Ellie Goulding And Taylor Swift Are Getting Drunk Together While Everyone Else Drinks Tea

Ellie Goulding Taylor Swift Selena Gomez HaimDancing Man fan Ellie Goulding (really loving “Outside” and “Heavy Crown” right now), Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez and members of the indie/rock group Haim had an epic all-celebrity girl tea party today, except someone wasn’t drinking tea.

Two someones, actually…

As you can see, Ellie and bestie/Taylor Swift, giggling in the corner and mowing down on some alcohol.

I wonder how Coke would feel about Taylor enjoying rum with their product?

Robin Thicke’s Recollection of ‘Blurred Lines’ is, Well, Pretty F*cking Blurry

Robin Thicke, the man famous for putting naked girls in a music video and grabbing butts other than his wife’s recently admitted that he was drunk and high on pills when his biggest song, “Blurred Lines” was being born in the studio. Also, he didn’t write it, but took credit anyway.

“I was high on vicodin and alcohol when I showed up at the studio,” Thicke said during a court deposition deciding whether “Blurred Lines” is a white copy of a Marvin Gaye song. “I started kind of convincing myself that I was a little more part of it than I was and I — because I didn’t want him — I wanted some credit for this big hit. But the reality is, is that Pharrell had the beat and he wrote almost every single part of the song.”

Continue reading “Robin Thicke’s Recollection of ‘Blurred Lines’ is, Well, Pretty F*cking Blurry”

#DeportBieber Trends on Twitter Following DUI Arrest

Jutin Bieber tiger beat mugshot memeJustin Bieber was pulled over and taken into police custody today in Miami Beach for resisting arrest, driving under the influence and driving with an expired license, because Justin doesn’t have time to renew things, not yell “fuck” at the cops, or have someone else drive him after he’s washed a few Xanax down with his martinis.

He had a pretty HUGE smile on his beautiful ladyface in his mugshot, which totally inspired some radical photoshops, dude. (The best involved Orange is the New Black and Miley Cyrus, separately.)

Justin’s hooliganism arrest also inspired some kindness from his thousands of remaining fans on Twitter. Crap like “#PrayersforBieber” and “FreeBieber” trended, while the rest of us pushed “DeportBieber.” From TMZ:

According to the police report — obtained by TMZ — cops approached Bieber’s car and they instantly realized he reeked of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes.  He had a “stupor” look on his face.

The police report says … Bieber was defiant from the get-go, yelling at the cops, “Why the f**k are you doing this?”  He also yelled, “What the f**k did I do.  Why did you stop me?”  Continue reading “#DeportBieber Trends on Twitter Following DUI Arrest”

Lamar Odom Gets THREE YEARS OF PROBATION for Being an Irresponsible Drunk

Lamar Odom drivingRemember when Lamar Odom was arrested for driving in a slow but snakelike zig zag down the 101 under the influence of alcohol and God knows what else? (And by “God knows what else,” I mean crack.)

Well, on top of his license being revoked for most of 2014, he was just slapped with three whole years of probation for his little August joyride. This mostly due to Odom’s refusal to take a chemical test, which a California Highway Patrol officer told Radar is something “no one should ever do.”

Odom will also be forced to take an “alcohol education class,” because booze is bad mmkay.  Continue reading “Lamar Odom Gets THREE YEARS OF PROBATION for Being an Irresponsible Drunk”

Chris Brown Headed To Rehab… For Anger

chris brown in court d.c.After having his felony assault charges against a D.C. man reduced to a misdemeanor, Chris Brown has checked into a rehab center in Malibu to help get his temper under control.

Did I say to get his temper under control? I meant to make people think he’s an imperfect person who can improve after a little counseling and yoga under palm trees.

Great publicity move, but anyone with a fraction of a brain cell knows that Chris Brown isn’t a circumstantial dickhead, he’s a no-hope toolshed full of dildos who miraculously avoids jail time by blinding people with his sh*tty imitation Usher bull honky.  Continue reading “Chris Brown Headed To Rehab… For Anger”

Craziest Crazytown Answers From Lindsay Lohan’s Crazy Piers Morgan Interview

Piers Morgan Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan did a rare, non-televised interview with Piers Morgan for the Daily Mail in a “borrowed” townhouse in Manhattan. She was wearing “bright striped pyjamas” (British spelling), and talking about everything that ever happened in her life. Ever.

Her first drink: I was 17… I got really sick and Mom made me sleep with vomit still on me so I’d understand how it felt. I didn’t drink again throughout high school. I was too scared!

“So you’re an alcoholic?”: No … But when I was younger I was definitely going out too much and I was drinking too much. I was accused of everything, even stealing a necklace. I’d never steal a necklace.

Cocaine: Everyone thinks I’ve done it so many times. But I’ve only done it maybe four or five times.

Her drugs of choice: Pot, obviously. And ecstasy. I liked that better than the others (giggles). I didn’t drink on it, so I was just chilling. It’s something that a lot of people experience when they’re in college.

Rehab is “a joke:” I’ve been court-ordered to do it six times. I could write the book on rehab. Constantly sending me to rehab is pointless. The first few times I was court-ordered to rehab it was like a joke, like killing time.  CLICK for stuff about Michael Lohan, therapy and her sexuality…

Alcohol Made a 42-Year-Old Titans Cheerleader Confuse a 12-Year-Old Boy With a Full-Grown Man

Elizabeth Leigh Garner mugshot If you still believe in beer goggles – the effect of alcohol making people more attractive – then do you also believe booze could transform a child into a man right before your eyes? I say, yes to beer goggles, NO to the pedophile-friendly excuse.

In light of recent cases involving male rapists in India, Ohio, and Connecticut and here to remind us that women be also be creepy, predatory bastards, cheerleader Elizabeth Leigh Garner is being charged with sexual battery and solicitation of a minor for rape of a child after offering to perform oral sex on a 12-year-old boy at his home in Murfreesboro.

42-year-old Garner, who cheered for the Tennessee Titans until 2009, told a detective that she “got the boy confused with a man who also at the residence” because she was intoxicated.  Continue reading “Alcohol Made a 42-Year-Old Titans Cheerleader Confuse a 12-Year-Old Boy With a Full-Grown Man”

Be Prepared To Shamefully Show Your ID When Buying Kombucha

Kombucha alcohol labelKombucha manufacturers were forced to pull their products from store shelves in 2010 after the government began investigating the alcohol content to see if it contained more than 0.5% and needed to be sold to over 21s.

Many speculated that Lindsay Lohan was to blame (isn’t she always) because she complained that the drink had set off her ankle monitor.

It’s all very sad and humorous because Kombucha is basically just liquified, non-hallucinogenic mushrooms. Most of the people who drink it (besides Lindsay and I) are certifiable hippies who collect feathers and skulls and won’t leave the house without a basket full of yarn and Tom’s of Maine products.  Continue reading “Be Prepared To Shamefully Show Your ID When Buying Kombucha”

Rihanna Flies Fans and Press Around The Globe for ‘777 Tour,’ is Generous With In-Flight Alcohol

Holy snakeskin boots on a plane! Flying with Rihanna is exactly what you’d expect. She gets on the intercom to amp up the passengers, personally funnels Courvoisier and Tamales into your throat and cranks up the subwoofers.

For her new [Boeing] 777 Tour (hashtag RihannaPlane), the queen of bright shining diamonds is flying 250 fans and members of the press, who have been not been shy about Tweeting and Instagramming the results, around the world to seven countries.

Kicking off in Mexico City with meal choices of tacos and tamales and mandatory tequila, Rihanna reportedly has goodie bags with Nude perfume, plays Unapologetic on a sound system at the back of the plane, and walks down the aisles making her fans swoon, getting her picture taken and offering champagne.

Continue reading “Rihanna Flies Fans and Press Around The Globe for ‘777 Tour,’ is Generous With In-Flight Alcohol”

G-Spirits Pour Their Rum, Whiskey And Vodka Over The Teats Of Models

If you like alcohol and ridiculously out-there methods to make products unique, you’ll LOVE G-Spirits, a German liquor company that sells bottles of rum, whiskey and vodka that have been “poured over the breasts” of “special women” (underwear models).

The creators decided that dumping liquid on boobs before bottling, then selling it to refined gentleman James Bond wannabes for 129 euros (roughly $160 American dollars), was a great idea.

Sooo next time your boss is trying to butter you up, he might offer you this, instead of a cigar. Sports agents/boosters of colleges too. “Hey kid, you’ll be playing in the NFL in no time, here’s some shit a naked playmate used as a waterfall.” Mmm tit sweat.  Continue reading “G-Spirits Pour Their Rum, Whiskey And Vodka Over The Teats Of Models”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-12-12]

Rihanna thinks you’re jealous of her cleavage and bucket of alcohol. (E! Online)

Of course a Teen Mom made the list of worst reality singers of all time. (Yahoo!)

This bronze medal-winning windsurfer is a better person than you. (St. Louis Post-Dispatch)

Noah‘s Ark turns Darren Aronofsky on. (USA Today)

Vanessa Paradis talked about splitting from Johnny Depp. Sort of. (Evil Beet)

Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson head-butted his wife (ESPN)

Brace yourself for heavy cheese. The closing Olympic ceremony is coming. (Reuters)

Nicki Minaj loves strippers, sings about it in appropriately titled “I Luv Dem Strippers” video. (HuffPo)

Usain Bolt tried to steal the baton. (Seattle Post)

A Pennsylvania woman stabbed and killed her fiance on their wedding day (Gawker)

 

Amy Winehouse’s Ex-Husband Blake Fielder Is In An Alcohol-Related Coma

A little more than a year ago, in July of 2011, Amy Winehouse died of alcohol intoxication.

Fielder, who married the troubled singer in 2007 and found himself divorced two years later, is in an induced coma after the mother of his child (Sarah Aspin) reportedly found him choking in his bed due to organ failure from alcohol intoxication.

Winehouse’s father Mitch often spoke out about the danger of his daughter’s relationship to Blake, but still urges you to send good thoughts his way. “Terrible news about Blake this morning. Remember Amy loved him. Let’s pray for his recovery,” He wrote on Twitter.

Aspin has a similar message. “I’m praying he’ll survive, but I’m having to prepare myself that he may never wake up.”

Clive Barker Accused Of Giving His Boyfriend HIV

Tuesday was a really odd day for celebrity news. Chris Bosh killed his masseuse (she actually collapsed while massaging him and died later in the hospital), Sheryl Crow was found to have a non-cancerous tumor, and Clive Barker gave his boyfriend HIV. Maybe.

According to a lawsuit filed by L.A. photographer David Armstrong, the man who wrote Candyman and directed/wrote Hellraiser gave him human immunodeficiency virus in 1996.

Armstrong claims they dated on and off from 1996 to 2009. Barker allegedly contracted the disease from his own cousin, and was into prescription drugs, alcohol, cocaine, meth and sex with younger (but not underage) men.  Continue reading “Clive Barker Accused Of Giving His Boyfriend HIV”

Josh Hutcherson’s Troublesome Fake ID

Looks like somebody’s baby-faced grin is the opposite of beneficial in certain scenarios.

19 year-old Josh Hutcherson plays strong survivalist baker boy Peeta to Katniss’ (Jennifer Lawrence) bow-wielding huntress in The Hunger Games. Apparently being stealthy while buying a $170 dollar bottle of whiskey is a little tougher…

Hutcherson, who has been quoted as saying “I think the age to go to war is 18…so I think the drinking age should be 18 as well,” was spotted buying the alcohol on April 18, along with some bread, at a Ralph’s Grocery Store in Sherman Oaks.

Continue reading “Josh Hutcherson’s Troublesome Fake ID”

Whitney’s ‘Sparkle’ And Bobbi Kristina’s Intervention

A spurt of Whitney Houston news has graced the net in recent days, the full toxicology and autopsy report, a movie trailer for Sparkle and an intervention for her and Bobby Brown’s daughter, Bobbi Kristina.

Bobby emphasis on the “y” is facing up to a year for his DUI while RadarOnline reports about the gathering for his daughter’s marijuana, pill, and alcohol problems.

A source claims that Clive Davis went so far as to offer to help launch her music career if she goes to rehab, saying:

“Everyone is worried sick about Krissy…her aunt Pat got a number of her friends and family to come to Atlanta and have a serious talk with her about her sobriety. There were lots of tears, but Bobbi Kristina didn’t listen.”  Continue reading “Whitney’s ‘Sparkle’ And Bobbi Kristina’s Intervention”

Bobby Brown’s Inevitable Post-Whitney DUI

People associated with Whitney Houston have been in the ultraviolet solar flare-sized spotlight lately. Bobbi Kristina, who is dating her adopted brother while she contemplates changing her last name.

Chaka Khan and Kelly Price tiptoeing around questions about seeing Whitney intoxicated right before her tragic death at the Beverly Hilton Hotel where she died of drowning with cocaine, marijuana, Xanax and muscle relaxants in her system.

And the men in Whitney’s life, well, they’re no better. Ray J trying to deflect ridiculous claims that he had something to do with his girlfriend’s death.  Continue reading “Bobby Brown’s Inevitable Post-Whitney DUI”

Whitney Cummings Gets Candid About The Criticism Towards Her Show

Whitney Cummings became a friend of the Howard Stern Show back in late 2008 after she gained notoriety for her Comedy Central roast jokes.

Since then she’s become the writer and producer of two shows, 2 Broke Girls and Whitney, one acclaimed, one heavily criticized.

Cummings appeared on Stern last week (I get a lot of story ideas from there because I’m a non-famous member of the wack packin a state of disarray (about the backlash towards Whitney) and honesty about her sister’s drug and alcohol addiction. When Howard expressed concern about her emotional state, the insult comic known for her tough-exterior nearly broke down in tears.  Continue reading “Whitney Cummings Gets Candid About The Criticism Towards Her Show”