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August 27, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Jessie J – “Bang Bang” Feat. Ariana Grande & Nicki Minaj

“Bang Bang,” is a song by music’s Vampira featuring big voice-having little person Ariana Grande and inspiration for the “ass like a cadillac” line, Nicki Minaj.

Jessie j vampira

                                               Tell me you don’t see it…

From Grande’s uncomfortable mating dance to the Wham sample, the video is as sad as Minaj’s staged wardrobe malfunction at the VMAs. (Not to mention all the attendees knowing they’re going to win/lose ahead of time.)  Read more…

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August 24, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

This Year’s VMAs are Cursed

scary britney spearsThe 2014 VMAs haven’t even begun and they’re already more interesting than they’ve been in a long long time…

So far, Suge Knight was shot, Nicki Minaj’s dancer was bit by a snake during rehearsals, Iggy Azalea fell backwards off the stage AAAND this year’s show is officially cursed.

Knight is currently in intensive care recovering from stomach and arm injuries caused by gunfire at Chris Brown’s pre-party, Iggy Azalea and Nicki Minaj’s dancer – who was attacked by a boa constrictor during a run-through of “Anaconda” – appear to be fine.Individually, we could assume that Tupac cursed Suge Knight from the grave for being involved in his murder and Nicki had bad karma after cursing Iggy Azalea for stealing her thunder, OR we could apply actual logic and say that Suge is a known gangster and Iggy’s ass and gravity are as deadly a combination as wild animals and human dancers.

All I have to say is, this is what happens when you don’t invite Britney Spears.

August 22, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Suicide: Selfish ‘Choice’ or Unconscious Act of Desperation?

Robin williams good morning As you all know by now, the world lost Robin Williams, one of the most versatile, funny men in the entertainment industry. A man with more great movies under his belt than any other I can name. He was a legend, one I grew up with. The Birdcage and Mrs. Doubtfire are two of my favorite comedies of all time and Aladdin was my all-time favorite, most-sung Disney movie as a grade schooler. That’s one of the two questions people seem to be answering on their own when confronting the loss of such an icon…. Their favorite work of his, and then their thoughts in general on suicide.

Many celebrities have weighed in, most leaning heavily toward one side or the other. On one end, we have people who believe suicide to be the ultimate selfish act, and on the other, those who feel that it’s not a choice at all, but an act so desperate it’s committed without thought.

Gene Simmons: 

No, I don’t get along with anybody who’s a drug addict and has a dark cloud over their head and sees themselves as a victim. Drug addicts and alcoholics are always: “The world is a harsh place.” My mother was in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany. I don’t want to hear fuck all about “the world as a harsh place.” She gets up every day, smells the roses and loves life. And for a putz, 20-year-old kid to say, “I’m depressed, I live in Seattle.” Fuck you, then kill yourself.

I never understand, because I always call them on their bluff. I’m the guy who says ‘Jump!’ when there’s a guy on top of a building who says, “That’s it, I can’t take it anymore, I’m going to jump.”

Are you kidding? Why are you announcing it? Shut the fuck up, have some dignity and jump! You’ve got the crowd.

Read more…

August 21, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

I Watched Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ Video So You Don’t Have To…

Nicki minaj pink outfit anaconda
On behalf of everyone, I would like to proclaim that I watched all of Nicki Minaj‘s new music video, which is “Baby Got Back” with a different title and a verse about a dude named Michael with a “dick bigger than a tower” who tossed her salad “like his name Romaine.” 
nicki minaj anaconda gif
Michael and this other guy Troy love that she’s down to bang in a car and that she eats breakfast lunch and dinner because, as you can tell from the salad references and slow-motion banana peeling, she’s very health conscious.

As with all things Nicki Minaj, it all boils down to the ass, and this is definitely the most assalicious song of Nicki’s. (“Dance A$$” doesn’t count if we’re being technical.)The video is just an excuse for Nicki and other self-proclaimed big bootied hoes to twerk.

All twerk and no play / twerking hard or hardly twerking?

Read more…

August 20, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Mo’Ne is the First Little Leaguer, Girl or Boy, to Land the Cover of Sports Illustrated

sports illustrated little league girlLast night on SportsCenter’s Top Stories segment there was a fascinating interview with a 13-year-old girl who plays Little League on an otherwise all-boys team in Philly. The first, but definitely not last I’d hear of Mo’Ne Davis.

She throws a 70 mph fastball and was noticed at her school by the baseball coach for playing football, you know, just casually throwing perfect spirals and zooming around the field faster than most college running backs.

Mo’Ne could likely succeed in baseball, football or basketball (her favorite). The world is her oyster, as displayed on this week’s issue of Sports IllustratedRead more…

August 19, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Is It Ever ‘OK’ For an Officer to Shoot an Unarmed Civilian?

Officer who shot mike brownThere are a lot of heated discussions surrounding the shooting of Michael Brown, the unarmed African-American teen shot and killed by a police officer in Ferguson, Missouri earlier this month (bringing back all-too-fresh memories of the killing of Trayvon Martin in Florida).

While we have yet to know why Brown was shot, if there is a “reason” at all, we now know the identity of the officer and, thanks to an autopsy conducted on Sunday, the exact amount of times Brown was shot.

28-year-old Darren Wilson controversially put two bullets in Brown’s head and four more in his right arm while, according to witnesses and other reports, his hands were in the air, not holding or reaching for a weapon of any kind.

The incident has been a huge source of controversy for the nation and an absolute nightmare for the police in St. Louis, who are under even more scrutiny for tear gassing protestors, not to mention that the KKK are reportedly raising money in support of Wilson.

While everyone is wondering how and why this happened in the first place, I’m specifically wondering if there’s ANY circumstance where a member of the police force could shoot an unarmed civilian and not be ostracized by most of America. Read more…

August 18, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Ella Eyre – “Comeback”

It might seem unusual for a debut album to have a song called “Comeback” on it, but at only 20 years old, obvious Best Hair in Music-haver Ella Eyre makes it work.

It’s about a scoundrel who “comes back” after cheating, but instead of being a weak ass weak sauce bad-guy-taker-backer, she breaks his dishes, dissects his flatscreen with a guitar and lights his ride on fire. With a little help from her friends, of course.  Read more…

August 6, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Interview: Soulful Singer/Songwriter Jen Miller

This month, brilliant indie vocalist, ukulele master and all-around musical badass Jen Miller – representing Columbus, Ohio – tolerates my line of questioning for the second time around.

She covers the recording process, Kickstarter, her favorite bands, The Red Wedding, her quirky but beloved fans, how she’s grown as an artist and more. Read on, dinosaurs…

It’s been two years since you released your first EP on iTunes, what do you think the major difference between your new album, Overgrown, and Forget the Dirty Hearts is?

I think the major difference between the EP and the album is that I really got my hands dirty here. For the first EP, it was my first time in the studio. We did it all in one weekend and the songs didn’t really have a chance to ripen in the studio…we just recorded them as quickly and as well as we could in one 48 hour weekend.

This time around, I worked with a producer, Derek Snowden, who really helped me push my sound. Some days I would come in the studio and be like “Derek, I wrote a song last night! Let’s see what we can make of it!”, and that’s what we would do for the night. It would come in as vocals and a ukulele and get transposed to electric and banjo by the end of the night. That’s just how it goes. So the sound is definitely more developed and the songwriting more solid.

Kickstarter and YouTube seem to have been your friends over the years… What projects have you backed on Kickstarter? 

Kickstarter burnt an imaginary hole in my pocket for a second there. I actually found it thanks to Julia Nunes…I am a massive fan of hers and she and Israel Kamakawiwo’ole are the combined reason I started teaching myself uke. She crowdfunded her first 2 albums which I (of course) backed obsessively.

Who are you into of these days musically? Anyone you fangirl over who readers might not have heard of?

I AM FANGIRL CENTRAL. A little less crazy than the One Direction fans though. I riot less.

Huge fan of Ohio natives Twenty One Pilots…Allen Stone, Kate Nash (swoon), Ed Sheeran’s new album, Nina Nesbitt, Passenger and Stu Larsen.  Read more…

July 30, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Jennifer Lawrence ‘Too Famous’ For Love

Jennifer Lawrence and long-term British hubby Nicholas Hoult reportedly broke up because Lawrence is “in love with fame” and has an “exploded ego.”

I know explosive diarrhea goes away after a few hours and some form of hydration, but what’s the cure for an exploded ego?

I figure you make the subject churn butter with the Amish, or sing with nuns to remind them what it’s like to be a regular, non-recognized person, but if there’s anyone in Hollywood who seems to not need a course in being down-to-earth, it’s Jennifer Lawrence.

According to Celebrity Fix, fame-hating Hoult is now interested in indie starlet Riley Keough because his ex is just too good at her job A-list.  Read more…

July 25, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Horrible Movie Adaptation of Horrible Book ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ Has a Trailer

Remember when Fifty Shades of Grey was all the rage? You couldn’t throw a rock without hitting a woman with secretion-stained underwear daydreaming about Christian Grey blindfolding her and stuffing her with buttplugs in the back of his private jet.

The least-romantic story ever, about a man who is entitled to degrade women he barely knows because he’s rich and handsome, is so backwards it reminds me of an article I was just reading about how doctors used to diagnose horny women with hysteria. (It was also about crank-up dildos that look like a drill and blowdryer in one.)  Read more…

July 18, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Get Ready for a Female Thor and a Black Captain America

female thor black captain americaEvery year at Comic-Con we see bundles of gender and race-flipped superheroes, and now, to delight of cosplayers everywhere, female Thor and black Captain America are a reality in the Marvel universe.

Steve Rogers is passing his shield to Sam Wilson a.k.a Falcon (played by Anthony Mackie in The Winter Soldier) and Thor’s hammer is being picked up by a woman.

Introduced in 1969, Falcon was the second mainstream black superhero ever after Black Panther in 1966, and the first to hail from the U.S. As for Thor, we’ll have to wait until October to find out about the mysterious woman who takes the place of the original and what he did to no longer be worthy of the title.  Read more…

July 18, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Weird Al Parodies Robin Thicke, Iggy Azalea, Pharrell AND Lorde All In One Week

Weird al royals parodyIn 1996, after hearing a spot-on parody of “Gangster’s Paradise” on the radio, I bought a glorious tape by the man who wrote it, called Bad Hair Day. It didn’t change my life, but it was funny. I all but forgot about Weird Al until 2006’s brilliant comeback, Straight Outta Lynwoodbut the admiration never left.

The thing to respect about Yankovic besides his work ethic (he just dropped his 14th album), is that he’d rather go for a “poke in the ribs than a punch in the face,” which isn’t easy. Just ask any comedian.

Read more…

July 17, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Jenny Lewis – “Just One of the Guys”

Indie Folk songstress Jenny Lewis is promoting her first album in forever with a music video featuring two hated big name actress and one lesser known, less hated one.

Brie Larson wins the cutest-girl-in-bad-wankster-drag award while Kristen Stewart AND Anne Hathaway both miraculously manage to look exactly like Tina Fey in an SNL skit.
Jenny Lewis, Brie Larson, Kristen  Stewart Just One of the Guys Gif   Kristen Stewart just one of the guys gif
Lewis’ third solo album, The Voyager, drops July 29. She’s also opening for Beck on a handful of North American tour dates. (To me, she’ll always be Rita from Foxfire.)

July 15, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

‘Snowpiercer’ is a Much Grittier ‘The Hunger Games,’ For Railway Enthusiasts

Chris Evans snowpiercer still If you haven’t seen Snowpiercer yet, you need to, immediately. Here’s what it’s about, in case you saw it on one of those Best of 2014 lists and were still on the fence….

Basically, in the future – 2031 to be exact – the human race has decided to release a chemical into the atmosphere to cool the climate, but it works too well and freezes everything and the last few remnants of mankind are stuck on a train that circles earth once a year.

It’s based on a French graphic novel (Le Transperceneige), and is basically a much grittier, gorier South Korean version of The Hunger Games, except on a train.

With Chris Evans as Katniss (or Princess Elsa), Jamie Bell as Peeta, Tilda Swinton as Effy, and Ed Harris as President Snow. HUNGER TRAIN!
Frozen arm snowpiercer
The train circles the earth once a year and works on a horribly unfair class system, with the people at the back of the train eating roach protein and getting their arms frozen off and broken with sledgehammers by the rich sushi-eating folk at the front when they misbehave.

Brooding dude in a beanie Curtis (Captain America) decides to do something about it and break through the security gates to take control of the “eternal engine” with the help of an imprisoned drug addict and his clairvoyant daughter.  Read more…

July 15, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

President Engages in Hand-to-Hand With Gay Cashier

obama gay fistbumpA ballsy man working at Franklin Barbecue in Austin yelled “Equal rights for gay people!” in the vicinity of none other than the president, to which Obama turned and said “Oh, are you gay?”

The man, Daniel Webb, looked at him, cool as a cucumber and responded, “Only when I have sex.”

With even cooler presidential cucumber coolness, Bama held out his fist, knuckles out and said “bump me.”

July 11, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

Trailer: Wild

Wild, filmed mainly in Oregon and from the director of Oscar-winning Dallas Buyers Club and the writer of An Education, is about a young woman who decides to go on a 1,000 mile hike after suffering major loss and becoming addicted to heroin. Read more…

July 11, 2014 / Hallie Madenski

The Next Time Your Parents Disapprove of Your Piercings, Show Them This…

huge cheek gauges Are you a young person whose parents are on the fence about you getting some measly bellybutton or industrial piercing? I think I may have a solution. Show them a picture of this German guy with 36mm cheek gauges

There’s a chance they’ll think whatever you want is just a gateway piercing to having your teeth show through the side of your face like post-burn Harvey Dent, but it’s worth a shot.

23-year-old Joel Miggler can stick his tongue out the holes and blow mass amounts of smoke out of them, looking very much like a human gas mask. I’m also pretty sure that at least 20% of the food he puts in his mouth falls right back out.

 

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