Video: Maroon 5 – “Animals”

This completely unoriginal video, released 3 days ago, is apparently controversial.

A spokesperson for RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) are calling the video – which features Adam Levine creeping on real-life wifey/10,000th-model-he’s-bedded Behati Prinsloo – “a dangerous depiction of a stalker’s fantasy.”
 
I, on the other hand, believe that the majority of people have enough sense to differentiate harmless, horror-themed imagery from instructions on how to stalk and kill women, but then again, they are watching Maroon 5 videos in their spare time…
Adam Levine kissing Behati animals gif Adam Levine kissing gif
I personally found the video of him making babies with Minka Kelly more upsetting.

(Not sure if bad kisser or intentionally slobbering to make video grosser…?)

Being in Love Has Made Adam Levine a Better Person

Adam levine blond instagramAdam Levine seems like the type of guy who would buy you crepes ever day for a month and then suddenly ignore you to buy some other girl crepes, right? Right. Well, now that he’s found “the one” (he’s getting married next month to Behati Prinsloo), he feels bad for being a serial crepist and is apologizing to every one of his model exes, particularly Nina Agdal and Anne V.

This doesn’t quite make up for other bad decisions, like his hair color and the “Behati” tattoo he plans to get over his heart, but it’s a start.

A source for Us Weekly says the ladies aren’t keen to let him off the hook and “couldn’t care less.” Bright side: Leonardo DiCaprio is still single.

Forget wedding plans, the real tough decision would be whether to send the apology letters directly to the Sports Illustrated or Victoria’s Secret headquarters.

How Will Gwen Stefani Match up Against Other ‘Voice’ Judges?

I’ve been watching a lot of Gwen Stefani interviews today to see what exact kind of personality we’re looking at, and so far I’ve learned that she stays in touch with Madonna, once wanted a pet monkey and continues to describe her husband as “hot” years after their wedding.

Like former female The Voice coaches Shakira and Christina Aguilera, Stefani is a super proud blond giver of birth who calls motherhood “the best thing that’s ever happened” in her life.

She’s adorably Californian, knows she’s fabulous, and will likely vibe well with fellow blond beauty/sourpuss Adam Levine and new token-black-guy-judge Pharrell (who is half to blame for the spelling lesson in “Hollaback Girl”). Go ahead and put on an EVEN bigger hat, you’ll still never be Cee Lo.  Continue reading “How Will Gwen Stefani Match up Against Other ‘Voice’ Judges?”

Judith Hill Eliminated From ‘The Voice,’ Significantly Less Talented Swon Brothers Stay

Adam Levine crossing fingersThis week’s elimination episode of The Voice, season 4, drove me crazy. If you watch, you know I’m talking about Adam Levine’s entire team being kicked off in favor of Blake’s three country bumpkins.

An understandably pissed Adam was scrutinized for saying “I hate this country” in a moment of frustration after Judith Hill, a former mother*cking backup singer for Michael Jackson, was voted off by America.

Usher sported big-rimmed Michelle Chamuel (love her) glasses in support of his unlikely protégé and Shakira almost fainted when her only hope, Sasha Allen, was announced as safe.

The biggest injustice of Tuesday night had to be the non-elimination of the novelty duo The Swon Brothers, who I doubt will have much luck booking a concert at a bar with a $5 cover charge in a few years.

Continue reading “Judith Hill Eliminated From ‘The Voice,’ Significantly Less Talented Swon Brothers Stay”

Video: Maroon 5 – “One More Night’

Newly single Adam Levine has dropped a new single. Actually it’s a new VIDEO featuring Minka Kelly and he isn’t even single but I opted for the play on words, no matter how unfitting.

Musicians aren’t usually good at being actors, but they all desperately want to be dramatic so when they’re not starring in crap films like Battleship or making egomaniacal documentaries about themselves they’re channeling their theatric energy into music videos.  Continue reading “Video: Maroon 5 – “One More Night’”

Who Has What It Takes To Win ‘The Voice?’

I became obsessed with The Voice last season, when the show was in its beta phase. When they didn’t anticipate enough rejections in the blind auditions, and cast members had to re-audition to fill spots.

The show is still flawed, battle rounds pit too good of foes against one another, causing people who might have won to go home early. Angie Johnson versus recently axed Cheesa was one of those times.

Continue reading “Who Has What It Takes To Win ‘The Voice?’”

Alright Voice Judges, Time To Change Your Clothes

You may or may not have noticed that this, but for the third battle round in a row, the judges on The Voice haven’t bothered to change their clothes.

This is actually because these two-hour episodes were filmed all at one time.

The dummies at NBC didn’t bother to tell Christina Aguilera to take off her shrunken Liza Minnelli hat to at least allude to it being a different day.

I’m tired of Adam Levine in his oversized brown J-Crew abomination that looks it’s from the closet of some rustic cabin in Colorado. And Cee Lo, in a specially-made letterman jacket for Big & Tall dwarfs.

Continue reading “Alright Voice Judges, Time To Change Your Clothes”

Adam Levine’s New Cologne + Christina’s Booming Laughter

These days, it’s bizarre when a celebrity DOESN’T have a scent. Now Adam Levine of The Voice/Maroon 5 is launching a fragrance called “222,” which is already the name of his clothing/instrument/whatever line.

I always wonder what these things are going to smell like, but then I remember that they all smell the same. I mean, Britney Spears’ Fantasy was pure sugar/cotton candy and Paris Hilton’s are unsurprisingly fruity and surprisingly not gross. I’ve smelled Usher’s junk (not that junk) and I can’t tell the difference between that and a knockoff from Payless.  Continue reading “Adam Levine’s New Cologne + Christina’s Booming Laughter”

Why Are Maroon 5 Touring With Train??

Is it because both Adam Levine and Pat Monahan are slightly effeminate, brunette male pop singers with ball-less voices?

Is it cause both bands won Grammys? (Maroon 5 in 2005 for Best New Artist, Train for Best Rock Song in 2002)

It seems like an odd pairing to me. Adam Levine is this decade’s”swoon-worthy” poster boy for radio-friendly rock music while Monahan is a turd in the toilet bowl of optimistic top 4o turds.

A sensible person’s idea of hell is Train’s “Drops Of Jupiter (Tell Me)” and “Hey, Soul Sister” repeating on a loudspeaker.

Continue reading “Why Are Maroon 5 Touring With Train??”