Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-8-13]

4 minute video of every newsworthy thing that happened in 2012 will blow your mind. (ohmyGAHH!)

Dwayne Johnson is the best son ever, crushes mom with a hug. (Examiner)

“I didn’t know she sang. I thought she rapped. Or whatever.” –Carey, on Minaj (Jezebel)

Kanye West calls Beyonce and Jay-Z, but not Solange, his “family.” (Gawker)

Giant kraken from the sea captured in new high-definition images. (NY Daily News)

Rihanna gets compared to Whitney Houston, calls accuser a “weak bitch.” (Sugarscape)

This robot needs some Gatorade, or Alka-Seltzer, or a trip to the scrap metal box. (Grouchy Muffin)

It’s Been A Bad, Bad Year For Katt Williams – Comedian Arrested For Child Endangerment

People Katt WilliamsAnd lost cause of the year award goes to… Lindsay Lohan. But after Lindsay it definitely goes to Katt Williams, who just spent a night in jail after cops raided his home and found his four kids were surrounded by guns and drugs.

As the 5’5″ stand-up behind The Pimp Chronicles, Katthouse and Pimpadelic sauntered out of jail, he asked the paparazzi the rhetorical question, “How do you keep kids safe without guns?”

If that was too straight-out-of-NRA-VP-Wayne-LaPierre’s-press-conference-notes for you, Williams also said that he’s “not in a gang” so it shouldn’t make a difference if his preteen kids are sporting AKs and bullet belts.

Here’s a 2012 timeline of ghetto-fab Katt Williams’ moments…

Continue reading “It’s Been A Bad, Bad Year For Katt Williams – Comedian Arrested For Child Endangerment”

Twisted Flashback: 5 Most Memorable Celebrity Moments of 2012

Biggest stories of 2012 I like to reminisce about all sorts of thing…. the time I ate a pizza that could easily have fed three John Goodmans, that other time I stepped in a red ant nest and vowed to never put on a dress again, and all the times celebrities wore dresses but forgot underwear.

(Anne Hathaway, thank you for showing me that vaginas can look just as anorexic as collar bones).

Continue reading “Twisted Flashback: 5 Most Memorable Celebrity Moments of 2012”

Courtney Stodden Covers Her Christmas Goodies With Synthetic Snow

Courtney Stodden santaI’m not sure what I did for holidays before Courtney Stodden came along. The woman who somehow manages to be ten thousand times less talented than Snooki, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian, puts the “f” in fun (and other words) and doesn’t discriminate.

Halloween, Christmas, Thanksgiving, 52-year-olds – all fair game.

Stodden is like Taylor Momsen in that she never let being underage get in the way of her sexualized antics. Now that she’s 18, she shows no signs of slowing down the antics (or visits to McNamara/Troy).

She explained to E! that her latest photo shoot, which earned her the Daily Mail headline “She’ll give Santa a heart attack,” was designed to “spread Christmas cheer.”

Continue reading “Courtney Stodden Covers Her Christmas Goodies With Synthetic Snow”

Rihanna’s New Shrub-Surrounded House in L.A. is Pretty Okay

Rihanna mansion 2012Rihanna, who recently posted an Instagram photo of a card that says “Being single sucks,” just bought a $12 million dollar mansion in the Pacific Palisades neighborhood in Los Angeles. If Cribs was still on (if it hasn’t been cancelled, replace “on” with “popular”), they’d show an overly enthusiastic Rihanna waving her arms around in and at the seven bedrooms, nine bathrooms, game room and refrigerator full of MTV-provided soda (that used to be Corona).

“Here’s another room that Chris Brown and I had disgusting sex in…” “There’s the live-in nurse and domestic violence therapist, Hilda.” Whatever.  Continue reading “Rihanna’s New Shrub-Surrounded House in L.A. is Pretty Okay”

Do Michelle Obama and Madonna Belong on a List of the 25 ‘Least Influential’ People?

GQ just released their list of various politicians, sports figures, musicians and Hollywood figures who they consider to be the least influential, and there are more than a few inclusions that just don’t sit right.

Amanda Bynes and Gotye: yes, Michelle Obama, hell no.

Forget that she’s the first lady, Mrs. O is actually somebody worth idolizing.

Seeing that her entry (number seven) is accompanied by a picture of her snarfing down Haagen Daz straight out of the container in a bath robe, it’s clear that the compiler of this list merely dislikes her vendetta against fast food.  Continue reading “Do Michelle Obama and Madonna Belong on a List of the 25 ‘Least Influential’ People?”

Barbara Walters Names Hillary Clinton, One Direction ‘Most Fascinating People”

Barbara Walters’ list of the Most Fascinating People of 2012 is out and two of the choices are baffling. Out of Ben Affleck, Hillary Clinton, One Direction, Chris Christie, Gabby Douglas, E.L. James and Seth MacFarlane, who do you think I’m talking about?

If you have to ask, we’re not on speaking terms. E.L. James and One Direction of course, though I have to say, Barbara Walters or whoever compiles this crap is not to blame.

Rock authority Rolling Stone was never to blame for suddenly putting the Backstreet Boys on the cover, it was simply what was popular at the time and came with a sort of unspoken apology.  Continue reading “Barbara Walters Names Hillary Clinton, One Direction ‘Most Fascinating People””

2012 American Music Awards Fashion Mavens and Bombs

Prints were big at the 40th Annual American Music Awards last night.

Stacy Keibler, Jordin Sparks (Joan Rivers will have a lot to say about that one), Kelly Rowland and Gwen Stefani all wore similar printed patterns made from recycled cabin rugs.  Continue reading “2012 American Music Awards Fashion Mavens and Bombs”

Robert Pattinson For Italian Vogue, 2012

Robert Pattinson plays peek-a-boo with the camera in a slightly misguided shoot for L’Uome Vogue. Somebody on ONTD! wrote that he looks like “the lovechild of Zorro and Nosferatu.”

Though I really can’t disagree, I’d add that it appears that one of the less mutated Hills Have Eyes lurkers stole from the a drama room costume chest and let his cousin-wife take pictures of him inside the old airplanes and cars that belonged to their victims.

Since text for this one doesn’t exist yet, we’ll go over some random election and Breaking Dawn kissing quotes from Pattinson on Jimmy Kimmel.  Continue reading “Robert Pattinson For Italian Vogue, 2012”

The Weekend In Celebrity Halloween Costume Creativity [SLIDESHOW]

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There was a flood this past weekend. No, I’m not talking about the tsunami warnings in British Columbia or Hurricane Sandy.

I’m referring to the less imminent threat of celebrities flooding Twitter, Instagram and Facebook and entertainment websites with their Halloween costume party fun times.  Continue reading “The Weekend In Celebrity Halloween Costume Creativity [SLIDESHOW]”

MTV Series Based On Horror Documentary ‘Catfish’ Debuts Nov. 12

In honor of Halloween, let’s talk about the movie CatfishThis was a horribly marketed “documentary” by Paranormal Activity 3 directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman starring younger cinematographer bro Nev Schulman.

Horribly marketed because it was a horror movie in the way that Fatal Attraction or The Crying Game are. I don’t like false pretenses, especially when I’m shelling out $10.50 for said pretenses. (Spoiler ahead)…

Catfish was a decent movie in terms of tension but the “big scare” revolved around a slightly overweight older woman with red hair. Anyway, the new show (Catfish: The TV Show) by Ariel and Nev is coming soon to MTV and promises more unhealthy doses of reality.  Continue reading “MTV Series Based On Horror Documentary ‘Catfish’ Debuts Nov. 12”

Rihanna For Vogue, November 2012

Who do you think Rihanna talks about in the latest issue of Vogue? Could it possibly be Chris Brown? If you guessed that, you are right but do not deserve a reward of any kind because it’s the most obvious answer ever.

Shot by Annie Leibovitz, who also photographed her first cover in April 2011, Rihanna says the world is “obsessed” with her and Brown.

“To the world, I feel like there’s no closure. There’s some obsession that’s continued even throughout when we weren’t friends or couldn’t be friends at all. Hated each other. The world hasn’t let go. They haven’t seen any progress in our friendship, because they don’t see anything really.”

“I don’t know if people will stop soon, but I feel like as soon as they have closure to it, they will. But they’re not on the inside. They can’t see what I see, unless they’re sitting in my point of view. I guess I’ll learn to accept that.”  Continue reading “Rihanna For Vogue, November 2012”

Flavor Flav’s Latest Vegas Mugshot Is Priceless

Flavor Flav was arrested for the second time in Las Vegas, this time for assault with a deadly weapon.

Flav apparently got into some kind of disagreement with his fiancé and her son and pulled a knife on them.

He was released on bail after taking a pitifully sad-eyed, grey-dreadlocked mugshot.

What do you think he was fighting about with his lady love? I think it was about him not picking New York over Hoopz or Deelishis on Flavor of Love.

Did they forget to jingle the keys behind the camera this time? I say that because he was smiling in last year’s mugshot.

When I used to do those horrible grade school photos they had a Lampchop puppet to distract me but I just cried more when I saw it.  Continue reading “Flavor Flav’s Latest Vegas Mugshot Is Priceless”

Best Cosplay From New York Comic-Con 2012

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The best cosplay winner at Comic-Con San Diego in july had to be the female Marios and male Princess Peaches and now, at New York Comic-Con 2012, it’s male Wonder Woman aka “Wonder WoBear.”

Check that out and many more bizarre and intricate costumes of NYCC. Let me know which is your favorite in the comments section. (I’m guessing that Mr. T and the Khaleesi may get a lot of votes.)

Continue reading “Best Cosplay From New York Comic-Con 2012”

Walter White’s Son On ‘Breaking Bad’ Gets Laid All The Time

A wide range of topics were discussed during Howard Stern’s recent interview with Bryan Cranston. From Cranston’s audition for Argo to losing his virginity to a “matronly” Dutch hooker. Bryan theorizes that Breaking Bad might end with everyone but his character, Walter White, dead.

Also, his young co-star RJ Mitte, who plays his son Walt Jr. and suffers from a mild case of cerebral palsy in real life, is reaping the benefits of fame…

Howard asked “He getting laid, that kid? How old is he?” and Cranston responded, “He’s twenty now, he’s seeing his fair share of action … He has a girlfriend now, I think. She’s beautiful, I don’t know actually what she does. He’s taking it to the streets.”  Continue reading “Walter White’s Son On ‘Breaking Bad’ Gets Laid All The Time”

The Time Ben Affleck Knocked A Mirror Off Someone’s Car And Left A Note

Remember the short-lived VH1 show Celebrity Eye CandyIt was mainly just a funny guy singing songs and explaining photos of celebrities doing everyday things like going to the grocery store or falling onto the sidewalk in a puddle of vodka-scented vomit.

This photo of Ben Affleck leaving a note on a car he knocked the mirror off of during a Saturday drive around Santa Monica, reminds me of the show.

If only I had a clever song to sing about the woman or man who now has Ben’s phone number, which he left on the note along with his name. Scratch that, change to: if only TMZ hadn’t blacked out his contact information.  Continue reading “The Time Ben Affleck Knocked A Mirror Off Someone’s Car And Left A Note”

Mila Kunis Is 2012’s ‘Sexiest Woman Alive,’ Also The Sexiest Woman Who Is Into… Street Art?

Mila Kunis has been named Esquire magazine’s 2012 Sexiest Woman Alive.

On the website’s profile of her, she talks immigration (her parents came from Ukraine to America in 1991 after the collapse of the Soviet Union), comedy, and… political street art?

Kunis talks briefly about a comment she made to Glamour earlier this year about “street-art-based stuff in Los Angeles.”

Esquire: I want to follow up on an answer you recently gave to Glamour. You said you engaged in political street art. Uh, political street art?

Kunis: I can’t really go into detail because I’m going to get into trouble.

Esquire: Why would you get into trouble?

Kunis: Because it’s illegal.  Continue reading “Mila Kunis Is 2012’s ‘Sexiest Woman Alive,’ Also The Sexiest Woman Who Is Into… Street Art?”