Alec Baldwin Pulls a LaBeouf, Quits Public Life


Alec Baldwin announced what we already knew in an essay called “I Give Up.” He’s sick of being famous, hates the media and doesn’t understand why he keeps getting called a homophobe.

The three paragraphs about Shia LaBeouf, who, according to Baldwin, behaved like an insolent twat on the set of the Broadway play Orphans, are an obvious highlight.

He describes LaBeouf as a sulky, impatient little boy who “loves to argue.”  Continue reading “Alec Baldwin Pulls a LaBeouf, Quits Public Life”

Alec Baldwin Suspended From MSNBC For Rudeness

Alec Baldwin shirtless gunWhile testifying at the trial of a woman who sent emails about ovulation and sweet sweet love making, Alec Baldwin got himself in big trouble when he called a reporter “dumb.”

MSNBC is punishing him by suspending his interview show, Up Late, for two weeks.

From Variety:

He then insulted the reporter, saying, “You are as dumb as you look. You are with Fox, right?”

On Thursday, Baldwin warded off photographers he felt were getting too close to his family. At one point during the confrontation, he was heard using an anti-gay slur.  Baldwin later used Twitter to call attention to the offensiveness of such language.

Then he apologized for the millionth time, shoved Tina Fey in front of him and shocked her with a cattle prod until she convinced everyone that he’s a sweet and misunderstood guy.

Alec Baldwin FURIOUS at Daily Mail Writer, Deletes Twitter

Alec Baldwin wife funeralThe Daily Mail wrote an entire article on Alec Baldwin’s wife Hilaria updating her Twitter while she was at James Gandolfini’s funeral and Alec is MAD. Maybe madder than the time the flight attendants told him to stop playing Words With Friends on his phone or the time he called his daughter on the phone and called her a pig.

Baldwin was so enraged by the apparently untrue story about his wife using her phone during a funeral, he deleted his Twitter. But not before typing up a few slightly homo-centric tweets about the writer, George Stark, who he called a “toxic little queen,” and a “lying little bitch.”

Another favorite: “If put my foot up your f*cking ass, George Stark, but I’m sure you’d dig it too much.”

No idea why Hilaria Thomas wouldn’t want to pay attention to him or Gandolfini’s funeral. It’s not like social media isn’t her only escape now that she’s been knocked up by such a delightful guy.  Continue reading “Alec Baldwin FURIOUS at Daily Mail Writer, Deletes Twitter”

Alec Baldwin and His Wife Commit Hate Crimes and Throw People Out Windows

Alec Baldwin Hilaria Thomas casualAlec Baldwin is being investigated for calling one New York Post photographer a “coon” and telling another that he wanted to choke her to death. Meanwhile, his wife is being sued for teaching crappy injury-causing yoga classes.

One story is easier to believe than the other since we all know Alec Baldwin once called his daughter a pig and wore a Klan robe on a public street in broad daylight. Baldwin denied making the racist remarks, which originated because he was asked about the allegations against his pregnant wife…

Allegations that she, Hilaria Thomas, yoga instructor extraordinaire, overbooked a class and the overbooking supposedly resulted in a man putting his leg through a window.  Continue reading “Alec Baldwin and His Wife Commit Hate Crimes and Throw People Out Windows”

Hilaria Thomas Screamed Bloody Murder Over Positive Pregnancy Test

Hilaria Thomas pregnantBig dreamin’ yoga instructor Hilaria Thomas confirmed the strength of high-end Baldwin sperm during an airing of Extra. It’s less the baby and more the sound she made when she found out that I’m interested in.

Alec explains that he heard his wife yowling in the bathroom and ran in to save her from an imminent death that actually turned out to be her reaction to double lines on the pregnancy test.

“There’s a scream I heard, which is a scream normally reserved for if there’s a spider in the house, not exaggerating,” Baldwin said. “So then I hear that scream again, but it was not a spider.”

Can you imagine a world where women become pregnant after spotting those little eight-eyed bastards?

Continue reading “Hilaria Thomas Screamed Bloody Murder Over Positive Pregnancy Test”

Alec Baldwin Probably Calls His Daughter A Pig Everyday

Add 16-year-old Ireland Baldwin to the list of celebrities (or celebrity relations, at least) to downplay verbal or physical abuse.

Ireland tells Us Weekly that her dad Alec’s voicemail where he famously called her a “little pig,” threatened to hit her with a brick, and asked her to relay the message “go fuck herself” to her mother, wasn’t a big deal. Here’s her explanation of the incident:

“The only problem with that voicemail was that people made it out to be a way bigger deal than it was, he’s said stuff like that before just because he’s frustrated. For me it was like, ‘OK, whatever.’ I called him back and I was like, ‘Sorry Dad, I didn’t have my phone.’ That was it.”

I think that pretty much means that it’s an everyday occurrence, and that he’s said much worse. All I know is, I’m getting a bit sick of the public’s varied levels of forgiveness.

Continue reading “Alec Baldwin Probably Calls His Daughter A Pig Everyday”

Alec Baldwin Married A Yoga Instructor

On Saturday Alec Baldwin Married his Spanish girlfriend of a year, 26-year-old yoga and dance instructor Hilaria Thomas at St. Patrick’s Old Cathedral in New York with Woody Allen, Tina Fey, and crazy Stephen and Billy Baldwin in the crowd.

It’s good that he’s with someone who I assume is centered and peaceful but apparently she can’t downward face-dog him out of  attacking photographers and calling them ‘little girls.’

He punched the one paparazzi right after obtaining his marriage license in Manhattan while he was with her.  Continue reading “Alec Baldwin Married A Yoga Instructor”

Saturday Night Live Is Still Average

The 37th season of SNL aired last night in its usual “too late for real adults to watch” 11:31 p.m. slot. The show featured Alec Baldwin, in his 16th time as host and Radiohead’s second as musical guest.

There’s something unsettling about this combination. The words “unhip” or “irrelevant” come to mind.

I’m aware that Baldwin has millions of fans because of 30 Rock, and that he is funny for his careless asshole charm. (Something that seeps into real life)

Radiohead also have multitudes of followers, still. I’m not quite sure why. The otherworldly-yelpings of Thom Yorke and his inactive cyclops-eye haven’t appealed to me since 1996’s “Talk Show Host…”

Continue reading “Saturday Night Live Is Still Average”

Barista Confirms, Alec Baldwin Is ‘Rudest Guy Ever’


Alec Baldwin tweeted on September 7th about a rude gay barista who apparently disrespected him at a Starbucks and now it’s coming back to haunt him.

A fellow employee at the Upper West Side Starbucks told the New York Post that not only was the baristas name not Jay (it was Giovan) but that Baldwin was the one in the wrong…

Continue reading “Barista Confirms, Alec Baldwin Is ‘Rudest Guy Ever’”