A women was attacked this week by a man who she first believed was a pirate in the streets of Portland, Oregon. The man was wearing chain mail with a helmet equipped with sword, staff and shield. Definitely dressed for the part of a pirate, he instead claimed to be a high elf.
Konrad Bass, a 30 year old man, initially identified himself as a “High-elf engaged in battle with the evil Morgoth,” evil Morgoth being the women whose BMW was attacked. At first I thought this man must have taken the video game Skyrim way too seriously, I have never seen any Lord of the Ring movies nor have I read any of the books (blasphemy, I know) so I didn’t realize that Morgoth was from J.R.R. Tolkien’s mythology.
I was shocked to find out that Konrad Bass was in fact not a High-elf but instead just high on LSD. He later commented “I wasn’t in my right mind. I was still rocking my new pair of elf ears.” So if you ever go out to buy some nice elf ears look for the warning label that will probably read “Caution: If mixed with LSD you will believe you are a high elf and proceed to jump on someone’s car that has shape shifted into a demon that you must destroy to save humanity.”
Knowing that I’m going to be living close to Portland, Oregon soon, I’m not sure if this story excites me with the thought that I might see something outrageously funny while I’m out or if I’ll just be terrified that one day I’ll be attacked by a man running towards me waving a sword around claiming to be a sell sword and he must slay me Khaleesia and the dragons I ride upon. Either way it will make for great conversation if I make it out alive.