh my god, she lost weight, the criticism is getting to her.” OR it’s because she just went through a breakup (with First Class co-star Nicholas Hoult). Read more…
One second of backstory: Swifty sat with Selena Gomez during the 2013 Billboard Awards last night. After the show, she witnessed her friend (Selena) planting a kiss on Justin Bieber.