Pokemon Go is Bringing Nerds Together Like Never Before

pokemon go brosLast night at around 11:00 p.m., a day after downloading Pokemon Go, my girlfriend and I had a sudden pressing inclination to go to the park and try and level up our trainers. We don’t live in the safest town of all time, so when we noticed several men walking behind us we became cautious but trekked on, crossing our fingers they weren’t up to no good. It took us a few minutes to realize that everyone there was up to the same non-mischief.

A girl walked past us as we got closer and reached a landmark, loudly exclaiming and pointing behind her, “There was an Eevee right back there.”

There we were, standing in the dark in a place we wouldn’t normally feel entirely safe, surrounded by harmless gamers with the same purpose, the small square lights of their phone screens encompassing us. I usually associate strangers on their phones with isolation, but this was different. We were all being socially antisocial. We were unified. Awkward, yet connected.

The same girl who called out the Eevee’s location shouted this time,”Bulbasaur! Bulbasaur over here!” Everyone in the park came running, and most of us thanked her.

For those who haven’t played, Pokemon Go uses augmented reality, a combination of CGI and real life. The app shows a cartoon map of where you are and once a Pokemon (collectible creatures that you trap and level-up) appears on the map, you click on it and see via your phone’s rear-facing camera where it is. Sometimes they’re inside, bouncing around on a table or mischievously blocking your view of the TV. Sometimes they’re next to a river bank or on top of a car, and other times they’re interrupting this blog post.

Pokemon go blog

While it’s always possibly to catch a few Magikarps from the comfort of home, the game rewards you for visiting real-life locations. You can’t make real progress without going outside. So, besides uniting gamers, it’s also making us walk.

Continue reading “Pokemon Go is Bringing Nerds Together Like Never Before”

Facebook’s Infuriating Policies Allow Removal Of Post Exposing Misogynist Pig

facebook messsage asking for nudesApparently Facebook and their employees are in the business of protecting incomprehensibly ignorant, entitled and pushy men.

Yesterday, a friend I’ve known for years received a message asking if she’d be interested in selling pictures of her body. Totally fucking presumptuous and gross, right? Let me interject for a moment by saying that being accosted by random pervs is not flattering. Just a little tip for all the guys out there: most of us prefer well-worded compliments from people we know, trust and respect.

My friend, who is pretty familiar with this type of behavior from years of social media-having — not to mention multiplayer gaming on Xbox Live — decided to thwart his efforts with humor, telling him she was sans genitalia. Continue reading “Facebook’s Infuriating Policies Allow Removal Of Post Exposing Misogynist Pig”

Dismantling Someone Else’s Armor and Weapons in Destiny is the Sweetest, Nerdiest Revenge


Did you happen to recently catch your boyfriend or girlfriend in bed with the neighbor? Does your bf/gf yell at you for no reason or spend outlandish amounts of money at the Cheesecake Factory? If the person who has wronged is also addicted to the game Destiny, don’t waste time trying to dump sugar in their gas tank…

Getting legendary and exotic weapons and armor in Destiny is HUGE pain. It takes forever to get them, while dismantling them takes only seconds.

1. Once you’ve loaded their character, press the start button to access inventory, select items and hold the “X” button on Xbox or the square on PS3 or PS4 to dismantle them.

Or you could just erase their entire hard drive.

(System settings: storage: games and apps: DELETE.)

This is pretty much the worst thing you can do to your console-playing girl/boy/regular friend, like the nerd equivalent of burning a house to the ground.  Continue reading “Dismantling Someone Else’s Armor and Weapons in Destiny is the Sweetest, Nerdiest Revenge”

Sony Pulls ‘The Interview’ From All Theaters

Kim jong il death scene the interviewSeth Rogen and James Franco’s The Interview has been scrapped from all major theaters by Sony, who also reportedly have NO PLANS to release in on DVD or on demand due to the plot of the entire movie, specifically a scene were their beloved(?) leader Kim Jong-un burns to death in slow motion.

Leaked emails from Rogen himself detailed the gory scene, which apparently included “hair burning,” “face embers” and a “wave of head chunks.” 

Sounds hilarious, right? North Korean hackers didn’t quite think so…

After catching wind of The Interview, a group calling themselves the “Guardians of Peace” threatened to bomb any venue who dared screen it, 9/11 style.

Warning

the interview posterWe will clearly show it to you at the very time and places “The Interview” be shown, including the
premiere, how bitter fate those who seek fun in terror should be doomed to.
Soon all the world will see what an awful movie Sony Pictures Entertainment has made.
The world will be full of fear.
Remember the 11th of September 2001.
We recommend you to keep yourself distant from the places at that time.
(If your house is nearby, you’d better leave.)
Whatever comes in the coming days is called by the greed of Sony Pictures Entertainment.
All the world will denounce the SONY.

Continue reading “Sony Pulls ‘The Interview’ From All Theaters”

Lizard Squad Took Down Xbox Live AGAIN

lizard squad logoLizard Squad, a hacker group whose bio reads “Some lizards just want to watch the world burn,” have tapped into the Xbox Live servers for the second time this week, rendering it unavailable for several hours.

This directly affects me and therefore makes me angrier than She-Hulk with third world dysentery.

“Why are they doing this?” you may ask. Well, the “reasons” for hacking are eerily similar to the “reasons” people commit murder:

1. Just because they can. 2. It makes them feel powerful. 3. They like the attention.

Continue reading “Lizard Squad Took Down Xbox Live AGAIN”

Jesse Pinkman is Inside Your Xbox One’s Head

aaron paul xbox memeAaron Paul (Jesse Pinkman on Breaking Bad) lives on in crappy car movies, random interviews and televised commercials for Xbox One. Commercials where he utilizes voice commands like “Xbox on,” that are causing consoles across America to power up without their owner’s consent.

“Hey Aaron Paul, please stop messing with my Xbox,” seemed to be the sentiment of most.

Such first world/white male problems. “OH NO, this expensive flat box with the sound and moving pictures is making this other expensive, less flat box beep every time I reach for the bowl of artisan sea salt popcorn resting on my sectional leather sofa…

…I’m totally going to go on a killing spree now and cite this as the ‘reason.'”  Continue reading “Jesse Pinkman is Inside Your Xbox One’s Head”

This Gamer’s Reaction to Losing at Resident Evil is PRICELESS

 After just finishing a boss battle with only 10 minutes remaining in the game and being watched by hundreds of viewers during a speed run of the original Resident Evil on the PS Vita, Twitch.TV user Carcinogen made a fatal mistake and prematurely game over-ed.

With no save file in sight, his reaction was absolutely perfect. Instead of throwing the Vita against the wall, yelling, crying or suddenly cutting off his camera in shame, he simply slumped straight down in his chair with a look of  embarrassment and surprise until he was completely out of frame.

To see the full chain of events with gameplay footage, head over to Imgur.

Teenage Girl Poisons Grandma’s Collard Greens for Taking her Cell Phone Away

girl who poisoned grandmaIn the news recently, I was unsurprised to learn that a girl in North Carolina dumped poison meant to exterminate termites into her grandmother’s collard greens while she was at church.

It gets worse… This all happened because grandma, one Gaylon Moody of Fayetteville (a dead ringer for Sweet Brown), confiscated her cell phone for a week.

Via CBS:

The seventeen-year-old Fayetteville girl allegedly dumped insecticide and termite killer into a pot of collard greens her grandmother planned on eating for Easter dinner. The station reports Moody cooked the food before attending church for services, and ate the meal when she returned home.

Moody and her friend Clifton Evans both became ill after eating the collard greens, reports the station.

“About an hour and a half later, we started getting sick,” Moody told the station. “My fingers started feeling numb, (and it spread to) my chest, my face, my mouth.”

A friend of Moody’s rushed the two to the hospital, where they were treated and released.

Teens of today care more about technology, and what that technology represents, than family. Not having the thinnest, fastest phone is a social tragedy, and not having a phone at all is like, so much worse than a dead grandma.

Continue reading “Teenage Girl Poisons Grandma’s Collard Greens for Taking her Cell Phone Away”

Flappy Bird Will Be Gone By Tomorrow Night

Mobile game addicts better get ready to flex those index fingers and play the crap out of Flappy Bird, because the creator of the massively popular game says he’s “sorry,” but he’s taking it off the app store in 22 hours.

And that was at 11 a.m., so you have until tomorrow night (approximately 8:02 p.m.) to not leave the floor, bed, couch or chair you normally relax in with Meyer lemon curd remnants all over your slob face.

One Kotaku commenter wrote, “I read this as, “Oh shit, I’m REALLY getting attention for stealing artwork and I know how Nintendo is about their IP. I’m hopefully going to cash out before they come after me,” and I’m pretty sure he hit the nail on the head. While the creator said he wasn’t removing it for legal reasons, it probably was a preemptive strike.

WATCH: Live-Action ‘Call of Duty: Ghosts’ Trailer

Activision continues the big-budget video game trailer craze with Ghosts, developer Infinity Ward’s anticipated return to the Call of Duty franchise since Modern Warfare 3, in 2011.

Titled “Epic Night Out” and set to the tune of Sinatra’s “I’m Gonna Live Till I Die,” the teaser features a brief appearance by Megan Fox, who comes between three soldiers stuck in crossfire at a Las Vegas casino.

Continue reading “WATCH: Live-Action ‘Call of Duty: Ghosts’ Trailer”

Louis C.K. on Why We All Need to Drop Our Cell Phones and Feel Things

I don’t have a very unique perspective on cell phones, I just know that I weep a little inside every time I write something down on an actual piece of paper and realize that my notes could only be deciphered by other serial killers, NSA and children because I’ve forgotten how to grip a pen.

I can’t even brag that I waited 27 years to get a cell phone and didn’t grow up with television, because I substituted with an iPod Touch that made me ignore just as many people and walk into just as many walls.

Insightful funnyman Louis C.K. is hurt by the fact that we are less imaginative, more impatient and increasingly slow-minded as a human race because of technology, believing that the addiction is caused by our inability to acknowledge our gaping black souls. (Shut up, Beavis.)

Here are some of his thoughts on the matter, from last week’s Late Night with Conan O’Brien:

You need to build an ability to just be yourself and not be doing something. That’s what the phones are taking away, is the ability to just sit there. That’s being a person. Because underneath everything in your life there is that thing, that empty—forever empty. That knowledge that it’s all for nothing and that you’re alone. It’s down there.  Continue reading “Louis C.K. on Why We All Need to Drop Our Cell Phones and Feel Things”

Man Proposes To Girlfriend Using Imgur, Reddit and DeviantART

Game of thrones proposal meme ringSome really sweet, really progressive guy (Reddit user name: SirTechnocracy) asked his live-in girlfriend to marry him using an album of handmade memes on Imgur, plus 18 drawings of proposals he commissioned from DeviantART, one for each month they’ve been together.

LadyTechnocracy responded to raised eyebrows over the unconventional (*creative*) method by saying “This is honestly the most romantic thing someone has ever done for me. The advice animals crack me up.”

Awww. The internet used properly, without fetish porn or hateful trolls? You crazy kids give me hope.

Trailer: Jobs

In Jobs, in theaters August 16, 2013, we see Ashton Kutcher transformed as Steve Jobs in the early days, before the success of Apple Inc. and invention of the iPod, iPhone and iPad and his struggle with cancer.

As the movie progresses, he looks and sounds exactly like Ashton Kutcher with glasses on.
Steve Jobs Ashton Kutcher jobs gif movieashton kutcher steve jobs gif jobs movie
The film also stars Josh Gad as co-founder Steve Wozniak, Dermot Mulroney as investor and eventual CEO Mike Markkula, and James Woods as Reed College dean Jack Dudman.  Continue reading “Trailer: Jobs”

I KISSED A DOUCHE AND I LIKED IT: Russell Brand Asked Katy Perry For a Divorce Via Text

katy perry and russellIn the new issue of Vogue, Katy Perry admits that her previous boyfriends were very intelligent but had more irreversible problems than abused shelter dogs. Her husband of just over a year, Russell Brand, divorced her in a text message, and it wasn’t until she learned the “real truth” that she was able to move on and date fellow jerkbag John Mayer.

“I felt a lot of responsibility for it ending, but then I found out the real truth, which I can’t necessarily disclose because I keep it locked in my safe for a rainy day,” Perry said. “I let go and I was like: This isn’t because of me; this is beyond me. So I have moved on from that.”

Katy needs to move to Oregon where it always rains and tell us what the hell she’s got on Russell.

I want to say it absolutely has to do with drugs or sex, but I guess it’d be more shocking to find out that he collects commemorative MLK stamps or eats cake out of the trash. Continue reading “I KISSED A DOUCHE AND I LIKED IT: Russell Brand Asked Katy Perry For a Divorce Via Text”

Is the PS4 ‘Better’ Than the Xbox One? Not Necessarily, But it is Cheaper

PS4 console and controller

Most gamers I talk to seem to favor the idea of buying the PS4 over the Xbox One, and we know Microsoft’s reveal of the new Xbox where they continuously plugged it as a media center that immerses you socially and visually and occasionally plays games like Forza and FIFA is to blame, but which console is actually better?

Like the age-old Macs vs. PC discussion, that’s an unanswerable question, but here are the differences:

1. Price

The Playstation 4 is cheaper at $399 than the Xbox One, which hits shelves in November for $499.

2. Games

Sony said at E3 that unlike the One, PS4 will be region-free (no restriction on European and Japanese titles), supports used games 100% and will not require a constant internet connection.

“When a gamer buys a PS4 disc, they have the rights to the game, they can trade in the game at retail, sell it to another person, lend it to another friend or keep it forever.” -Jack Tretton, CEO
Titanfall xbox screenshot
Both consoles will require a paid subscription (Playstation Plus and Xbox Live) to play online multiplayer.

Exclusive Xbox One games: Halo 5, Titanfall, Ryse: Son of Rome, Sunset Overdrive, Killer Instinct, Forza Motorsport 5, Dead Rising 3, Project Spark.

Exclusive PS4 games: The Order 1886, Killzone: Shadowfall, Knack, DriveClub, Infamous: Second Son.

Games for both Xbox One and PS4: Call of Duty: Ghosts, The Elder Scrolls Online, Metal Gear Solid 5: The Phantom Pain, Grand Theft Auto 5, Watch Dogs, Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag, Kingdom Hearts 3.

Playstation 4 xbox one side by side

3. Specs

While each system comes with a Blu-Ray Disc Drive, a 500GB hard drive and built-in Wi-Fi, the PS4, with its impressive RAM and GPU, which will likely be faster and a tiny bit better looking in-game.

Xbox One comes with a Kinect and HDMI in/out (PS4 only has HDMI out).

In conclusion, the PS4 does have an upper hand with its price, speed and stance on used games, but the Xbox has more exclusive games and voice/movement inclusion with the Kinect 2.0.

The Xbox One Has Halo 5, Will Cost $499

Halo 5 screenshot
Microsoft revealed the price ($500) and release month (November) of the Xbox One at an E3 event today.

After game previews for both Halo 5 (with Master Chief wearing a piece from the 2014 flowing brown desert collection), and Titanfall (Call of Duty with mechs and jetpacks), execs made heavy mention of cloud computing and 60-frame-per-second visuals.

To make up for the horrible news of the console not being backwards compatible, Microsoft has announced that they will be giving away big-name games to Gold subscribers every month until the One’s release.

Continue reading “The Xbox One Has Halo 5, Will Cost $499”