Faith No More’s Opening Band ‘Christeene’ Blows In The Best Way Possible

Christeene Faith no moreI had the good fortune of seeing ’90s alt-rock hitmakers Faith No More on the third date of their North American tour in Portland, OR last night and would like to take a second to describe what I saw.

Before arriving, my friend/ex Scott informed me that a really strange drag queen band called Christeene was opening up for them, but “really strange” doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Handpicked by openly gay FNM keyboardist and Imperial Teen founder Roddy Bottum, Christeene was conceived at an queer open mic show in Austin, TX by Paul Soileau, the man behind the butt-baring fishnet stockings.  Continue reading “Faith No More’s Opening Band ‘Christeene’ Blows In The Best Way Possible”

Ellie Goulding And Taylor Swift Are Getting Drunk Together While Everyone Else Drinks Tea

Ellie Goulding Taylor Swift Selena Gomez HaimDancing Man fan Ellie Goulding (really loving “Outside” and “Heavy Crown” right now), Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez and members of the indie/rock group Haim had an epic all-celebrity girl tea party today, except someone wasn’t drinking tea.

Two someones, actually…

As you can see, Ellie and bestie/Taylor Swift, giggling in the corner and mowing down on some alcohol.

I wonder how Coke would feel about Taylor enjoying rum with their product?

Video: Gwen Stefani – “Baby Don’t Lie”

Gwen Stefani’s comeback is underway with this hippie dippie new acid trip video that plays out like a slowed-down “Rude Boy” B-side sponsored by Puma.

††† ⇒Click here if you prefer videos that feature black Jesus and blond Pete Wentz⇐ †††
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The fact that Gwen’s been married for 12 years makes it really hard to guess who this song is about… P.S. Her new solo album, the first since 2006, is rumored to drop in December.

Video: Die Antwoord – “Pitbull Terrier”

In honor of habitual weirdos Die Antwoord’s new album, Donker Mag with titles like “Raging Zef Boner,”  “Don’t Fuk Me,” “Sex,” “Girl I Want 2 Eat U,” and “Happy Go Sucky Fucky” – dropping today, here’s a Reddit list of  pre-Antwoord music by Ninja.

Also, a link to an interview explaining how Yolandi’s pet rats “raped” each other multiplied like crazy on the set of the “Evil Boy” video. And a Gaga drag queen being eaten by a lion.
 
“Pitbull Terrier” (no relation to J-Lo’s Pitbull) features more animal-centric freakiness involving blood spatter, people dressed as cats and dogs, and a real rat dressed as nothing.

Band Profile: Rising Appalachia and the Human Experience


Recently, a good friend sent me YouTube link to a song by Rising Appalachia and the Human Experience. Based on the fact that my friend likes to drop acid at Rainbow Gatherings (not that there’s anything wrong with that), I expected it to be whale and bird calls set to harps with the occasionally tink of a healing crystal bumping into a wind chime.

What I heard instead was truly brilliant. Folk music with a peppering of electronica? It has been done before, but on a fairly underground level. Bands like Thievery Corporation and Bonobo, friends of Human Experience-founder David Block’s, combine many music styles from all over the world with electronica in the forefront, while similar artists such as Gotan ProjectRodrigo y Gabriela and Pink Martini focus on the string-based folk elements.

“We don’t play music, music plays us” – David Block

Like those bands, Rising Appalachia and The Human Experience – a collaboration between Block (The Human Experience) and sisters Leah and Chloe Smith (Rising Appalachia) – are the definition of eclectic. With calmingly sensual tracks like “Swoon,” “Downtown” and “Mississippi” that transport you straight to the haunted bayous and foggy hills of the Deep South, I can’t help but feel like they’re on the verge of creating an entirely new genre with the potential to be massively popular in the way that dubstep is.  Continue reading “Band Profile: Rising Appalachia and the Human Experience”

Wonderful Actor Leonardo DiCaprio is a HORRIBLE Dancer

There are a few locations and events where you are guaranteed to see a celebrity, and one of them is Coachella…

This is probably because so many of them were probably conceived at music festivals, it’s like salmon coming home to spawn. People like Lindsay Lohan and Vanessa Hudgens swimming towards massive piles of MDMA to the tune of Zedd’s “Clarity.”

This year, famous folk with freshly bleached buttholes wore properly Bohemian getups to the desert to see the likes of Outkast, Skrillex and Lorde. A wise woman with a camera caught none other than Leonardo DiCaprio dancing to his personal ear poison of choice, MGMT, on Saturday and he may just be worse at dancing than John Travolta is at pronouncing names.

George Bernard Shaw once said, “Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.” So that explains why Gisele left. And Bar Rafaeli. And Anne V. And that other lady…

Video: Miriam Bryant – “Finders Keepers”

With the success of Zedd’s remix of her song, “Push Play,” Miriam Bryant has released a video for her year-old single “Finder’s Keepers” where she belts out the line “I’m Over You” and knocks over Chess pieces with a fierce side braid and a glint of post-breakup anger in her eye.

Bryant is Swedish, super popular in Germany, and kind of sounds like Adele and Duffy.
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Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-9-14]

Ellie goulding goodness gracious gifellie goulding dancing goodness gracious gif
Goodness Gracious great balls of fire, Ellie Goulding has a new music video. (Yahoo!)

Madonna‘s vault of controversial ideas is dried up, passes torch to drunk son. (Jezebel)

Selena Gomez didn’t have make-up sex with Justin Bieber in a trailer. (E! Online)

Demi Moore takes cougaring to new levels, beds 27-year-old drummer. (Daily News)

Oregon couple leaves waitress questionable envelope full of meth as tip. (Gawker)

Someone stole Lindsay Lohan’s laptop full o’ nudes! Or she “misplaced” it. (TMZ)

Fresh Prince writes touching tribute to Uncle Phil. R.I.P. James Avery. (Celebuzz)

Best Pop, Rock, Rap and Indie Albums of 2013

Halcyon Days, Ellie Goulding

Key tracks: “Burn,” “Under Control,” “How Long Will I Love You,” “Midas Touch,” “Flashlight” feat. DJ Fresh

Pure Heroine, Lorde

Key tracks: “Royals,” “Team,” “White Teeth Teens,” “Tennis Court”

Heartthrob, Tegan and Sara

Key tracks: “Closer,” “I Was A Fool,” “I Couldn’t Be Your Friend,” “Goodbye, Goodbye”

Cupid Deluxe, Blood Orange

Key tracks: “You’re Not Good Enough,” “Always Let U Down,” “It Is What It Is,” “Chosen”

Ciara, Ciara

Key tracks: “I’m Out” feat. Nicki Minaj, “Read My Lips,” “Backseat Love”

Days Are Gone, Haim

Key tracks: “Don’t Save Me,” “Falling,” “Forever”

Lightning Bolt, Pearl Jam

Key tracks: “Getaway,” “Lightning Bolt,” “My Father’s Son”

The 20/20 Experience, Justin Timberlake

Key Tracks: “Mirrors,” “Suit & Tie” feat. Jay-Z, “Body Count,” “TKO”

The Bones Of What You Believe, Chvrches

Key tracks: “Recover,” “The Mother We Share,” “Gun”

Long. Live. A$AP, A$AP Rocky

Key tracks: “1 Train” feat. Kendrick Lamar, Yelawolf, & Big K.R.I.T, “Fashion Killa,” “Fuckin’ Problems” feat. Drake, 2 Chainz & Kendrick Lamar

Night Time, My Time, Sky Ferreira

Key tracks: “Nobody Asked Me If I Was Okay,” “Boys,” “I Blame Myself”

Free The Universe, Major Lazer

Key tracks: “You’re No Good” feat. Santigold, Danielle Haim & Yasmin, “Get Free” feat. Amber Coffman, “Scare Me” feat. Peaches & Timberlee, “Bubble Butt” feat. Bruno Mars, Tyga & Mystic

Bitter Rivals, Sleigh Bells

Key tracks: “You Don’t Get Me Twice,” “Bitter Rivals,” “Love Sick”

Trouble, Natalia Kills

Key Tracks: “Problem,” “Saturday Night,” “Stop Me”

_______________________________________________________________

Honorable mentions: Don’t Look Down, Skylar Grey, Nothing Was The Same, Drake, Beyoncé, Beyoncé, Weekend, The Sounds, My Name Is My Name, Pusha T, Yeezus, Kanye West, Delta Machine, Depeche Mode, The Marshall Mathers LP 2, Eminem



Video: Lorde – “Team”

Lorde JUST turned 17, probably wrote the majority of the songs from her debut when she was like 12 because she’s some sort of chart-topping genius and is generally amazing.

“Team” is as good as anything from Pure Heroine, and Lorde (pronounced “Lord,” real name: Ella Yelich-O’Connor) and her friends drink out of milk cartons and bounce around in boat yards in the video.

She’s actually so insanely popular that “Team” crashed the living crap out of YouTube. 

Lady Gaga Ascending to Outer Space in 2015

Lady Gaga grammy space outfitSince her first CD and break into the industry, Lady Gaga has seemed too big for this world. From her outfits and attitude to her day-long birth from an egg, the ultimate metaphor for ego will finally come to fruition in 2015, when she ventures into space on a Virgin Galactic ship, courtesy of Richard Branson.

Gaga is reportedly scheduled to perform above New Mexico for the mysterious Zero G Colony festival, which is described as “a music experience that is truly out of this world” on the official website.

A source says she will have to prepare with extra lung-strengthening vocal training the month before, to prepare for the pressure change. ANDDD maybe she’ll stay in space until she comes up with new material and stops releasing b-sides from The Fame falsely packaged as new material. (At least that would explain the R. Kelly duet.)

Video: Ellie Goulding Brings “Burn” To Ellen

My favorite British songstress has been a busy bee this week, performing “Roar” onstage with Katy Perry and Tegan & Sara at the Hollywood Bowl and visiting The Ellen Degeneres Show to sing her Halcyon Days single “Burn” and talk about all her boyfriends (and her conflicting obsession with cats).  Continue reading “Video: Ellie Goulding Brings “Burn” To Ellen”

Britney of ‘It’s Britney, Bitch’ and Co. is Back

Britney spears work bitch album art single Even though Britney’s Femme Fatale album and the accompanying tour feel like yesterday, fans can’t exactly complain about a new single and Vegas-themed music video for “Work Bitch,” NOT TO MENTION a collaboration with Miley Cyrus, which will be good if studio engineers did the right thing and turned the volume down on the sexless, real-life rodent and up for the Mouseketeer.

Check out this album art.

Heavy on top and full of feathers like one of Hefner’s girls after a peacock dinner. (Hef eats the peacocks, right?) The feathers also confirm my theory that people love to hear her swear (especially the word “bitch”) because she’s like a parrot, which are in turn are like small children and very fun to teach bad but incomprehensible things to.

Video: Cher – “Woman’s World”

Before Lady Gaga and Madonna, there was Cher. A woman with a deep, echoing roar of a voice [like a yeti gargling rocks]. But really, I love her…

“Gypsys, Tramps & Thieves?” “Dark Lady??” The three m’s, Moonstruck, Mask and Mermaids. Hell, “Believe” (best served with “Video Games” by fellow rock-gargler Lana Del Rey) is one of my favorite songs to sing cartoonishly when there’s no one around to make me laugh.
Cher red hair gif woman's worldWomans world funny gif cher face
67-years-old and still making music, looking spiffy with paper hair. This would actually be my new favorite video if it weren’t for all the random female stereotypes.  Continue reading “Video: Cher – “Woman’s World””

Major Lazer and the Most Awkward Interview Ever

Diplo kennedy interview awkward lollapalooza 2013If you remember MTV back in the 90s, when the focus was more on music and less on slutty teenage girls who get pregnant and graduate to porn, you might remember the show Alternative Nation, with host Lisa Kennedy Montgomery (aka Kennedy). She’s now the host of LA’s 98.7FM morning show Music in the Mornings, so if you’re an LA resident you may also be familiar with her current status.

Apparently she also interviews artists at Lollapalooza, the annual Chicago-based music festival that took place this past weekend. A video of Kennedy’s interview with Major Lazer has surfaced, and it’s the most uncomfortable 6 minutes and 34 seconds of human interaction I’ve ever had to cringe my way through. Check it out here. I’ll break down the interview below:

0:03 – Wow, right off the bat this shit gets awkward. Kennedy moronically refers to Jillionaire and Walshy Fire as “the other two people who make up Major Lazer.” Alright, I know they’re living in the shadow of the almighty Diplo, but seriously, do your research. Jillionaire responds with “That used to be funny.” I applaud this response.  Continue reading “Major Lazer and the Most Awkward Interview Ever”

GIF: Skrillex KNOCKED OUT in Mexico


The man responsible for popularizing dubstep ran straight into a large and heavy piece of equipment on stage in Mexico City during 2012’s Mothership Tour. (Whomp whomp whomp / Bangarang?)

As Uproxx pointed out, it’s a great video whether you love or hate the genre because it’s humanly impossibly not to laugh at people when they fall straight on their ass in such a slip-of-the-peel type of way.

(I personally don’t hate Skrillex. Ellie Goulding gave him the time of day so he must not be that bad…)