Conor Kennedy and Taylor Swift (July, 2012 – September, 2012)

Taylor Swift is no longer eating pizza, boning and sailing with a teenage Kennedy.

A source revealed that Swifty and her child bride Conor “parted ways a while ago.”

“It’s been over a month since they’ve even seen each other,” a really unhelpful friend of Swift’s told Us Weekly.

“With her promotion for Red, she has no time off until the end of the year.”

“It was just a distance thing. No hard feelings. They’re fine.” 

Then the friend crossed her arms, pulled out a pink switchblade and yelled, “They are never ever getting back together!”

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