Madonna’s Bad Movie, Placenta and Toilet Issues

Did you know that Madonna has a new movie coming out? That she directed. You’d think she would have given up after 2008’s Filth And Wisdom, but she’s a persistent succubus.

The movie is called W.E. and critic Kyle Buchanan is already calling it, “A Razzie front-runner.”

Xan Brooks (The Guardian) gave it one star, and went so far to call it “The turkey that dreamed it was a peacock.”

W.E. is two bad stories in one movie, focusing on the modern romance of a woman who cheats on her husband with a Russian security guard and the affair of King Edward VIII with the American socialite Wallis Simpson.

Madonna showed up at The Venice Film Festival to promote her movie looking super ageless (still) and E! and various sources are reporting that it is due to her favorite beauty treatment – human placenta facials.

Here is the definition of placenta, not that I didn’t know, but it’s pretty humorous –

Pla·cen·ta 1. A flattened circular organ in the uterus of pregnant eutherian mammals, nourishing and maintaining the fetus through the umbilical cord. 

Mmmmm… Delicious. She is in a way, sucking the youth out of other women?

One more thing, a source told In Touch that Madonna won’t let her kids or her boyfriend, Brahim Zaibat (who is 24 years old) use her bathroom,

“She is very generous, but this is the one thing she doesn’t want to share.”

HAHA yeah I wouldn’t want a baby using my bathroom either, they’re so messy.

To summarize, Madonna is a placenta-faced, toilet hogging, shit-director.

My advice for Madge is, make more comedies, if she insists on being involved in movies OR just stick to music completely. Her 2009 best-of album, Celebration, was kinda half-assed.

[Her next single due in either February or March of 2012]

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