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January 14, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Kobe and Vanessa Bryant Announce Their Reconciliation, Because… Why Not?

Vanessa Bryant InstagramPeople have long suspected that something fishy was going on with Kobe Bryant and Vanessa Bryant, who filed for divorce in 2011 citing irreconcilable adultery (I mean “differences”).

After spending time kissing at Staples Center and eating steak together, the couple have officially announced the end of their divorce proceedings and the beginning of, nothing important.

“We are pleased to announce that we have reconciled,” Vanessa posted in Instagram text-to-photo format. “Our divorce action will be dismissed. We are looking forward to our future together.”

Read more…

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January 13, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Jennifer Lawrence Envisions Saying ‘Screw All You Guys’ at Awards Shows (as Her Pants Fall Off)

Jennifer Lawrence awards season 2013Awards season has arrived, and after tonight, Jennifer Lawrence will already have attended The People’s Choice Awards, the Film Critics Awards and The Golden Globes.

Lawrence, who usually receives praise for her red carpet threads, tells E! News“I’m not a fashion person so me looking at a sketch is like looking at a long-division math problem. I just don’t know what I’m looking at so it’s really nerve-racking.”

And, in regards to acceptance speeches, recently single Lawrence (R.I.P., Tony from Skins) imagines a very specific worst-case scenario… Read more…

January 13, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-13-13]

Harry Styles Four Nipples Kiss youHarry Styles doesn’t have one nipple, two nipples, or three nipples. He has four. (E! Online)

A millisecond of “What Makes You Beautiful,” by Emma Stone. (Just Jared)

Jackie Chan says America is the worst, most corrupt country (and China is the best). (ONTD!)

Marriage in the books for Olivia Wilde and Jason Sudeikis. (Evil Beet)

Lady Gaga the only person who takes adolescents “seriously?” (Huffington Post)

Victoria’s Secret model Barbara Palvin never did anything sexy with Justin Bieber. (Celebuzz)

Jason Trawick not allowed to talk about Britney Spears‘ crazy behavior, by contract. (TMZ)

January 13, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Novelist Jonathan Franzen Heckled at Reading in Portland, OR

Jonathan Franzen James SpaderOn Thursday I went to a reading by author of The Corrections, and Freedom, Oprah-feuder, luddite and Time Magazine’s last “Great American Novelist,” Jonathan Franzen.

He read from a new piece he’s working on, a piece that consists wholly of footnotes on Karl Kraus, the Austrian satirist who Franzen relates to and calls “The Great Hater.”

Franzen spent much of the night comparing Kraus’ hatred for newspapers to his own hatred of technology, specifically Facebook, Apple, Twitter and Amazon.

Right after delving into why he dislikes Amazon (‘Like, half my friends own independent bookstores’), a woman who I assume was over 35 yelled, “I BOUGHT YOUR BOOK ON AMAZON!”  Read more…

January 13, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Video: Ke$ha – “C’mon”

In the video for “C’mon,” Ke$ha is a lollipop-licking, pigtail-having magician moonlighting as a waitress who doesn’t give people coffee because she’s too pissed off about her boss sexually harassing her.

Apparently Ke$ha’s type = guys with beards, AND furries (read more about that HERE), as well.

Read more…

January 12, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Britney Spears and Jason Trawick to Remain ‘Friends’ After Break-Up

Britney Spears and Jason TrawickFragile, mental 12-year-old Britney Spears and  facial 50-year-old Jason Trawick have called it quits after three and a half years, but Britney and her rep insist that she will remain friends with her former fiancé.

Britney’s statement: “Jason and I have decided to call off our engagement. I’ll always adore him and we will remain great friends.”

Her rep: Britney Spears and Jason Trawick have mutually agreed to end their one-year engagement. As two mature adults, they came to the difficult decision to go their separate ways while continuing to remain friends.”  Read more…

January 12, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-12-13]

Evan Rachel Wood GlamourEvan Rachel Wood “thrilled” about getting accidentally knocked up. (NY Daily News)

Shave your goatee before the cops arrest your pedo ass, Michael Phelps. (Evil Beet)

Aaron Swartz, RSS writer and co-founder of Reddit, commits suicide. (Gawker)

There is a god! Two And A Half Men cast not signed on for season 11. (Celebuzz)

Megan Fox still not a social networking butterfly, quits Twitter. (Huffington Post)

Antique-collector Taylor Swift and Harry Styles were sexually incompatible. (Jezebel)

Brian Williams frequently visits the Girls set to see his daughter fornicate. (News Busters)

January 12, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Lady Gaga and Little Monsters Vs. Kelly and Sharon Osbourne (…and Joan Rivers)

Lady Gaga Kelly OsbourneLast week, Kelly Osbourne started a feud with Lady Gaga after telling Fabulous magazine that Gaga needs to put a leash on her fans because they are the ‘worst in the world.’

Gaga responded to Osbourne telling the press that Little Monsters told her to kill herself and that they hope she gets raped in a lengthy online message that read:

“I have empathy for you Kelly, but I feel it culturally important to note that you have chosen a less compassionate path.”

This is in reference to Fashion Police, the show in which Joan Rivers wittily compares women’s dresses to tampons, which Gaga says is “rooted in criticism, judgment, and rating people’s beauty against one another.”  Read more…

January 12, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Trailer: The Last Exorcism Part II

I remember writing a review for The Last Exorcism… It was actually less of a review and more 200 insults in 862 words.

I’ve tried to find a link but the website, CWG, has been defunct for the past year or so. Snippet:

“There’s nothing I hate more than a movie that spends 90 slow minutes setting up average plot and characters, then spends the last 10 making me wonder if the writers smoked meth and lost the original last pages of the script.”  Read more…

January 11, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Newark Mayor Cory Booker Stopped Hating Gays in 1992 (Naturally, Everyone Now Thinks He’s Gay)

Cory Booker gayAn opinion piece from the Stanford Daily’s archives reveals that Newark, New Jersey mayor and potential senator Cory Booker’s gay college counselor cured his homophobia.

In 1992, Booker wrote that he was “disgusted by gays” until a Stanford therapist shared his life story and the stories of the physical attacks and verbal condemnations of others like him.

It was chilling to find that so much of the testimony he shared with me was almost identical to stories my grandparents told me about growing up Black.

And here’s the part that made everyone wonder if Cory Booker is gay himself…  Read more…

January 11, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-11-13]

Siglinda Scarpa72-year-old North Carolina woman has 300 cats, in non-gross conditions. (New York Times)

Everyone in America has the flu (or bubonic plague, or worse). (Gizmodo)

Justin Bieber‘s former bodyguard suing for assault and unpaid overtime. (The Superficial)

If you loved The Witcher, you’ll probably also love Cyberpunk 2077. (Kotaku)

DESTINY’S CHILD will be at the Super Bowl performing their new song “Nuclear!” (Rolling Stone)

Now the bad news… Jennifer Lawrence and Nicholas Hoult broke up. (Evil Beet)

James Franco spoofed “Boyfriend” with Ashley Benson and it isn’t even funny. (ohmyGAHH!)

January 11, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Blue Ivy and Jay-Z Can’t Keep Beyonce Away From The Thong Drawer

Beyonce gq cover 2013Beyonce seems to have found the get-up she’s wearing on the cover of GQ’s February 2013 issue while rummaging through old boxes of Destiny’s Child props. It’s nice to see her back, doing her thing (making everyone look bad).

Mrs. Z, who gave birth to that talking vine from The Ruins exactly a year ago, is representing “The 100 Sexiest Women of the Century” in a leopard print thong, gold chain and cropped bottom-boob exposing vintage football shirt.

I really hope they let her throw out the first pass of the game for Aaron Rodgers or Russell Wilson. Or run the ball back, or kick a field goal in six-inch heels (if you can dance in them, you can kick in them).

Keep your eyes peeled for “hotter” pictures of Beyonce next Tuesday, the day GQ releases the full interview and interior photo spread shot by Terry “Wear My Glasses” Richardson.  Read more…

January 11, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

2013 Oscar Nominations Include ‘Life of Pi,’ ‘Lincoln, ‘Silver Linings Playbook,’ ‘Les Miserables’

Oscar Nominations 2013The 85th Academy Awards nominations were announced by host Seth MacFarlane and random crowd-pleaser Emma Stone yesterday morning.

You can read the full list HERE, but let me first go over a few of the snubs…

As usual, many directors whose movies were nominated for Best Picture did not receive an actual directing nod. This year that distinction goes to Ben Affleck (Argo), Kathryn Bigelow (Zero Dark Thirty) and Tom Hooper (Les Miserables).  Read more…

January 10, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Britney Spears Fired Herself From ‘The X Factor’

Britney Spears pink dress x factor 1Today it was announced that Britney Spears removed herself from The X Factor before Simon Cowell canned her and her cans for delivering the wrong kind of crazy.

As much as I love her I don’t think I’ll miss the polite clapping and three or four-word comments like “I really enjoyed it” or “You’re a diva!” (in a positive context).

Come on. This is no surprise. We knew from the get-go that this was a one time thing. Britney was paid $15 million to make faces and walk out and wave with Demi in the beginning of the show for a few months…

She probably wants to come back about as much as Simon wants her to, which is not at all. It’s time for her to work on her music, and sit at home ordering Fox Racing gear for her sons. Read more…

January 10, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-10-13]

Justin Timberlake I'm ready videoJustin Timberlake ready to release new music in just three days?? (Los Angeles Times)

The great Elizabeth Taylor diamond heist of 2012, featuring Lindsay Lohan. (Perez)

Katy Perry, Hunger Games and Emma Watson sweep People’s Choice Awards. (Fox)

Ok, maybe Canadians need to be less nice when it comes to things like…rape. (Jezebel)

Mila Kunis wears sweatpants, gets called “schlubbiest,” hairiest beast alive. (Evil Beet)

Former boss of Teen Mom Jenelle Evans posts nude pic, uses the word “daddy.” (Radar)

Hasbro letting fans vote off one of their iconic Monopoly pieces in exchange for… (Kotaku)

January 10, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Take a Look at Kim and Kanye’s New 14,000-Square-Foot Love Nest

Kim and Kanye new houseMost expecting couples buy a crib or turn their office into a baby-friendly room with yellow paint and a rubber ducky mobile. Kanye West and Kim Kardashian buy a 14,000-square-foot mansion.

A few weeks ago, the proud parents of an embryo acquired a puny 10,000-square-foot airplane hangar home in Bel Air, which they are expanding because they need room for Kanye’s ego, Kim’s ass and the visiting asses of Khloe and Kourtney.

Their new abode is Italian-themed (because their gondola-riding, spaghetti-loving baby was conceived in Rome) and includes a theater, bowling alley, hair and makeup salon, nursery, basketball court (for Lamar to graze on after the Clippers put him out to pasture), and two pools. Indoor and outdoor.

 

January 10, 2013 / Hallie Madenski

Funny Video: Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #3

Jimmy Kimmel released his third “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets” segment on Tuesday to commemorate the six-year anniversary of Twitter existing.

The first two featured recent guests like Justin Bieber, Anna Faris, Snooki, Kristen Stewart and Katy Perry reading grammatically questionable Tweets attacking their character, appearance, and/or career.

Read more…

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