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September 30, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

WATCH Mike Tyson Call a Reporter a ‘Piece of Sh*t’ on Live Television

I know this is old news, but Mike Tyson semi recently “saved” a guy who crashed his motorcycle in Vegas, and I wanted to remind everyone with this Canadian interview from earlier this month that while Mike Tyson is totally entertaining, he’s also a psychopath.

The lone face-tatted ranger reportedly pulled over to help a man who suffered multiple severe injuries such as broken bones and nerve damage until paramedics arrived.  Read more…

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September 24, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Turns Out, Uneducated Pervs DIDN’T Try to Ruin Emma Watson’s Awesome Speech On Feminism

You may have heard about Emma Watson’s extremely insightful and empowering speech to the U.N., which was about equality and feminism being one and the same.

You ALSO may have heard that a bunch of trolls threatened to leak naked pictures of Watson to somehow make her seem like less of a feminist.

The people behind the countdown to Watson’s nude leak were actually a marketing group hired to shut down 4Chan and end the constant invasion of privacy from the hackers behind the Jennifer Lawrence scandal.  Read more…

September 21, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Stand by for Maximum Butts: J-Lo and Iggy Azalea Made a Video Together…

Jlo Iggy azalea bootyThe oldest butt and the newest joined forces for a song called, get ready for it, “Booty.” A middle-eastern tune best served after repeated viewings of Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda,” the “Dance (Ass)” remix and Kim Kardashian’s entire Instagram.

Seriously, how many simple-minded men have to die of heart problems all so Jennifer Lopez can feel superior to Kim and Nicki?

You know she came up with this concept after turning around in the mirror asking Evil Queen-style who has the roundest derriere of all?  Read more…

September 21, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Miesha Tate Beats Japan’s Best For Second Win This Year

Miesha Tate rin nakai statsRonda Rousey nemesis Miesha “Cupcake” Tate flew way out West on Saturday to challenge previously undefeated fighter Rin Nakai for and closed UFC Fight Night 52 with her second unanimous win of 2014.

It wasn’t as easy of a fight as you would expect for Miesha, whose record was tarnished last year when she fought and lost to both Rousey and Cat Zingano.

At 5’1″ and 135 pounds of pure muscle, Rin Nakai is probably the most formidable women’s MMA opponent in Japan, but her much shorter reach proved too great an obstacle to overcome, with 5’6″ Tate out-grappling and out-striking her every time.

Click HERE to watch the FULL FIGHT

The fairly fast-paced fight went to the third round, when most expected to see an early KO or submission from the super versatile Tate, who has finished opponents with everything from armbars to head kicks. Ultimately, Nakai underestimated the woman who took Ronda Rousey to a third round, and the judges took notice. Read more…

September 20, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Trailer: Big Eyes

After years of tackling bizarre films about scissor-handed bondage enthusiasts, apes in space, Dracula and other monsters, almost all exclusively starring Johnny Depp, Tim Burton has turned over a new leaf. Title aside, Big Eyes is being billed as Tim Burton’s most “normal” movie since Big Fish, which, if you recall, still featured a giant and a witch.

Sans monsters and Depp, the movie is based on the real-life story of an artist (Amy Adams) whose husband (Christoph Waltz) took credit for her work in ’50s/60s-era San Francisco.

Read more…

September 17, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes

So I got an email today from Jennifer Lawrence’s lawyer and I also stepped in poop. The poop thing is obviously much worse, but not really a story.

The email stated that I need to remove a completely censored image of Jennifer, one of the many from her widespread hacked nude photo scandal and also my entire article.

Let me just say that, like my fat cat Raisin (the one whose poop I stepped in), her lawyers are sweet but also completely misguided and derpy. Believing they can actually stop the photos from being shared and seen leads me to believe that – also like Raisin – THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE INTERNET WORKS.  Read more…

September 16, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Meet Hefe Wine, the Man Behind the Alleged Iggy Azalea Sex Tape…

Hefe wine iggy azalea exThe only people who have seen Iggy Azalea’s sex tape at this point seem to be the “businessmen” over at Vivid Entertainment, who think the tape could actually be worth millions of dollars, possibly even more than saucer-eyed knob-polishers Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.

The only people BESIDES of course Iggy herself and her co-star, former boyfriend and manager combo Hefe Wine.

Azalea is busy denying the tape’s existence while her lawyers are busy telling TMZ that it was filmed “without her knowledge or consent” and Hefe is busy pretending like he had nothing to do with it ending up at Vivid.

There’s also word that Iggy – known back then as Amethyst Amelia Kelly – may have accidentally signed over the rights to it to the douchey ex. (Which is bullsh*t, because the contract only related to music and music-related videos.Read more…

September 15, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-15-14]

Columbian cycling team naked
Women’s cycling team are blissfully unaware of their seeming naked-ness. (Daily Mail)

Lindsay Lohan may have touched Whitney Houston’s corpse. (TMZ/Jezebel)

15 fun (and scary) things you didn’t know about Friday Night Lights. (Uproxx)

Martha Stewart goes gangster on Gwyneth Paltrow. (Evil Beet Gossip)

And the undisputed BEST SENIOR PHOTO OF ALL TIME goes to…. (Grouchy Muffin)

Tyler, The Creator compares Apple’s “gift” of new U2 album to herpes. (Stereogum)

OITNB writer divorces husband for lady love/OITNB star Samira Wiley. (Vulture)

September 15, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Trailer: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay

I have only three thoughts on the new Hunger Games trailer, for Mockingjay, part I:

  1. Did anyone else think of Jennifer Lawrence’s nude scandal when they heard the very first line, “I never wanted any of this”?
  2. It’s really off-putting seeing Margaery Tyrell without her boobs out.
  3. Get ready to cry, because what happens to Peeta in the book is ALMOST as sad as the unfolding of the Snape/Lily Potter storyline in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Read more…

September 15, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Robin Thicke’s Recollection of ‘Blurred Lines’ is, Well, Pretty F*cking Blurry

Robin Thicke, the man famous for putting naked girls in a music video and grabbing butts other than his wife’s recently admitted that he was drunk and high on pills when his biggest song, “Blurred Lines” was being born in the studio. Also, he didn’t write it, but took credit anyway.

“I was high on vicodin and alcohol when I showed up at the studio,” Thicke said during a court deposition deciding whether “Blurred Lines” is a white copy of a Marvin Gaye song. “I started kind of convincing myself that I was a little more part of it than I was and I — because I didn’t want him — I wanted some credit for this big hit. But the reality is, is that Pharrell had the beat and he wrote almost every single part of the song.”

Read more…

September 13, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Adrian Peterson Beat His Son With a Stick

ADrian peterson number 28More trouble for the NFL: Adrian Peterson went WAY too far disciplining his four-year-old son and is being taken to court in Houston for child abuse that occurred earlier this year.

According to documents, the well-known Vikings running back hit the child with a tree branch, causing bleeding and bruising to his back, legs, scrotum, hands and buttocks because he “pushed another one of Peterson’s children off of a motorbike video game.”

As a firm believer is not beating the shit out of children, I find this story especially disturbing. For one, my Mom never instilled harsher punishment than a time-out, a stern talking to, chores or revoking of privileges.

I’ve never felt right telling other people not to spank their kids, but this kind of punishment is absolutely unacceptable and one of the many reasons I would never feel right even attempting physical discipline.

Here’s why… Adrian Peterson’s lawyer has released a statement saying:

It is important to remember that Adrian never intended to harm his son and deeply regrets the unintentional injury.

So apparently, once his son was screaming and/or crying and putting his hands up to defend himself, Peterson realized that he might have gone a little overboard?  Read more…

September 9, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Video: The Pros and Cons of Dating Britney Spears

Britney Spears continues to publicly shame David Lucado for cheating on her, this time by bringing her boobs to the Tonight Show in a flowing, bright red pantsuit.

For the record, she’s totally not thrilled at all to be on Tinder and hates David Letterman.

 

September 9, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Ray Rice’s Wife Calls His Suspension ‘Horrific’

janay rice knocked out gif unconscious elevator gif ray riceJanay Rice, the woman seen being knocked out in an elevator by her husband – Ravens running back Ray Rice – is defending his actions and slamming the media and the NFL.

Ray Rice was originally suspended by the NFL for a laughable 2 games after footage of an unconscious Janay being dragged across the floor surfaced on TMZ, but now that the full video of him straight-up Mike Tyson-ing her has appeared, they’ve changed their tune.

If there’s one the thing football organizations hate, it’s publicity. Not even necessarily bad publicity, but any attention (Tim Tebow, Michael Sam, Chad Johnson) that might distract from their players throwing balls, running with balls and slamming into each other with or without balls in their hands, and this is a classic and especially sad case of that…

Janay Rice wrote the following confusing comments about TMZ’s brutal new video and the fact that Ray is now out of Baltimore and suspended from playing on any team indefinitely:

I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend. But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare in itself. No one knows the pain that media & unwanted options from the
public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass of for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is! Ravensnation we love you!

Normalizing this kind of behavior is a huge problem, and Janay, the NFL, Ray and his ignoramus lawyer (who called it a “very minor physical altercation” back in February), are adding gallons of gasoline to the forest fire.

Ray Rice said in a statement that his wife is “so strong,” and that he in turn he has to be strong for her. Because you have to be pretty fucking “strong” to sleep off a punch like that.

Meanwhile, Browns’ WR Josh Gordon has been suspended for an entire year after testing positive for marijuana, with the NFL sending a clear message that domestic violence isn’t big of a deal as smoking a little weed, but both are trumped by ...say it with me this time… bad publicity.

Read: Ravens Player: Ray Rice Lied To Teammates, Has Lost Our Support

September 8, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Here’s what Jon Hamm, Justin Bieber and Blake Lively look like as Average Americans

Blake lively planet hiltronJustin Bieber planet hiltronJon Hamm planet hiltron
Danny Evans – creator of Planet Hiltron, a site that shares photos of photoshopped celebrities looking like average to below average housewifes and blue collar husbands in small town America (basically, people who don’t know that feathered hair isn’t in style anymore) – is back, with renditions of Jon Hamm, Blake Lively and Justin Bieber + Selena Gomez.

Cameron Diaz and Lana Del Rey were also included in the exclusive collection. Would these not make amazing trading cards? The dumpier the celeb, the higher the value…

 

September 6, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

From Dot Matrix to ‘Fashion Police': Why Joan Rivers Was the Best of Her Kind

It’s been two days since Joan Rivers passed away at the age of 81 after complications during surgery. After a week of crossing our fingers hoping that Joan might pull through, daughter and noted business partner, Melissa Rivers, was faced with the decision of taking her off life support.

A multitude of celebrities have shared an outpouring of supportive messages and stories about Joan, like Giuliana Rancic, who called her “The funniest woman” ever, adding that “She could put a smile on your face, instantly, no matter how hard your day was.”

So true, what better way to escape reality than listen to Joan Rivers insult people? I’m not being facetious, insult comedy is the best comedy. Anyone who says otherwise is Bill Cosby. And, not only was she a comedian, but an actress (who could forget her as the voice of the cockblocking robot Dot Matrix in Spaceballs?), an author and a Late Night host.

Joan was the female, television-version of Howard Stern, versatile as f*ck and completely unafraid to speak her mind and ask real questions. (A quality that almost got her blackballed from Hollywood.) I saw the most of Joan on E!’s Fashion Police, as a sanctioned truth-teller and critic of all things offensive to the eyes.  Read more…

September 4, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Bieber Injures Wrist in ATV Crash

Justin bieber four wheelerLast week, wittle baby Justin Bieber climbed up on a big bad four wheeler and hurt his itsy bitsy wrist. Did I mention he was arrested, or that Selena Gomez was there?

A photographer in a minivan reportedly caused the ATV crash in Ontario, but it’s more probable that he sprained his wrist texting, shaking his fist at the paparazzo he got in a fight with or whacking off to pictures of himself.

The weirdest part is that noted lawyer Gloria Allred is getting involved, and at first I thought she was repping Bieber (which would make sense since she’s all about protecting women’s rights), but she’s on team paparazzi, looking to imprison the Biebs in rusty shackles somewhere comparable to where Bane sent Batman, I hope.  Read more…

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