No More Creepy Burger King Commercials

Now that Burger King is attempting to trick people into thinking their menu is “healthy” by introducing more salads and wraps and other items that taste no different from the cardboard they come encased in, they are getting rid of their memorable mascot and his eerie commercials!

The creepy Burger King king in the big furry pimp coat and gold chain is no more! For now at least.

The company cites the change in their menu and advertising, to USA Today, as a lean towards targeting moms instead of teens. Hmmmm.

This Monday a new item, the California Whopper will be available at all locations. The hamburger was previously only attainable in four states and three Scandinavian countries. Supposedly the California Whopper is chalk-full of guacamole and the usual genetic mutations of fast-food vegetables.

Alex Macedo, Burger King’s senior marketing VP, said there are “no plans to bring the King back anytime soon.”

Here’s the lowdown, updown intown whatever report, Burger King, they are having money issues, so they’re trying something new. A new dress basically. No more masked villain creeping into your house to steal your closely-guarded Whoppers.

No more crappy free Xbox kart racing or “Sneak King” games featuring the voyeuristic gold burger pimp. But, your kids will still get crowns when you go inside BK locations! Score. Now they can continue to nearly knock me over in their hyperactive fits of rage and excitement stemming from paper crown-wearing ADHD syndrome.

Whoppers are disgusting, I don’t eat hamburgers from fast food restaurants EXCEPT In-N-Out BUT I will kind of miss those commercials. Especially during the Superbowl or something like that.

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