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July 18, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Get Ready for a Female Thor and a Black Captain America

female thor black captain americaEvery year at Comic-Con we see bundles of gender and race-flipped superheroes, and now, to delight of cosplayers everywhere, female Thor and black Captain America are a reality in the Marvel universe.

Steve Rogers is passing his shield to Sam Wilson a.k.a Falcon (played by Anthony Mackie in The Winter Soldier) and Thor’s hammer is being picked up by a woman.

Introduced in 1969, Falcon was the second mainstream black superhero ever after Black Panther in 1966, and the first to hail from the U.S. As for Thor, we’ll have to wait until October to find out about the mysterious woman who takes the place of the original and what he did to no longer be worthy of the title.  Read more…

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July 18, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Weird Al Parodies Robin Thicke, Iggy Azalea, Pharrell AND Lorde All In One Week

Weird al royals parodyIn 1996, after hearing a spot-on parody of “Gangster’s Paradise” on the radio, I bought a glorious tape by the man who wrote it, called Bad Hair Day. It didn’t change my life, but it was funny. I all but forgot about Weird Al until 2006′s brilliant comeback, Straight Outta Lynwoodbut the admiration never left.

The thing to respect about Yankovic besides his work ethic (he just dropped his 14th album), is that he’d rather go for a “poke in the ribs than a punch in the face,” which isn’t easy. Just ask any comedian.

Read more…

July 17, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Jenny Lewis – “Just One of the Guys”

Indie Folk songstress Jenny Lewis is promoting her first album in forever with a music video featuring two hated big name actress and one lesser known, less hated one.

Brie Larson wins the cutest-girl-in-bad-wankster-drag award while Kristen Stewart AND Anne Hathaway both miraculously manage to look exactly like Tina Fey in an SNL skit.
Jenny Lewis, Brie Larson, Kristen  Stewart Just One of the Guys Gif   Kristen Stewart just one of the guys gif
Lewis’ third solo album, The Voyager, drops July 29. She’s also opening for Beck on a handful of North American tour dates. (To me, she’ll always be Rita from Foxfire.)

July 15, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

‘Snowpiercer’ is a Much Grittier ‘The Hunger Games,’ For Railway Enthusiasts

Chris Evans snowpiercer still If you haven’t seen Snowpiercer yet, you need to, immediately. Here’s what it’s about, in case you saw it on one of those Best of 2014 lists and were still on the fence….

Basically, in the future – 2031 to be exact – the human race has decided to release a chemical into the atmosphere to cool the climate, but it works too well and freezes everything and the last few remnants of mankind are stuck on a train that circles earth once a year.

It’s based on a French graphic novel (Le Transperceneige), and is basically a much grittier, gorier South Korean version of The Hunger Games, except on a train.

With Chris Evans as Katniss (or Princess Elsa), Jamie Bell as Peeta, Tilda Swinton as Effy, and Ed Harris as President Snow. HUNGER TRAIN!
Frozen arm snowpiercer
The train circles the earth once a year and works on a horribly unfair class system, with the people at the back of the train eating roach protein and getting their arms frozen off and broken with sledgehammers by the rich sushi-eating folk at the front when they misbehave.

Brooding dude in a beanie Curtis (Captain America) decides to do something about it and break through the security gates to take control of the “eternal engine” with the help of an imprisoned drug addict and his clairvoyant daughter.  Read more…

July 15, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

President Engages in Hand-to-Hand With Gay Cashier

obama gay fistbumpA ballsy man working at Franklin Barbecue in Austin yelled “Equal rights for gay people!” in the vicinity of none other than the president, to which Obama turned and said “Oh, are you gay?”

The man, Daniel Webb, looked at him, cool as a cucumber and responded, “Only when I have sex.”

With even cooler presidential cucumber coolness, Bama held out his fist, knuckles out and said “bump me.”

July 11, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Trailer: Wild

Wild, filmed mainly in Oregon and from the director of Oscar-winning Dallas Buyers Club and the writer of An Education, is about a young woman who decides to go on a 1,000 mile hike after suffering major loss and becoming addicted to heroin. Read more…

July 11, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

The Next Time Your Parents Disapprove of Your Piercings, Show Them This…

huge cheek gauges Are you a young person whose parents are on the fence about you getting some measly bellybutton or industrial piercing? I think I may have a solution. Show them a picture of this German guy with 36mm cheek gauges

There’s a chance they’ll think whatever you want is just a gateway piercing to having your teeth show through the side of your face like post-burn Harvey Dent, but it’s worth a shot.

23-year-old Joel Miggler can stick his tongue out the holes and blow mass amounts of smoke out of them, looking very much like a human gas mask. I’m also pretty sure that at least 20% of the food he puts in his mouth falls right back out.

 

July 9, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Prince Fielder + EPSN Body Issue = Sexiest Cover of All Time

prince fielder body issue cover prince fielder body issue
Prince Fielder’s bear body and DGAF expression put the naked butts and boobs of fellow 2014 ESPN Body Issue cover models Venus Williams, Marshawn Lynch, [snowboarder] Jamie Anderson, Serge Ibaka and Michael Phelps to shame.

If you don’t want to ravish him on a fur rug, your face is a waste of good eye sockets. 

Read more…

July 8, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Nobody Smiles More Than Nicole Richie Being Walked Like a Dog by Britney Spears

Nicole Richie leash Britney spearsTwo of my great guilty pleasure loves are Britney Spears and also The Simple Life, specifically Nicole Richie because she was kind of a looney tune, but a conscious looney tune who didn’t give a crap about anything but getting high and saying made-up words in a chipmunk voice.

Britney Spears is my favorite because every song she makes sounds like porn.

Die-hard-fan-since-age-15 Richie recently visited The Tonight Show to talk about the she went to Vegas to see Britney and her dancers put a harness on her, brought her on stage and handed her leash to Britney, who proceeded to walk her like a dog and how it was the best moment of her life, better even than her wedding to that guy with a fedora glued to his head. Read: Crosby, Stills, Nash, and ‘Young’ Cover Iggy Azalea’s ‘Fancy’ on ‘Jimmy Fallon’

July 8, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Spit-Swapping Zac Efron and Michelle Rodriguez Dubbed ‘Zichelle’

Michelle and Zac kissing Michelle Rodriguez’s super-fun romance with Cara Delevingne has been replaced for the summer by a less-fun one with Zac Efron (there they are, making out in Italy), who has a really nice body but is boring as month-old apple pie.

Unlike Michelle, her temper and supermodel ex, Zac is almost “too perfect” for my liking. I believe him to be keeping screeching retards captive in his basement like that black lady on Desperate Housewives.

Apparently, Tumblr seems to think “Zichelle” consists of some crappy boy band kid named Zach Porter and gf Michelle Forget, but I’m here to tell you that this is the real Zichelle even though I see them lasting about as long as my desire to have chickens in my backyard. (I don’t have a backyard.)

 

 

July 7, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [7-7-14]


Miley Cyrus and The Flaming Lips make a compelling case for never doing LSD. (RS)

Don’t move to Chicago unless you want bullet holes in your thighs. (Gawker)

Beyonce’s dad is a huge broke horndog with multiple baby mamas. (TMZ)

 Posh Spice shared an awkward glance with Sam Jackson at a tennis match. (BuzzFeed)

Canadian couple too in love to notice hungry tornado behind them. (Yahoo!)

Joan Rivers thinks we all think Michelle Obama is a tranny. (Uproxx)

Taylor Swift’s “family” members look a lot like Emma Stone and Lena Dunham. (Vulture)

 

July 6, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

No Armbar Needed: Ronda Rousey DECIMATES Alexis Davis in 16 Seconds for Tenth Straight Win … Can Anyone Beat Her?

Ronda Rousey Alexis Davis fight gif UFC 175Ronda Rousey is a powerhouse, a beast and arguably the most exciting fighter to watch in either men or women’s MMA. She’s also so far ahead of her competition that only one of her ten fights has ever gone past the first round. Her latest bout against #2 seed Alexis Davis was surprisingly short, even for a Rousey fight. After a mere 16 seconds, she flipped a seemingly lifeless Davis on her back and popped her in the face about 7 times. The punishment she doled out was already too much for the refs to stomach, and it was over.

I’m starting to think the only way to make the fights fair is if Ronda’s opponents are on steroids, or if Ronda herself is horribly injured or plastered out of her mind. Seriously, I’d put $1000 on drunk Ronda over sober whoever on steroids. It still wouldn’t be a contest.

So far, only Miesha Tate and Liz Carmouche have come even remotely close to defeating Ronda. People still think early women’s MMA trailblazer-turned actress Gina Carano could pull a win out of the bag against her, but I’m a firm believer that the only woman who stands a chance is the one who brutally defeated Carano in 2009.  Read more…

July 3, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Nicki Minaj’s Feud With Iggy Azalea is Nonexistent

Iggy Azalea Nicki Minaj crazy facesGiant white Australian ass vs. giant New York ass, also known as up-and-comer Iggy Azalea vs. Nicki Minaj, is not a thing. After that phantom conglomerate we call the internet automatically assumed the parts of Minaj’s BET Awards speech about authenticity and songwriting were aimed at fellow Best Female Hip-Hop Artist Nominee Azalea, Minaj took to Twitter to clarify that her words were actually not directed at anyone in particular.

According to her, we put the shade in her hand and threw it for her / on a beef scale of 1 to 10, this is a turkey sub.  Read more…

June 29, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Dog-Like Cat Jumps 5 Feet to Greet Owner

deployed soldier catIn the most suspenseful video of 2014, a meowing cat impatiently waits for his soldier owner to arrive after being deployed for months.

The viewer takes on some of the cat’s anxiety, as it feels like it takes FOREVER for the door to open and the dude to walk in, set down a box, and catch the cat in the air as he leaps into his arms. So cute.

I relate to this. The last time I was downtown I did the same thing to a stranger but that was mostly because they had a cheese blintz in their hand. Begging them to adopt me and let me live in their pool house was probably mistake, but I don’t regret stealing the blintz.  Read more…

June 29, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

How Link From ‘Legend of Zelda’ Got His Name

Link legend of zelda stillEver wonder why the character in one of the most beloved video game franchises of all time is called “Link”? Well, a video posted to YouTube channel Did You Know Gaming? has the answer.

While many fans speculated for years that it’s simply because he’s the “bridge between the player and the game,” that’s not entirely correct. Turns out, Link is named “Link” due to an element from the early conception of Zelda that creator Shigeru Miyamoto never ended up actually incorporating in the final product.  Read more…

June 28, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Angel Haze is WAY More Than Friends With Ireland Baldwin, Get it Right

Angel Haze girlfriend An interview with the Independent more than indicates that lady rapper Angel Haze is really really tired of the media confusing her romance with Ireland Baldwin for a run-of-the-mill friendship.

Haze, who met Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger’s 18-year-old daughter at New York Fashion Week months ago and has been sharing adorable couple-y photos on Instagram ever since, said “I don’t know if there’s like some confirm or deny thing with the way relationships work in the media, but everyone just calls us best friends, best friends for life, like we’re just friends hanging out.”

She called it “funny” but added that it also “sucks,” continuing on with a slightly explicit rant about how “friends don’t f*ck” and to STFU because they definitely do, all the time.

Read more…

June 27, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Miranda Lambert – “Somethin’ Bad” feat. Carrie Underwood

Oh my God I could care less about 90% of country music, but the ho’ed-out wives of Blake Shelton and Mike Fisher shook their knees in front of motorcycles and played poker with guys in fedoras for one of the most over-produced music videos ever and I’m pretty sure it’s under 3 minutes long because they ran out of money for bronzer. Read more…

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