Nine years – at least six after we’d completely forgotten about the first Sin City movie and all the posters of Jessica Alba’s rodeo-themed striptease are undoubtedly lining a landfill or a hamster cage instead of the shelves at Spencer’s – and Dimension Films and Robert Rodriguez have finally given us a sequel.
A Dame To Kill For features new, prominent roles for Josh Brolin, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ray Liotta and Juno Temple plus familiar favorites like Mickey Rourke as
himself deformed sweetheart Marv, Alba as Nancy, Rosario Dawson as Old Town badass Gail, Jaime King as Wendy and Bruce Willis as John Hartigan.
Hot off a sort of win-by-association at the Oscars (Spike Jonze, Best Original Screenplay, for Her), it was announced today that former Woody Allen muse Scarlett Johansson will give birth later this year.
The sperm, injected roughly five months ago, belongs to Frenchman Romain Dauriac, a journalist who she has been dating since at least 2012.
I bet you all cannot wait to begin cringing and/or not caring when Kim Kardashian comes to her defense on Twitter after the paparazzi send unflattering photos of “fat” Scarlett to Star magazine.
Kelso and Jackie from That ’70s Show are engaged according to E! News.
In terms of co-star romances, the pairing of Mila Kunis (soooo good in Black Swan) and Kutcher (sooo okay in movies with the word “effect” and “effects” in the title) isn’t quite as exciting as that of Blair Waldorf and Seth Cohen because The O.C. is a much better show, but let’s review the inane facts anyway…
Significantly taller and less talented Ashton – former flame of Demi Moore – and Mila Kunis, former flame of Macaulay Culkin (you wanted to forget, didn’t you?) – have been dating for two years and the only reason E! thinks they’re engaged is because Kunis was seen wandering around L.A. with “a significant-sized rock on her most significant finger.” A source for Perez Hilton has the deets:
“It won’t be a long engagement. He wants to marry her soon and start their life together. He was planning this all along.” Read more…
Following “Ew” with Michelle Obama and Will Ferrell (in drag) and History of Rap 5 with Justin Timberlake, Jimmy brought together Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore – who played lovers in The Wedding Singer, 50 First Dates and Blended, set to release later this year – for a duet.
Barrymore and an adorably sloppy Sandler serenade each other in the “Every 10 Years Song,” and it’s super sweet considering Adam references her boobs and his boner.
Photos of Taylor Swift and Lorde frolicking on the beach and shopping for something other than good sense and dancing abilities indicate that the two songwriters are becoming close friends.
Via Us Weekly, who called the pair this generation’s “Thelma and Louise” (oh God):
Swift Instagrammed a photo with her new bestie with the caption, “Bare feet in the sand on Saturday.”
The fast friends appeared to be coordinating their outfits, with dark bottoms, button-up tops, and shades.
It looks like Swift may have had a fun sleep over with the New Zealand native in her multi-million dollar Beverly Hills mansion. Because on Sunday, Feb. 23, they were spotted out and about together for a second time, this time shopping in L.A.’s star-friendly Brentwood neighborhood.
An unlikely pair? Maybe not so much. They’re both human girls under the age of 25 who, uh, make music that falls in the loosely defined “pop” genre. Swift is as much of a serial bestie as she is a dater…
And think about it, she could be her mentor and warn her of the woes of dating John Mayer. (Perhaps she’s revised that “Dear John” hate speech that failed to work on Katy Perry.) Read more…
Probably taken by her girlfriend of two wonderful months (model Cara Delevingne, who Rodriguez called “cool” and “awesome” to The Mirror), the shot features lovely palm trees, grass, luscious tropical shrubs and most of Michelle’s ass.
“A sweet break from worldly chaos not missing the city although the mosquitoes are killer out here love the peace & quiet,” Rodriguez wrote on Instagram.
To cure your boredom, imagine bloodthirsty snakes, skin-melting fire ants and “caterpillars that shoot a cloud of venomous hairs” (according to THIS), interrupting this careless nude meditation session.
Beyoncé is a dedicated wife and mother, but in her latest clip, “Partition,” we see her do what she truly thrives at: performing. Do me a favor and read some lyrics before proceeding:
Oh he so horny, yeah he want to f*ck
He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse
He Monica Lewinsky’d all on my gown
Oh there daddy, daddy didn’t bring the towel
Oh baby baby we betta slow it down
(By performing, I mean bedazzling her funbags and wearing floppy hats and elaborate lingerie that could only be undone by a Greek God with an industrial chainsaw. ) Read more…
The three paragraphs about Shia LaBeouf, who, according to Baldwin, behaved like an insolent twat on the set of the Broadway play Orphans, are an obvious highlight.
He describes LaBeouf as a sulky, impatient little boy who “loves to argue.” Read more…
This week we learned that super secretive parentals Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green named their second child Bodhi. Bodhi Ransom Green, if we’re being formal. “Bodhi” is a Buddhist word for understanding or enlightenment.
Teresa Palmer (the K-Stewy/Amber Heardlike blonde from Warm Bodies and Take Me Home Tonight) also JUST named her kid Bodhi Rain, so maybe the two babies can fight to the hypothetical death via cut-up hotdog eating or breakdancing contest the way Suri and Shiloh should have.
Perhaps Megan could enlighten us on the secret of being rail thin and making babies that aren’t stillborn? Read more…
Hot off the release of her second album, Natalia Kills’ latest video is like “We Found Love,” “Love The Way You Lie” and maybe an episode of Skins: full of partial nudity, drug use and general hot-girl-on-ugly-guy mischief.
Kills, famous for her high ponytail and uptempo jams like “Free” (“Wanna be like Midas, but my bank account is minus”) and “Mirrors” from her first effort Perfectionist, usually sprinkles her songs with more than a hint awareness of irony, setting herself apart from the Katy Perrys of the world.
In “Trouble” Natalia’s romance with a hooligan is chronicled, starting with a filthy apartment and a make out session steamier than your vegan friend’s broccoli casserole. Kills (born Natalia Cappuccini), drags her boytoy into a bar where he gets into the inevitable fight which ends with her crying in the rain, plus car sex, plus HOLY SHIT I THINK SHE KILLED HER BOYFRIEND. Again. Read more…
Dudes will love the new full-length Guardians of the Galaxy trailer because goofball Chris Pratt is the male version of Jennifer Lawrence. He is every man’s imaginary BFF and every woman’s imaginary boyfriend.
Handsome but not threateningly so, Pratt plays the mischievous Star-Lord in Marvel’s upcoming superhero ensemble also starring Zoe Saldana, John C. Reilly and voice work from Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel.
It looks GOOOD partially thanks to virtually unknown director James Gunn, but mostly because of Chris.
Everyone’s talking about Miley Cyrus‘ Bangerz tour, where she simulates masturbation and blowies to a man in a Bill Clinton mask while wearing an assortment of flapjack-exposing leotards.
According to HuffPo, after a fan threw their thong on the stage, Miley picked it up and put it in her mouth.
Parents of young fans who have been attending these concerts seem oddly surprised that these types of antics are occurring. Parents who are apparently too busy micromanaging kiddie lemonade stands and soccer meets to know that Miley Cyrus hasn’t been a good role model since, well, ever, with that IQ, but especially not since she went full retard with a bowl haircut and knocked a bunch of twerking dwarves over with wrecking balls. Read more…
Another month passes that I continue to slack off and NOT catch up with the Song of Ice and Fire books in time for a new season. In the new trailer, Arya Stark is planning to roast Lannister body parts kebob-style, leaving all the ignant non-book smart folk wondering if the Khaleesi and her dragons will beat her to it.
Meanwhile, Joffrey’s marrying the ginger with the good boobs and Tyrion is living in fear of his own family, but the queen is PROBABLY too busy making kissy faces with her boyfriend-brother to kill him just yet.
Get your finger on the remote/torrent downloading button - Game of Thrones returns to HBO on April 6!
Adorable actress Ellen Page announced the other day at an LGBT conference that she is gayer than a unicorn climbing up a rainbow with a dick in its mouth, spouting a really awe and aw inspiring speech about how she was tired of lying to herself, her friends and the public. Page said she felt “a personal obligation and a social responsibility” to tell the truth.
“I am tired of hiding and I am tired of lying by omission,” she said. “I suffered for years because I was scared to be out. My spirit suffered, my mental health suffered and my relationships suffered. And I’m standing here today, with all of you, on the other side of all that pain. I am young, yes, but what I have learned is that love, the beauty of it, the joy of it and yes, even the pain of it, is the most incredible gift to give and to receive as a human being. And we deserve to experience love fully, equally, without shame and without compromise.” Read more…