This is Adele’s Baby and This is Her New Tattoo

first pic of adeles babyYES I’m avoiding talking about Jessica Simpson’s new baby Ace Knute, future best friend of Jason Lee’s son Pilot Inspektor, to discuss Adele and her son. This because non-talented, unintelligent Jessica seems like a Pez dispenser of children despite only having two and I’m just plain sick of reading about her and her protruding stomach.

Onto the beloved siren of the Southern England, second-in-command at the Order of Break-Up Anthem High Priestesses above Swift and below Morissette…

Mrs. Adkins, who does have the potential to become a sad log ride/dispenser since she once told Vogue UK “If I ever have children, I want five boys” (because girls don’t love their mothers and “can be so mean to each other”), recently took her son Angelo to drool, spit, poop, barf and cry in the general direction of polar bears and snow leopards at the zoo in Central Park, NYC.

Continue reading “This is Adele’s Baby and This is Her New Tattoo”

Celeb-By-Celeb Breakdown of the 2013 Grammys

jennifer lopez grammy leg
The Grammys are boring, but you and I, we can pretend they’re not by focusing less on the gaudy “rock” and country music and more on the scandals, bad outfits and cleavage.

These are the most headline-worthy celebrities at the 55th Annual Grammy Awards

1. Jennifer Lopez

J-Lo joked onstage that she couldn’t give a cougarf*cking Casper Smart about CBS’s prude dress code memo, delivering a big f-you in the form of a giant, puffy genital-exposing gam.  Continue reading “Celeb-By-Celeb Breakdown of the 2013 Grammys”

Adele’s Publicity-Obsessed Dad Begs For Forgiveness

Mark Evans - Father of Adele Adkins.When Adele was two years old, her father, a booze-addicted plumber named Mark Evans (who sort of looked like Dave Coulier), abandoned her and her mother.

With years of maturity and success, she slowly began to forgive him. Then she learned he sold a story about her to The Sun and told Vogue in early 2012 that she would “spit in his face” if she ever saw him again, and the possibility of forgiveness was forever shattered.

Now, because continuing to talk to the press is totally the best way to get back in her good graces, Evans is telling the Daily Mail that he is completely devastated about not being able to talk to his daughter or meet his son-in-law and grandchild.  Continue reading “Adele’s Publicity-Obsessed Dad Begs For Forgiveness”

Best and Worst Moments and Fashion at the 2013 Golden Globes

Amy and Tina Golden Globes

Tina Fey and Amy Poehler Blew Ricky Gervais and all other hosts out of the water

For some reason, humanity has yet to come up with good word for the female version of a bromance. Regardless, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler’s girlmance/clam-admiration rivals all.

The two SNL funnyladies got laughs without really making fun of anyone. Do you have any idea how hard that is? No, you don’t, because they made it look SO DAMN EASY. Blast.

Tina: Tonight we honor the television shows that have entertained us all year, as well as the films that have only been in theaters for two days. 

Amy: That’s what makes tonight so special, only at the Golden Globes do the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television [pan to Quentin Tarantino].  Continue reading “Best and Worst Moments and Fashion at the 2013 Golden Globes”

DJ Earworm’s Mash-Up of Every Pop Song You Remember From 2012

faces of pop 2012San Francisco mash-up king DJ Earworm (Jordan Roseman) releases a master mix of all the radio-friendly songs of the year in December, and 2012’s is here, ripe with van Gogh-worthy tracks from Adele, One Direction, Ke$ha, Carly Rae Jepsen, Rihanna, PSY and more.

This one’s called “Shine Brighter” and it’s bound to get actual airplay, and a video complete with clips from every artist on Earworm’s YouTube channel shortly.

Poll: which song do you hate the least? I’m going with Bruno Mars’ “Locked out of Heaven,” mostly because it’s not as old as the others and therefore less overplayed.

(I don’t quite get why “Titanium” is absent? It was released Dec. 9, 2011, but Adele’s “Set Fire To The Rain” is from Nov. 2011 and was included. Poor Sia.) Continue reading “DJ Earworm’s Mash-Up of Every Pop Song You Remember From 2012”

Well, Adele Does Have a Lot in Common With Mrs. Doubtfire

When Adele first burst onto the scene we all recognized that she was a tremendous talent with a knack for shaming her exes with soul, but what we failed to recognize was her resemblance to Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire.

Oh the things you didn’t know were missing from your life. A new blog on Tumblr called What if Adele was Mrs. Doubtfire has finally brought it to our attention. The site has Adele on Euphegenia’s body and then Doubtfire’s face on Adele’s body, which is hilarious because Adele does tend to dress and carry herself like an elderly British nanny.

Continue reading “Well, Adele Does Have a Lot in Common With Mrs. Doubtfire”

Adele Wants to Have Daniel Craig’s Baby Now

Star Magazine reports that because of her love for Daniel Craig, Adele‘s excitement was so amplified after she was asked to record the theme to Skyfall that she lost her breath and fell over. (This story is completely bogus.)

A source tells the publication:

“Adele had panic attacks because Daniel has been her No. 1 celebrity crush for more than 10 years.. She was so freaked out when her management team told her the Bond producers wanted her to record the song, she had to lie down.”

Congrats to Adele for knowing who Daniel Craig was ten years ago. She must be one of the few who paused his scenes and not Angelina’s, in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider to masturbate.  Continue reading “Adele Wants to Have Daniel Craig’s Baby Now”

Ladies, Adele’s New Baby Is About To Galactically Ruin Your Life

Four months ago, after she was noticeably pregnant in a way that was undeniable to the mighty lord Jesus Christ Xenu Allah Buddha Angelina Jolie Spaghetti Monster, Adele confirmed that she was indeed with child.

Yesterday it was announced that the lady who was once known solely for creating songs for women going through breakups while menstruating into a pint of Cherry Garcia, had created something else…

Yep, 24-year-old Adele and 38-year-old turkey baster Simon Konecki are “ecstatic” over the birth of their baby boy who resides in a lavish ten bedroom home in Sussex with his parents.

Continue reading “Ladies, Adele’s New Baby Is About To Galactically Ruin Your Life”

Listen To Adele’s “Skyfall” Bond Theme

Adele joins heavyweights like Nancy Sinatra, Paul McCartney and Carly Simon with her new James Bond theme “Skyfall,” which could easily win Best Original Song at the Oscars.

“I was a little hesitant at first to be involved with the theme song for Skyfall,” Adele told MTV.

Continue reading “Listen To Adele’s “Skyfall” Bond Theme”

Adele Looks Like She’s Having Quintuplets

Adele and virtually unknown sperminator Simon Konecki were photographed wandered around London on Tuesday.

Girl is looking completely ready to give birth to a litter of hungry hungry hippos [with really excellent vocal capabilities].

The “Turning Tables” singer may have announced her pregnancy in June, but the human eye does not lie.

She is WAY more pregnant than a mere few months.

Ladies who have given birth in the past: give me an exact number? Six months? Seven?  Continue reading “Adele Looks Like She’s Having Quintuplets”

Bad News For Fans Awaiting New Songs – Adele Is Pregnant!

Adele announced the news Friday on her website that her and boyfriend Simon Konecki have conceived a baby…

“I’m delighted to announce that Simon and I are expecting our first child together. I wanted you to hear the news direct from me, obviously we’re over the moon and very excited but please respect our privacy at this precious time. Yours always, Adele xx.”

Konecki is the CEO of the charity Drop4Drop, which looks to help countries in need gain access to drinkable water. Hopefully his girlfriend has quit that nasty smoking habit of hers.  Continue reading “Bad News For Fans Awaiting New Songs – Adele Is Pregnant!”

Adele Flips Off ‘Suits’ At 2012 Brit Awards

Adele won six Grammys this month and now she’s won two awards (out of three nominations) at the 2012 Brit Awards last night. An unusual moment for the songstress occurred last night – she showed England her teeth. Actually just her middle finger.

Don’t jump to an conclusions or start writing “diva” in marker on her tour poster just yet, her speech (for “Best British Female”) was cut off by the show’s host, James Corden, and that’s when she pulled an M.I.A.

Seconds before that drama Adele said “I’m so proud to be in the room with all of you” and even joked about feeling like a drag queen next to Kylie Minogue, who presented her with the award.

Continue reading “Adele Flips Off ‘Suits’ At 2012 Brit Awards”

2012 Grammy Highlights, Adele, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj’s Illuminati Robe And More!

 There were many memorable moments of the 54th Annual Grammy Awards yesterday night. Even the red carpet show had its moments. The most shocking thing of all? Lady Gaga was there but didn’t make a big stink at the pre-show.

I didn’t even know she was there until they panned to her royal netted face and scepter-holding hands during her first loss to Adele in the ‘Best Pop Solo Performance’ category. (Gaga won nothing and lost to Adele three times)  Continue reading “2012 Grammy Highlights, Adele, Rihanna, Nicki Minaj’s Illuminati Robe And More!”

Chanel Exec Karl Lagerfeld Insults Russian Men, Adele, Lana Del Rey & The First Lady

78 year-old Karl Lagerfeld, creative director and head designer for Chanel went on a tirade (with Metro news) that managed to backhandedly insult and compliment Lana Del Rey, pregnant chicks, Adele, all Russian men, the entire Greek and Italian nations plus Michelle Obama’s black ass.

The interview ends with the line, “Be politically correct, but don’t become a bore for that. People should be sensitive in these matters, but not make so much noise. Be politically correct, but do we have to know your opinion?” 

Lana Del Rey’s boobs: “In her photos she is beautiful. Is she a construct with all her implants? She’s not alone with implants.”

Adele’s weight: “The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice.” Continue reading “Chanel Exec Karl Lagerfeld Insults Russian Men, Adele, Lana Del Rey & The First Lady”

Stars Pay Tribute To Etta James

Etta James touched the lives of many artists, some obvious (Beyonce, Adele) and some not so much (Flo Rida) before and after she lost her battle with Leukemia.

Kelly Clarkson covered “I Go Blind” at Radio City Music Hall four days ago and Adele sang “Fool That I Am” at Somerville Theatre in Massachusetts after learning her idol was ill on January 14, then took to her blog to comment on the loss.

Continue reading “Stars Pay Tribute To Etta James”

15 Year-Old Korean Girl Belts Out Some Adele

Park Ji Min is a seemingly harmless 15 year old Korean native who absolutely decimated the competition the talent show KPop Star with her rendition of Adele’s “Rolling In The Deep.”

Her voice is a weapon and I hope it gets out. There need to be more famous Asian singers. I can’t think of any besides Nicole Scherzinger who is half Filipino. Oh and William Hung, but I was hoping that memory would dissipate.

Besides being in awe and jealous of how well this little girl can sing, the video makes me laugh because you can literally see her competitors frothing at the mouths, also with jealousy.

Continue reading “15 Year-Old Korean Girl Belts Out Some Adele”