Allison Harvard Does More Than Stare With Hypnotic ANTM Saucer Eyes

She sings too!…Yes, each year I become invested in one or two of the contestants on America’s Next Top Model, waiting for Tyra to inject the CW with a new batch of crazy.

During cycle 12 I became fascinated with the blood-obsessed doll-eyed porcelain-skinned weirdo, Allison Harvard.

You can imagine my excitement when I discovered that Harvard and a few of my other favorites, like giddy-country bumpkin Laura Kirkpatrick (whose granny sews all her outfits) and cuntasaurus maximus Alexandria Everett, would return for cycle 17.

And, on the most recent episode of ANTM: All Stars the waifs were forced to write and record their very own song, with pre-made beats. The real magic
ensued when they starred in their own music video.

Surprisingly, the songs were all pretty good, frighteningly so. To the point where you start to fear for pop stars of today, and wonder if it also took Ke$ha five minutes to record “Tik Tok.”

Unsurprisingly, the videos, directed by The Game, were not as good as the actual songs, since gigantically tall female stick-figures are not famous for their rhythmic or graceful manner.

The best one came from Harvard, with her bizarre Ladytron-esque song “Underwater,” which is just a straight shot of her swinging towards the camera with a stuffed rabbit in her arms.

This is what it would be like if the earth had two moons and they kept getting closer and closer, menacing and beautiful, like the fin of Jaws.