George Clooney’s First Sexual Partner, A Rope

In Rolling Stone, issue #1144 starring coverboy/Ides Of March governor George Clooney, we learn that he had his first orgasm while climbing a rope in gym class.

“It was while climbing a rope when I was six or seven years old, I mean, nothing came out, but all the other elements were there. I remember getting to the top of the rope, hanging off the rope, and going, “Oh, my God, this feels great!”

Also, the secrets of his youthful spirit are mapped out. For instance, the words “Johnson” and “fart” never fail to draw laughter from the 50-year old actor/director/humanitarian,

“I have iFart on my phone. I have remote whoopee cushions. Farts. To me, there’s nothing funnier.”

He also wants to make it clear that he is not some high-maintenance girly man, “I’m the least metrosexual cat you’ve ever met. I’ve never had my fingernails or toenails done, and I’ve cut my own hair longer than other people have cut my hair.”

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