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January 11, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Childish Gambino – “Sober”

Actor/rapper extraordinaire Donald Glover enlists his favorite director Hiro Murai (“Telegraph Ave,” “Sweatpants,” and “3005”) to shoot the stoner anthem “Sober.”
childish gambino sober childish gambino sober dove
Glover displays excellent pantomiming skills in hopes of impressing a girl (Amber Lauren Jones) at a diner. Dude has doves flying out of his shirt and she barely bats an eye. Cold.

As you can imagine, Glover, Murai and Jones had a blast making this.  Read more…

January 10, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Fred Armisen is Someone Basically All Women Should Avoid

Take what anonymous commenters on the internet have to say with a grain of salt, but there are just too many similar stories about Portlandia pioneer and Late Night bandleader Fred Armisen not being the fun, nice nerd-guy you imagine for it to be a coincidence.

Before and after Armisen’s ex-wife Elisabeth Moss publicly called being married to him “traumatic” and “horrible,” many non-famous women have taken to the internet to share their experiences. Apparently, Fred likes to keep girls on the side. Girls that he is very attentive and sweet with until he gets what he wants, and while his marriage to Moss might not have broken up because he was “sleeping with prostitutes,” as one commenter suggested, one woman did say this:

Fred got me pregnant, I had a miscarriage and he abandoned me.

And that’s not a stand-alone statement just coming out of nowhere. There are handfuls of people using the words “sociopath,” “cheater” and “asshole” to describe him.

He’s also very funny, so if you have a vagina, turn on your TV and laugh at him from afar. Or just work with him be gay. That seems to work for Carrie Brownstein.

January 7, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

12 Dead in France Over Anti-Islamic Cartoons

charlie hebdo islam cartoonThe offices of the newspaper Charlie Hebdo came under gunfire earlier today by three masked men who killed 12 and left two critically injured in the worst attack on France since 1995’s Paris train bombing.

The gunman, who wielded assault rifles and a rocket launcher and yelled “Allahu Akbar” (Allah is the greatest) as they stormed the building, have been identified and the youngest attacker, 18-year-old Hamyd Mourad, has turned himself in. Authorities are working hard to locate the other two men.  Read more…

January 7, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Kylie and Kendall Jenner, Then and Now

kendall and kylie then and now

Everything these days seems to be about Kendall and Kylie Jenner, from who they’re dating to detailed breakdowns of every pore, shadow and cocktail dress on Instagram.

Flashback to 2007: a more innocent time, when Kylie and Kendall were just kids, laughing and swinging on their sister’s stripper pole. Before Kimye, when Paris Hilton was famous and Rob was skinny and their parents were still technically together but living at separate addresses and dating other people. Weren’t they cute?  Read more…

January 5, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

The 5 Most Insane Moments of ‘Gone Girl’ (SPOILERS)

gone girl car amy
For so many, Gone Girl is the worst possible marriage scenario, but for me it’s the terrifying story of the craziest woman ever. We have author Gillian Flynn, David Fincher, Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike to thank for the most psychological fuckery of 2014. Spoilers ahead.

Read more…

January 3, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Double D*ck Dude Hopes to Bring ‘Something Positive to the Table’ With New Memoir

man with two penises bookThe man with two penises, aka Double D*ck Dude – who you may remember from his highly informative Reddit AMA – has written a book about what it’s like to live with Diphallia. While talking to Rolling Stone, he said he hopes to do more than just make money with Double Header: My Life With Two Penises.

He says his condition since becoming an internet phenomenon has allowed him to help people who feel different in general. “With so much negativity in the world, the ability to bring something positive to the table is a great feeling,” he says.  Read more…

January 3, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Dismantling Someone Else’s Armor and Weapons in Destiny is the Sweetest, Nerdiest Revenge


Did you happen to recently catch your boyfriend or girlfriend in bed with the neighbor? Does your bf/gf yell at you for no reason or spend outlandish amounts of money at the Cheesecake Factory? If the person who has wronged is also addicted to the game Destiny, don’t waste time trying to dump sugar in their gas tank…

Getting legendary and exotic weapons and armor in Destiny is HUGE pain. It takes forever to get them, while dismantling them takes only seconds.

1. Once you’ve loaded their character, press the start button to access inventory, select items and hold the “X” button on Xbox or the square on PS3 or PS4 to dismantle them.

Or you could just erase their entire hard drive.

(System settings: storage: games and apps: DELETE.)

This is pretty much the worst thing you can do to your console-playing girl/boy/regular friend, like the nerd equivalent of burning a house to the ground.  Read more…

January 2, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Hasbro to Make Kid’s Cake Decorating Tool less Penis-y

play doh penisHasbro toys are addressing parent’s concerns about their totally dong-shaped frosting tool by replacing it with something less phallic after concerned mothers contacted the company and posted humorous pictures pointing out the similarities on Facebook after gifting it to their children for the holidays. (One grandmother even mistook it for an actual sex toy.)

Hasbro said in a recent statement that they are “in the process of updating all future Play-Doh products with a different tool.”

Replacement Hasbro cake decorating toy is ribbed for her pleasure comes in regular and magnum sizes. Free easy bake meth kit upon purchase for a limited time only.

December 31, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Justin Bieber Falls Lightly Onto Pavement like a Featherweight Princess

justin bieber falling skateboardA few days ago I awoke to uplifting news of Justin Bieber falling off his skateboard, but upon further reading learned that he was barely hurt and gently drifted across the cement like a single sheet of leftover Christmas tissue paper caught in a persistent breeze.

No carnage, just blonde-headed Justin in dress skating poorly but still better than the average schmo reluctantly eating pavement, about as bruised as a green banana. Read more…

December 31, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Chris Rock + Others Close Out 2014 in Divorce

divorces 2014
It’s hard to believe in lasting love when famous long-term couples like Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton are dropping like flies…

Just this week, Chris Rock ended a 19-year relationship with Malaak Compton, whom he says has “repeatedly refused” visitations with his daughters.

Also, Food Network Giada of extraordinarily Italian pronunciation of the word “spaghetti” and Todd Thomas have announced an amicable separation after 11 years together, which means they’re both either super mature or super over each other, along with Jeremy Renner, who is getting divorced from D-list actress Sonni Pacheco after only 10 months.

Read more…

December 23, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Goth Icons Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton Are No More

Tim Burton helena bonham makeupAfter 13 years, two children and 7 movies together, epic crazy-haired witch Helena Bonham Carter and slightly less epic crazy-haired warlock Tim Burton have split up.

It’s a sad sad day, but I know most people’s first question isn’t “Oh No, what happened?” it’s “Who the f*ck is going to star in his movies now??”

What other spicy gothic British woman with dirty Renaissance thift store swag could possibly fill her shoes? Do we really have to wait for Kate Beckinsale to lose her mind, or will Tim Burton throw us a bone and continue to work with his ex out of respect for the craft and the fact that his movies will suck even more without her…  Read more…

December 23, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Funny Video: TMNT Honest Trailer

GET READY FOR APRIL O’NEIL: THE MOVIE, a film all about her quest to be taken seriously as a journalist while being sexually objectified by her co-worker and the director of the movie and her own childhood pet.

December 23, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Nvm: Sony WILL Show ‘The Interview’ on Christmas

seth rogen james franco dancing the interview gif imgurWell this is confusing, the CEO/Chairman of Sony is saying that the studio has “never given up on releasing The Interview, after a spokesman said they had “no further release plans” less than a week earlier due to the negative press surrounding the movie.

Sony’s Michael Lynton also said the following about the controversial Seth Rogen comedy:

We are continuing our efforts to secure more platforms and more theaters so that this movie reaches the largest possible audience.

Read more…

December 21, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Brooklyn Cop Killer Posted Photo of Murder Weapon on Instagram

brooklyn shooter murder weapon instagramMuch like woman-hater Elliot Rodger, Ismaaiyl Brinsley – the 28-year-old gunman who took out two police officers near a Brooklyn subway station yesterday – foreshadowed his murderous intent using social media, posting not only a photo of the weapon he used to shoot his ex-girlfriend, the two cops and also himself, but messages that read “I”m putting wings on pigs today,” “They Take 1 of Ours…… Let’s Take 2 of Theirs #ShootThePolice #RIPEricGarner #RIPMikeBrown,” and “This may be my final post.”

In an added tragic twist, Brinsley’s ex’s mother told the Baltimore police Brinsley was dangerous, but the NYPD didn’t receive the information until “moments before the attack” on officers Wenjian Liu and Rafael Ramos, who were shot in their squad car without warning at 2:47 p.m. on Saturday, December 20.

From left: Wenjian Liu, Ismaaiyl Brinsley and Rafael Ramos

From left: Wenjian Liu, Ismaaiyl Brinsley and Rafael Ramos

Read: Cop Killer Moments Before Shooting: “Watch What I’m Going to Do”

December 21, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Nicki Minaj – “The Pinkprint Movie”

Nicki Minaj is feeling generous this holiday season, after delivering the “Only” video, a song about all the guys she could have banged but didn’t, she’s giving us The Pinkprint Movie - three videos in one displaying varying stages of heartache-inducing grief.

These stages of grief are: crying, crashing your car while crying, continuing to sing even though you’ve been in a car accident, and playing the piano.
nicki Minaj pinkprint gif imgur  Nicki minaj crying gif the pinkprint movie
The songs are about an angry guy with a Minaj chest tattoo who looks like Big Sean…

Read more…

December 19, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

This Week on ‘American Horror Story,’ Elsa Window Shops for Freaks

Elsa Pepper freak showWednesday’s Orphans episode of American Horror Story was kind of a filler, but gave us the back story of both Ma Petite (the world’s smallest woman) and Pepper. Turns out, Elsa Mars (the superlative Jessica Lange) found Pepper at an orphanage not long after fleeing to America from Germany during Hitler’s reign. She is literally WINDOW SHOPPING FOR HUMAN BEINGS. Brilliant.

Shortly after that, Mars convinces a wealthy Indian slave owner to make a trade for his tiny girl lap-dog. While Pepper was free, Elsa gets Ma Petite for the steep price of 3 CASES OF DR. PEPPER. But honestly, how many of us wouldn’t trade our families for an ice-cold soda?
Dr. pepper freak show
Back to Pepper, non-Dr., Freak Show finally showed us exactly how Asylum relates to the current season, though I really did prefer Lily Rabe as an earth Goddess in flowing white having multiple orgasms to Fleetwood Mac.  Read more…

December 18, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Sony Pulls ‘The Interview’ From All Theaters

Kim jong il death scene the interviewSeth Rogen and James Franco’s The Interview has been scrapped from all major theaters by Sony, who also reportedly have NO PLANS to release in on DVD or on demand due to the plot of the entire movie, specifically a scene were their beloved(?) leader Kim Jong-un burns to death in slow motion.

Leaked emails from Rogen himself detailed the gory scene, which apparently included “hair burning,” “face embers” and a “wave of head chunks.” 

Sounds hilarious, right? North Korean hackers didn’t quite think so…

After catching wind of The Interview, a group calling themselves the “Guardians of Peace” threatened to bomb any venue who dared screen it, 9/11 style.

Warning

the interview posterWe will clearly show it to you at the very time and places “The Interview” be shown, including the
premiere, how bitter fate those who seek fun in terror should be doomed to.
Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made.
The world will be full of fear.
Remember the 11th of September 2001.
We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time.
(If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.)
Whatever comes in the coming days is called by the greed of Sony Pictures Entertainment.
All the world will denounce the SONY.

Read more…

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