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October 24, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Renée Zellweger’s ‘New Face’ is Probably Just Due to Weight Loss

renee zellweger new faceWhen I first heard about Renée Zellweger’s new face, I was like, umm, where does one obtain such a thing and did she get a BOGO like maybe she has an extra one in the vault like a winter face and a summer face.

Maybe one for Fall that’s more round or even maple-leaf shaped and another for cold season with a pine fresh scent and a special lacquer so it doesn’t melt in front of the fireplace?

All I know is, I saw her face circa now and it is drastically different than circa 2000 whatever RZ. For a second I went straight to plastic surgery, but a lot of people, including Renée Zellweger herself say it’s simply because she lost weight. Via PEOPLE:

“People don’t know me in my 40s,” says Zellweger, who prefers to lead a quiet life with Bramhall and a close circle of friends. Recently, she pitched in to help her pal and longtime publicist, Nanci Ryder, who is battling ALS, at the ALS Association Golden West Chapter’s annual Walk to Defeat ALS in Los Angeles.

“People don’t know me [as] healthy for a while,” says Zellweger. “Perhaps I look different. Who doesn’t as they get older?! Ha. But I am different. I’m happy.”

Read more…

October 21, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Ray Rice Halloween Costume is Utterly Tasteless

Ray Rice halloween costumeIf you know me at all you know that I am sometimes amused by utterly tasteless and horrible things like, for instance, this Ray Rice costume. Simple yet effective and featuring a pantless blow-up doll, it’s unknown who this brave man is, but a friend of his posted photos on Imgur at some point that were thankfully saved and spread around by Uproxx.

Adrian Peterson beating his son and Solange, Jay-Z and Beyonce on the elevator seem like appropriate follow-ups, but I’m definitely going as naked Jennifer Lawrence.

October 21, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Gwen Stefani – “Baby Don’t Lie”

Gwen Stefani’s comeback is underway with this hippie dippie new acid trip video that plays out like a slowed-down “Rude Boy” B-side sponsored by Puma.

††† ⇒Click here if you prefer videos that feature black Jesus and blond Pete Wentz⇐ †††
gwen stefani baby don't life gif tumblr  gwen stefani baby don't life gif tumblr
The fact that Gwen’s been married for 12 years makes it really hard to guess who this song is about… P.S. Her new solo album, the first since 2006, is rumored to drop in December.

October 20, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

The Five Strains of Ebola, Fear Mongering and the Ebola Boat

ebola fearBeing the utterly neurotic human that I am, I was drifting off to sleep late last night listening to a podcast called “How Ebola Works,” of course and learned a few things, most interestingly, the five strains.

Named after the regions they were discovered in, the strains are: Zaire (Democratic Republic of Congo), Sudan, Bundibugyo (Uganda), Ivory Coast and Reston.

You do not have to worry about Reston or Ivory Coast Ebola unless you’re a monkey. Sudan, Bundibugyo and Zaire Ebola however, are very dangerous to humans.

As far as discovery goes it’s a relatively new player on the deadly virus, infectious scene. I guess we should go back to 1976. It’s actually named for the Ebola River in the Democratic Republic of Congo.

At the time that country was known as Zaire, and even still there’s a strain of Ebola known as Zaire type Ebola, and it’s the deadliest of all.

One thing fellow neurotic, fearful types who listen to How Stuff Works podcasts on deadly diseases at 2:00 a.m. really need to keep in mind:

Ebola is not as easy to contract as you think…

According to Dallas County Health and Human Services Director Zachary Thompson, “It is easier to get the flu than to get Ebola.”

The only two American citizens to contract Ebola so far have been nurses who treated Thomas Eric Duncan, the man who died earlier this month of the virus after flying from West Africa to Texas.

It is completely unlike the common cold in that it is NOT airborne.  Read more…

October 18, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Buffy’s Nicholas Brendon Arrested for Injuring a Plate

Nicholas Brendon now and thenNicolas Brendon, who many know as Xander on Buffy the Vampire Slayer was arrested for causing a ruckus in a hotel lobby in Boise. You may have just randomly developed boredom narcolepsy thinking about sad, out-of-work actors whose early credits include “basketball player one” in Children of the Corn: Urban Harvest getting drunk in Idaho, but trust me, there’s some meat to this story.

The hotel’s main beef with Brendon was the breaking of a “decorative dish,” which earned him a charge of “malicious injury to property.”  Read more…

October 18, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

If Only ONE of These ’22 Jump Street’ Sequels Were Real…

23 jump street fireman school
If you’ve seen 22 Jump Street then you probably caught the hilarious fake posters for 23/24/25+ Jump Street shown during the credits.

Channing Tatum has unenthusiastically said “I feel like it’s all redundant” about starring in another sequel, but if any of these movies ever got made I at least know I’d be happy…

(But, like Sharknado and 22 Jump Street, I wouldn’t actually watch them.)  Read more…

October 14, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Gavin DeGraw’s New Video is the Most Lesbo-Centric NON-LESBIAN Video of All Time

Yesterday I was sitting around watching VH1  on mute, so all of a sudden I see Gavin DeGraw’s face and I’m about to change the channel when I notice that the video seems super gay and therefore mildly interesting.

There’s a lady doctor and a lady firefighter and some other random businesswoman being oddly sexual at the workplace like opening their mouths and tilting their heads back for no reason and while I’m waiting for them to bang I realize that they’re not lesbians, they’ve just seen Whip-It one too many times and want to knock each other out on a roller derby rink.
Basically, as I’d expected, the video is super cliche, just in a different way. It also doesn’t star Juliette Lewis OR Ellen Page and is therefore a complete waste of my time.

October 14, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Dr. Luke and Ke$ha are Suing Each Other

dr luke and keshaDr. Luke, who produced nearly every song on Animal and Warrior, not to mention top 40 contenders by Britney Spears, Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson, is being sued by Ke$ha for physically and emotionally abusing her.

Ke$ha’s camp claims he attacked her drugged her, forced himself on her and insulted her, which all led to her well-documented breakdown and debilitating struggle with body image.

On one occasion, she says she had to run down the Pacific Coast Highway into the mountains with no shoes on to escape his arm-thrashing wrath.

Kesha’s lawyer, Mark Geragos, tells TMZ … “This lawsuit is a wholehearted effort by Kesha to regain control of her music career and her personal freedom after suffering for ten years as a victim of mental manipulation, emotional abuse and an instance of sexual assault at the hands of Dr. Luke.”

Geragos adds, “The facts presented in our lawsuit paint a picture of a man who is controlling and willing to commit horrible acts of abuse in an attempt to intimidate an impressionable, talented, young female artist into submission for his personal gain. Kesha is focused on moving her life and her career beyond this terrible time.”

Dr. Luke is suing her right back, claiming the whole thing is a ploy to get out of her recording contract and go in a new direction with her music.  Read more…

October 10, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Amanda Bynes is Still Crazy and High as F*ck, Apparently

Amanda Bynes band aid faceAmanda Bynes is back at it! NY Daily News and TMZ have a video of Bynes doing a bizarre dance in front of her driver at a snooty clothing store on Wednesday before moving on to another snooty clothing store (Barney’s) to get a five-finger discount on a hat.

I repeat, “bizarre dance in front of her DRIVER,” which means she’s moved on from DUIs to petty theft!

Reports suggest that Amanda’s love for weed is to blame, as she was kicked out of fashion school for laughing out loud for no reason and was also seen “visibly high” and “painting her face with excessive amounts of makeup” at a restaurant. She also talks to trees.  Read more…

October 7, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

‘7th Heaven’ and ‘Revolution’ Actor May go to Jail for Child Molestation

Stephen Collins, who played a reverend on the long-running series 7th Heaven, the president in Falling Skies and a doctor on Revolution and No Ordinary Family is under investigation for molestating multiple underage girls ages 11 to 13.

Collins confessed to the crimes in therapy sessions with his wife that were recorded in 2012 and leaked to TMZ. In the sessions, he admits to exposing himself to a neighbor, a relative of his first wife and another girl from New York.

His wife, Faye Grant, is currently in the process of divorcing him, but claims to have had nothing to do with the leak. (Not that anyone would blame her for wanting the world know.)  Read more…

October 7, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Stories I’m too Lazy to Write About [10-7-14]

  

Nicki Minaj and Beyonce dance their asses off for equality in “Flawless.” (BuzzFeed)

Mariah Carey cryptically says Nick Cannon is a cheating manwhore. (TMZ)

Raven Symone is not gay or African-American, she’s just human. (The Blaze)

THE EVOLUTION OF SKANKY HALLOWEEN COSTUMES!! (Grouchy Muffin)

JLaww says nude photos are natural result of long distance relationship. (VF)

Amanda Bynes is engaged to a 19-year-old fishing pole salesman. (Gawker)

Get ready, American Horror Story: Freak Show premieres tomorrow! (Hypable)

October 7, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Nick Hogan is the First Male ‘Celebrity’ in iCloud Hack

Nick Hogan hacked icloudNick Hogan – a guy famous for a dad in spandex, a bikini-clad sister and boy-chasing mom – is the latest victim of the celebrity iCloud hack that Jennifer Lawrence, Rihanna and Kim Kardashian fell prey to.

You’d really think the male counterparts to those names would be something more like, I dunno, Joe Manganiello, Jason Momoa, Vin Diesel, Taylor Lautner… maybe Nick Jonas (and his pepperoni nipples). But instead we get the spray tan kid, d-listing it up.

Definitely not the last person I’d expect to have their junk leaked though.

 

 

 

 

 

October 3, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

The Pros and Cons of ‘Destiny’

wizard came from the moon shirtI’ve been playing Destiny basically nonstop since its release last month, and if you follow video games at all or have the misfortune of dating/best-friending a gamer, you’ve probably heard mixed things about it.

Quick rundown for noobs: Destiny is a space-themed shooter made by Bungie, the creators of Halo and Marathon and narrated by Tyrion Lannister. As you can imagine, with the notoriety of Bungie combined with Activision (the publisher of Call of Duty) and the unheard of $500 million budget, the expectations were higher than high.

Unfortunately, Destiny failed to deliver in a lot of really noticeable ways.   Read more…

October 3, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Maroon 5 – “Animals”

This completely unoriginal video, released 3 days ago, is apparently controversial.

A spokesperson for RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) are calling the video – which features Adam Levine creeping on real-life wifey/10,000th-model-he’s-bedded Behati Prinsloo – “a dangerous depiction of a stalker’s fantasy.”
 
I, on the other hand, believe that the majority of people have enough sense to differentiate harmless, horror-themed imagery from instructions on how to stalk and kill women, but then again, they are watching Maroon 5 videos in their spare time…
Adam Levine kissing Behati animals gif Adam Levine kissing gif
I personally found the video of him making babies with Minka Kelly more upsetting.

(Not sure if bad kisser or intentionally slobbering to make video grosser…?)

October 2, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Is Kendall Jenner MORE FAMOUS than Kim Kardashian?

Kendall jenner headlines
According to the internet, fashionista Kendall Jenner is smitten with Chris Brown while simultaneously trying to steal Justin Bieber from Selena Gomez and become a Victoria’s Secret Angel while jealous models put cigarette butts in her lattes.

Lately Kim Kardashian has been reduced to boring mom updates while the eldest Jenner streamrolls straight over her and into the spotlight.

Big asses are so 2013. It’s all about “extreme side boob.”  Read more…

October 1, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Sarah Silverman on Vape Pens, The Emmys, Drunks and Bush Water

Sarah Silverman Howard Stern show 2014After listening to Sarah Silverman on Howard Stern for the zillionth time, I’m realizing that the woman famous for lines like “I don’t care if you think I’m racist, I just want you to think I’m thin,” is not only hilarious, but also kind of on the top of my previously non-existent list of celebrities I’d actually want to spend time with.

On the Stern Show (September 23), real role model and imaginary bestie Silverman managed to transform stories on superficial things like dating Michael Sheen, showering under her mother’s bush and vape pens into hilarious well-worded wisdom on aging and body image.

On her infamous, random Emmys speech:

I’m always obsessed with the thought that we are hurling through space right now.

Getting older:

I’m in training for the rest of my life to be able to walk without pain. I just want to be healthy.

My skin is the loosest it’s ever been, and it’s only gonna get looser.

Her scene in Masters of Sex, starring boyfriend Michael Sheen:

Ever since I turned 40 I’ve been naked in things. It’s just a human body and I just kind of am over it.

Sheen’s ex-wife, Kate Beckinsale:

You know what, it’s more like ‘Oh my God, look at all these beautiful women and he loves ME.

He and Kate are like brother and sister. I love her, she’s hilarious.


Marijuana vs. Alcohol:

People made a really big deal about it, and I feel like in a few years it won’t be a big deal. Listen, I think of myself as a stoner but the truth is, I’m a total lightweight. I’ll have a puff or two puffs at the end of the night and it’s so funny that’s such a big deal because I’m literally milling around with drunk terrifying people. Drunk people are so scary to me. I don’t even want to make eye contact with them, it’s trouble. They’re trouble. If you look at them the wrong way all their fears come to the surface. You know when drunk people go ‘Oh you think you’re better than me?’ and it’s like, ‘No, that’s what you feel and it’s coming out,’ you know?

I’m not someone who’s like, gonna crusade to legalize pot. It’s not important enough to me, but it is ridiculous. It should be legal. All that shit should be legal.

Read more…

September 30, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

WATCH Mike Tyson Call a Reporter a ‘Piece of Sh*t’ on Live Television

I know this is old news, but Mike Tyson semi recently “saved” a guy who crashed his motorcycle in Vegas, and I wanted to remind everyone with this Canadian interview from earlier this month that while Mike Tyson is totally entertaining, he’s also a psychopath.

The lone face-tatted ranger reportedly pulled over to help a man who suffered multiple severe injuries such as broken bones and nerve damage until paramedics arrived.  Read more…

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