50 Cent Cursed In A Country That Doesn’t Allow Swearing (Or Any Other Type of Fun, Apparently)

50 cent swearing in public memeCurtis “50 Cent” Jackson was briefly arrested and fined for rapping an explicit lyric at a gig on the Caribbean island of Saint Kitts, where profanity is illegal.

From TripAdvisor.com, regarding language and etiquette in Saint Kitts and the neighboring island of Nevis

Nevis culture has a strong religious foundation. Cursing in public is against the law. Nude bathing and topless bathing are not permitted. Beachwear is fine for the beach, but in public places it is not considered appropriate to be dressed in skimpy beach or resort clothes, such as short shorts or halter tops.

Basically, don’t act like a sailor even though it’s an island, or show any skin, even though, again, it’s an island.

In 2003, DMX was arrested at a music festival in Saint Kitts for the exact same reason. Authorities claimed he signed a contract beforehand that referenced the country’s indecent language laws, but DMX said those mothertrucking c-u-next-Tuesdays were full of caca.

Continue reading “50 Cent Cursed In A Country That Doesn’t Allow Swearing (Or Any Other Type of Fun, Apparently)”

Did Bill Cosby Drug Everyone In The ‘Famous’ Video?

Bill cosby drugged everyone in famous video
George Bush, Anna Wintour, Donald Trump, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Taylor Swift, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian-West, Ray J, Amber Rose, Caitlyn Jenner and Bill Cosby

Congratulations to Kanye West on his moderately effective ploy for attention in his new video, which features nude (from the waist-up) versions of family, friends and controversial figures.

One of those figures is Bill Cosby, naked in bed with a bunch of groggy ass people that he clearly drugged. How unsurprised would we all be if that was the hidden message? It’s in poor taste and insanely offensive, Kanye’s favorite things in life besides being suffocated by bulging Armenian spheres.

Now, onto the topic of West BEGGING to be sued.

kanye west sue me twitter

Seven of the twelve celebrities in the Tidal exclusive for “Famous” (watch HERE) are close with him in one way or another, leaving George Bush (far left), Donald Trump (third from left), Ray J (fourth from right) and Cosby (far right) as main contenders to freak out over their likenesses being used in the video.

Kanye threw gasoline on the ego whore fire by tweeting “Can somebody sue me already #I’llWait” to his followers, but I’m not buying that he didn’t warn any of them in advance or that Kim, Amber Rose, Caitlyn Jenner, Rihanna and Chris Brown weren’t subjected to hours of being slathered in wax and/or plaster for body molds. And which unlucky bastards in the wax body mold making industry had to draw straws over this half hot, half creepy sack of winners and losers?

Continue reading “Did Bill Cosby Drug Everyone In The ‘Famous’ Video?”

The New Ghostbusters Song Is Good And All, But It’s No ‘Ninja Rap’

fallout boy vanilla ice

The revamped Ghostbusters theme by Fallout Boy and Missy Elliott is being celebrated around the world for its originality and powerful, thought-provoking message about busting caps in ghost’s asses. It’s a contender for Best Original Song at next year’s Academy Awards and has already received praise from artists like Yo-Yo Ma and Randy Newman, who are both kicking themselves for rejecting the offer to compose “Ghostbusters (I’m Not Afraid).

“This generation’s ‘Amazing Grace,’ Newman told the New York Times.

Obviously I’m human and can’t resist singing “I’m not afraid” at my apartment’s swimming pool at the top of my lungs in a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man bikini, but I’m of the more purist opinion that no song written for a movie can ever compare to Vanilla Ice‘s “Ninja Rap (Go Ninja Go)” from the Scorsese classic, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze.

There you have it. Pete Wentz, Patrick Stump and the Fallout Boyz are relevant and Missy Elliott doesn’t need a paycheck.

Continue reading “The New Ghostbusters Song Is Good And All, But It’s No ‘Ninja Rap’”

Of Course Chris Brown Attacked A Woman In Vegas

chris brown lizianeHere’s what I know about the Chris Brown Vegas assault charges… A star-fucking groupie said Brown punched her in the melon during a concert. Brown called the star-fucking groupie “dusty” and said “I don’t know this old-looking bitch.”

Did he actually attack ye old bitchLiziane Gutierrez? Yes, totally.

There isn’t a single woman Chris Brown comes into contact with that doesn’t get hit. Sometimes it’s figurative, but it happens. Do I have love for star fuckers? No, but I have a lot less love for the man who made Rihanna look like a chump. It’s his fault ‘Anti’ still hasn’t been released AND that it’s cold in winter and that I’m broke, and also, he killed Natalie Cole, but not a lot of people know that, so shhh.  Continue reading “Of Course Chris Brown Attacked A Woman In Vegas”

Every Thing Miley Cyrus DID At The 2015 VMAs

miley drag queen vmasA lot of folks are talking about what Miley Cyrus wore at the 2015 Video Music Awards, and while she did earn the title of Space Skank and Juicy Fruit Whore with her many neon, crotch-framing outfits, her hosting gig was about more than just costume changes. Here are a few things she did:

1. Became a feminist. I wasn’t aware that appearing in tired sketches about getting high with rappers and “accidentally” showing some nip from behind a curtain equalled feminism, but website-I-usually-respect Pajiba says she’s “spurring a new wave of sexual revolution like Madonna did in the 80s.”

By having such obvious fun with her body in a way that mocks the Male Gaze, she’s challenging society’s concept of women’s bodies.

By this logic, every scantily clad, kinda weird pop star is a feminist. Grace Jones, yes. Gaga, maybe. Miley, NO.

2. Got called out by Nicki Minaj. I thought for sure Nicki Jekyll and Hydeing from sweet to pissed while accepting the Best Hip-Hop Video award for “Anaconda” was fake. She was visibly laughing while referencing an interview where Cyrus called her “not very polite” for the way she handled the Taylor Swift feud (a beef that was probably created solely to be squashed during the show’s intro), but according to MTV, the moment was 100% unscripted.

miley what's good

And now, back to this bitch that had a lot to say about me the other day in the press, Miley what’s good?

It was much more amusing that Nicki randomly thanked her pastor in her speech, but whatever.

3. Announced a new, free album. It’s called Dead Petz, was inspired by The Flaming Lips and has a lot to do with weed being more available than ever. Witness the lyrics to “Pablow The Blowfish:”

Pablow the Blowfish I miss you so bad
on Saturday night we all went out to eat
I can never decide, so someone chose sushi
I got soup, I ordered rice, but watching my friends eat my friends ruined my appetite

Suspiciously similar to “My Little Locked Room” from Slackers, right?

Things are at least a bit more clear on “Bang Me Box:”

I wanna touch it so bad, it’s almost like I can feel it on my fingertips
I want yours inside of me but don’t forget where I like licking babe
I want you to bang my box

Is she sadder about her dead fish friend than she is horny for Stella Maxwell?

4. Danced with drag queens. Miley turnt it all the way up (though nothing was more exciting than Ye’s announcement about Kim Kardashian being the potential first lady of the United States of America) for her performance of “Do It” with a hoard of humpy drag queens. A scene that surely continued Bieber’s epic fit of tears over his own awesomeness fear of heights.

5. Pissed off black people. Miley drew criticism from Chance The Rapper (among others) on Twitter for her Gone In Sixty Seconds dreadlocks and use of the word “mammy” while talking about her grandma in a skit featuring Snoop Dogg, but was it really any worse than her Kim K joke?

Kim Kardashian, I mean have you guys seen those nipples? I am so jealous of the baby in there.

According to the internet dictionary, the term mammy can refer to “one’s mother (especially as a child’s word)” or a black nursemaid in charge of white children.

6. Showed concern for The Weeknd’s hair. After the Weeknd’s show-stopping rendition of “I Can’t Feel My Face” (in the sort-of words of Kathleen Madigan, “I hope it’s not Bell’s Palsy”), long-hair-don’t-care Miley called Mr. Tesfaye a braver soul than she.

All that fire, and all that hair? I mean, I’ll do almost anything, but that is where I draw the line. That shit is fucking crazy.

So I wasn’t the only one having flashbacks to one of The Weeknd’s biggest influences, Michael Jackson, getting second-degree burns during his Pepsi commercial?

 

Demi Lovato Fails To Kiss A Girl In ‘Cool For The Summer’ Video

People love to compare the potentially bi-curious Demi Lovato single ‘Cool For The Summer’ to ‘I Kissed A Girl‘ by Katy Perry, but the songs really aren’t that similar, and Lovato has further proven that point by sidestepping the expected, cliché opportunity to make out with a girl in the music video.

I repeat, Demi Lovato doesn’t kiss a girl in ‘Cool For The Summer,’ which would be fine if the final product wasn’t so boring. Seriously, platonic girlfriends are so last year.

There is one part where she grabs a girl’s head and leans in, but without actual proof let’s be jerks and assume they’re just besties.

Faith No More’s Opening Band ‘Christeene’ Blows In The Best Way Possible

Christeene Faith no moreI had the good fortune of seeing ’90s alt-rock hitmakers Faith No More on the third date of their North American tour in Portland, OR last night and would like to take a second to describe what I saw.

Before arriving, my friend/ex Scott informed me that a really strange drag queen band called Christeene was opening up for them, but “really strange” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Handpicked by openly gay FNM keyboardist and Imperial Teen founder Roddy Bottum, Christeene was conceived at an queer open mic show in Austin, TX by Paul Soileau, the man behind the butt-baring fishnet stockings.  Continue reading “Faith No More’s Opening Band ‘Christeene’ Blows In The Best Way Possible”

Video: Anne Hathaway Swinging On A Wrecking Ball

I know Jimmy Fallon is responsible for Lip Sync Battle and it was really amazing, especially when all Emma Stone did was win, BUT it’s hard to believe there’s an entire show on Spike based on the segment.
   
Also hard to believe: there are still people who HATE Anne Hathaway. Like, hate hate. All they do is sit around talking about her haircut and how annoying she is even though she’s a legitimately good actress, singer and Miley Cyrus impersonator.  Continue reading “Video: Anne Hathaway Swinging On A Wrecking Ball”

Beyoncé is Turning Into Tyra Banks

Tyra Banks Beyonce lookalikeWhen you think of strong black women in the industry, Beyonce and Tyra Banks are two names that hopefully come to mind.

One’s a successful singer, the other a successful model, about 10 years apart in age, and the older they both get the more they start to morph into each other.  Continue reading “Beyoncé is Turning Into Tyra Banks”

Ariana Grande ‘Talks on a Talk Show’ For The First Time

Ariana Grande is already surrounded by rumors that she’s a total diva who makes her bodyguards carry her around like a doll and frequently gets into shouting matches with anyone who dares disagree with her, but in her first televised interview since hitting it big, she actually seems pretty laid-back.

“I’m so nervous,” Grande tells Jimmy Fallon. “I don’t speak. This is my first time speaking in front of people … I’ve never talked on a talk show.”  Continue reading “Ariana Grande ‘Talks on a Talk Show’ For The First Time”

Howard Stern Doesn’t Think Natalia Kills Should Have Been Fired

Natalia Kills Howard SternAmerican’s Got Talent judge Howard Stern has weighed in on the Natalia Kills / Willy Moon firing over at The X Factor New Zealand.

Like the rest of the United States, Stern and Robin Quivers barely knew who Natalia was (Quivers accidentally called her “Natalie”). Stern thought Natalia and her husband went too far, but didn’t agree with them being fired because “they asked for her opinion.”

“They were outrageous,” Stern said. “They made a personal attack on a guy who didn’t deserve it. I felt the two judges were just a**holes.”  Continue reading “Howard Stern Doesn’t Think Natalia Kills Should Have Been Fired”

Ellie Goulding And Taylor Swift Are Getting Drunk Together While Everyone Else Drinks Tea

Ellie Goulding Taylor Swift Selena Gomez HaimDancing Man fan Ellie Goulding (really loving “Outside” and “Heavy Crown” right now), Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez and members of the indie/rock group Haim had an epic all-celebrity girl tea party today, except someone wasn’t drinking tea.

Two someones, actually…

As you can see, Ellie and bestie/Taylor Swift, giggling in the corner and mowing down on some alcohol.

I wonder how Coke would feel about Taylor enjoying rum with their product?

Azealia Banks Posing For Internet-Breaking Playboy Photos

Playboy is employing Azealia Banks for an upcoming shoot. Banks is famous for songs like “212,” getting into Twitter feuds, and being a rapper who often gets confused with Iggy Azalea (who she affectionately calls “Itchy Areola”) despite not being white or Australian.

Banks will be interviewed by Rob Tannebaum within the April 2015 issue and photographed by Ellen Von Unwerth, whose portfolio includes compromising photos of Rihanna, Christina Aguilera, Beyoncé and Janet Jackson.  Continue reading “Azealia Banks Posing For Internet-Breaking Playboy Photos”

Unretouched Photos of ‘Regular Woman’ Beyoncé Promptly Removed From Internet

unretouched beyonce Over the years, we’ve loved and scrutinized Beyoncé to Oprah-sized proportions.

I get alerts on my phone informing me when her roots grow and if she may or may not have bunions. And if she does have a bunion, I want to know exactly which foot and the exact location in latitude and longitude.

Which brings me to a website that released not one or two but a whopping 224 unretouched photos of the singer.  Continue reading “Unretouched Photos of ‘Regular Woman’ Beyoncé Promptly Removed From Internet”

Gaga’s Engagement Ring is a Bloody Giant Heart

lady gaga ringJust Kidding.

Lady Gaga of the meat dress-having, singing-while-covered-in-blood and eating-designer-cakes-dripping-with-red-dye persuasion, did NOT receive anything crazy for her engagement, but she did get a completely normal heart-shaped ring from her boyfriend, television firefighter and werewolf Taylor Kinney, for Valentine’s.

Kidding again. Gaga’s ring isn’t normal, it’s huge and probably worth a million dollars. The biggest shock here is one of the following multiple choice options:

1.  You can buy a ring like this at almost any high-end jewelry store.
2. Nobody was hired to pry it from the cold dead fingers of Alexander McQueen
3. Gaga is marrying not only a human man from Earth, but a pretty regular guy

 

 

 

 

 

Kanye is ‘Definitely’ Recording With Taylor Swift

taylor swift kanye memeWhat kind of world am I living in? Apparently one where Kanye West and Taylor Swift bury the hatchet by recording sweet sweet music together.

Kanye hasn’t recorded sweet sweet music since 2010, and while I doubt a country/pop crossover with Taylor is the answer, it’s still astounding that he says he’s for sure going to make sure going to make music with the girl who’s moment he ruined on behalf of Beyonce all those years ago.  Continue reading “Kanye is ‘Definitely’ Recording With Taylor Swift”

Paul McCartney Enlists Gaga for ‘Secret Project’

Gaga Sir Paul instagramIn the past few years, former Beatle Paul McCartney has collaborated with a plethora of artists who were mere embryos when The White Album was recorded. Since “replacing” Kurt Cobain in the Nirvana reunion at the Grammys, Sir Paul has filmed “FourFiveSeconds” with Kanye West and Rihanna and now he’s working on a “secret project” with Lady Gaga, which makes sense since she’s always had a thing for talented old guys like Clarence Clemons, Tony Bennet and Brian May.

Gaga’s new “post sex” fragrance inspired by her sessions with McCartney is available at Target.

Continue reading “Paul McCartney Enlists Gaga for ‘Secret Project’”