What The Actual Hell, Wesley Snipes

Wesley Snipes Gallowwalkers In the spirit of straight-to-DVD From Dusk Till Dawn movies, Wild Wild West, Jonah Hex, Cowboys & Aliens and Nicolas Cage, I bring you Gallowwalkers

Wesley Snipes hasn’t done much since going to the slammer for tax evasion in 2010, and despite still being there, he somehow managed to appear in this new horror/western that totally hopes to hook the fleshy cheeks of Blade fans. The only thing it seems to actually have in common with Blade is weird hair. But instead of that insanely manicured Blacula thing, we get dreadlocks and a salt and pepper goatee sharp enough to skewer Madonna’s elk meat biceps.

Gallowwalkers’ trailer thrives on bringing zombie-slaying to John Wayne’s genre for the third or fourth time, relying on cheesy catchphrases like “Out here, they come back.”

Here’s a description of the puss-dripping, career-ending wound:

Gallowwalkers is the story of a mysterious gunman, Aman (Snipes), the son of a nun, who breaks her covenant with God to ensure his survival. Her break with God curses her son to be hunted by all those who die by his hand – When he takes revenge on a gang that murdered his love, the gang rises as a cursed crew of undead warriors and hunt him mercilessly, seeking their ‘dying’ revenge.

I’m about 200% sure that female “stars” Tanit Phoenix and Simona Brhlikova are AVN award winners.

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s