In the new issue of Vogue, Katy Perry admits that her previous boyfriends were very intelligent but had more irreversible problems than abused shelter dogs. Her husband of just over a year, Russell Brand, divorced her in a text message, and it wasn’t until she learned the “real truth” that she was able to move on and date fellow jerkbag John Mayer.
“I felt a lot of responsibility for it ending, but then I found out the real truth, which I can’t necessarily disclose because I keep it locked in my safe for a rainy day,” Perry said. “I let go and I was like: This isn’t because of me; this is beyond me. So I have moved on from that.”
Katy needs to move to Oregon where it always rains and tell us what the hell she’s got on Russell.
I want to say it absolutely has to do with drugs or sex, but I guess it’d be more shocking to find out that he collects commemorative MLK stamps or eats cake out of the trash.
Speaking of things that leave a bad taste, Perry still totally loves John Mayer…
All I can say about that relationship is that he’s got a beautiful mind. Beautiful mind, tortured soul. I do have to figure out why I am attracted to these broken birds.
Well. In the words of Michael Jackson, “You are not alone.” It’s not like Taylor Swift, Rihanna and a handful of girls we all know in real life don’t have the same issue.
My advice is always to date against your instincts. Like if you’re unsure about a guy because he doesn’t talk about Snapchat or ask you for a threesome on the first date, he’s probably a winner.
I don’t care if he’s a blind, crack-addicted gimp with a micropenis. He’s still better than the last dude.