Vanessa Bryant Wishes Her Husband Wasn’t So Damn Lazy

One-time backup dancer and full-time mom Vanessa Bryant tells New York Magazine that her husband, NBA champion Kobe Bryant, isn’t working hard enough to warrant being away from home so frequently.

“I certainly would not want to be married to somebody that can’t win championships. If you’re sacrificing time away from my family and myself for the benefit of winning championships, then winning a championship should happen every single year.”

Yes, Vanessa, anything you can do to get him to retire will do nothing but benefit the few non-Lakers fans (me) in existence.

Alas, she comes off sounding like a bitter hag with too much time on her hands who wants her husband to put the yellow shorts and rubber pigskin down so he can sit at home with his two daughters, using his five championship rings as tiaras for their Barbie dolls.

I think Vanessa Bryant is one of the few people on the planet who thinks Kobe hasn’t won enough (again, excluding a few million Lakers fans).

Playing over 1,000 games and being in the league for 17 seasons isn’t enough. He should have at least 11 rings for Christ’s sake! She’s understandably pissed that she didn’t marry the Celtics’ Bill Russell in the 1950’s.

Granted, that’s three decades before she was born, but if things had gone the way she wanted Kobe would stop fooling around in the Olympics and build her a time machine so she could marry somebody else.

Lazy bastard. Put your ancient trophies down and get back to work! Vanessa wants more gold and silver to pawn.

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