Worst Celebrity Bikini Bodies Of 2011 (Porpoise Sightings)
Ah celebrities and their love/hate relationship with the beach, bikinis, paparazzi and general body dysmorphia. Body issues that I am in no way helping by critiquing and berated on my filthy, degrading website. (Meh)
Most of these celebrities aren’t even overweight. In fact, many are disturbingly skinny and withered from years of starvation, mid-chest sun exposure, alcohol-slurping and botched cosmetic surgery…
The absolute worst beach body of the year goes to Tara Reid. A repeat offender who is in desperate need of not only a full-coverage swimsuit but also a couple of In-N-Out cheeseburgers. These three sticktasticly anorexic sand people could also use a burger:
Or there’s the large terrifying muscles of Serena Williams, the biggest bitch in sports besides Michael Vick, who, for reasons beyond me, is constantly included on “sexiest female athlete” lists…
And ta-dah, Mrs. Tara Ried, the crotch-flashing 35 year-old who manages to look much worse than Donatella, who is 56. There is nothing redeeming about this, she’s 1000 times more beyond help than Lindsay Lohan, or a dead person.
And, to soothe your mind and horrify you less (like watching Bridesmaids after The Exorcist, or drinking a vanilla milkshake moments after swallowing buckets of cod liver oil) I present you with the three best bikini bodies: