50 Cent Cursed In A Country That Doesn’t Allow Swearing (Or Any Other Type of Fun, Apparently)

50 cent swearing in public memeCurtis “50 Cent” Jackson was briefly arrested and fined for rapping an explicit lyric at a gig on the Caribbean island of Saint Kitts, where profanity is illegal.

From TripAdvisor.com, regarding language and etiquette in Saint Kitts and the neighboring island of Nevis

Nevis culture has a strong religious foundation. Cursing in public is against the law. Nude bathing and topless bathing are not permitted. Beachwear is fine for the beach, but in public places it is not considered appropriate to be dressed in skimpy beach or resort clothes, such as short shorts or halter tops.

Basically, don’t act like a sailor even though it’s an island, or show any skin, even though, again, it’s an island.

In 2003, DMX was arrested at a music festival in Saint Kitts for the exact same reason. Authorities claimed he signed a contract beforehand that referenced the country’s indecent language laws, but DMX said those mothertrucking c-u-next-Tuesdays were full of caca.

Continue reading “50 Cent Cursed In A Country That Doesn’t Allow Swearing (Or Any Other Type of Fun, Apparently)”

Did England Just Make The Worst Business Decision Of All Time?

What I’m about to say probably sums up the vapid nature of most Americans, but I didn’t hear about the EU referendum until today after looking at Ellie Goulding’s Instagram account and noticing she’d written that something “devastating” had happened to her country. Less attention to celebrities and more to world politics = a smarter me, I’m sure.

Because I was deeply concerned for my true love Ellie Goulding England, I learned the bare bones basics about “Brexit,” Britain’s exit from the European Union, and the potentially terrible impact it will have on the economy.

From The Telegraph:

The European Union is an economic and political union of 28 countries. Each of the countries within the Union are independent but they agree to trade under the agreements made between the nations.

The European Union operates a single market which allows free movement of goods, capital, services and people between member states.

Now that we understand what the EU is, let’s learn the effects of leaving it.  Continue reading “Did England Just Make The Worst Business Decision Of All Time?”

Amber Heard Takes Money Out Of The Equation In Domestic Violence Case Against Johnny Depp

johnny depp amber heard white dress

As I’m sure you’ve all heard, Johnny Depp has been accused of physical and verbal abuse towards his soon-to-be ex wife. If you enter the virtual torture chambers known as online comment sections, you may have noticed that almost no one believes her.

The Depp fangirls and fanboys who don’t believe her have many defenses for the beloved star of nothing-memorable-in-the-past-decade.

Most of these people seem to believe the following:

  1. Soul-sucking she-beast Amber Heard is only making these claims because she was denied $50,000 a month in spousal support and thinks playing the victim will fill her pockets with pirate gold.
  2. Heard faked her injuries by a) hitting herself and/or having a friend hit her or b) drawing scratch marks and bruises on herself with lipstick and varying shades of blue eyeshadow.
  3. The way she’s approaching the situation and acting is somehow out-of-line/not “normal” for a victim of abuse. (She smiled in a photo on Instagram after filing for divorce and a restraining order.)
  4. Depp didn’t do it because his family, friends and ex-wife don’t believe he’s capable.

I have a question. If Meryl Streep told us that Don Gummer (her longtime spouse) was prone to fits of rage and had repeatedly terrorized her throughout their marriage, would you believe her? I think you would, but if Gummer accused Streep of the same you’d probably laugh. But why? Because you “like” her more? Because you’re familiar with her name and you’ve seen a bunch of her movies? None of us know what happened, and a lot of you are clearly letting your love for the man cloud your judgment.

Being skeptical is one thing, but it’s more dangerous to say she’s full of it than it is to believe her. Whether you’re wrong or right about his guilt, the public’s finger-pointing reaction to this story has undoubtedly made women more afraid to come forward. I’m not even sure that real victims will suffer if it turns out she’s not telling the truth because it’s become frighteningly obvious that no one believes them regardless.

Every year or so the public's reaction to a story disgusts me to the point where I have to remind myself that it's not a representation of the entire human race, just a portion. The automatic assumption that #AmberHeard is a gold-digging liar with self-inflicted and/or fake #injuries is fucking deplorable. I don't care how much you love #JohnnyDepp or how many of his friends and family say he's an innocent sweetheart, people act differently in relationships and #abusers don't always hurt every SO, especially if drugs and alcohol are involved. Of course I'm not 1000% sure he's guilty but when a woman is granted a restraining order and presents us with multiple photos of #cuts and #bruises around her eyes, why are we so quick to say she's full of crap? Because we feel bamboozled by someone we loved for so many years? And admitting that he's capable of abuse towards women would be admitting that we all blindly had crushes for over a decade on an abuser and puts our own character and judgment in a negative light? STFU and consider the possibility that she's telling the truth and that so many of you witch-trialed her without thinking twice just because you're a Jack Sparrow fan. #domesticviolenceshouldntbetakenlightly

A post shared by 🏳️‍🌈 Hallie Madenski 🏳️‍🌈 (@halliejanemadenski) on

As of today, Heard is officially not seeking a single dime from Depp.

“In light of the coordinated false and negative media campaign falsely depicting my attempts to attain a CLETS Domestic Violence Restraining Order as being financially motivated, I am hereby withdrawing the request,” Heard said in court documents released last week.

There goes your motive.

Of course there are still those who believe Heard is motivated by attention, because nothing boosts a career like a phone to the face. Just ask the guy that got hit by Russell Crowe. What was his name?

Of Course Chris Brown Attacked A Woman In Vegas

chris brown lizianeHere’s what I know about the Chris Brown Vegas assault charges… A star-fucking groupie said Brown punched her in the melon during a concert. Brown called the star-fucking groupie “dusty” and said “I don’t know this old-looking bitch.”

Did he actually attack ye old bitchLiziane Gutierrez? Yes, totally.

There isn’t a single woman Chris Brown comes into contact with that doesn’t get hit. Sometimes it’s figurative, but it happens. Do I have love for star fuckers? No, but I have a lot less love for the man who made Rihanna look like a chump. It’s his fault ‘Anti’ still hasn’t been released AND that it’s cold in winter and that I’m broke, and also, he killed Natalie Cole, but not a lot of people know that, so shhh.  Continue reading “Of Course Chris Brown Attacked A Woman In Vegas”

Chemical Used to Turn Soda Brown Causes Cancer

Harry Styles pepsiPeople who thought avoiding diet soda would help them steer clear of cancer are sorely mistaken. These days, due to the laziness and greed of manufacturers, you can count on the additives in pretty much all prepackaged, non-organic food and drink to put you at risk for cancer, including of course, the common chemical used to turn your favorite sodas brown.

Pepsi, Coke, Dr. Pepper and other brands have been strongly linked to the disease due to their use of 4-Methylimidazole.  Continue reading “Chemical Used to Turn Soda Brown Causes Cancer”

Double D*ck Dude Hopes to Bring ‘Something Positive to the Table’ With New Memoir

man with two penises bookThe man with two penises, aka Double D*ck Dude – who you may remember from his highly informative Reddit AMA – has written a book about what it’s like to live with Diphallia. While talking to Rolling Stone, he said he hopes to do more than just make money with Double Header: My Life With Two Penises.

He says his condition since becoming an internet phenomenon has allowed him to help people who feel different in general. “With so much negativity in the world, the ability to bring something positive to the table is a great feeling,” he says.  Continue reading “Double D*ck Dude Hopes to Bring ‘Something Positive to the Table’ With New Memoir”

Dismantling Someone Else’s Armor and Weapons in Destiny is the Sweetest, Nerdiest Revenge


Did you happen to recently catch your boyfriend or girlfriend in bed with the neighbor? Does your bf/gf yell at you for no reason or spend outlandish amounts of money at the Cheesecake Factory? If the person who has wronged is also addicted to the game Destiny, don’t waste time trying to dump sugar in their gas tank…

Getting legendary and exotic weapons and armor in Destiny is HUGE pain. It takes forever to get them, while dismantling them takes only seconds.

1. Once you’ve loaded their character, press the start button to access inventory, select items and hold the “X” button on Xbox or the square on PS3 or PS4 to dismantle them.

Or you could just erase their entire hard drive.

(System settings: storage: games and apps: DELETE.)

This is pretty much the worst thing you can do to your console-playing girl/boy/regular friend, like the nerd equivalent of burning a house to the ground.  Continue reading “Dismantling Someone Else’s Armor and Weapons in Destiny is the Sweetest, Nerdiest Revenge”

Chris Rock + Others Close Out 2014 in Divorce

divorces 2014
It’s hard to believe in lasting love when famous long-term couples like Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton are dropping like flies…

Just this week, Chris Rock ended a 19-year relationship with Malaak Compton, whom he says has “repeatedly refused” visitations with his daughters.

Also, Food Network Giada of extraordinarily Italian pronunciation of the word “spaghetti” and Todd Thomas have announced an amicable separation after 11 years together, which means they’re both either super mature or super over each other, along with Jeremy Renner, who is getting divorced from D-list actress Sonni Pacheco after only 10 months.

Continue reading “Chris Rock + Others Close Out 2014 in Divorce”

Goth Icons Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton Are No More

Tim Burton helena bonham makeupAfter 13 years, two children and 7 movies together, epic crazy-haired witch Helena Bonham Carter and slightly less epic crazy-haired warlock Tim Burton have split up.

It’s a sad sad day, but I know most people’s first question isn’t “Oh No, what happened?” it’s “Who the f*ck is going to star in his movies now??”

What other spicy gothic British woman with dirty Renaissance thift store swag could possibly fill her shoes? Do we really have to wait for Kate Beckinsale to lose her mind, or will Tim Burton throw us a bone and continue to work with his ex out of respect for the craft and the fact that his movies will suck even more without her…  Continue reading “Goth Icons Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton Are No More”

Nvm: Sony WILL Show ‘The Interview’ on Christmas

seth rogen james franco dancing the interview gif imgurWell this is confusing, the CEO/Chairman of Sony is saying that the studio has “never given up on releasing The Interview, after a spokesman said they had “no further release plans” less than a week earlier due to the negative press surrounding the movie.

Sony’s Michael Lynton also said the following about the controversial Seth Rogen comedy:

We are continuing our efforts to secure more platforms and more theaters so that this movie reaches the largest possible audience.

Continue reading “Nvm: Sony WILL Show ‘The Interview’ on Christmas”

Sony Pulls ‘The Interview’ From All Theaters

Kim jong il death scene the interviewSeth Rogen and James Franco’s The Interview has been scrapped from all major theaters by Sony, who also reportedly have NO PLANS to release in on DVD or on demand due to the plot of the entire movie, specifically a scene were their beloved(?) leader Kim Jong-un burns to death in slow motion.

Leaked emails from Rogen himself detailed the gory scene, which apparently included “hair burning,” “face embers” and a “wave of head chunks.” 

Sounds hilarious, right? North Korean hackers didn’t quite think so…

After catching wind of The Interview, a group calling themselves the “Guardians of Peace” threatened to bomb any venue who dared screen it, 9/11 style.

Warning

the interview posterWe will clearly show it to you at the very time and places “The Interview” be shown, including the
premiere, how bitter fate those who seek fun in terror should be doomed to.
Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made.
The world will be full of fear.
Remember the 11th of September 2001.
We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time.
(If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.)
Whatever comes in the coming days is called by the greed of Sony Pictures Entertainment.
All the world will denounce the SONY.

Continue reading “Sony Pulls ‘The Interview’ From All Theaters”

I Refuse to Believe (or Care) that Mariah Carey Can’t Sing Anymore

The internet is abuzz with news that Mariah Carey has absolutely no ability to sing live after a disastrous televised performance at Rockefeller Center.

I’ll admit that the “true-ue-ue-ue” part of “All I Want For Christmas” sans music sounds like a downed bird being repeatedly stepped and unstepped on, but talent is not something you simply lose one day like a coin in a couch cushion.

I am of the slightly unpopular opinion that Mariah is the best female singer of my generation (suck it, Beyoncé) and would like to defend her honor by saying that she’s no dummy. She made it through the rain with multiple personalities, Glitter and a mustache in Precious. I say she’s pretending to suck so she can make another comeback.  It’s a brilliant business plan that you wish you’d thought of. Continue reading “I Refuse to Believe (or Care) that Mariah Carey Can’t Sing Anymore”

Video: Dum Dum Urges Girls to Stay With Guys Who Hit Them

So Howard Stern was recently talking about this video of a girl explaining why guys who give you black eyes are keepers. She’s 100% serious and it’s equal parts sad and funny.

Press play to listen to why you need to stay with abusive dudes who may or may not kill you. It might be the most busted-up “logic” you’ve ever heard.

I just wanted to say that if your boyfriend or the guy that you’re with puts his hands on you like he hits you or beats you up or whatever he does, stay with him. That nigga fucking loves you because he’s risking for you to press charges on him. He’s risking for you calling the police. He’s gonna do time or he’s gonna have to pay money to get out of jail or whatever the case may be, he’s risking all of that for you so that nigga fucking loves you.

Andy Dick Stole a Necklace, Got on His Bicycle and Promptly Went to Jail

In D-list celebrities committing crimes news, Andy Dick was briefly arrested for grand theft after riding away on his bike with some guy’s jewelry

Apparently Andy approached the man on Hollywood Blvd., asked to see his $1000 necklace and then bolted off with it.

No idea if he did it for attention or because he really just liked it THAT MUCH, but sending Andy Dick to a jail full of big burly bros with a thing for petite blonds for thievery is like sending me to the Cheesecake Factory for double homicide.

We can only hope male Piper Kerman hasn’t been bailed out yet and is still living the dream.

Renée Zellweger’s ‘New Face’ is Probably Just Due to Weight Loss

renee zellweger new faceWhen I first heard about Renée Zellweger’s new face, I was like, umm, where does one obtain such a thing and did she get a BOGO like maybe she has an extra one in the vault like a winter face and a summer face.

Maybe one for Fall that’s more round or even maple-leaf shaped and another for cold season with a pine fresh scent and a special lacquer so it doesn’t melt in front of the fireplace?

All I know is, I saw her face circa now and it is drastically different than circa 2000 whatever RZ. For a second I went straight to plastic surgery, but a lot of people, including Renée Zellweger herself say it’s simply because she lost weight. Via PEOPLE:

“People don’t know me in my 40s,” says Zellweger, who prefers to lead a quiet life with Bramhall and a close circle of friends. Recently, she pitched in to help her pal and longtime publicist, Nanci Ryder, who is battling ALS, at the ALS Association Golden West Chapter’s annual Walk to Defeat ALS in Los Angeles.

“People don’t know me [as] healthy for a while,” says Zellweger. “Perhaps I look different. Who doesn’t as they get older?! Ha. But I am different. I’m happy.”

Continue reading “Renée Zellweger’s ‘New Face’ is Probably Just Due to Weight Loss”

Ray Rice Halloween Costume is Utterly Tasteless

Ray Rice halloween costumeIf you know me at all you know that I am sometimes amused by utterly tasteless and horrible things like, for instance, this Ray Rice costume. Simple yet effective and featuring a pantless blow-up doll, it’s unknown who this brave man is, but a friend of his posted photos on Imgur at some point that were thankfully saved and spread around by Uproxx.

Adrian Peterson beating his son and Solange, Jay-Z and Beyonce on the elevator seem like appropriate follow-ups, but I’m definitely going as naked Jennifer Lawrence.

Dr. Luke and Ke$ha are Suing Each Other

dr luke and keshaDr. Luke, who produced nearly every song on Animal and Warrior, not to mention top 40 contenders by Britney Spears, Katy Perry and Kelly Clarkson, is being sued by Ke$ha for physically and emotionally abusing her.

Ke$ha’s camp claims he attacked her drugged her, forced himself on her and insulted her, which all led to her well-documented breakdown and debilitating struggle with body image.

On one occasion, she says she had to run down the Pacific Coast Highway into the mountains with no shoes on to escape his arm-thrashing wrath.

Kesha’s lawyer, Mark Geragos, tells TMZ … “This lawsuit is a wholehearted effort by Kesha to regain control of her music career and her personal freedom after suffering for ten years as a victim of mental manipulation, emotional abuse and an instance of sexual assault at the hands of Dr. Luke.”

Geragos adds, “The facts presented in our lawsuit paint a picture of a man who is controlling and willing to commit horrible acts of abuse in an attempt to intimidate an impressionable, talented, young female artist into submission for his personal gain. Kesha is focused on moving her life and her career beyond this terrible time.”

Dr. Luke is suing her right back, claiming the whole thing is a ploy to get out of her recording contract and go in a new direction with her music.  Continue reading “Dr. Luke and Ke$ha are Suing Each Other”