Why I Hate The 4th Of July And The Days Leading Up To It

I walk outside today and see what? Oh just tons of emptied Whipper Snapper wrappers strewn all around the trash bin, stairs and dirty porch area that has been assigned to me by the warden-like manager of my seemingly charming apartment building.

And what did I see earlier? Three resident troublemakers, all under the age of 14. One in a ski mask, holding a plastic gun – a getup that would land him directly in jail if he were 16 or older.

These are the kids responsible for littering and throwing legal gunpowder bombs all over the ground. If it were socially acceptable to hit children with paddles, I would. Not my own hypothetical non-existent kids, but other people’s? Hell yes. 

Independence Day is a nightmare for, animals (me), anyone with anxiety (me), and the environment. There are more people outside than usual and they’re all unusually rowdy, loud and intoxicated.

Drunk people + fire = celebration of our independence from England. Why??? It’s even worse than New Year’s, which is a party for those who believe in spreading herpes/mono and yearly apocalypses.

Those people are just dishonoring what could be our last days on earth, as opposed to the first days of summer. Here are some Debbie Downer facts from my new favorite website, badfirecracker.com:

  • Bad stat: Approximately 93,00 people nationwide are seriously injured by fireworks every year.
  • Bad stat: About 40% of all fireworks related injuries are due to illegal fireworks that have been banned by the Consumer Product Safety Commission.
  • Good stat: About 45% of injuries from fireworks are incurred by kids under 14 years of age.
  • Bad stat: Every year about 400 Americans lose sight in one or both eyes due to fireworks.
  • Bad stat: Fireworks contribute to more than 20,000 fires every year.
  • Bad stat: Approximately 4 people will die this year in the U.S from fireworks.
  • Good stat: Children between the ages of 5 and 9 have the highest rate of firework related injuries.

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