Bodily Newsflash: Justin Bieber Spitting on Others Makes Me Puke on Myself

What a surprise. On Thursday Justin Bieber spit on his fans — the very people who brought him to the current level of success that allows him to stand on fancy balconies — in Toronto. From NY Daily News:

The 19-year-old tween idol turned bad boy was caught on camera hawking a mouthful of saliva over a hotel balcony in Toronto Thursday – as a throng of Beliebers were gathered outside to catch a glimpse of their hero.

The pictures, which were first flagged by TMZ.com, show an unidentified friend of the Biebs laughing at the crude prank.

Sweet potato Jesus, I hate when people call Justin Bieber a “bad boy.” He’s bad like a baby grasping at sharp cabinet drawers or putting pennies in his mouth, but he’s not exactly Mickey fucking Rourke.

I guarantee I could kick his ass in some kind of non-sexual Fifty Shades scenario where my legs and arms are tied. Seriously, I would turn his delicate cheekbones to dust with just my wiggling porcelain torso.

My EMT brother has seen fungus-infested fat person pinky toes with more strength than him. (Ambulance rats spend more time than you’d think transporting sad obese souls to the hospital.)

When I was younger I was kind of an alcoholic and I drank way too much rum and puked way too much and now I can never smell or put rum anywhere near my face. Bieber is becoming my new rum.

I’ve written about him so much that whenever I see his awful hairless bitch face I want to throw up all over my computer, but I love my computer too much so I have to hold it in like I hold in pee when I’m playing Xbox but that’s worth the infection and Justin isn’t. [Image via FRANCH SLUR via imgur]

And then I saw your face / now I’m a Belieber in organ failure and irreversible tooth rot