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February 28, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Ronda Rousey Expresses Interest in Fighting Holly Holm After Submitting Zingano

Holly Holm vs Ronda Rousey“Rowdy” Ronda Rousey (add about a million y’s to that for a solid Bruce Buffer impersonation) told Joe Rogen in her post-fight interview that she is interested in taking on UFC newbie Holly Holm.

“Holly Holm is a world champion boxer and I always want to test myself against that level of striking,” Rousey said.

Holm, 33, showed impressive striking and kickboxing technique in her debut earlier tonight against Raquel Pennington, who lost despite having considerably more experience with big-name fighters like Cat Zingano.   Read more…

February 22, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Oscars ‘In Memoriam’ List DID NOT Include Joan Rivers

joan and melissa rivers first red carpet interviewThe 87th Academy Awards had plenty of time for a guitar-playing Batman, Sean Penn making green card jokes and embarrassing Dakota Johnson, but NO time for their longtime employee, Joan Rivers. 

Rivers — a woman who epitomized show business and the Oscars in general — was snubbed from the show’s In Memoriam segment that included and multiple marketing directors, producers and sound editors.

Let me remind you that at one time, Joan was the only one who did red carpet commentary. She is also the the inventor of “Who are you wearing?”, not to mention a very accomplished comedian, writer, actress and co-host.  Read more…

February 22, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Emma Watson and Prince Harry Aren’t a Thing

Hermione mud bloodSo you heard that Emma Watson and Prince Harry are an item, yes? Well, they’re not. Firstly, Watson is a classy young broad who I’d like to believe has much better taste than that, and second, she said so on Twitter (sort of).

But then again, I wanted to believe that Hermione Granger wouldn’t fall for a certain sweet-yet-clueless ginger with a knack for being dead weight when people are busy trying their hardest to destroy Voldemort. Lesson: anyone lacking the last name “Potter” or “Radcliffe” is a bad choice for her.

Here’s what Watson had to say on social media about not dating a full-blood prince:

The “exclusive” story from Women’s Day Australia detailed a tryst that thrived on “secret dates” and the fact that Harry is “smitten” for more than just “Emma’s looks,” and is instead after her soul because he doesn’t have one.  Read more…

February 22, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

This Woman is the New Lorena Bobbitt

Amber Ellis tulsa mugshotA Tulsa woman took Gaga’s “Show Me Your Teeth” lyric WAY TOO far when she took a bite out of her boyfriend’s unsuspecting penis.

31-year-old Amber Ellis did not get as far as knife-wielding Lorena Bobbit, as her significant other was able to wake up in time to fight her off and not lose his entire shaft, though he did receive “several stitches at the base of his penis.”

He was also treated for injuries to his head and neck, due to the fact that Ellis smashed him in the noggin with a laptop.  Read more…

February 19, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Teenage Emma Stone Sings “Bitch”

Before her film debut in Superbad and after bumping stomachs with Tweedledee at a children’s theater in Arizona, circa 2004 Emma Stone was singing the wildly inappropriate “Bitch” by Meredith Brooks on national television.  Read more…

February 19, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Azealia Banks Posing For Internet-Breaking Playboy Photos

Playboy is employing Azealia Banks for an upcoming shoot. Banks is famous for songs like “212,” getting into Twitter feuds, and being a rapper who often gets confused with Iggy Azalea (who she affectionately calls “Itchy Areola”) despite not being white or Australian.

Banks will be interviewed by Rob Tannebaum within the April 2015 issue and photographed by Ellen Von Unwerth, whose portfolio includes compromising photos of Rihanna, Christina Aguilera, Beyoncé and Janet Jackson.  Read more…

February 18, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Chemical Used to Turn Soda Brown Causes Cancer

Harry Styles pepsiPeople who thought avoiding diet soda would help them steer clear of cancer are sorely mistaken. These days, due to the laziness and greed of manufacturers, you can count on the additives in pretty much all prepackaged, non-organic food and drink to put you at risk for cancer, including of course, the common chemical used to turn your favorite sodas brown.

Pepsi, Coke, Dr. Pepper and other brands have been strongly linked to the disease due to their use of 4-Methylimidazole.  Read more…

February 18, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Unretouched Photos of ‘Regular Woman’ Beyoncé Promptly Removed From Internet

unretouched beyonce Over the years, we’ve loved and scrutinized Beyoncé to Oprah-sized proportions.

I get alerts on my phone informing me when her roots grow and if she may or may not have bunions. And if she does have a bunion, I want to know exactly which foot and the exact location in latitude and longitude.

Which brings me to a website that released not one or two but a whopping 224 unretouched photos of the singer.  Read more…

February 17, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Gaga’s Engagement Ring is a Bloody Giant Heart

lady gaga ringJust Kidding.

Lady Gaga of the meat dress-having, singing-while-covered-in-blood and eating-designer-cakes-dripping-with-red-dye persuasion, did NOT receive anything crazy for her engagement, but she did get a completely normal heart-shaped ring from her boyfriend, television firefighter and werewolf Taylor Kinney, for Valentine’s.

Kidding again. Gaga’s ring isn’t normal, it’s huge and probably worth a million dollars. The biggest shock here is one of the following multiple choice options:

1.  You can buy a ring like this at almost any high-end jewelry store.
2. Nobody was hired to pry it from the cold dead fingers of Alexander McQueen
3. Gaga is marrying not only a human man from Earth, but a pretty regular guy

 

 

 

 

 

February 15, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Super-Centenarian Attributes Old Age to Raw Eggs, Single Life

Emma morano CentenarianThe oldest woman in Europe and fifth oldest in the world, 115-year-old Italian-born Emma Morano tells the New York Times she believes she’s cruised through three centuries because of her diet, which has included three raw eggs a day since adolescence, and her decision never to remarry.

Morano has been living the single life since 1938, when she separated from her husband and forever decided she “didn’t want to be dominated by anyone.”

Amazingly, Italy’s famous super-centenarian refuses to ever go to the hospital. Read more…

February 12, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Kanye is ‘Definitely’ Recording With Taylor Swift

taylor swift kanye memeWhat kind of world am I living in? Apparently one where Kanye West and Taylor Swift bury the hatchet by recording sweet sweet music together.

Kanye hasn’t recorded sweet sweet music since 2010, and while I doubt a country/pop crossover with Taylor is the answer, it’s still astounding that he says he’s for sure going to make sure going to make music with the girl who’s moment he ruined on behalf of Beyonce all those years ago.  Read more…

February 11, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Awesome Honest Valentine’s Cards Will Help Keep Your Heart Frozen

honest funny valentine's card 3

Resist the urge to give Hallmark your hard-earned money with these totally honest Valentine’s Cards. For that person in your life that you’re not sure about at all but were thinking about sending flowers to because you don’t want to be alone…  Read more…

February 11, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Brian Williams Suspended For 6 Months For Lying

Jon Stewart Brian Williams quoteNews anchor Brian Williams has been suspended by NBC for 6 months without pay for saying he was in a helicopter that had to make an emergency landing after coming under fire in Iraq.

To add insult to injury, Williams claimed he told the lie because umm, like, a bunch of helicopters crashed that day and stuff and he was in a helicopter but just not one of those helicopters and he forget that that totally didn’t happen to him at all because he’s got a lot going on, like trying to ignore trolls who send him videos of his daughter getting her ass eaten out.

Read more…

February 5, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Funny Video: Fifty Shades of Bricks

The genius responsible for nearly identical versions of popular movie trailers made entirely of LEGOs has done it again with Fifty Shades of Grey, featuring the room of pain, angry/shirtless Christian Grey and Anastasia’s infamous elevator grimace in brick form.
fifty shades elevator lego fifty shades

February 5, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

POLL: Worse Embodiment: Red Skull or Justin Bieber?

extreme plastic surgery red skull justin bieberHenry Damon – a man with a wife and children who are either also insane or couldn’t convince him otherwise – has opted for multiple surgeries to make him look more like Red Skull, the satan-faced Nazi nemesis of Captain America.

“Most of my customers know that body modification is the last step of body art, everyone knows very well what they want and as well as Henry, many of them are waiting for me for many years to make their dreams a reality,” said the man who helped the real-life Red Skull tattoo his cheekbones and eyeballs and remove part of his nose.  Read more…

February 5, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Measles Outbreak Linked to Idiot Parents

Measles meme The hot new thing right now is measles, a child-killing virus and rash that wasn’t much of a problem developed countries like the U.S. since widespread use of the vaccine in 2000. In 2004, there were only 37 cases, but in 2014 there were at least 644 confirmed cases in the states and many think that Jenny McCarthy the popular anti-vaccine movement is to blame.

If certain parents weren’t opposed to vaccinating their children there would likely be no outbreak in California or a rise in cases in general.  Read more…

February 4, 2015 / Hallie Madenski

Paul McCartney Enlists Gaga for ‘Secret Project’

Gaga Sir Paul instagramIn the past few years, former Beatle Paul McCartney has collaborated with a plethora of artists who were mere embryos when The White Album was recorded. Since “replacing” Kurt Cobain in the Nirvana reunion at the Grammys, Sir Paul has filmed “FourFiveSeconds” with Kanye West and Rihanna and now he’s working on a “secret project” with Lady Gaga, which makes sense since she’s always had a thing for talented old guys like Clarence Clemons, Tony Bennet and Brian May.

Gaga’s new “post sex” fragrance inspired by her sessions with McCartney is available at Target.

Read more…

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