Naked Tire-Swinging, Lawn-Watering ESPN Athletes

The annual 2011 ‘Body Issue’ of ESPN Magazine has been released! Well the photos have anyway and I have to warn you, they are pretty amazing for all the wrong reasons.

ESPN would like to tell you that it’s all about athleticism, muscles, stature and prowess – but it isn’t, it’s about sex. Strange sexuality, well some of it, like soccer goalie Hope Solo (currently on DWTS) watering the lawn with no clothes on…

Or, there’s Kelly Kulick, who cannot retain her dignity (despite her eight professional women’s titles) holding a bowling ball in the buff. These athletes may be BUFF (both kinds) but hardly matters.

When I see race care driver Helio Castroneves (DWTS winner/alumni 2007) I don’t think of a respected athlete or even a reality television star. I see a goofy Brazilian guy laying naked in a tire swing.

I don’t know what message ESPN is trying to get through with their Body Issue, but I do know they’re gonna make a ton of money off of it. And I guess I don’t mind that, if they’d just be honest about what they’re doing.

Who looks best? And who looks worst? I’m give the top spots to Ryan Kesler and Jose Reyes. The women are kind of failing here except the surfer lady. The worst has got to be Ryan Hall, who looks like shirtless Dara Torres.

[Ditch the roller derby lady and the dude with his penis buried in Firestone rubber, that is hardly practical contraception]

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