Jessica Simpson’s Funbags Ahoy!

This is completely asinine. Is there really so little going on in the entertainment world that has to do a feature story on Jessica Simpson’s gigantic tits? Yes, they’ve gotten bigger. Yes, they look ridiculous. At this point she’s basically a sideshow freak. She’s Chelsea Charms (Porn star. Look her up, then vomit.). And let me tell you, no one looks at Chelsea Charms because they think she’s hot. I mean, nothing in the story even alludes to these massive balloons making her attractive at all. The picture they use in the story is totally unflattering.

Does anyone even remember why this clown is famous? She was a singer, right? No, seriously. I don’t remember. If she was I honestly cannot think of a single song of hers that was on the radio. I remember she was on some reality show with her husband that showcased how incredibly vapid and idiotic she was. I seem to recall she was part of the Mickey Mouse Club graduating class that included Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears, and Justin Timberlake. And…that’s about it. 

When did we start caring so much about celebrities having kids? Newsflash – ALL NEWBORNS ARE UGLY. It doesn’t matter if it’s Brad and Angelina’s or Joe the Plummer’s. That doesn’t stop the grocery store tabloids from working out sweetheart deals with celebs to get exclusive access to them and their spawn.

Congratu-fucking-lations on getting knocked up, Jess. Now will you please do Weight Watchers and the rest of us a favor and lose the 40+ god damn pounds you put on so your tits will deflate and we can all go back to not giving a shit about you again? Thanks.

3 thoughts on “Jessica Simpson’s Funbags Ahoy!

  1. This is a shameful article. She is a very lovely mom, yes women’s boobs get bigger. Maybe if you where a women you would know this. She is beautiful the way she looks now. You sound like a male pig!


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