Brad Pitt Gets Punched, Angelina Jolie’s Claws Stay Retracted

Brad Pitt was punched in the face at the Los Angeles premiere of Maleficent (which is, let’s face it, Snow White and the Huntsman with a different cast) and his real-life evil wife did nothing to stop it.

Angelina Jolie was reportedly “busy signing autographs in another section” when the attacker jumped over a barrier and lunged at Pitt, but I believe she hired the man to punch her husband so other women would find him less desirable even though most of us haven’t desired him since Troy. (Ten years ago? Eek, I feel old.)

The assailant is notorious prankster Vitalii Sediuk, the very same who kissed Will Smith at the Men in Black III premiere and stole Adele’s award at the 2013 Grammys.

 
Somewhere, Jennifer Aniston is rejoicing… 

Sediuk was taken to jail by the LAPD for misdemeanor battery and sat in his cell crying because he’ll never top Sacha Baron Cohen dumping Kim Jong-il’s ashes on Seacrest.

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