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September 21, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Bruce Jenner Suffering From Skin Cancer ‘For Several Years’

Bruce Jenner nose cancerThe lone elder pole vaulting penis of the Kardashian Kamp was not punched in the face by Kris Jenner for failing to put his toy helicopters away after all…

After being photographed out and about with a bandaged face, Bruce Jenner confirms to E! News that he has undergone surgery to remove cancerous tissue from his nose, thus urging us all to protect our non-Armenian skin with handfuls of sunscreen and to steal wide-rimmed golf hats from that special old man in your life. (Be it a sugar daddy, grandfather, or clueless neighbor.)

“I was diagnosed with…Basal cell carcinoma and have undergone Mohs surgery to remove it,” 63-year-old Jenner tells the site. “I have been struggling with this for several years and appreciate all of the support and prayers while I continue to fight the battle against skin cancer.” 

Fuck California and Florida. I prefer murder by ice pick over Sunshine State mole expansion, which is why I’m moving to Alaska to live under Sarah Palin’s pantsuit or moose throw rug when I retire.

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