The NOAA Wants You To Know That Mermaids Aren’t Real

After the Discovery Channel aired a special called Mermaids: The Body Found” the U.S. government felt obligated to issue an official online statement declaring that Ariel and her trident-wielding people are not real.

This coming shortly after a CDC spokesperson told The Huffington Post that zombies don’t exist either.

“CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead,” said David Daigle after the bath salt/face-eating incident in Miami.

The National Oceanic And Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) feeling a need to let us know that seductresses of the seas are non-fiction seems even less necessary. 

It says that, “No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found,” but also hints that they could be real and we just don’t know yet.  The same can be said for god, Hansel and Gretel and Swamp Thing but you don’t see anyone official typing up an explanation for them.

The statement just signifies how dumb they think Americans are. In truth, are they that wrong for assuming?

[Believers, be sure to check out my Mermaids In Pop Culture slideshow]

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