50 Cent Cursed In A Country That Doesn’t Allow Swearing (Or Any Other Type of Fun, Apparently)

50 cent swearing in public memeCurtis “50 Cent” Jackson was briefly arrested and fined for rapping an explicit lyric at a gig on the Caribbean island of Saint Kitts, where profanity is illegal.

From TripAdvisor.com, regarding language and etiquette in Saint Kitts and the neighboring island of Nevis

Nevis culture has a strong religious foundation. Cursing in public is against the law. Nude bathing and topless bathing are not permitted. Beachwear is fine for the beach, but in public places it is not considered appropriate to be dressed in skimpy beach or resort clothes, such as short shorts or halter tops.

Basically, don’t act like a sailor even though it’s an island, or show any skin, even though, again, it’s an island.

In 2003, DMX was arrested at a music festival in Saint Kitts for the exact same reason. Authorities claimed he signed a contract beforehand that referenced the country’s indecent language laws, but DMX said those mothertrucking c-u-next-Tuesdays were full of caca.

Continue reading “50 Cent Cursed In A Country That Doesn’t Allow Swearing (Or Any Other Type of Fun, Apparently)”

Did Bill Cosby Drug Everyone In The ‘Famous’ Video?

Bill cosby drugged everyone in famous video
George Bush, Anna Wintour, Donald Trump, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Taylor Swift, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian-West, Ray J, Amber Rose, Caitlyn Jenner and Bill Cosby

Congratulations to Kanye West on his moderately effective ploy for attention in his new video, which features nude (from the waist-up) versions of family, friends and controversial figures.

One of those figures is Bill Cosby, naked in bed with a bunch of groggy ass people that he clearly drugged. How unsurprised would we all be if that was the hidden message? It’s in poor taste and insanely offensive, Kanye’s favorite things in life besides being suffocated by bulging Armenian spheres.

Now, onto the topic of West BEGGING to be sued.

kanye west sue me twitter

Seven of the twelve celebrities in the Tidal exclusive for “Famous” (watch HERE) are close with him in one way or another, leaving George Bush (far left), Donald Trump (third from left), Ray J (fourth from right) and Cosby (far right) as main contenders to freak out over their likenesses being used in the video.

Kanye threw gasoline on the ego whore fire by tweeting “Can somebody sue me already #I’llWait” to his followers, but I’m not buying that he didn’t warn any of them in advance or that Kim, Amber Rose, Caitlyn Jenner, Rihanna and Chris Brown weren’t subjected to hours of being slathered in wax and/or plaster for body molds. And which unlucky bastards in the wax body mold making industry had to draw straws over this half hot, half creepy sack of winners and losers?

Continue reading “Did Bill Cosby Drug Everyone In The ‘Famous’ Video?”

Amber Heard Takes Money Out Of The Equation In Domestic Violence Case Against Johnny Depp

johnny depp amber heard white dress

As I’m sure you’ve all heard, Johnny Depp has been accused of physical and verbal abuse towards his soon-to-be ex wife. If you enter the virtual torture chambers known as online comment sections, you may have noticed that almost no one believes her.

The Depp fangirls and fanboys who don’t believe her have many defenses for the beloved star of nothing-memorable-in-the-past-decade.

Most of these people seem to believe the following:

  1. Soul-sucking she-beast Amber Heard is only making these claims because she was denied $50,000 a month in spousal support and thinks playing the victim will fill her pockets with pirate gold.
  2. Heard faked her injuries by a) hitting herself and/or having a friend hit her or b) drawing scratch marks and bruises on herself with lipstick and varying shades of blue eyeshadow.
  3. The way she’s approaching the situation and acting is somehow out-of-line/not “normal” for a victim of abuse. (She smiled in a photo on Instagram after filing for divorce and a restraining order.)
  4. Depp didn’t do it because his family, friends and ex-wife don’t believe he’s capable.

I have a question. If Meryl Streep told us that Don Gummer (her longtime spouse) was prone to fits of rage and had repeatedly terrorized her throughout their marriage, would you believe her? I think you would, but if Gummer accused Streep of the same you’d probably laugh. But why? Because you “like” her more? Because you’re familiar with her name and you’ve seen a bunch of her movies? None of us know what happened, and a lot of you are clearly letting your love for the man cloud your judgment.

Being skeptical is one thing, but it’s more dangerous to say she’s full of it than it is to believe her. Whether you’re wrong or right about his guilt, the public’s finger-pointing reaction to this story has undoubtedly made women more afraid to come forward. I’m not even sure that real victims will suffer if it turns out she’s not telling the truth because it’s become frighteningly obvious that no one believes them regardless.

Every year or so the public's reaction to a story disgusts me to the point where I have to remind myself that it's not a representation of the entire human race, just a portion. The automatic assumption that #AmberHeard is a gold-digging liar with self-inflicted and/or fake #injuries is fucking deplorable. I don't care how much you love #JohnnyDepp or how many of his friends and family say he's an innocent sweetheart, people act differently in relationships and #abusers don't always hurt every SO, especially if drugs and alcohol are involved. Of course I'm not 1000% sure he's guilty but when a woman is granted a restraining order and presents us with multiple photos of #cuts and #bruises around her eyes, why are we so quick to say she's full of crap? Because we feel bamboozled by someone we loved for so many years? And admitting that he's capable of abuse towards women would be admitting that we all blindly had crushes for over a decade on an abuser and puts our own character and judgment in a negative light? STFU and consider the possibility that she's telling the truth and that so many of you witch-trialed her without thinking twice just because you're a Jack Sparrow fan. #domesticviolenceshouldntbetakenlightly

A post shared by 🏳️‍🌈 Hallie Madenski 🏳️‍🌈 (@halliejanemadenski) on

As of today, Heard is officially not seeking a single dime from Depp.

“In light of the coordinated false and negative media campaign falsely depicting my attempts to attain a CLETS Domestic Violence Restraining Order as being financially motivated, I am hereby withdrawing the request,” Heard said in court documents released last week.

There goes your motive.

Of course there are still those who believe Heard is motivated by attention, because nothing boosts a career like a phone to the face. Just ask the guy that got hit by Russell Crowe. What was his name?

Stacey Dash Could Never Be The Black Ann Coulter

stacey dash 2016 beautifulFox news contributor Stacey Dash shiftedher way into the headlines yesterday by way of comedian Anthony Anderson, who called her “Ann Coulter dipped in butterscotch.”

Was it funny? Yes. But was it true? No. Dash is not the black Ann Coulter, because Ann Coulter is hideous never contributed anything positive to society besides the inspiration for Henry Rollins’ sweet fascist concubine tirade. But this isn’t about Anderson or Rollins, it’s about Stacey Dash being alright in my book because she’s harmless and co-starred in one of the most memorable films of all time.  Continue reading “Stacey Dash Could Never Be The Black Ann Coulter”

Olivia Munn Doesn’t Need Telekinetic Powers To Make Nerds Fap

olivia munn x men outfitIt’s hard not to be a pervert while looking at Olivia Munn in general, especially if you’re a nerd who enjoys nerd things like ‘Attack of the Show’ (rest in peace) and new X-Men movies.

I haven’t actually seen her for awhile, but I’ve also been cheating on The Twist with other websites for the past two years, covering topics I often couldn’t care less about for moolah. Plenty of love for Rant Chic, but I’m never writing about tampons or Kylie Jenner or Kylie Jenner’s tampons again in my life.

Anyway, Olivia is sexy to everyone but Packers fans, who believe she’s a demon siren sent from the worst circle of hell to make them lose five games this season. (But she’s terrible at her job because they’re still #1 in the NFC North.)  Continue reading “Olivia Munn Doesn’t Need Telekinetic Powers To Make Nerds Fap”

Of Course Chris Brown Attacked A Woman In Vegas

chris brown lizianeHere’s what I know about the Chris Brown Vegas assault charges… A star-fucking groupie said Brown punched her in the melon during a concert. Brown called the star-fucking groupie “dusty” and said “I don’t know this old-looking bitch.”

Did he actually attack ye old bitchLiziane Gutierrez? Yes, totally.

There isn’t a single woman Chris Brown comes into contact with that doesn’t get hit. Sometimes it’s figurative, but it happens. Do I have love for star fuckers? No, but I have a lot less love for the man who made Rihanna look like a chump. It’s his fault ‘Anti’ still hasn’t been released AND that it’s cold in winter and that I’m broke, and also, he killed Natalie Cole, but not a lot of people know that, so shhh.  Continue reading “Of Course Chris Brown Attacked A Woman In Vegas”

Every Thing Miley Cyrus DID At The 2015 VMAs

miley drag queen vmasA lot of folks are talking about what Miley Cyrus wore at the 2015 Video Music Awards, and while she did earn the title of Space Skank and Juicy Fruit Whore with her many neon, crotch-framing outfits, her hosting gig was about more than just costume changes. Here are a few things she did:

1. Became a feminist. I wasn’t aware that appearing in tired sketches about getting high with rappers and “accidentally” showing some nip from behind a curtain equalled feminism, but website-I-usually-respect Pajiba says she’s “spurring a new wave of sexual revolution like Madonna did in the 80s.”

By having such obvious fun with her body in a way that mocks the Male Gaze, she’s challenging society’s concept of women’s bodies.

By this logic, every scantily clad, kinda weird pop star is a feminist. Grace Jones, yes. Gaga, maybe. Miley, NO.

2. Got called out by Nicki Minaj. I thought for sure Nicki Jekyll and Hydeing from sweet to pissed while accepting the Best Hip-Hop Video award for “Anaconda” was fake. She was visibly laughing while referencing an interview where Cyrus called her “not very polite” for the way she handled the Taylor Swift feud (a beef that was probably created solely to be squashed during the show’s intro), but according to MTV, the moment was 100% unscripted.

miley what's good

And now, back to this bitch that had a lot to say about me the other day in the press, Miley what’s good?

It was much more amusing that Nicki randomly thanked her pastor in her speech, but whatever.

3. Announced a new, free album. It’s called Dead Petz, was inspired by The Flaming Lips and has a lot to do with weed being more available than ever. Witness the lyrics to “Pablow The Blowfish:”

Pablow the Blowfish I miss you so bad
on Saturday night we all went out to eat
I can never decide, so someone chose sushi
I got soup, I ordered rice, but watching my friends eat my friends ruined my appetite

Suspiciously similar to “My Little Locked Room” from Slackers, right?

Things are at least a bit more clear on “Bang Me Box:”

I wanna touch it so bad, it’s almost like I can feel it on my fingertips
I want yours inside of me but don’t forget where I like licking babe
I want you to bang my box

Is she sadder about her dead fish friend than she is horny for Stella Maxwell?

4. Danced with drag queens. Miley turnt it all the way up (though nothing was more exciting than Ye’s announcement about Kim Kardashian being the potential first lady of the United States of America) for her performance of “Do It” with a hoard of humpy drag queens. A scene that surely continued Bieber’s epic fit of tears over his own awesomeness fear of heights.

5. Pissed off black people. Miley drew criticism from Chance The Rapper (among others) on Twitter for her Gone In Sixty Seconds dreadlocks and use of the word “mammy” while talking about her grandma in a skit featuring Snoop Dogg, but was it really any worse than her Kim K joke?

Kim Kardashian, I mean have you guys seen those nipples? I am so jealous of the baby in there.

According to the internet dictionary, the term mammy can refer to “one’s mother (especially as a child’s word)” or a black nursemaid in charge of white children.

6. Showed concern for The Weeknd’s hair. After the Weeknd’s show-stopping rendition of “I Can’t Feel My Face” (in the sort-of words of Kathleen Madigan, “I hope it’s not Bell’s Palsy”), long-hair-don’t-care Miley called Mr. Tesfaye a braver soul than she.

All that fire, and all that hair? I mean, I’ll do almost anything, but that is where I draw the line. That shit is fucking crazy.

So I wasn’t the only one having flashbacks to one of The Weeknd’s biggest influences, Michael Jackson, getting second-degree burns during his Pepsi commercial?

 

Demi Lovato Fails To Kiss A Girl In ‘Cool For The Summer’ Video

People love to compare the potentially bi-curious Demi Lovato single ‘Cool For The Summer’ to ‘I Kissed A Girl‘ by Katy Perry, but the songs really aren’t that similar, and Lovato has further proven that point by sidestepping the expected, cliché opportunity to make out with a girl in the music video.

I repeat, Demi Lovato doesn’t kiss a girl in ‘Cool For The Summer,’ which would be fine if the final product wasn’t so boring. Seriously, platonic girlfriends are so last year.

There is one part where she grabs a girl’s head and leans in, but without actual proof let’s be jerks and assume they’re just besties.

You Openly Hate The Kardashians Because You Secretly Hate Yourself

Kardashian family 2015 I’m sick of hearing the world complain about Kanye West appearances, Caitlyn Jenner‘s Arthur Ashe Courage Award at the ESPYs and Kim Kardashian‘s Rolling Stone cover.

It’s starting to sound a lot like jealousy.

Bored trolls have taken it upon themselves to take a massive exploding dump all over everything this family accomplishes, and yes, most of their “accomplishments” are not exactly game-changers, but acting like Kim’s selfies are kickstarting the apocalypse isn’t exactly convincing anyone that you’re any more deserving of a working pair of lungs and oxygen than she is.  Continue reading “You Openly Hate The Kardashians Because You Secretly Hate Yourself”

Obama Has No Tolerance For Bill Cosby

bill cosby bushBill Cosby’s name is on the tip of everyone’s tongues lately for being the unwanted tongue at the tip of pretty much every woman he ever came in contact with, and we’re all sick of his freedom. Even Whoopi Goldberg, who has famously, stubbornly defended horrible people like Michael Vick and Roman Polanski thinks Cosby should be punished.

The latest person to speak out against Cosby is the king of America, President Obama, who sadly doesn’t have to power to revoke a presidential medal Cosby received in 2002, let alone to speed up the process of him getting DP’d by pudding pops in a federal penitentiary.

Continue reading “Obama Has No Tolerance For Bill Cosby”

Chris Hemsworth’s Fake Dong In ‘Vacation’ Is Terrifying

  

Chris Hemsworth has giant arms, giant calves, giant pectoral muscles, a giant mane of flowing blond hair and is part of a giant blockbuster franchise.

In short, there’s nothing short about him. (NSFW gif ahead.)  Continue reading “Chris Hemsworth’s Fake Dong In ‘Vacation’ Is Terrifying”

Bruce Jenner Looks So Much Better As A Woman Than As A Man

call me caitlyn coverCaitlyn Jenner subtly clarified in her Vanity Fair article that she is a super separate entity from her stepdaughters Kim, Khloe and Kourtney, but she sure does publicity like a Kardashian.

No more speculation. Even the former Bruce Jenner’s excessive use of plastic surgery makes more sense now. The beauty standard bar has been set especially high in his family, but it also had a lot to do with him hating the masculine features that made him a sex symbol in the ’70s.

“Underneath my suit I have a bra and panty hose and this and that and thinking to myself, ‘They know nothing about me,'” Jenner said in her eye-opening VF interview. “Little did they know I was totally empty inside.”  Continue reading “Bruce Jenner Looks So Much Better As A Woman Than As A Man”

Batman Looks Like Iron Man In New Trailer

There’s a scene in the new Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice trailer where Ben Affleck’s Batman looks suspiciously like he’s wearing a black version of Iron Man’s suit.

Affleck has also chosen to use the classic deep, loud and over-the-top voice we’d grown to hate in Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight movies.
Batman iron man
While we still don’t know exactly why Batman and Superman are fighting (other than to make Warner Bros. a sh*tload of money at the box office), the Superman statue with “False God” painted on the chest plate might be a clue.

Video: Anne Hathaway Swinging On A Wrecking Ball

I know Jimmy Fallon is responsible for Lip Sync Battle and it was really amazing, especially when all Emma Stone did was win, BUT it’s hard to believe there’s an entire show on Spike based on the segment.
   
Also hard to believe: there are still people who HATE Anne Hathaway. Like, hate hate. All they do is sit around talking about her haircut and how annoying she is even though she’s a legitimately good actress, singer and Miley Cyrus impersonator.  Continue reading “Video: Anne Hathaway Swinging On A Wrecking Ball”

OITNB Actress Shed 50 Pounds in 7 Months

Big boo weight lossLea DeLaria, who plays Big Boo on Orange is the New Black credits her weight loss to diabetes.

“What you need to do is, first contract diabetes. Two, take the medication that they give you for diabetes,” she told reporters at an annual dinner for New York’s LGBT Community Center.

“[I was] told that you can either eat potatoes or have beer,” DeLaria, who has lost a whopping 50 pounds since Sept. 2014, said. “So I went with beer.”  Continue reading “OITNB Actress Shed 50 Pounds in 7 Months”

Beyoncé is Turning Into Tyra Banks

Tyra Banks Beyonce lookalikeWhen you think of strong black women in the industry, Beyonce and Tyra Banks are two names that hopefully come to mind.

One’s a successful singer, the other a successful model, about 10 years apart in age, and the older they both get the more they start to morph into each other.  Continue reading “Beyoncé is Turning Into Tyra Banks”

Ariana Grande ‘Talks on a Talk Show’ For The First Time

Ariana Grande is already surrounded by rumors that she’s a total diva who makes her bodyguards carry her around like a doll and frequently gets into shouting matches with anyone who dares disagree with her, but in her first televised interview since hitting it big, she actually seems pretty laid-back.

“I’m so nervous,” Grande tells Jimmy Fallon. “I don’t speak. This is my first time speaking in front of people … I’ve never talked on a talk show.”  Continue reading “Ariana Grande ‘Talks on a Talk Show’ For The First Time”