Sarah Palin Sticks it to Mayor Bloomberg

Sarah Palin Big Gulp Sarah Palin celebrated Mayor Bloomberg’s ban on soda falling through the cracks by sipping a 600-calorie Big Gulp at the annual Conservative Political Action Conference where I assume Republicans vent their anger by burning popsicle stick abortion clinics and chanting “Legitimate rape, Obama h8!”

“Bloomberg is not around, our Big Gulps are safe. We’re cool. Shoot, it’s just pop with low-cal ice-cubes in it,” Palin told the crowd.

I’m with glasses. Somehow, all the way on the West Coast, the word of a proposed ban on oversized sodas made me sympathize with gun-nuts. After all, my freedoms as a future diabeetus-having ‘Merican were being trampled by donkeys. 

It’s my constitutional right to wave my muffintop ponch and underarm wings proudly atop a half-digested mountain of Burgerville shakes, McDonald’s fries and Coca-Cola syrup.

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