Surely you heard that Kim and Kanye named their love child North West, as in Oregon and Washington. Or in their case, Kris Jenner and Kris Jenner (always watching). The child, born at Cedars-Sinai — where all the celebs give birth, overdose and eventually die — currently has no middle name and is being called “Nori” for short, an apparent combination of her parent’s middle names, Noel and Omari.
I’ve been thinking of ways this family can expand their ever-growing empire and I think this baby is the catalyst…
If they would just listen to me and give it the middle name “By,” as in North By [North] West, they could start a music and arts festival featuring only their blood relatives.
The thing will be unstoppable with the three Kardashian sisters singing Dolly Parton songs, Bruce Jenner teaching people to fly and paint model helicopters and his two daughters girls selling PacSun-brand glowsticks. Rob and his newfound FUPA are on security. Brody Jenner can sit at an autograph booth as Matthew Fox. Everyone knows their place.
Kanye, Lamar, Scott, Mason, Penelope and North West will sing on a smaller stage. Kris is caged in a special creature feature display tent with a hefty admission and required vaccinations before entry.