Every Thing Miley Cyrus DID At The 2015 VMAs

miley drag queen vmasA lot of folks are talking about what Miley Cyrus wore at the 2015 Video Music Awards, and while she did earn the title of Space Skank and Juicy Fruit Whore with her many neon, crotch-framing outfits, her hosting gig was about more than just costume changes. Here are a few things she did:

1. Became a feminist. I wasn’t aware that appearing in tired sketches about getting high with rappers and “accidentally” showing some nip from behind a curtain equalled feminism, but website-I-usually-respect Pajiba says she’s “spurring a new wave of sexual revolution like Madonna did in the 80s.”

By having such obvious fun with her body in a way that mocks the Male Gaze, she’s challenging society’s concept of women’s bodies.

By this logic, every scantily clad, kinda weird pop star is a feminist. Grace Jones, yes. Gaga, maybe. Miley, NO.

2. Got called out by Nicki Minaj. I thought for sure Nicki Jekyll and Hydeing from sweet to pissed while accepting the Best Hip-Hop Video award for “Anaconda” was fake. She was visibly laughing while referencing an interview where Cyrus called her “not very polite” for the way she handled the Taylor Swift feud (a beef that was probably created solely to be squashed during the show’s intro), but according to MTV, the moment was 100% unscripted.

miley what's good

And now, back to this bitch that had a lot to say about me the other day in the press, Miley what’s good?

It was much more amusing that Nicki randomly thanked her pastor in her speech, but whatever.

3. Announced a new, free album. It’s called Dead Petz, was inspired by The Flaming Lips and has a lot to do with weed being more available than ever. Witness the lyrics to “Pablow The Blowfish:”

Pablow the Blowfish I miss you so bad
on Saturday night we all went out to eat
I can never decide, so someone chose sushi
I got soup, I ordered rice, but watching my friends eat my friends ruined my appetite

Suspiciously similar to “My Little Locked Room” from Slackers, right?

Things are at least a bit more clear on “Bang Me Box:”

I wanna touch it so bad, it’s almost like I can feel it on my fingertips
I want yours inside of me but don’t forget where I like licking babe
I want you to bang my box

Is she sadder about her dead fish friend than she is horny for Stella Maxwell?

4. Danced with drag queens. Miley turnt it all the way up (though nothing was more exciting than Ye’s announcement about Kim Kardashian being the potential first lady of the United States of America) for her performance of “Do It” with a hoard of humpy drag queens. A scene that surely continued Bieber’s epic fit of tears over his own awesomeness fear of heights.

5. Pissed off black people. Miley drew criticism from Chance The Rapper (among others) on Twitter for her Gone In Sixty Seconds dreadlocks and use of the word “mammy” while talking about her grandma in a skit featuring Snoop Dogg, but was it really any worse than her Kim K joke?

Kim Kardashian, I mean have you guys seen those nipples? I am so jealous of the baby in there.

According to the internet dictionary, the term mammy can refer to “one’s mother (especially as a child’s word)” or a black nursemaid in charge of white children.

6. Showed concern for The Weeknd’s hair. After the Weeknd’s show-stopping rendition of “I Can’t Feel My Face” (in the sort-of words of Kathleen Madigan, “I hope it’s not Bell’s Palsy”), long-hair-don’t-care Miley called Mr. Tesfaye a braver soul than she.

All that fire, and all that hair? I mean, I’ll do almost anything, but that is where I draw the line. That shit is fucking crazy.

So I wasn’t the only one having flashbacks to one of The Weeknd’s biggest influences, Michael Jackson, getting second-degree burns during his Pepsi commercial?

 

The 5 Most Insane Moments of ‘Gone Girl’ (SPOILERS)

gone girl car amy
For so many, Gone Girl is the worst possible marriage scenario, but for me it’s the terrifying story of the craziest woman ever. We have author Gillian Flynn, David Fincher, Ben Affleck and Rosamund Pike to thank for the most psychological fuckery of 2014. Spoilers ahead.

Continue reading “The 5 Most Insane Moments of ‘Gone Girl’ (SPOILERS)”

Bill Cosby Timeline of Women

Bill cosby 2014Lately it seems like the internet is abuzz with two things and two things only: the race riots relating to officer Darren Wilson’s “not guilty” verdict in Ferguson, MO and the seemingly endless rape allegations against comedian Bill Cosby.

American’s image of Cosby as the sweetest, most family-friendly black man on television has been absolutely decimated by gut-wrenching stories of abuse from his victims.

Cosby disregarded the allegations at a sold-out show recently saying he “Shouldn’t answer to innuendos” and telling people to “fact check.”

If the reports are true, Cosby has been systematically spiking women’s drinks with quaaludes since the mid ’60s into at least 2005. Here’s a timeline of his many victims:

1965 – Kristina Ruehli (came forward Nov. 21, 2014)

Ruehli, who met Cosby while working at a talent agency, “completely passed out” after being poured a mere two drinks and woke up to a shirtless Cosby trying to force her to have oral sex with him.

“He had his hand on my head. He had his c*ck out, and he had my head pushed close enough to it,” she said. “I just remember looking at his stomach hair. And the hair on his chest. I had never seen a black man naked before.”

1967 – Carla Ferrigno (came forward Nov. 20, 2014)

Lou Ferrigno’s wife Carla alleges that she was “one of the lucky ones” who escaped Cosby after her date at the time and Cosby’s wife left her alone with him.

He lunged at her as soon as everyone left the room, kissing her “really rough.” She retaliated, “pushed and jumped and ran” after he persisted but was understandably shaken up, later telling a friend who didn’t believe her.

Carla also told radio hosts in Los Angeles that Cosby’s wife Camille is fully aware of his behavior.

“I thought it was disgusting that she stayed with him because she knew.”

1969 – Joan Tarshis (came forward Nov. 16, 2014)

Tarshis, a writer and actress who “idolized” Cosby, first met him at the age of 19 while he was playing Chet Kincaid in the Bill Cosby Show (not to be confused with The Cosby Show, ’84). Via Hollywood Elsewhere:

The next thing I remember was coming to on his couch while being undressed. Through the haze I thought I was being clever when I told him I had an infection and he would catch it and his wife would know he had sex with someone. But he just found another orifice to use. I was sickened by what was happening to me and shocked that this man I had idolized was now raping me. Of course I told no one.

1970 – Victoria Valentino (came forward Nov. 22, 2014)

Valentino, a former Playmate, was introduced to Cosby through friends. After a few meetings, they “popped pills” and went to his apartment where he grabbed her by the head and pushed her down towards his crotch.

Then he turned me over. It was like a waking nightmare.

1970 – Linda Joy Traitz (came forward Nov. 17, 2014)

One night, Traitz accepts a ride home from the co-owner of a cafe Traitz waitressed at who happened to be, you guessed it, Bill Cosby. Instead of taking her home, Cosby drove her to the beach and presented her with a “briefcase filled with assorted drugs.” 

He began to get sexually aggressive and wouldn’t take ‘No’ for an answer.

After he grabbed her chest “all over,” Traitz “freaked out,” running down the beach while Cosby chased her and eventually convinced her to get back in the car.  Continue reading “Bill Cosby Timeline of Women”

The Pros and Cons of ‘Destiny’

wizard came from the moon shirtI’ve been playing Destiny basically nonstop since its release last month, and if you follow video games at all or have the misfortune of dating/best-friending a gamer, you’ve probably heard mixed things about it.

Quick rundown for noobs: Destiny is a space-themed shooter made by Bungie, the creators of Halo and Marathon and narrated by Tyrion Lannister. As you can imagine, with the notoriety of Bungie combined with Activision (the publisher of Call of Duty) and the unheard of $500 million budget, the expectations were higher than high.

Unfortunately, Destiny failed to deliver in a lot of really noticeable ways.   Continue reading “The Pros and Cons of ‘Destiny’”

Best Pop, Rock, Rap and Indie Albums of 2013

Halcyon Days, Ellie Goulding

Key tracks: “Burn,” “Under Control,” “How Long Will I Love You,” “Midas Touch,” “Flashlight” feat. DJ Fresh

Pure Heroine, Lorde

Key tracks: “Royals,” “Team,” “White Teeth Teens,” “Tennis Court”

Heartthrob, Tegan and Sara

Key tracks: “Closer,” “I Was A Fool,” “I Couldn’t Be Your Friend,” “Goodbye, Goodbye”

Cupid Deluxe, Blood Orange

Key tracks: “You’re Not Good Enough,” “Always Let U Down,” “It Is What It Is,” “Chosen”

Ciara, Ciara

Key tracks: “I’m Out” feat. Nicki Minaj, “Read My Lips,” “Backseat Love”

Days Are Gone, Haim

Key tracks: “Don’t Save Me,” “Falling,” “Forever”

Lightning Bolt, Pearl Jam

Key tracks: “Getaway,” “Lightning Bolt,” “My Father’s Son”

The 20/20 Experience, Justin Timberlake

Key Tracks: “Mirrors,” “Suit & Tie” feat. Jay-Z, “Body Count,” “TKO”

The Bones Of What You Believe, Chvrches

Key tracks: “Recover,” “The Mother We Share,” “Gun”

Long. Live. A$AP, A$AP Rocky

Key tracks: “1 Train” feat. Kendrick Lamar, Yelawolf, & Big K.R.I.T, “Fashion Killa,” “Fuckin’ Problems” feat. Drake, 2 Chainz & Kendrick Lamar

Night Time, My Time, Sky Ferreira

Key tracks: “Nobody Asked Me If I Was Okay,” “Boys,” “I Blame Myself”

Free The Universe, Major Lazer

Key tracks: “You’re No Good” feat. Santigold, Danielle Haim & Yasmin, “Get Free” feat. Amber Coffman, “Scare Me” feat. Peaches & Timberlee, “Bubble Butt” feat. Bruno Mars, Tyga & Mystic

Bitter Rivals, Sleigh Bells

Key tracks: “You Don’t Get Me Twice,” “Bitter Rivals,” “Love Sick”

Trouble, Natalia Kills

Key Tracks: “Problem,” “Saturday Night,” “Stop Me”

_______________________________________________________________

Honorable mentions: Don’t Look Down, Skylar Grey, Nothing Was The Same, Drake, Beyoncé, Beyoncé, Weekend, The Sounds, My Name Is My Name, Pusha T, Yeezus, Kanye West, Delta Machine, Depeche Mode, The Marshall Mathers LP 2, Eminem



12 Inspiring Nelson Mandela Quotes to Recite During Hard Times

Nelson Mandela freedom fistAfrica’s most peaceful and influential leader may no longer be with us, but his legacy lives on in the country he worked so hard to free, the various charities organizations he founded, and finally, his words.

Here are some quotes from Nelson Mandela – who died on Thursday in Johannesburg at the ripe age of 95 – to memorize, recite and live by:

1. “May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.”

2. “No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”  Continue reading “12 Inspiring Nelson Mandela Quotes to Recite During Hard Times”

5 Holiday Movies to Melt Your Cynical Heart

20131127-142513.jpg
Yay! Holidays are here and it’s time to tune out gluttonous relatives who only ever brag about their children’s non-existent achievements, buy things you can’t afford or keep for yourself, and eat food that will shave five years off your life and force you to buy elastic maternity pants that only come in embarrassing colors.

So, while you’re decorating the tree you killed in your stained turquoise pants, here are some festive movies to pass the time and make that black icicle in your chest go thump thump thump.

(Omitted National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story for obvious reasons.)

1. Scrooged. Before What About Bob? and Groundhog Day, there was Scrooged with Bill Murray in his curly-haired prime in the best (and only?) Christmas Carol movie aimed at drink-holding adults.

2. Love, Actually. This one’s not so much for cynics, but it’s still a billion edgy steps up from anything dredged up from Nicholas Sparks’ toilet. Aging sellout Billy Mack steals the show with his corny rendition of “Love Is All Around.” Oh, and all I want for Christmas is a naked Bilbo Baggins (you’ll see).

3. Mixed Nuts. Liev Schreiber in drag and pregnant Juliette Lewis bitching to the tune of Adam Sandler’s ukulele. Help me solve the mystery of why this movie was panned by the critics.

4. Home For The Holidays. Truly the perfect dysfunctional family Thanksgiving movie, this centers around a brother and sister (an understated Robert Downey Jr. and Holly Hunter), their mom and crazy aunt Gladys. Also, shaky-chinned Claire Danes and douchey Dylan McDermott. “LET’S EAT DEAD BIRD!”

5. Bad Santa. Sarcastic drunk mall Santa befriends overly optimistic fat kid. Hilarity ensues. ‘Nuff said.

Best, Worst and Middle-of-the-Road Celeb Halloween Costumes of 2013

Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell (as Khal Drogo and the Khaleesi), Heidi Klum, and Ellen (as Nicki Minaj)
Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell (as Khal Drogo and the Khaleesi), Heidi Klum, and Ellen (as Nicki Minaj)

Halloween [sort of] just happened – when all the famous people test themselves by covering their beautiful faces and dressing up in outfits less expensive and less glamourous than their regular attire in the name of candy corn martini-flavored puking at exclusive parties held by other celebrities – and some of the costumes were pretty damn good.
honey Boo Boo kardashians

And, since the older Kardashian sisters didn’t appear to do much at all, here’s Honey Boo Boo’s entire family AS the Kardashians. P.S. Star Trek/Boo Boo crossover show = Here Comes Honey Cardassian.

miley cyrus halloween costumes celebrity
Joan Rivers, Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan (as Miley and Robin Thicke), and Miley Cyrus

And then EVERYONE dressed up like Miley Cyrus, and Miley dressed like her new role model, Lil’ Kim…

Kendall Jenner, David Spade and Kate Hudon and Ariana Grande
Kendall Jenner, David Spade and Kate Hudson and teen sensation Ariana Grande

In terms of the worst, it’s always safe (and boring) to dress up like a cat. I expect this kind of non-creativity from kids, but WTF, Kate Hudson.

Chord Overstreet (as Jax Teller), Chris Colfer (sexy R2D2?) and Constance Jablonski (as Britney Spears)
Chord Overstreet (as Jax Teller), Chris Colfer and Constance Jablonski (as Britney Spears)

People who are a small part of pop culture dressed as bigger icons of pop culture for the win.

Actually, screw them all, Katy Perry as Justin Bieber takes the cake. The face, the eyebrows…. <3

A List of Self-Absorbed Tweets by Kendall Jenner’s New Nemesis, Frances Bean Cobain

Frances Bean Kendall JennerFrances Bean, daughter of music legends Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain, started an online feud with Kendall Jenner, daughter of Kris and Bruce Jenner, over fame and over-sharing on Twitter.

After 17-year-old Kendall tweeted “just wish things could be easier sometimes,” Frances, 20, responded directly by reminding her that she shouldn’t complain because some people don’t have clean water, good health, or a roof over their head. She also called her a “f*cking idiot” and said “humans are so self involved.”

Somebody takes after their mom/spends wayyyy too much time on Twitter. Overreact much?

Jenner recently responded to Cobain’s messages in a fairly courteous way, writing, “an individuals feelings are relative to their environment. you don’t know me, you don’t even know what i was referring to.” And later:

“i am aware that i am very privileged and blessed, and im thankful for that everyday, i know there are greater problems in the world. i pray for those people every night and give back as much as i can. so who are u to judge me?”  Continue reading “A List of Self-Absorbed Tweets by Kendall Jenner’s New Nemesis, Frances Bean Cobain”

Emilia Clarke and Five Other Entertainers Who Look Stunning Without Makeup

Emilia Clarke no makeup
Brunette Emilia Clarke, best known as Daenerys of House Targaryen on Game of Thrones, posted this beautiful bare-faced photo to her personal Facebook page 4/09/13.
Rihanna no makeup
Rihanna, who prefers bright lipstick to excessive foundation and eyeliner, often gives fans a glimpse of her natural self on Instagram.
Demi Lovato no makeup
The X-Factor judge and “Heart Attack” singer Demi Lovato encouraged her Twitter followers to “be brave” and take off their makeup earlier this month. Continue reading “Emilia Clarke and Five Other Entertainers Who Look Stunning Without Makeup”

Lindsay Lohan Goes Junior College Dropout in Latest Mugshot

Lindsay Lohan mugshot 2013 Lindsay Lohan took time off flicking cigarettes at ducks in the park and sipping lettuce cocktails at club this-n-that to pose for a new booking photo. Good thing she was already in the courthouse, because good luck getting her and that five-hours-ahead-internal-clock to show up for anything besides a coke-handoff behind El Pollo Loco.

This new mugshot is possibly her best. It displays the signature pursed modeling for Hustler 101 lips, the raised “don’t judge me” eyebrow, with messy hair and a laid-back track jacket. Something in between burnout and prom queen.

(A red-headed Ashley Rickards in Awkward?)

Lohan’s latest epic dodgeball game with jail involves 90 days in an especially strict rehab center, 18 months of talking about how everyone is against her and 30 days of picking up trash by the freeway.

10 Sexy Photos of MenKind’s ‘Least Sexy Actresses’

Uma Thurman sexy 2
British men who aren’t Robert Pattinson voted Kristen Stewart the “least sexy actress” in Hollywood along with Lindsay Lohan, Uma Thurman, Sarah Jessica Parker and other unfortunate souls.

I’ve always thought Kristen Stewart was sexy in that dirty-pile-of-laundry, hang-you-from-the-ceiling-and-whip-you-with-butt-plugs type of way.

But clearly I’m not a man from England and my opinion is more meaningless than MenKind’s list.

Continue reading “10 Sexy Photos of MenKind’s ‘Least Sexy Actresses’”

Courtney Love Covers ’99 Problems’ At Sundance

Courtney Love sundance 2013Courtney Love, never one to censor herself, covered Jay-Z’s “99 Problems” with most of the original lyrics (including the n-word) onstage in Park City, Utah during Sundance.

Before playing the song she said “It either sucks or it’s genius,” which could also apply to all the movies screened at Sundance.

And don’t even start to wonder if it’s okay for her to say the n-word. She’s a bitter, broke, equal opportunity, rock star. Not even equal, because her all her problems seem to involve throwing shade at her white peers and frenemies. Problems like:

1. Gwen Stefani and her husband:

His band never did that well but he is very, very smart. He runs the Gwen show, that’s him. He runs the clothing line, he f**king built that up, he has nothing else to do.  Continue reading “Courtney Love Covers ’99 Problems’ At Sundance”

5 Things To Know About Super Bowl XLVII

ravens football headline 2012 super bowlSF Chronicle 49ers win 2013
Here’s the truth, I don’t know anything about the Super Bowl that a devout football fan doesn’t.

I can say that I predicted that the Ravens would beat the favorited Patriots in the AFC Championship, but really this is Super Bowl XLVII for dummies, girls and nerds. 101.

1. Harbaugh vs. Harbaugh

Harbaugh brothers Jim and John aren’t the first blood-relatives in coaching history. (Let’s not forget grease trains Rex and Rob Ryan and basketball’s Stan and Jeff Van Gundy.) Interestingly, they are the first brothers to coach against each other in the Super Bowl.  Continue reading “5 Things To Know About Super Bowl XLVII”

Twisted Flashback: 5 Most Memorable Celebrity Moments of 2012

Biggest stories of 2012 I like to reminisce about all sorts of thing…. the time I ate a pizza that could easily have fed three John Goodmans, that other time I stepped in a red ant nest and vowed to never put on a dress again, and all the times celebrities wore dresses but forgot underwear.

(Anne Hathaway, thank you for showing me that vaginas can look just as anorexic as collar bones).

Continue reading “Twisted Flashback: 5 Most Memorable Celebrity Moments of 2012”

Do Michelle Obama and Madonna Belong on a List of the 25 ‘Least Influential’ People?

GQ just released their list of various politicians, sports figures, musicians and Hollywood figures who they consider to be the least influential, and there are more than a few inclusions that just don’t sit right.

Amanda Bynes and Gotye: yes, Michelle Obama, hell no.

Forget that she’s the first lady, Mrs. O is actually somebody worth idolizing.

Seeing that her entry (number seven) is accompanied by a picture of her snarfing down Haagen Daz straight out of the container in a bath robe, it’s clear that the compiler of this list merely dislikes her vendetta against fast food.  Continue reading “Do Michelle Obama and Madonna Belong on a List of the 25 ‘Least Influential’ People?”

10 Things You Might Not Know About ‘Prometheus’

Recently I watched a lengthy DVD special feature called Furious Gods: Making Prometheus from the 4-disc Blu-ray and felt the need to share what I learned for anyone who enjoyed the movie as much as I did.

If you don’t have to time to watch Furious Gods, just know that Ridley Scott is a brilliant visual director and artist who, like Tarantino and del Toro, is not a huge fan of green screen filmmaking.

Also, he changes his mind every three seconds. (Applicants to work with him have to be patient and on their toes at all times, this is called “The Ridley Factor”).

Here are 10 interesting facts about the sci-fi prequel:  Continue reading “10 Things You Might Not Know About ‘Prometheus’”