Manti Te’o answered the questions that were burning in the back of everyone’s minds on Thursday’s episode of Katie. Well-worded versions of internet-favorites like “How could he be so f*cking stupid” and “Is he a homo?”
The talented Notre Dame linebacker, whose online hoax (perpetrated by Ronaiah Tuiasosopo) spawned countless memes and an invisible Where’s Waldo “Manti Te’o Girlfriend” tumblr, also played some voicemails from fictional jealous beauty Lennay Kekua.
Turns out, Kekua was very much like a real woman, leaving Te’o clingy, perplexing messages about his time spent with members of the opposite sex.
When Katie Couric asked about the theory that Manti was in on it the whole time in order to cover up his orientation with the typical “Are you gay?” he said, “No. Far from it. Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar from it.” (Because the more vowels you add, the less dicks you sucked.)
Also on the show, Te’o’s parents came out to predictably tell the world that Manti is NOT A LIAR.
Then Te’o talked about the time Kekua started whispering his name when she was supposed to be in a coma, and admitted that instead of “tailoring” his stories after he found out she was fake, HE LIED.