Nicolas Cage, Almost Penetrated By A Fudgesicle

During a press tour to promote the film Trespass (co-starring Nicole Kidman) Nicolas Cage told the frightening but hilarious tale of a personal home invasion,

“I was living in Orange County in Los Angeles at the time, I was asleep with my wife, my two-year-old at the time was in another room. And I opened my eyes and there was a naked man in my leather jacket eating a Fudgesicle in front of my bed.”

Cage went on to say that he didn’t press charges because the man “wasn’t all there.” (Hmmm, clothes AND brain gone?) And how things could have been much worse for the man,

“The cops said to me, if he had broken into any other house in this neighborhood he’d have been shot. But I don’t have a gun in my house, and I’m always going to try and talk you out of violence if I can. But it was horrible for my wife, and I could never really stay in that house after that.” 

I’m sure it was terrifying to awaken to a penis/fudgesicle flopping around in your face but at least Nicolas didn’t wake up to those two things inside of him.

So, Bieber finds female fans licking his clothing in his hotels? Celine Dion gets the unique bath-running/pastry eating non-thief? Pointless.

If I’m gonna break into a celebrity’s home I’m not gonna waste time eating their food, I’m going to fill up garbage bags with jewelry and other valuables. Being naked and eating fudgesicles? What a waste of time.

2 thoughts on “Nicolas Cage, Almost Penetrated By A Fudgesicle

  1. I caught my brother sticking his pencil sized penis into our bicycle pump last summer, it took me weeks to fall asleep after that. Ha I have that holding over his head 4ever.

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