These stages of grief are: crying, crashing your car while crying, continuing to sing even though you’ve been in a car accident, and playing the piano.
The songs are about an angry guy with a Minaj chest tattoo who looks like Big Sean…
One year after announcing a double mastectomy, Angelina Jolie wants you to know she’s f*cking fine and just needs a second to stop being scratching her beautiful face and body with her gnarled witch hands.
“I will be home, itching and missing everyone, and I can’t believe it because this film means so much to me,” she said in a video to her fans.
You see that photo? That’s not the face she made when she found out she couldn’t promote Unbroken due to her outbreak, it’s the one she made when she found out Sony executive Amy Pascal was a backstabbing, knob-eating slag who shit-talked her in emails.
Also, Aidy Bryant as Taco Bell, Tinkerbell’s ghetto fabulous half-sister, a “reverse tooth fairy” who enjoys landing on raw meat and stealing children’s money.
Plus a school bus flipping over, shirtless Arnold and naked Jai Courtney (from Spartacus).
After being approached by one of TMZ’s professional celebrity-harassers, MMA legend Ronda Rousey explained what she’s looking for in a man. (Self-confidence, Zzz.)
She also launched into a very interesting story about a seemingly perfect guy who she called “catalog man” who turned her off with his unconventional kissing habits.
He would bite my teeth. Like, his teeth would hit my teeth when we kissed. It’s the worst! At first I was like, “Oh, it’s an accident” but then it started happening over and over and over. … He was absolutely perfect in every way except for that but that was just a dealbreaker. You can’t hit your teeth on my teeth!
The internet is abuzz with news that Mariah Carey has absolutely no ability to sing live after a disastrous televised performance at Rockefeller Center.
I’ll admit that the “true-ue-ue-ue” part of “All I Want For Christmas” sans music sounds like a downed bird being repeatedly stepped and unstepped on, but talent is not something you simply lose one day like a coin in a couch cushion.
I am of the slightly unpopular opinion that Mariah is the best female singer of my generation (suck it, Beyoncé) and would like to defend her honor by saying that she’s no dummy. She made it through the rain with multiple personalities, Glitter and a mustache in Precious. I say she’s pretending to suck so she can make another comeback. It’s a brilliant business plan that you wish you’d thought of. Continue reading “I Refuse to Believe (or Care) that Mariah Carey Can’t Sing Anymore”
Press play to listen to why you need to stay with abusive dudes who may or may not kill you. It might be the most busted-up “logic” you’ve ever heard.
I just wanted to say that if your boyfriend or the guy that you’re with puts his hands on you like he hits you or beats you up or whatever he does, stay with him. That nigga fucking loves you because he’s risking for you to press charges on him. He’s risking for you calling the police. He’s gonna do time or he’s gonna have to pay money to get out of jail or whatever the case may be, he’s risking all of that for you so that nigga fucking loves you.
Before sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner I ask my Mom how she feels about new Star Wars movies being made and I learn that she had NO IDEA about the George Lucas abominations made long after the good ones from the ’70s and ’80s.
She might be the luckiest woman on earth, and not just because I’m her daughter.
Anyway, the new trailer – which hopes to fully erase The Phantom Menace from our minds as well – features a scared black man, a bot riding around on a volleyball and a mysterious member of the dark side hunched over in the woods. (Space Voldemort?)
Con: Steven Spielberg and Michael Crichton are pretty much MIA.
Pro: Chris Pratt. Con: The dinosaurs look about as lifelike as Thanksgiving turkey.
Pro: Genetically modified hybrid eats overly-curious children.
Just in time for Halloween, the holiday where you become a slut to get attention and I become one to get free candy. Continue reading “Video: MJ’s “Thriller” in 20 Different Styles”
††† ⇒Click here if you prefer videos that feature black Jesus and blond Pete Wentz⇐ †††
The fact that Gwen’s been married for 12 years makes it really hard to guess who this song is about… P.S. Her new solo album, the first since 2006, is rumored to drop in December.
There’s a lady doctor and a lady firefighter and some other random businesswoman being oddly sexual at the workplace like opening their mouths and tilting their heads back for no reason and while I’m waiting for them to bang I realize that they’re not lesbians, they’ve just seen Whip-It one too many times and want to knock each other out on a roller derby rink.
Basically, as I’d expected, the video is super cliche, just in a different way. It also doesn’t star Juliette Lewis OR Ellen Page and is therefore a complete waste of my time.
A spokesperson for RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) are calling the video – which features Adam Levine creeping on real-life wifey/10,000th-model-he’s-bedded Behati Prinsloo – “a dangerous depiction of a stalker’s fantasy.”
I, on the other hand, believe that the majority of people have enough sense to differentiate harmless, horror-themed imagery from instructions on how to stalk and kill women, but then again, they are watching Maroon 5 videos in their spare time…
I personally found the video of him making babies with Minka Kelly more upsetting.
(Not sure if bad kisser or intentionally slobbering to make video grosser…?)
The lone face-tatted ranger reportedly pulled over to help a man who suffered multiple severe injuries such as broken bones and nerve damage until paramedics arrived. Continue reading “WATCH Mike Tyson Call a Reporter a ‘Piece of Sh*t’ on Live Television”
You may have heard about Emma Watson’s extremely insightful and empowering speech to the U.N., which was about equality and feminism being one and the same.
You ALSO may have heard that a bunch of trolls threatened to leak naked pictures of Watson to somehow make her seem like less of a feminist.
The people behind the countdown to Watson’s nude leak were actually a marketing group hired to shut down 4Chan and end the constant invasion of privacy from the hackers behind the Jennifer Lawrence scandal. Continue reading “Turns Out, Uneducated Pervs DIDN’T Try to Ruin Emma Watson’s Awesome Speech On Feminism”