Lonely Bug-Eyed Pop Singer Seeks Rebound Vampire Friend For The End Of The World

The Sun is reporting (via multiple dreaded unnamed sources) that Robert Pattinson went out to dinner at Los Angeles hotspot Soho House with longtime friend Katy Perry, who is recently divorced and no longer seeing John o-face Mayer.

Perry’s glazed-over doll corneas and Pattinson’s heartbroken emo tears may equal true… lust, and much-needed (albeit weepy) companionship.

I’m pretty Aladeen positive that the person The Sun is getting their information from is either Beavis or Butthead. Katy’s twirling her hair and he’s suddenly over Kristen Stewart, memorized by her ample gingerbread bosom? 

“She wore a tight, sparkly top and Rob was looking at her breasts all night. He tried to avoid it when talking to her but as soon as she looked away to talk to someone else, Rob would sneak a peek.”

“She was laying on the charm and playing the minx — tossing her head back, laughing at his jokes, touching his arm and twirling her hair.”

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