Happy Halloween! Here’s Miley as Nicki Minaj, Ellen as Sofia Vergara and me as Bill Clinton

Miley Cyrus as Nicki Minaj? Worst Halloween present ever, right? It’s not my fault. I know what today is really about, and so do you.

It’s about Diabetes, whores wearing angel wings, pumpkin seeds, parties where the sluttiest angel wing-wearing whore is awarded a cash prize, horror movies, and celebrities dressed like other celebrities. That’s it, right?

As a child I enjoyed squirting fake ink at strangers and dipping my bacteria-ridden hands into plastic pumpkins full of miniature Kit Kats held out by neighbors who wished they could get their $10 spent on chocolate back for a cheap bottle of whiskey.

Some wretches in the town I grew up would hand out raisins and quarters. If you’re cheapskate/health-conscious Michelle Obama-type who’s considering doing the same, I want you to personally know that people who hand out dried fruit and couch coins go to hell.

TMNT Krang O’Lantern! Watermelon inside pumpkin via Laughing Squid

I know because I was born on Día de los Muertos and have a special connection with satan and his homies. Adulthood is my time to do all I can to not draw attention to myself, though I do like drawing attention to others.

You know, it’s like throwing an invisible stick to a dog. They always go for it. Look that way –>;

Yeah, so… there’s a video of Ellen as Sofia Vergara. I hope you enjoy yourself. Avoid sugar comas and ear-bleedingly loud music so I don’t have to write about your death tomorrow.

Yes, that’s me as Bill Clinton and a bunny. I used to be so cute.

Read: Happy Skanks and Candy Day!

One thought on “Happy Halloween! Here’s Miley as Nicki Minaj, Ellen as Sofia Vergara and me as Bill Clinton

  1. Liver cirrhosis or liver cancer is therefore known as ‘silent killers’.

    Starting in level 51 you will face chocolate squares. Once this happens, I am sorry to say, YOU ARE ADDICTED TO CANDY


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