You Openly Hate The Kardashians Because You Secretly Hate Yourself

Kardashian family 2015 I’m sick of hearing the world complain about Kanye West appearances, Caitlyn Jenner‘s Arthur Ashe Courage Award at the ESPYs and Kim Kardashian‘s Rolling Stone cover.

It’s starting to sound a lot like jealousy.

Bored trolls have taken it upon themselves to take a massive exploding dump all over everything this family accomplishes, and yes, most of their “accomplishments” are not exactly game-changers, but acting like Kim’s selfies are kickstarting the apocalypse isn’t exactly convincing anyone that you’re any more deserving of a working pair of lungs and oxygen than she is.  Continue reading “You Openly Hate The Kardashians Because You Secretly Hate Yourself”

Reporter Antagonizes Ronda Rousey, Gets Slammed

Aaron Tru, a reporter who interviews MMA fighters and is specifically notorious for “pissing off” women in the sport, recently got taken down by THE woman, Ronda Rousey.

“I don’t think you have as much strength and can compete with a man,” Tru said, right before getting his ribcage busted and wincing in pain.

It was definitely set-up, along with the time he got choked out by Cyborg (below), but it’s still amazing to see a big guy like him easily thrown by someone much smaller than him.

I’m not of the opinion that Tru is a chauvinist. He’s 100% in on the joke…

Like MMA’s own Steve-O, putting himself through hell for our enjoyment.  Continue reading “Reporter Antagonizes Ronda Rousey, Gets Slammed”

Beat The Arizona Heat With This Enticing Churro Dog

Churro Dog ArizonaYou can buy a 1,117-calorie Churro Dog topped with whipped cream and chocolate sauce for $8.50, but it’s for baseball fans at Chase Stadium and Chase Stadium in Phoenix, AZ alone.

Unfortunately, the Churro Dog, which joins Taco Bell’s Cap’n Crunch Delight as one of 2015’s most anticipated disgustingly delicious snack foods, will only be available at Diamondbacks games.  Continue reading “Beat The Arizona Heat With This Enticing Churro Dog”

Ronda Rousey Expresses Interest in Fighting Holly Holm After Submitting Zingano

Holly Holm vs Ronda Rousey“Rowdy” Ronda Rousey (add about a million y’s to that for a solid Bruce Buffer impersonation) told Joe Rogen in her post-fight interview that she is interested in taking on UFC newbie Holly Holm.

“Holly Holm is a world champion boxer and I always want to test myself against that level of striking,” Rousey said.

Holm, 33, showed impressive striking and kickboxing technique in her debut earlier tonight against Raquel Pennington, who lost despite having considerably more experience with big-name fighters like Cat Zingano.   Continue reading “Ronda Rousey Expresses Interest in Fighting Holly Holm After Submitting Zingano”

Dancing Shark is Real Super Bowl Winner

katy perry shark memeEven two years later, nothing beats Beyonce’s unflattering Super Bowl photos, but Katy Perry’s out-of-sync dancing shark, Wiimote and lion are trying their best.

Like the Packers against the Seahawks in the playoffs, Seattle had the game completely in the bag but failed, deciding to pass the ball at the end of the 4th with the end zone just inches from Marshawn Lynch’s face. Tom Brady jumped for joy as Russell Wilson threw the game-losing interception to Malcolm Butler, ending it at 28 to 24.  Continue reading “Dancing Shark is Real Super Bowl Winner”

Arizona Player Pukes on Ball Before Snap

Arizona Oregon puking Remember the name Carter Wood, because that’s who’s tossing the football to his quarterback right after blowing Gatorade chunks all over it in the most memorable gif of this year’s Pac-12.

Wood’s stomach was apparently almost as decimated as his team, the Arizona Wildcats, who lost (51-13) to the Oregon Ducks on Friday.

Ray Rice Halloween Costume is Utterly Tasteless

Ray Rice halloween costumeIf you know me at all you know that I am sometimes amused by utterly tasteless and horrible things like, for instance, this Ray Rice costume. Simple yet effective and featuring a pantless blow-up doll, it’s unknown who this brave man is, but a friend of his posted photos on Imgur at some point that were thankfully saved and spread around by Uproxx.

Adrian Peterson beating his son and Solange, Jay-Z and Beyonce on the elevator seem like appropriate follow-ups, but I’m definitely going as naked Jennifer Lawrence.

WATCH Mike Tyson Call a Reporter a ‘Piece of Sh*t’ on Live Television

I know this is old news, but Mike Tyson semi recently “saved” a guy who crashed his motorcycle in Vegas, and I wanted to remind everyone with this Canadian interview from earlier this month that while Mike Tyson is totally entertaining, he’s also a psychopath.

The lone face-tatted ranger reportedly pulled over to help a man who suffered multiple severe injuries such as broken bones and nerve damage until paramedics arrived.  Continue reading “WATCH Mike Tyson Call a Reporter a ‘Piece of Sh*t’ on Live Television”

Miesha Tate Beats Japan’s Best For Second Win This Year

Miesha Tate rin nakai statsRonda Rousey nemesis Miesha “Cupcake” Tate flew way out West on Saturday to challenge previously undefeated fighter Rin Nakai for and closed UFC Fight Night 52 with her second unanimous win of 2014.

It wasn’t as easy of a fight as you would expect for Miesha, whose record was tarnished last year when she fought and lost to both Rousey and Cat Zingano.

At 5’1″ and 135 pounds of pure muscle, Rin Nakai is probably the most formidable women’s MMA opponent in Japan, but her much shorter reach proved too great an obstacle to overcome, with 5’6″ Tate out-grappling and out-striking her every time.

Click HERE to watch the FULL FIGHT

The fairly fast-paced fight went to the third round, when most expected to see an early KO or submission from the super versatile Tate, who has finished opponents with everything from armbars to head kicks. Ultimately, Nakai underestimated the woman who took Ronda Rousey to a third round, and the judges took notice. Continue reading “Miesha Tate Beats Japan’s Best For Second Win This Year”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-15-14]

Columbian cycling team naked
Women’s cycling team are blissfully unaware of their seeming naked-ness. (Daily Mail)

Lindsay Lohan may have touched Whitney Houston’s corpse. (TMZ/Jezebel)

15 fun (and scary) things you didn’t know about Friday Night Lights. (Uproxx)

Martha Stewart goes gangster on Gwyneth Paltrow. (Evil Beet Gossip)

And the undisputed BEST SENIOR PHOTO OF ALL TIME goes to…. (Grouchy Muffin)

Tyler, The Creator compares Apple’s “gift” of new U2 album to herpes. (Stereogum)

OITNB writer divorces husband for lady love/OITNB star Samira Wiley. (Vulture)

Adrian Peterson Beat His Son With a Stick

ADrian peterson number 28More trouble for the NFL: Adrian Peterson went WAY too far disciplining his four-year-old son and is being taken to court in Houston for child abuse that occurred earlier this year.

According to documents, the well-known Vikings running back hit the child with a tree branch, causing bleeding and bruising to his back, legs, scrotum, hands and buttocks because he “pushed another one of Peterson’s children off of a motorbike video game.”

As a firm believer is not beating the shit out of children, I find this story especially disturbing. For one, my Mom never instilled harsher punishment than a time-out, a stern talking to, chores or revoking of privileges.

I’ve never felt right telling other people not to spank their kids, but this kind of punishment is absolutely unacceptable and one of the many reasons I would never feel right even attempting physical discipline.

Here’s why… Adrian Peterson’s lawyer has released a statement saying:

It is important to remember that Adrian never intended to harm his son and deeply regrets the unintentional injury.

So apparently, once his son was screaming and/or crying and putting his hands up to defend himself, Peterson realized that he might have gone a little overboard?  Continue reading “Adrian Peterson Beat His Son With a Stick”

Ray Rice’s Wife Calls His Suspension ‘Horrific’

janay rice knocked out gif unconscious elevator gif ray riceJanay Rice, the woman seen being knocked out in an elevator by her husband – Ravens running back Ray Rice – is defending his actions and slamming the media and the NFL.

Ray Rice was originally suspended by the NFL for a laughable 2 games after footage of an unconscious Janay being dragged across the floor surfaced on TMZ, but now that the full video of him straight-up Mike Tyson-ing her has appeared, they’ve changed their tune.

If there’s one the thing football organizations hate, it’s publicity. Not even necessarily bad publicity, but any attention (Tim Tebow, Michael Sam, Chad Johnson) that might distract from their players throwing balls, running with balls and slamming into each other with or without balls in their hands, and this is a classic and especially sad case of that…

Janay Rice wrote the following confusing comments about TMZ’s brutal new video and the fact that Ray is now out of Baltimore and suspended from playing on any team indefinitely:

I woke up this morning feeling like I had a horrible nightmare, feeling like I’m mourning the death of my closest friend. But to have to accept the fact that it’s reality is a nightmare in itself. No one knows the pain that media & unwanted options from the
public has caused my family. To make us relive a moment in our lives that we regret every day is a horrible thing. To take something away from the man I love that he has worked his ass of for all his life just to gain ratings is horrific. THIS IS OUR LIFE! What don’t you all get. If your intentions were to hurt us, embarrass us, make us feel alone, take all happiness away, you’ve succeeded on so many levels. Just know we will continue to grow & show the world what real love is! Ravensnation we love you!

Normalizing this kind of behavior is a huge problem, and Janay, the NFL, Ray and his ignoramus lawyer (who called it a “very minor physical altercation” back in February), are adding gallons of gasoline to the forest fire.

Ray Rice said in a statement that his wife is “so strong,” and that he in turn he has to be strong for her. Because you have to be pretty fucking “strong” to sleep off a punch like that.

Meanwhile, Browns’ WR Josh Gordon has been suspended for an entire year after testing positive for marijuana, with the NFL sending a clear message that domestic violence isn’t big of a deal as smoking a little weed, but both are trumped by ...say it with me this time… bad publicity.

Read: Ravens Player: Ray Rice Lied To Teammates, Has Lost Our Support

Mo’Ne is the First Little Leaguer, Girl or Boy, to Land the Cover of Sports Illustrated

sports illustrated little league girlLast night on SportsCenter’s Top Stories segment there was a fascinating interview with a 13-year-old girl who plays Little League on an otherwise all-boys team in Philly. The first, but definitely not last I’d hear of Mo’Ne Davis.

She throws a 70 mph fastball and was noticed at her school by the baseball coach for playing football, you know, just casually throwing perfect spirals and zooming around the field faster than most college running backs.

Mo’Ne could likely succeed in baseball, football or basketball (her favorite). The world is her oyster, as displayed on this week’s issue of Sports IllustratedContinue reading “Mo’Ne is the First Little Leaguer, Girl or Boy, to Land the Cover of Sports Illustrated”

Prince Fielder + EPSN Body Issue = Sexiest Cover of All Time

prince fielder body issue cover prince fielder body issue
Prince Fielder’s bear body and DGAF expression put the naked butts and boobs of fellow 2014 ESPN Body Issue cover models Venus Williams, Marshawn Lynch, [snowboarder] Jamie Anderson, Serge Ibaka and Michael Phelps to shame.

If you don’t want to ravish him on a fur rug, your face is a waste of good eye sockets. 

Continue reading “Prince Fielder + EPSN Body Issue = Sexiest Cover of All Time”

No Armbar Needed: Ronda Rousey DECIMATES Alexis Davis in 16 Seconds for Tenth Straight Win … Can Anyone Beat Her?

Ronda Rousey Alexis Davis fight gif UFC 175Ronda Rousey is a powerhouse, a beast and arguably the most exciting fighter to watch in either men or women’s MMA. She’s also so far ahead of her competition that only one of her ten fights has ever gone past the first round. Her latest bout against #2 seed Alexis Davis was surprisingly short, even for a Rousey fight. After a mere 16 seconds, she flipped a seemingly lifeless Davis on her back and popped her in the face about 7 times. The punishment she doled out was already too much for the refs to stomach, and it was over.

I’m starting to think the only way to make the fights fair is if Ronda’s opponents are on steroids, or if Ronda herself is horribly injured or plastered out of her mind. Seriously, I’d put $1000 on drunk Ronda over sober whoever on steroids. It still wouldn’t be a contest.

So far, only Miesha Tate and Liz Carmouche have come even remotely close to defeating Ronda. People still think early women’s MMA trailblazer-turned actress Gina Carano could pull a win out of the bag against her, but I’m a firm believer that the only woman who stands a chance is the one who brutally defeated Carano in 2009.  Continue reading “No Armbar Needed: Ronda Rousey DECIMATES Alexis Davis in 16 Seconds for Tenth Straight Win … Can Anyone Beat Her?”

Hope Solo Pleads ‘Not Guilty’ to Charges of Beating Up Insubordinate Nephew

hope solo court 2014U.S. Goalkeeper Hope Solo/unofficial 9th cast member of Jersey Shore is in the news for attacking her 17-year-old nephew. She reportedly called him a “p*ssy,” pulled his hair and punched him.

The nephew retaliated in typical teenage fashion, by stepping up the name-calling to “c*nt,” pointing a BB gun at her and hitting her in the head with the broom she flew in on.

An apparently drunk Solo began attacking her own sister once the boy called the police, leaving “visible injuries.” TMZ has a recording of the kid in the process of fending off his “psychotic” auntie  Ho Ho, who has already plead not guilty to assault.  Continue reading “Hope Solo Pleads ‘Not Guilty’ to Charges of Beating Up Insubordinate Nephew”

Mexico’s Golden Goalkeeping God Guillermo Ochoa Keeps Brazil at Bay


The World Cup is an amazing occurrence in sports to most, full of bright colors and whizzing balls on a field the size of space which usually excites me about as much as Ron Jeremy naked on a silver platter, but Mexico’s game against Brazil on Tuesday caught my attention.

…Or at least the muted highlights (seen here in glorious Gif form) on SportsCenter did.

Goalkeeper Guillermo Ochoa somehow managed to keep a tie-game interesting with his trampoline legs, Mr. Fantastic arms and steel chest. He’s The Avengers, Justice League and the Guardians of the Galaxy combined.  Continue reading “Mexico’s Golden Goalkeeping God Guillermo Ochoa Keeps Brazil at Bay”