Barbara Walters Names Hillary Clinton, One Direction ‘Most Fascinating People”

Barbara Walters’ list of the Most Fascinating People of 2012 is out and two of the choices are baffling. Out of Ben Affleck, Hillary Clinton, One Direction, Chris Christie, Gabby Douglas, E.L. James and Seth MacFarlane, who do you think I’m talking about?

If you have to ask, we’re not on speaking terms. E.L. James and One Direction of course, though I have to say, Barbara Walters or whoever compiles this crap is not to blame.

Rock authority Rolling Stone was never to blame for suddenly putting the Backstreet Boys on the cover, it was simply what was popular at the time and came with a sort of unspoken apology.  Continue reading “Barbara Walters Names Hillary Clinton, One Direction ‘Most Fascinating People””

Marijuana Legalized In Colorado and Washington, Marriage Equality For Maine and Maryland!

Today was a good day for Democrats. Colorado, Washington, Maine and Maryland made history for their yes votes on marriage equality measures and marijuana legalization, oh, and that Obama guy won.

In spite of Colorado and Washington’s recreational marijuana use laws (Initiative 502 and Amendment 64) passing, the states still have a way to go in terms of actual results, so don’t take your pipe on a walk just yet.

Huffington Post and other websites report that it could take months, possibly even a year, for 21-and-overs to legally buy pot.

Here’s a statement from CO governor John Hickenlooper:  Continue reading “Marijuana Legalized In Colorado and Washington, Marriage Equality For Maine and Maryland!”

Here’s That Lena Dunham ‘First Time’ Video That Everyone Freaked Out Over

Girls creator Lena Dunham released a campaign ad for Barack Obama that playfully compared voting for the first time to losing your virginity and the conservatives who would rather pretend sex doesn’t exist and shove it in a corner like it’s a haunted ventriloquist doll predictably hated it.

“It tickles me to no end that while my twitter feed was blowing up with conservative hate,” Dunham wrote on Twitter. “I was literally hanging out in a pile of bisexuals.”

The most outrageous response to the video came from Ben Shapiro of BigGovernment.com, who said that Obama is exploiting young women.  Continue reading “Here’s That Lena Dunham ‘First Time’ Video That Everyone Freaked Out Over”

Tina Fey Roasts ‘Legitimate Rape’ Creator Todd Akin

At the Center for Reproductive Rights Inaugural Gala on October 24, SNL and 30 Rock writer/actress Tina Fey roasted Todd AkinRichard Mourdock, Tom Smith and Steve King‘s backward views on rape and pregnancy.

“I wish we could have an honest and respectful dialogue about these complicated issues, but it seems like we can’t right now,” Fey told the audience.

“If I have to listen to one more gray-faced man with a two-dollar haircut explain to me what rape is, I’m gonna lose my mind.”

“It’s making me dumber when I say it. But it’s something about the body not being able to get pregnant when it’s under physical stress.”

Continue reading “Tina Fey Roasts ‘Legitimate Rape’ Creator Todd Akin”

Obama Jokes About Donald Trump On Leno, Stephen Colbert Makes Ball-Shallowing Offer

On Wednesday Donald Trump was like “Hey Obama, if you show me your college transcripts and passport records I’ll give $5 million dollars to inner city kids.”
Not sure what he expected to uncover. Secret basement Columbia and Harvard Law courses on running a country you’re not from? Or perhaps his how-tos papers on printing fake Hawaiian birth certificates?

Fastforward to Wednesday night when Barack visited The Tonight Show with Jay LenoContinue reading “Obama Jokes About Donald Trump On Leno, Stephen Colbert Makes Ball-Shallowing Offer”

Donald Trump Offers Obama $5 Million To Release Misc. Records

Wannabe politician and actual reality star Donald Trump is still obsessed with Barack Obama‘s past and history as some sort anti-American terrorist.

On October 24, after multiple guesses from the media about a new, big Trump announcement including one about Barack and Michelle divorce papers, he revealed the “surprise” that was somehow intended to shake up the election.

Trump is offering $5 million dollars to the charity of Obama’s choosing, if he agrees to release his college and passport records.  Continue reading “Donald Trump Offers Obama $5 Million To Release Misc. Records”

I Respect Ann Coulter’s ‘Retard’ Comments Because…

After the debates last night, famous conservative controversy-lover Ann “long hands” Coulter wrote, “I highly approve of Romney’s decision to be kind and gentle to the retard.”

Yes Ann Coulter called Obama a retard, yes a boatload of angry liberals on Twitter attacked her ignorance, specifically her use of the “r-word,” yes I support her right to say it. You know why?

…Because there are thousands of democrats calling her and Mitt Romney retards at this exact moment. Also, it’s not like Coulter’s statements were ever subtle.

She is, after all, the one who called Princess Diana a “nitwit hussy” and said America would be better if women couldn’t vote though I think she meant “the country would be better if Ann Coulter couldn’t vote.”  Continue reading “I Respect Ann Coulter’s ‘Retard’ Comments Because…”

Obama Calls Out Mitt’s Backtracking, Labels It ‘Romnesia’

At a speech in Virginia at George Mason University yesterday afternoon Obama addressed his running opponent Mitt Romney‘s “backtracking” and “sidestepping” ways, humorously labeling the condition “Romnesia.”

Here are the symptoms, so nobody else catches it:

If you say you’re for equal pay for equal work, but you keep refusing to say whether or not you’d sign a bill that protects equal pay for equal work – you might have Romnesia.

If you say women should have access to contraceptive care, but you support legislation that would let your employer deny you contraceptive care – you might have a case of Romnesia.  Continue reading “Obama Calls Out Mitt’s Backtracking, Labels It ‘Romnesia’”

Naomi Watts Continues to do Princess-y Things in Diana Biopic

Since Hollywood is fresh out of ideas producing nothing but remakes and adaptations like Carrie, Hitchcock, Twilight, and Les Miserables – the next best thing is this Diana biopic that’s been in production all summer.

Naomi Watts looks strikingly similar to Princess D in these new pics, almost as good as ScarJo in Hitchcock – then again, short, blonde haired white women is as close as you’ll get to a special effects artist’s training mannequin.

Allegedly the pictures of the real Diana at the landmines influenced the Ottawa Treaty – sadly nothing to do with the Canadian capital – an international ban on anti-personnel landmines.  Continue reading “Naomi Watts Continues to do Princess-y Things in Diana Biopic”

Tumblr Has A Binder Full Of Jokes About Mitt Romney

A Tumblr, Facebook and Twitter account have already been dedicated to Mitt Romney’s comments during Tuesday night’s debates. Speaking about his difficulties finding qualified female candidates to work for him in Massachusetts, he said:

“I went to a number of women’s groups and said, ‘Can you help us find folks,’ and they brought us whole binders full of women.”

Continue reading “Tumblr Has A Binder Full Of Jokes About Mitt Romney”

Of Course Barack Obama Listens To Nicki Minaj

Our current president enjoys pro and college football and basketball, was born in Hawaii, says “uhhh” a lot and likes rap music. (In 2010 he told Rolling Stone that he enjoys Jay-Z, Nas, and Lil’ Wayne.) These are things that I know to be true about him.

Add Nicki Minaj to the list of music Obama works out to. After being asked about the feud between Nicki and Mariah Carey on American Idol, he responded:

“I think that they are going to be able to sort it out. I am confident. I am all about bringing people together. Working for the same cause. So, I think that both outstanding artists are going to be able to make sure that, you know, they’re moving forward and not going backwards.”  Continue reading “Of Course Barack Obama Listens To Nicki Minaj”

The Walking Dead’s Michonne Talks Zombie Stupidity And The First Lady’s M&M’s

Danai Gurira, who plays Michonne on The Walking Dead (which returns on Sunday, October 14), talked about Michelle Obama and why you shouldn’t be afraid of zombies on Attack of the Show’s Tuesday episode.

“You can call Michonne a badass, I just play one on TV,” she told AOTS host of the week Rob Huebel.

On sword training: “It was intense like right after I got the job it was straight into training with it, you know new muscles you don’t realize you have are now screaming and resenting you.”

On outsmarting the undead: “This is what I’ve learnt from Michonne – zombies are the lesser life form, there’s no reason to run from them, there’s no reason to fear them. They’re not smart, you’re smarter.”

Continue reading “The Walking Dead’s Michonne Talks Zombie Stupidity And The First Lady’s M&M’s”

Your Daily Snooki (Why Can’t This Be A Reality?)

Calm down. I’m not actually going to post about Snooki every single day. I unofficially almost do that anyway, so there’s no need for an announcement.

There is a need however, for Snooki and Lindsay Lohan to run for president and VP, though I really think Snooki’s name should be on top. We all know Lindsay would turn the Oval Office into a meth lab, whereas Snooki would merely replace the flags with Leopard print throws.

Anyway, I’m a big fan and feel the need to summarize her life. Jersey Shore is back for its final season and pregnant Snooki (who is partially responsible for this being the last season) moved out of the shore house because she couldn’t get a good night’s sleep with all the hooting and hollering and smooshing. Cutie McSausage is still on the show, just not in the house.

Continue reading “Your Daily Snooki (Why Can’t This Be A Reality?)”

Funny Video: Paul Ryan’s Video Diary

Is it weird that this bad lip-reading video of Paul Ryan makes me like him even more?

Even knowing that he isn’t in a band called “Steak Baby” and would never say something like “It’s the Paul Ryan video diary WOOO party time!” I love him and his smooth, failed attempts to convince me that he can fix the deficit with his abs, blue eyes, and widow’s peak.

If only the vice presidential debates could compare to this video’s inclusion of Ryan’s Nickelback poster.

Warcraft-Playing Candidate Shamed By Republicans

Republicans in Maine are running a smear campaign against a Democratic candidate for senate because of her personal love for World of Warcraft.

Supporters of Senator Tom Martin sent out postcards and devoted an entire website to warning voters in District 25 that Colleen Lachowicz has a “disturbing alter ego” and is leading a “bizarre” and “time-consuming” double life as a high-level orc named Santiaga.

“We need a Senator who lives in OUR world, not Colleen’s world,” the postcard laughably reads.

Continue reading “Warcraft-Playing Candidate Shamed By Republicans”

Mitt Romney Discusses Important Issues At The Debates, Like Big Bird

The presidential debates kicked off yesterday night and a surprising amount of Democrats (and Republicans of course) agreed that Obama appeared sleepy and disconnected. In the words of Roger Ebert, “Romney won on style and performance, Obama won on facts.”

Romney is quite the misguided charmer. During the most viral/meme friendly moment, he said:

“I’m going to stop the subsidy to PBS, I’m going to stop other things. I like PBS, I love Big Bird. Actually, [I] like you, too. But I’m not going to keep on spending money on things to borrow money from China to pay for.”  Continue reading “Mitt Romney Discusses Important Issues At The Debates, Like Big Bird”

Richard Belzer Gives Fox News A Nazi Salute

Things got weird on Good Day New York when comedian/actor Richard Belzer of Law & Order SVU made a bizarre joke about co-host David Price. When asked by Rosanna Scotto if Price could be cast on SVU Belzer responded,

“A thought, a thought … if he gets molested and banged in the ass, maybe.”

Scotto couldn’t seem to keep a straight face, while a very surprised Price asked if there was a five second delay and said “That’s the end of Belzer and the end of me.”

Richard concluded with a “Say heil to your colleagues at the other division” and a recognizable salute to Hitler.  Continue reading “Richard Belzer Gives Fox News A Nazi Salute”