Did Bill Cosby Drug Everyone In The ‘Famous’ Video?

Bill cosby drugged everyone in famous video
George Bush, Anna Wintour, Donald Trump, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Taylor Swift, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian-West, Ray J, Amber Rose, Caitlyn Jenner and Bill Cosby

Congratulations to Kanye West on his moderately effective ploy for attention in his new video, which features nude (from the waist-up) versions of family, friends and controversial figures.

One of those figures is Bill Cosby, naked in bed with a bunch of groggy ass people that he clearly drugged. How unsurprised would we all be if that was the hidden message? It’s in poor taste and insanely offensive, Kanye’s favorite things in life besides being suffocated by bulging Armenian spheres.

Now, onto the topic of West BEGGING to be sued.

kanye west sue me twitter

Seven of the twelve celebrities in the Tidal exclusive for “Famous” (watch HERE) are close with him in one way or another, leaving George Bush (far left), Donald Trump (third from left), Ray J (fourth from right) and Cosby (far right) as main contenders to freak out over their likenesses being used in the video.

Kanye threw gasoline on the ego whore fire by tweeting “Can somebody sue me already #I’llWait” to his followers, but I’m not buying that he didn’t warn any of them in advance or that Kim, Amber Rose, Caitlyn Jenner, Rihanna and Chris Brown weren’t subjected to hours of being slathered in wax and/or plaster for body molds. And which unlucky bastards in the wax body mold making industry had to draw straws over this half hot, half creepy sack of winners and losers?

Continue reading “Did Bill Cosby Drug Everyone In The ‘Famous’ Video?”

Olivia Munn Doesn’t Need Telekinetic Powers To Make Nerds Fap

olivia munn x men outfitIt’s hard not to be a pervert while looking at Olivia Munn in general, especially if you’re a nerd who enjoys nerd things like ‘Attack of the Show’ (rest in peace) and new X-Men movies.

I haven’t actually seen her for awhile, but I’ve also been cheating on The Twist with other websites for the past two years, covering topics I often couldn’t care less about for moolah. Plenty of love for Rant Chic, but I’m never writing about tampons or Kylie Jenner or Kylie Jenner’s tampons again in my life.

Anyway, Olivia is sexy to everyone but Packers fans, who believe she’s a demon siren sent from the worst circle of hell to make them lose five games this season. (But she’s terrible at her job because they’re still #1 in the NFC North.)  Continue reading “Olivia Munn Doesn’t Need Telekinetic Powers To Make Nerds Fap”

Every Thing Miley Cyrus DID At The 2015 VMAs

miley drag queen vmasA lot of folks are talking about what Miley Cyrus wore at the 2015 Video Music Awards, and while she did earn the title of Space Skank and Juicy Fruit Whore with her many neon, crotch-framing outfits, her hosting gig was about more than just costume changes. Here are a few things she did:

1. Became a feminist. I wasn’t aware that appearing in tired sketches about getting high with rappers and “accidentally” showing some nip from behind a curtain equalled feminism, but website-I-usually-respect Pajiba says she’s “spurring a new wave of sexual revolution like Madonna did in the 80s.”

By having such obvious fun with her body in a way that mocks the Male Gaze, she’s challenging society’s concept of women’s bodies.

By this logic, every scantily clad, kinda weird pop star is a feminist. Grace Jones, yes. Gaga, maybe. Miley, NO.

2. Got called out by Nicki Minaj. I thought for sure Nicki Jekyll and Hydeing from sweet to pissed while accepting the Best Hip-Hop Video award for “Anaconda” was fake. She was visibly laughing while referencing an interview where Cyrus called her “not very polite” for the way she handled the Taylor Swift feud (a beef that was probably created solely to be squashed during the show’s intro), but according to MTV, the moment was 100% unscripted.

miley what's good

And now, back to this bitch that had a lot to say about me the other day in the press, Miley what’s good?

It was much more amusing that Nicki randomly thanked her pastor in her speech, but whatever.

3. Announced a new, free album. It’s called Dead Petz, was inspired by The Flaming Lips and has a lot to do with weed being more available than ever. Witness the lyrics to “Pablow The Blowfish:”

Pablow the Blowfish I miss you so bad
on Saturday night we all went out to eat
I can never decide, so someone chose sushi
I got soup, I ordered rice, but watching my friends eat my friends ruined my appetite

Suspiciously similar to “My Little Locked Room” from Slackers, right?

Things are at least a bit more clear on “Bang Me Box:”

I wanna touch it so bad, it’s almost like I can feel it on my fingertips
I want yours inside of me but don’t forget where I like licking babe
I want you to bang my box

Is she sadder about her dead fish friend than she is horny for Stella Maxwell?

4. Danced with drag queens. Miley turnt it all the way up (though nothing was more exciting than Ye’s announcement about Kim Kardashian being the potential first lady of the United States of America) for her performance of “Do It” with a hoard of humpy drag queens. A scene that surely continued Bieber’s epic fit of tears over his own awesomeness fear of heights.

5. Pissed off black people. Miley drew criticism from Chance The Rapper (among others) on Twitter for her Gone In Sixty Seconds dreadlocks and use of the word “mammy” while talking about her grandma in a skit featuring Snoop Dogg, but was it really any worse than her Kim K joke?

Kim Kardashian, I mean have you guys seen those nipples? I am so jealous of the baby in there.

According to the internet dictionary, the term mammy can refer to “one’s mother (especially as a child’s word)” or a black nursemaid in charge of white children.

6. Showed concern for The Weeknd’s hair. After the Weeknd’s show-stopping rendition of “I Can’t Feel My Face” (in the sort-of words of Kathleen Madigan, “I hope it’s not Bell’s Palsy”), long-hair-don’t-care Miley called Mr. Tesfaye a braver soul than she.

All that fire, and all that hair? I mean, I’ll do almost anything, but that is where I draw the line. That shit is fucking crazy.

So I wasn’t the only one having flashbacks to one of The Weeknd’s biggest influences, Michael Jackson, getting second-degree burns during his Pepsi commercial?

 

Chris Hemsworth’s Fake Dong In ‘Vacation’ Is Terrifying

  

Chris Hemsworth has giant arms, giant calves, giant pectoral muscles, a giant mane of flowing blond hair and is part of a giant blockbuster franchise.

In short, there’s nothing short about him. (NSFW gif ahead.)  Continue reading “Chris Hemsworth’s Fake Dong In ‘Vacation’ Is Terrifying”

Azealia Banks Posing For Internet-Breaking Playboy Photos

Playboy is employing Azealia Banks for an upcoming shoot. Banks is famous for songs like “212,” getting into Twitter feuds, and being a rapper who often gets confused with Iggy Azalea (who she affectionately calls “Itchy Areola”) despite not being white or Australian.

Banks will be interviewed by Rob Tannebaum within the April 2015 issue and photographed by Ellen Von Unwerth, whose portfolio includes compromising photos of Rihanna, Christina Aguilera, Beyoncé and Janet Jackson.  Continue reading “Azealia Banks Posing For Internet-Breaking Playboy Photos”

Video: The Weeknd – “Earned It”

At 4 minutes and 36 seconds, The Weeknd’s version of Fifty Shades of Grey is better than the movie. And instead of being summed up by an entire book with scenes featuring tampons and buttplugs that apparently turned on every woman in the world except me, this music video can be explained with a single gif of Dakota Johnson playing with The Weeknd’s hair tuft.
the weeknd hair dakota johnson
Ellie Goulding has also released a song from the weirdly good Fifty Shades soundtrack AND a bonus Nike campaign video of her running in tights. You’re welcome.

Double D*ck Dude Hopes to Bring ‘Something Positive to the Table’ With New Memoir

man with two penises bookThe man with two penises, aka Double D*ck Dude – who you may remember from his highly informative Reddit AMA – has written a book about what it’s like to live with Diphallia. While talking to Rolling Stone, he said he hopes to do more than just make money with Double Header: My Life With Two Penises.

He says his condition since becoming an internet phenomenon has allowed him to help people who feel different in general. “With so much negativity in the world, the ability to bring something positive to the table is a great feeling,” he says.  Continue reading “Double D*ck Dude Hopes to Bring ‘Something Positive to the Table’ With New Memoir”

Video: Nicki Minaj – “Only”

While you’re waiting for Nicki Minaj‘s third full-length album The Pinkprint (tomorrow), here’s a video of Nicki bouncing around in business casual attire with Drake professing his love for cellulite-laden ass dimples and Chris Brown in his most believable performance ever as a rapey-eyed devil. Produced by alleged Ke$ha and Lady Gaga rapist Dr. Luke.
  

Kourtney Kardashian did the Naked Pregnancy Photo Thing

Kourtney kardashian dujour 2Kourtney Kardashian – my favorite, because she’s grumpy, throws the most shade at Kim and loves white meat even though it’s highly frowned upon in her family – is about to pop out another baby and figured she’d preserve the moment in time forever by showing her blown-up pregnancy belly and surprisingly not blown-up bosoms to the world via a naked Dujour magazine spread. (Scroll down for slightly NSFW photo.)

In their profile, Dujour calls Kourtney the “pacifying, nurturing one,” but you kind of have to be a little nurturing and patient when you have two little ones running around plus a Scott Disick AND, like all of us, you live in the constant cold shadow of Kim’s ass.  Continue reading “Kourtney Kardashian did the Naked Pregnancy Photo Thing”

Paper Mag Rep Says They Barely Photoshopped Kim Kardashian’s Naked Behind

The publication responsible for front-to-back Kim Kardashian nudity, Paper Mag, says that “none of the photoshopping they did on her was drastic.”

Not that we haven’t already been wondering for the last 5 years how a human woman could have a waist that thin and an ass that could break even the largest pair of yoga pants, but this is kind of believable if you really think about it.

EVEN THOUGH she looks like a Barbie that went through Krispy Kreme’s glazer, you know from “accidentally” following her career from day 1 that her body basically does look like that naturally (unless she’s been stuffing her Herve Leger with pillows at every single event).

The best part is that Paper Mag had to come out and make a statement not only that the original images were not photoshopped much, but that the un-retouched “originals” that surfaced were fake. (Click here for a real one.)  Continue reading “Paper Mag Rep Says They Barely Photoshopped Kim Kardashian’s Naked Behind”

Nick Hogan is the First Male ‘Celebrity’ in iCloud Hack

Nick Hogan hacked icloudNick Hogan – a guy famous for a dad in spandex, a bikini-clad sister and boy-chasing mom – is the latest victim of the celebrity iCloud hack that Jennifer Lawrence, Rihanna and Kim Kardashian fell prey to.

You’d really think the male counterparts to those names would be something more like, I dunno, Joe Manganiello, Jason Momoa, Vin Diesel, Taylor Lautner… maybe Nick Jonas (and his pepperoni nipples). But instead we get the spray tan kid, d-listing it up.

Definitely not the last person I’d expect to have their junk leaked though.

 

 

 

 

 

Stand by for Maximum Butts: J-Lo and Iggy Azalea Made a Video Together…

Jlo Iggy azalea bootyThe oldest butt and the newest joined forces for a song called, get ready for it, “Booty.” A middle-eastern tune best served after repeated viewings of Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda,” the “Dance (Ass)” remix and Kim Kardashian’s entire Instagram.

Seriously, how many simple-minded men have to die of heart problems all so Jennifer Lopez can feel superior to Kim and Nicki?

You know she came up with this concept after turning around in the mirror asking Evil Queen-style who has the roundest derriere of all?  Continue reading “Stand by for Maximum Butts: J-Lo and Iggy Azalea Made a Video Together…”

Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes

So I got an email today from Jennifer Lawrence’s lawyer and I also stepped in poop. The poop thing is obviously much worse, but not really a story.

The email stated that I need to remove a completely censored image of Jennifer, one of the many from her widespread hacked nude photo scandal and also my entire article.

Let me just say that, like my fat cat Raisin (the one whose poop I stepped in), her lawyers are sweet but also completely misguided and derpy. Believing they can actually stop the photos from being shared and seen leads me to believe that – also like Raisin – THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE INTERNET WORKS.  Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes”

Meet Hefe Wine, the Man Behind the Alleged Iggy Azalea Sex Tape…

Hefe wine iggy azalea exThe only people who have seen Iggy Azalea’s sex tape at this point seem to be the “businessmen” over at Vivid Entertainment, who think the tape could actually be worth millions of dollars, possibly even more than saucer-eyed knob-polishers Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton.

The only people BESIDES of course Iggy herself and her co-star, former boyfriend and manager combo Hefe Wine.

Azalea is busy denying the tape’s existence while her lawyers are busy telling TMZ that it was filmed “without her knowledge or consent” and Hefe is busy pretending like he had nothing to do with it ending up at Vivid.

There’s also word that Iggy – known back then as Amethyst Amelia Kelly – may have accidentally signed over the rights to it to the douchey ex. (Which is bullsh*t, because the contract only related to music and music-related videos.Continue reading “Meet Hefe Wine, the Man Behind the Alleged Iggy Azalea Sex Tape…”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-15-14]

Columbian cycling team naked
Women’s cycling team are blissfully unaware of their seeming naked-ness. (Daily Mail)

Lindsay Lohan may have touched Whitney Houston’s corpse. (TMZ/Jezebel)

15 fun (and scary) things you didn’t know about Friday Night Lights. (Uproxx)

Martha Stewart goes gangster on Gwyneth Paltrow. (Evil Beet Gossip)

And the undisputed BEST SENIOR PHOTO OF ALL TIME goes to…. (Grouchy Muffin)

Tyler, The Creator compares Apple’s “gift” of new U2 album to herpes. (Stereogum)

OITNB writer divorces husband for lady love/OITNB star Samira Wiley. (Vulture)

Boy Bander Calum Hood Pulls a Pete Wentz, Shows the World His No No Square

Calum HoodI was as baffled as any of you by the appearance of boy band 5 Seconds of Summer at the MTV Video Music Awards last Sunday, but now the unknown Australian singers of “She Looks So Perfect” have their very own Kim Kardashian/Paris Hilton errr Pete Wentz?

18-year-old bassist Calum Hood’s junk appeared on Vine today after he Snapchatted a video of it to some girl. Turns out MTV was sort of right, the next big thing isn’t crappy pop dudes with minimal talent  like 5SOS and Emblem3, it’s accidental-on-purpose nudity. Thanks, Farrah Abraham!

Check out his super casual response for confirmation…

Congrats, your 5 seconds of summer fame has been extended at least another 60 seconds. And he’s the least unfortunate looking of the four guys, which really isn’t saying much.

Soon “Calum Hood” will just be another word for penis on Urban Dictionary.  Continue reading “Boy Bander Calum Hood Pulls a Pete Wentz, Shows the World His No No Square”