Lady Gaga’s “Yoü & I” Video Revealed

The “You & I” video was premiered today (on Madonna’s birthday!) as Mother Monster’s promised 1000th tweet. I’m not sure if my screen is broken or what but right now the video has 302 views??? WHAT?? It’s been out for several hours what is going on?

…Honestly it’s more like the “I & I” video has been revealed. Lady Gaga’s male alter-ego Jo Calderone makes an appearance in the video, smoking and looking hysterical. Also turquoise Gaga, long and short black-head Gaga, Blonde Gaga and horny flopping-mermaid Gaga, of indistinguishable color.

The video opens with the queen of pop looking like she broke her chin on the way to the Addams Family Robot memorial. Then it’s her and Jo sitting in the middle of a podunk Nebraska cornfield, where Gaga pulls her typical twitchy piano-antics with a very natural Jan-Brady-glow to her face compared to that contrasting cyborg-Morticia thing from earlier.

Her singing to herself as Calderone is kind of like watching Cher sing to that girl in Westside Story, you know, the one who wanted to be part of The Jets, but they kept rejecting her for having a vagina?

The video is over six minutes long on Youtube, but I get lost after the the two minutes mark when Lady Balls Balls is in a barn whipping her hair around as if it were an Italian flag. Green Hair, BTW! So many different colors and styles, oh Ms Germanotta, it’s like one of those magazines in the hair salon for 40-somethings, mid-life crisis in tow,

“Ooooh should I go blonde, make it straight? Cut it short and dye it black? How about green? Where is my beekeeper hat?”

THEN she’s some sort of golden poofy royal with wiry glasses? What?? Hey monsters, could you give me a walkthrough of this unexplainable concept art? I know a lot of you can make it real convincing.

Wait, is she naked now? In a trough? Ohhh, she’s a mermaid!!! How mystical, somebody put her in a box and study her for god’s sake!

Oh now she’s kissing “Jo?” (Emasculated Al Pacino) Ohhh nooooo. I think I broke my computer screen, slamming it shut like that. Damn.

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