Lately it seems like the internet is abuzz with two things and two things only: the race riots relating to officer Darren Wilson’s “not guilty” verdict in Ferguson, MO and the seemingly endless rape allegations against comedian Bill Cosby.
American’s image of Cosby as the sweetest, most family-friendly black man on television has been absolutely decimated by gut-wrenching stories of abuse from his victims.
Cosby disregarded the allegations at a sold-out show recently saying he “Shouldn’t answer to innuendos” and telling people to “fact check.”
If the reports are true, Cosby has been systematically spiking women’s drinks with quaaludes since the mid ’60s into at least 2005. Here’s a timeline of his many victims:
1965 – Kristina Ruehli (came forward Nov. 21, 2014)
Ruehli, who met Cosby while working at a talent agency, “completely passed out” after being poured a mere two drinks and woke up to a shirtless Cosby trying to force her to have oral sex with him.
“He had his hand on my head. He had his c*ck out, and he had my head pushed close enough to it,” she said. “I just remember looking at his stomach hair. And the hair on his chest. I had never seen a black man naked before.”
1967 – Carla Ferrigno (came forward Nov. 20, 2014)
Lou Ferrigno’s wife Carla alleges that she was “one of the lucky ones” who escaped Cosby after her date at the time and Cosby’s wife left her alone with him.
He lunged at her as soon as everyone left the room, kissing her “really rough.” She retaliated, “pushed and jumped and ran” after he persisted but was understandably shaken up, later telling a friend who didn’t believe her.
Carla also told radio hosts in Los Angeles that Cosby’s wife Camille is fully aware of his behavior.
“I thought it was disgusting that she stayed with him because she knew.”
1969 – Joan Tarshis (came forward Nov. 16, 2014)
Tarshis, a writer and actress who “idolized” Cosby, first met him at the age of 19 while he was playing Chet Kincaid in the Bill Cosby Show (not to be confused with The Cosby Show, ’84). Via Hollywood Elsewhere:
The next thing I remember was coming to on his couch while being undressed. Through the haze I thought I was being clever when I told him I had an infection and he would catch it and his wife would know he had sex with someone. But he just found another orifice to use. I was sickened by what was happening to me and shocked that this man I had idolized was now raping me. Of course I told no one.
1970 – Victoria Valentino (came forward Nov. 22, 2014)
Valentino, a former Playmate, was introduced to Cosby through friends. After a few meetings, they “popped pills” and went to his apartment where he grabbed her by the head and pushed her down towards his crotch.
Then he turned me over. It was like a waking nightmare.
1970 – Linda Joy Traitz (came forward Nov. 17, 2014)
One night, Traitz accepts a ride home from the co-owner of a cafe Traitz waitressed at who happened to be, you guessed it, Bill Cosby. Instead of taking her home, Cosby drove her to the beach and presented her with a “briefcase filled with assorted drugs.”
He began to get sexually aggressive and wouldn’t take ‘No’ for an answer.
After he grabbed her chest “all over,” Traitz “freaked out,” running down the beach while Cosby chased her and eventually convinced her to get back in the car. Read more…
15 whopping years after Jurassic Park III Legendary Pictures brings us Jurassic World…
Con: Steven Spielberg and Michael Crichton are pretty much MIA.
Pro: Chris Pratt. Con: The dinosaurs look about as lifelike as Thanksgiving turkey.
Pro: Genetically modified hybrid eats overly-curious children.
You know that one friend you have that’s all about good “energy, “being “connected” and forcing weird food into your mouth and bad thoughts in your head? The one that makes you feel like you’re gaining and losing brain cells at a rapid and weirdly equal rate with their conspiracies on cancer being secretly curable and GMO corn being responsible for 9/11.
Willow and Jaden Smith are those people, except that they’re 14 and 16, which makes it even weirder than it already is. In an interview with the New York Times promoting Jaden’s music, the Smiths don’t sound like the children of Scientologists, they sound like the children of pretentious, brainwashed hippies.
The only thing that could “explain” the interview is the Jaden line, “I have a goal to be just the most craziest person of all time.”
It starts out like this, with the simple question “What have you been reading?”
WILLOW: Quantum physics. Osho.
JADEN: “The Ancient Secret of the Flower of Life” and ancient texts; things that can’t be pre-dated.
And then it gets odder:
WILLOW: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that’s how I know it doesn’t exist.
JADEN: When you think about an apple, you also think about the opposite of an apple. It’s a tool for understanding mathematics and things with two separate realities. But for creativity: That comes from a place of oneness. That’s not a duality consciousness.
And BOOM, your head explodes like a watermelon in a movie adaptation of Fruit Ninja directed by Michael Bay:
JADEN: Honestly, we’re just trying to make music that we think is cool. We don’t think a lot of the music out there is that cool. So we make our own music. We don’t have any song that we like to listen to on the P.C.H. by any other artist, you know?
WILLOW: That’s what I do with novels. There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing.
And then your internal organs splat onto everything. Intestines on the window pane, liver on the kitchen tile, kidneys wrapped around the faucet while Willow and Jaden laugh sadistically because they’re too cool for novels and music… Read more…
The publication responsible for front-to-back Kim Kardashian nudity, Paper Mag, says that “none of the photoshopping they did on her was drastic.”
Not that we haven’t already been wondering for the last 5 years how a human woman could have a waist that thin and an ass that could break even the largest pair of yoga pants, but this is kind of believable if you really think about it.
EVEN THOUGH she looks like a Barbie that went through Krispy Kreme’s glazer, you know from “accidentally” following her career from day 1 that her body basically does look like that naturally (unless she’s been stuffing her Herve Leger with pillows at every single event).
The best part is that Paper Mag had to come out and make a statement not only that the original images were not photoshopped much, but that the un-retouched “originals” that surfaced were fake. (Click here for a real one.) Read more…
In “Blank Spaces,” we are reminded that even the most “hardcore” version of Taylor Swift makes about as many waves as a grain of salt in a bathtub.
With its use of Swift’s real-life pet – the splendiferously fluffy Olivia Benson – horses, golf clubs and a male model, “Blank Spaces” is a 12-year-old’s version of a revenge video.
She really dented the shit out of that guy’s car and killed the fuck out of that cake.
I would have liked to see a Lorde cameo. Like busting out from behind a bush freak-dancing with lighting bolts coming out of her head (all her power comes from her hair), but she’s too busy covering sexy R&B songs to bother. Read more…
Summer Roberts and Darth Vader had a baby together and named it Briar Rose, code name for Disney Princess Aurora of Sleeping Beauty, which is barely Star Wars-related and completely un-O.C.ified. (Was really hoping for Darth Roberts, Summer Vader or Darth Mall.)
Briar Rose, otherwise known as B-Rose, enjoys long walks on the pier, pouting, gingerbread lattes and electrocuting people with her chubby fingertips.
At this point, Hayden Christensen needed the baby to at least secure child support payments from Bilson once she divorces him for COMMISSIONER GORDON.
It’s a Darth, Darth Summer, leaving me here on my own…
In D-list celebrities committing crimes news, Andy Dick was briefly arrested for grand theft after riding away on his bike with some guy’s jewelry…
Apparently Andy approached the man on Hollywood Blvd., asked to see his $1000 necklace and then bolted off with it.
No idea if he did it for attention or because he really just liked it THAT MUCH, but sending Andy Dick to a jail full of big burly bros with a thing for petite blonds for thievery is like sending me to the Cheesecake Factory for double homicide.
We can only hope male Piper Kerman hasn’t been bailed out yet and is still living the dream.
Lorde turns 300, releases Katniss-approved “Yellow Flicker Beat” video. (E! Online)
Summer of 2015 is the summer of (legal) WEED! (Oregon Live)
Kim Jong-Un oblivious to stuffed animal sex. (Mashable)
Fraulein Minaj rallies Nazi Breezy, Nazi Weezy and Nazi Drizzy. (Jezebel)
Keira Knightley is all statement and no
shirt photoshop. (Mic)
Duggar daughter caught banging husband in Church. (Gawker)
Non-Duggar caught whacking it in police station with Wheat Thins. (Concourse)
The official title is “The Force Awakens,” which sounds like the Eat, Pray, Love of Star Wars movies to me. Unlike, The Phantom Menace – which was written by racially insensitive preschool students – and its follow-ups, The Force Awakens features original withering cast members and J.J. Abrams as director. Read more…
Anthony Vincent of the Ten Second Songs is back singing Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” in various spooky styles like Rob Zombie, Marilyn Manson, Jack Skellington and The Spice Girls. He’s vocally versatile to the point of making me want to ritualistically murder him and eat his flesh in hopes of becoming just as disgustingly talented.
Just in time for Halloween, the holiday where you become a slut to get attention and I become one to get free candy. Read more…
When I first heard about Renée Zellweger’s new face, I was like, umm, where does one obtain such a thing and did she get a BOGO like maybe she has an extra one in the vault like a winter face and a summer face.
Maybe one for Fall that’s more round or even maple-leaf shaped and another for cold season with a pine fresh scent and a special lacquer so it doesn’t melt in front of the fireplace?
All I know is, I saw her face circa now and it is drastically different than circa 2000 whatever RZ. For a second I went straight to plastic surgery, but a lot of people, including Renée Zellweger herself say it’s simply because she lost weight. Via PEOPLE:
“People don’t know me in my 40s,” says Zellweger, who prefers to lead a quiet life with Bramhall and a close circle of friends. Recently, she pitched in to help her pal and longtime publicist, Nanci Ryder, who is battling ALS, at the ALS Association Golden West Chapter’s annual Walk to Defeat ALS in Los Angeles.
“People don’t know me [as] healthy for a while,” says Zellweger. “Perhaps I look different. Who doesn’t as they get older?! Ha. But I am different. I’m happy.”
If you know me at all you know that I am sometimes amused by utterly tasteless and horrible things like, for instance, this Ray Rice costume. Simple yet effective and featuring a pantless blow-up doll, it’s unknown who this brave man is, but a friend of his posted photos on Imgur at some point that were thankfully saved and spread around by Uproxx.
Adrian Peterson beating his son and Solange, Jay-Z and Beyonce on the elevator seem like appropriate follow-ups, but I’m definitely going as naked Jennifer Lawrence.
Gwen Stefani’s comeback is underway with this hippie dippie new acid trip video that plays out like a slowed-down “Rude Boy” B-side sponsored by Puma.
††† ⇒Click here if you prefer videos that feature black Jesus and blond Pete Wentz⇐ †††
The fact that Gwen’s been married for 12 years makes it really hard to guess who this song is about… P.S. Her new solo album, the first since 2006, is rumored to drop in December.
Being the utterly neurotic human that I am, I was drifting off to sleep late last night listening to a podcast called “How Ebola Works,” of course and learned a few things, most interestingly, the five strains.
Named after the regions they were discovered in, the strains are: Zaire (Democratic Republic of Congo), Sudan, Bundibugyo (Uganda), Ivory Coast and Reston.
You do not have to worry about Reston or Ivory Coast Ebola unless you’re a monkey. Sudan, Bundibugyo and Zaire Ebola however, are very dangerous to humans.
As far as discovery goes it’s a relatively new player on the deadly virus, infectious scene. I guess we should go back to 1976. It’s actually named for the Ebola River in the Democratic Republic of Congo.
At the time that country was known as Zaire, and even still there’s a strain of Ebola known as Zaire type Ebola, and it’s the deadliest of all.
One thing fellow neurotic, fearful types who listen to How Stuff Works podcasts on deadly diseases at 2:00 a.m. really need to keep in mind:
Ebola is not as easy to contract as you think…
According to Dallas County Health and Human Services Director Zachary Thompson, “It is easier to get the flu than to get Ebola.”
The only two American citizens to contract Ebola so far have been nurses who treated Thomas Eric Duncan, the man who died earlier this month of the virus after flying from West Africa to Texas.
It is completely unlike the common cold in that it is NOT airborne. Read more…
Nicolas Brendon, who many know as Xander on Buffy the Vampire Slayer was arrested for causing a ruckus in a hotel lobby in Boise. You may have just randomly developed boredom narcolepsy thinking about sad, out-of-work actors whose early credits include “basketball player one” in Children of the Corn: Urban Harvest getting drunk in Idaho, but trust me, there’s some meat to this story.
The hotel’s main beef with Brendon was the breaking of a “decorative dish,” which earned him a charge of “malicious injury to property.” Read more…
If you’ve seen 22 Jump Street then you probably caught the hilarious fake posters for 23/24/25+ Jump Street shown during the credits.
Channing Tatum has unenthusiastically said “I feel like it’s all redundant” about starring in another sequel, but if any of these movies ever got made I at least know I’d be happy…
(But, like Sharknado and 22 Jump Street, I wouldn’t actually watch them.) Read more…
Yesterday I was sitting around watching VH1 on mute, so all of a sudden I see Gavin DeGraw’s face and I’m about to change the channel when I notice that the video seems super gay and therefore mildly interesting.
There’s a lady doctor and a lady firefighter and some other random businesswoman being oddly sexual at the workplace like opening their mouths and tilting their heads back for no reason and while I’m waiting for them to bang I realize that they’re not lesbians, they’ve just seen Whip-It one too many times and want to knock each other out on a roller derby rink.
Basically, as I’d expected, the video is super cliche, just in a different way. It also doesn’t star Juliette Lewis OR Ellen Page and is therefore a complete waste of my time.