Weird Al Parodies Robin Thicke, Iggy Azalea, Pharrell AND Lorde All In One Week

Weird al royals parodyIn 1996, after hearing a spot-on parody of “Gangster’s Paradise” on the radio, I bought a glorious tape by the man who wrote it, called Bad Hair Day. It didn’t change my life, but it was funny. I all but forgot about Weird Al until 2006’s brilliant comeback, Straight Outta Lynwoodbut the admiration never left.

The thing to respect about Yankovic besides his work ethic (he just dropped his 14th album), is that he’d rather go for a “poke in the ribs than a punch in the face,” which isn’t easy. Just ask any comedian.

Continue reading “Weird Al Parodies Robin Thicke, Iggy Azalea, Pharrell AND Lorde All In One Week”

Nicki Minaj’s Feud With Iggy Azalea is Nonexistent

Iggy Azalea Nicki Minaj crazy facesGiant white Australian ass vs. giant New York ass, also known as up-and-comer Iggy Azalea vs. Nicki Minaj, is not a thing. After that phantom conglomerate we call the internet automatically assumed the parts of Minaj’s BET Awards speech about authenticity and songwriting were aimed at fellow Best Female Hip-Hop Artist Nominee Azalea, Minaj took to Twitter to clarify that her words were actually not directed at anyone in particular.

According to her, we put the shade in her hand and threw it for her / on a beef scale of 1 to 10, this is a turkey sub.  Continue reading “Nicki Minaj’s Feud With Iggy Azalea is Nonexistent”

Angel Haze is WAY More Than Friends With Ireland Baldwin, Get it Right

Angel Haze girlfriend An interview with the Independent more than indicates that lady rapper Angel Haze is really really tired of the media confusing her romance with Ireland Baldwin for a run-of-the-mill friendship.

Haze, who met Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger’s 18-year-old daughter at New York Fashion Week months ago and has been sharing adorable couple-y photos on Instagram ever since, said “I don’t know if there’s like some confirm or deny thing with the way relationships work in the media, but everyone just calls us best friends, best friends for life, like we’re just friends hanging out.”

She called it “funny” but added that it also “sucks,” continuing on with a slightly explicit rant about how “friends don’t f*ck” and to STFU because they definitely do, all the time.

Continue reading “Angel Haze is WAY More Than Friends With Ireland Baldwin, Get it Right”

Wanda Sykes and I Miss the Old Beyonce


Wanda Sykes was on Watch What Happens a few Tuesdays ago to air her grievances about the “new” Beyonce. You know, the one who left her man-hating Destiny’s Child sisters in the dust in favor of solo man-worship and a baby suspiciously named after an invasive weed.

My favorite comedian is specifically disturbed by the thought of Jay-Z’s “ashy penis,” but I just miss Kelly and Michelle’s matching halter tops and synchronized hand waving.

Destiny’s Child had a formula and it worked every time… Dirty Beyonce is unpredictable.

Video: Die Antwoord – “Pitbull Terrier”

In honor of habitual weirdos Die Antwoord’s new album, Donker Mag with titles like “Raging Zef Boner,”  “Don’t Fuk Me,” “Sex,” “Girl I Want 2 Eat U,” and “Happy Go Sucky Fucky” – dropping today, here’s a Reddit list of  pre-Antwoord music by Ninja.

Also, a link to an interview explaining how Yolandi’s pet rats “raped” each other multiplied like crazy on the set of the “Evil Boy” video. And a Gaga drag queen being eaten by a lion.
 
“Pitbull Terrier” (no relation to J-Lo’s Pitbull) features more animal-centric freakiness involving blood spatter, people dressed as cats and dogs, and a real rat dressed as nothing.

Video: Ariana Grande – “Problem” Feat. Iggy Azalea

Potential song of the summer “Problem” by 20-year-old Ariana Grande and the white Azealia Banks, Iggy Azalea have a new video. Press play and notice the big hair and spirals… This is from a decade called the ’60s, 30 years or so before either of them were born.

In the ’60s, The Beatles became the first band to hold the no. 1 and 2 spots on the Billboard Hot 100, and it’s not until now that a second musical act has achieved that.
  
Iggy motherf*cking Azalea, a woman who once referred to herself as a “slave master” and writes things like “get your shit 2together girl” on Twitter, has something in common with The Beatles. Her song “Fancy” plus the guest vocals on “Problem” put her at 1 and 2.

Continue reading “Video: Ariana Grande – “Problem” Feat. Iggy Azalea”

Saddest Selfie of All Time?

wiz-jail Here’s why Wiz Khalifa’s selfie from a jail cell in El Paso is one of the saddest of all time:

He was caught with a mere 0.5 grams of weed (he had 60 grams on his tour bus in 2010).

The only thing that costs less than his $300 bail is Amber Rose’s haircut.

It looks like he’s wearing a diaper.

The police are investigating the contraband phone, as inmates are not allowed to take pictures from jail, so He PROBABLY had to shove it up his ass, which explains the diaper and the look on his face.

Worst of all, he was released, so we still have to listen to his music and watch him try to form words at award shows.

Macklemore Didn’t Mean to Disguise Himself as a Big-Nosed Jew

Macklemore jewish costumeBlond-haired, green-eyed shiksa Macklemore is attempting to explain why and how he ended up becoming a racial stereotype at one of his concerts.

The Seattle-native bought “a bunch of fake mustaches and beards” and a “big witch nose” so he could walk undetected through the audience, apparently unaware of what he looked like, saying the costume was “random” and “not my idea of a stereotype of anybody.”

Seth Rogen hilariously Tweeted “First you trick people into thinking you’re a rapper, now you trick them into thinking you’re Jewish?” Adding that his wig, nose and beard were the “exact shopping list” of an anti-Semitic Jew costume.

Continue reading “Macklemore Didn’t Mean to Disguise Himself as a Big-Nosed Jew”

Video: Eminem “Headlights” Feat. Nate Ruess

The most mother-hating man of all brilliantly released an apology to his Mom on Mother’s Day directed by an Oscar-nominee and featuring everyone’s go-to guest vocalist.

From Eminem, Spike Lee and Nate Ruess from .fun, with love to Debbie Mathers. Your son is all grown up and ready to hate you a little less than he used to…

But what the hell do bad mothers without famous sons have to look forward to? 

Emma Stone is the Nicki Minaj of Lip Syncing


Crazy adorable ginger (and only reason to ever step foot in a theater showing Amazing Spider-Man 2) Emma Stone decimated the competition over at The Tonight Show with her mouthed renditions of the equally challenging “Hook” by Blues Traveler and DJ Khaled’s “All I Do Is Win.”

Fallon’s dance moves didn’t stand a chance against Emma, whose lips and arms were moving so fast that audience members in the front row witnessed some of her freckles bouncing off her skin and into their laps.

I never thought I’d see John Popper and Ludacris proud on the same day…

The Internet Especially Hates These Photos of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West

Kim and Kanye Vogue 1
The latest Vogue spread featuring Kim Kardashian, Kanye West and their daughter North has its own “Kanye taking a picture of your selfie” meme and has caused Sarah Michelle Gellar and others to consider canceling their subscriptions, which probably means it was a success.

You’ll notice the photo below has a wall of mirrors as a backdrop and not a single reflection of Kanye. BuzzfeedCelebuzz and others had appropriate responses, guessing what was actually on the iPad and placing him at the scene of other famous selfies.
Kim and Kanye mirrorOf everything to come from Kim’s whirlwind romance with Vogue, the profile, written by Hamish Bowles, is truly the worst best. Bowles compares Kim’s eyelashes to a “humming-bird’s wings” (pretty sure even the most anal bird scholar would accept “hummingbird,” but okay) and calls Kanye a “creative polyglot.”

The wording of someone with a thesaurus AND knowledge that the people he wrote the article about won’t actually be able to read it.

Continue reading “The Internet Especially Hates These Photos of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West”

Does Kim Kardashian ‘Deserve’ to be on Vogue?

Kim and Kanye vogueTurns out, Anna Wintour isn’t opposed to Kim Kardashian, or hashtags (the latest cover of Vogue features both). Or maybe the magazine’s bloodmother just likes money as much as Kim and the rest of the Kardashians.

Her and her perfect mate, the male version of her in terms of credit limit and ego size, Kanye West, are featured in the issue after more than a year of whispers that Wintour would never allow a woman who contributes so little to society the satisfaction of gracing the cover.

To be fair, Vogue is all about fashion, and her and Kanye are pivotal figures during fashion week and any stylish red carpet event the pair end up invited to. Co-owner of Dash and the Kardashian Kollection line that appears in stores that her and her sisters would never shop at, Kim probably does “deserve” to be recognized in this capacity.  Continue reading “Does Kim Kardashian ‘Deserve’ to be on Vogue?”

Video: Beyoncé – Partition (Explicit)

Beyoncé is a dedicated wife and mother, but in her latest clip, “Partition,” we see her do what she truly thrives at: performing. Do me a favor and read some lyrics before proceeding:

Oh he so horny, yeah he want to f*ck
He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse
He Monica Lewinsky’d all on my gown

Oh there daddy, daddy didn’t bring the towel
Oh baby baby we betta slow it down

(By performing, I mean bedazzling her funbags and wearing floppy hats and elaborate lingerie that could only be undone by a Greek God with an industrial chainsaw. )  Continue reading “Video: Beyoncé – Partition (Explicit)”

Kanye West Punched a Guy Who Called Kim Names

Kim and Kanye making facesKim Kardashian was on her way to an appointment with a chiropractor (an ass-reduction might be in order if these back pains persist) when a crazy 18-year-old shoved through the paparazzi and threw some choice vocabulary her way.

The teen allegedly followed her into the waiting room, called her a “stupid slut” and yelled “n*gger” at Kanye West, who she called on the phone during the commotion.

Black Alec Baldwin stormed into the office to bully the bully who called his wifey a stupid slutty “n*gger-lover,” and is now facing battery charges, according to TMZ.

If anyone is going to be arrested it should be Kim Kardashian for her performance in Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor. (I’m going to break all my dishes if she doesn’t win the Razzie.)

Best Pop, Rock, Rap and Indie Albums of 2013

Halcyon Days, Ellie Goulding

Key tracks: “Burn,” “Under Control,” “How Long Will I Love You,” “Midas Touch,” “Flashlight” feat. DJ Fresh

Pure Heroine, Lorde

Key tracks: “Royals,” “Team,” “White Teeth Teens,” “Tennis Court”

Heartthrob, Tegan and Sara

Key tracks: “Closer,” “I Was A Fool,” “I Couldn’t Be Your Friend,” “Goodbye, Goodbye”

Cupid Deluxe, Blood Orange

Key tracks: “You’re Not Good Enough,” “Always Let U Down,” “It Is What It Is,” “Chosen”

Ciara, Ciara

Key tracks: “I’m Out” feat. Nicki Minaj, “Read My Lips,” “Backseat Love”

Days Are Gone, Haim

Key tracks: “Don’t Save Me,” “Falling,” “Forever”

Lightning Bolt, Pearl Jam

Key tracks: “Getaway,” “Lightning Bolt,” “My Father’s Son”

The 20/20 Experience, Justin Timberlake

Key Tracks: “Mirrors,” “Suit & Tie” feat. Jay-Z, “Body Count,” “TKO”

The Bones Of What You Believe, Chvrches

Key tracks: “Recover,” “The Mother We Share,” “Gun”

Long. Live. A$AP, A$AP Rocky

Key tracks: “1 Train” feat. Kendrick Lamar, Yelawolf, & Big K.R.I.T, “Fashion Killa,” “Fuckin’ Problems” feat. Drake, 2 Chainz & Kendrick Lamar

Night Time, My Time, Sky Ferreira

Key tracks: “Nobody Asked Me If I Was Okay,” “Boys,” “I Blame Myself”

Free The Universe, Major Lazer

Key tracks: “You’re No Good” feat. Santigold, Danielle Haim & Yasmin, “Get Free” feat. Amber Coffman, “Scare Me” feat. Peaches & Timberlee, “Bubble Butt” feat. Bruno Mars, Tyga & Mystic

Bitter Rivals, Sleigh Bells

Key tracks: “You Don’t Get Me Twice,” “Bitter Rivals,” “Love Sick”

Trouble, Natalia Kills

Key Tracks: “Problem,” “Saturday Night,” “Stop Me”

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Honorable mentions: Don’t Look Down, Skylar Grey, Nothing Was The Same, Drake, Beyoncé, Beyoncé, Weekend, The Sounds, My Name Is My Name, Pusha T, Yeezus, Kanye West, Delta Machine, Depeche Mode, The Marshall Mathers LP 2, Eminem



Beyonce Wants Jay-Z to ‘Turn Her Cherry Out’ and ‘Lick Her Skittles’ in New Song

Beyonce partition video still underwearBeyonce randomly released a new self-titled album on Thursday on iTunes without promoting it or mentioning the release date prior.

There are also 17, count ’em, SEVENTEEN new music videos and everyone’s talking about how only she and a handful of other mega famous artists could pull off such ballsy move, but what they’re failing to mention is that the CD is super raunchy.

In the absolutely filthy “Blow,” Bey sings “Can you lick my Skittles, that’s the sweetest in the middle, pink that’s the flavor,” “I can’t wait ’til I get home so you can turn that cherry out” and “give me that daddy long stroke.” Continue reading “Beyonce Wants Jay-Z to ‘Turn Her Cherry Out’ and ‘Lick Her Skittles’ in New Song”