This Week on ‘American Horror Story,’ Elsa Window Shops for Freaks

Elsa Pepper freak showWednesday’s Orphans episode of American Horror Story was kind of a filler, but gave us the back story of both Ma Petite (the world’s smallest woman) and Pepper. Turns out, Elsa Mars (the superlative Jessica Lange) found Pepper at an orphanage not long after fleeing to America from Germany during Hitler’s reign. She is literally WINDOW SHOPPING FOR HUMAN BEINGS. Brilliant.

Shortly after that, Mars convinces a wealthy Indian slave owner to make a trade for his tiny girl lap-dog. While Pepper was free, Elsa gets Ma Petite for the steep price of 3 CASES OF DR. PEPPER. But honestly, how many of us wouldn’t trade our families for an ice-cold soda?
Dr. pepper freak show
Back to Pepper, non-Dr., Freak Show finally showed us exactly how Asylum relates to the current season, though I really did prefer Lily Rabe as an earth Goddess in flowing white having multiple orgasms to Fleetwood Mac.  Continue reading “This Week on ‘American Horror Story,’ Elsa Window Shops for Freaks”

Sarah Paulson is a Two-Headed Woman on ‘Freak Show’

Sarah Paulson freak showSarah Paulson has played a kindhearted lesbian and a kindhearted witch on American Horror Story Asylum and Coven, and for the latest season she will play conjoined twins Dot and Bette.

“Two heads are better than one,” Paulson wrote on Twitter.

Knowing Ryan Murphy, Freak Show will at some point have Dot and Bette involved in some kind of awkward sex scene with an elephant trainer that ends with two times the neck cramps and pinkeye.

‘American Horror Story’ Season 4 Will be Carnival-Themed!

An executive producer of American Horror Story – with its ever changing story and exact same cast – has confirmed that the fourth season will take place in a carnival with clowns and tigers and flaming hoops OH MY.

We also know via Ryan Murphy that filming will likely take place in Santa Fe or New Mexico and that Jessica Lange has been practicing a German accent for the upcoming season which will likely air in October.

It’s also Lange’s final year as Murphy’s muse. Speaking of her, I just watched Cape Fear for the first time on a six-hour flight to North Carolina to see my ridiculously amazing girlfriend who is totally the person to blame for me slacking on my blog  (yeah, I’m gayer than Richard Simmons a unicorn climbing up a rainbow with a dick in its mouth) and she’s in it along with then-Josh-Brolin-lookalike Nick Nolte.  Continue reading “‘American Horror Story’ Season 4 Will be Carnival-Themed!”

The 10 Best Images From the ‘American Horror Story: Coven’ Premiere

Taissa Farmiga Coven still
In “Bitchcraft,” the twisted season three premiere of American Horror Story: Coven, we follow Zoe (Taissa Farmiga, much younger sister of Bates Motel’s Vera Farmiga), a young woman who is sent away to a boarding school for teen witches run by Ryan Murphy-muses Jessica Lange (as the “supreme” head witch of all witches) and Sarah Paulson (kind-hearted daughter of the supreme) after she accidentally makes her boyfriend ooze blood from the mouth, eyes and nose during sex.
Kathy Bates American Horror Story Coven still blood
It opens with Kathy Bates as the infamous Madame LaLaurie  in 1830s New Orleans in a memorable scene involving naked black men in cages. She puts a bull’s head on one and calls him a minotaur.

She’s clearly evil, but perhaps not as evil as voodoo queen Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett) who is out for vengeance, and appears to be quite a source of irritation for the present-day witches of Louisiana.
Emma Roberts Gabourey Sidibe still
At the end of the episode, Kathy Bates is brought out of the earth in the present-day by a hilariously campy Lange, who, to my delight, references falling houses and Hogwarts.

Continue reading “The 10 Best Images From the ‘American Horror Story: Coven’ Premiere”

Kathy Bates Signed Onto Salem Witch Trial-Themed Season of ‘American Horror Story’

Kathy Bates Jessica LangeKathy Bates has been added to the cast of FX’s upcoming season of American Horror Story which will relate to the Salem witch trials, according to Dylan McDermott.

“She really is [perfect]. All the witches of Salem…there’s plenty of them,” season one veteran McDermott told E!

Piecing this together with what creator Ryan Murphy told Collider in January, we can assume season three DOES NOT actually take place between 1692 and 1693, when the trials occurred. Murphy called it a “modern-day story” that would require “research of the different time periods” with a “female power” theme. He also said that it will take place in several cities (Danvers, Ipswich and Andover, Massachusetts?).

Continue reading “Kathy Bates Signed Onto Salem Witch Trial-Themed Season of ‘American Horror Story’”

The Best/Worst Halloween Costumes Of 2012

I love Halloween for the candy corn, roasted pumpkin seeds, and horror movies even though lately I’ve come to expect only disappointing Paranormal Activity and Saw sequels.

October is national Bullying Awareness Month, so I urge you to not throw rubber insulin needles at the 4,000 people who will incur diabetes on this day, mostly because one of them could be me.

I’m not wondering what I should dress up as this year, because I’ve been interested in avoiding attention-drawing activities ever since I was a wallflower egg hiding from aggressive fist-pumping sperm in my mother’s fallopian tubes.

Continue reading “The Best/Worst Halloween Costumes Of 2012”

Five Creepy ‘American Horror Story’ Promos

Now that we know sparse details about Ryan Murphy’s second season of American Horror Storythere are also five 10 to 20 second promos. They will ultimately get the fans excited, but have little to do with the show.

Personally, I’m more interested to see if Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk can get away with changing the location from a haunted California mansion to an insane asylum on the East Coast.

Jessica Lange’s new role as an administrator of the institution could also make the show.

Horror Story resonates for people because it is wildly unique, despite its many flaws. Murphy put television in a vice with FX’s Nip/Tuck, Glee (who knew a 45 minute musical could get ratings), and now this.  Continue reading “Five Creepy ‘American Horror Story’ Promos”

‘Girls,’ ‘Game Of Thrones,’ ‘Degrassi’ And ‘American Horror Story’ Among Emmy Nominees

Lena Dunham and her highly-criticized (hilariously random and painfully awkward) HBO comedy Girls are nominated for three Emmys this year for directing, Comedy Actress and Comedy Series.

Other personal favorites include Supporting Drama Actor Peter Dinklage who won for his portrayal of Tyrion “The Imp” Lannister in 2011, Breaking Bad‘s Bryan Cranston, The Voice (Reality Competition Program), Degrassi (Children’s Program), and Seth Green’s Robot Chicken.

Jimmy Fallon, whose gig as Late Night show host has been on since 2009, earned a nod for Outstanding Variety and Outstanding Guest Actor in a Comedy Series for SNL (along with Melissa McCarthy and Maya Rudolph).  Continue reading “‘Girls,’ ‘Game Of Thrones,’ ‘Degrassi’ And ‘American Horror Story’ Among Emmy Nominees”

Jessica Lange Will Play A Nun With A Fienne Boyfriend On ‘American Horror Story’

Earlier this year American Horror Story creator Ryan Murphy revealed his plans to change up the location and time period for season two, and that some characters would be returning (Lange, Peters, Quinto) and that some (Britton, McDermott, Farmiga?) would not.

More details on your favorite show about ghosts (because there are none besides the ones on Syfy of guys with night vision cameras, jangling teeth, and cold breath) have emerged…  Continue reading “Jessica Lange Will Play A Nun With A Fienne Boyfriend On ‘American Horror Story’”

Themed Photo Shoots With ‘American Horror Story’ And ‘Glee’ Stars

Elle’s February 2012 issue tosses the stars of Ryan Murphy’s hit shows Glee and American Horror Story into one fantastic bowl of kitsch.

Taissa Farmiga, Kate Mara, Sarah Paulson and Connie Britton represent AHS while Lea Michele, Jayma Mays, Heather Morris, Diana Agron and Naya Rivera wave the Glee banner, though most of them are unrecognizably drenched in hair and makeup.

Continue reading “Themed Photo Shoots With ‘American Horror Story’ And ‘Glee’ Stars”

Different Location And Characters For ‘American Horror Story’ Season 2

Ryan Murphy, unlike Obama, has some brass balls. Ones that may be leading him into dangerous territory. The first season of American Horror Story, his third notable show after Nip/Tuck and Glee, basically jumped the shark but managed to re-captivate fans and wrap things together at the end, by killing everyone.

By the way, I want credit for predicting the season finale. Gold stars? Trophy? Something. Back to the point, creator Ryan Murphy revealed during a teleconference yesterday that the second season of AHS will be completely revamped, with a new location and characters.

Continue reading “Different Location And Characters For ‘American Horror Story’ Season 2”

My Take On American Horror Story’s Yet-To-Be-Aired Season Finale Shocker

American Horror Story is filmed beautifully, has an excellent cast of both younger and older actors (Jessica Lange, Taissa Farmiga) and continuously surprises fans week-to-week. The problem is, almost all the main characters are dead. Connie Britton’s caring mother character just entered the netherworld after giving birth to at least one ghost baby.

I’m not even kidding, she had two babies and then she died. As far as I can tell, Ben Harmon (Dylan McDermott) and Constance Langdon (Lange) are the only two living characters. Oh, and the burn victim who walks like one of the wicked witch’s winged monkey slaves.

Continue reading “My Take On American Horror Story’s Yet-To-Be-Aired Season Finale Shocker”

Connie Britton Delicately Eat Brains On ‘American Horror Story’

On Tuesday’s episode six of FX’s American Horror Story, Vivien Harmon (Britton) ate a brain for dinner. Ryan Murphy went all Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom without the campy humor. It was a very serious moment.

Yes, after a long day of bustling Julie off to school and consoling her husband, the Friday Night Lights coach, Tami Taylor likes to sit down and relax with a tantalizing bowl of brains.

That wiley red-headed maid set the dish in front of a pregnant Ms. Harmon, and she ate it, raw, with a little pepper and a vague look of curiosity. Supposedly, this dish is good for women who are with child, so I suggest Beyonce try it, on Kanye.

Continue reading “Connie Britton Delicately Eat Brains On ‘American Horror Story’”

‘American Horror Story’ Premiere, Rundown And Stills

Wednesday marked an exciting day in television history, the premiere of a high-budget and potentially high-quality horror TV show, besides The Walking Dead. FX and creator Ryan Murphy (Nip/Tuck, Glee) deliver the weirdly captivating show, American Horror Story.

“Weird” doesn’t even begin to describe it. Within a single episode we are shown fleeting images of disfigured monsters reminiscent of something in a video game centered around a mental hospital. Plus ghosts, nudity, bondage, girl fights and Jessica Lange, her foreshadowing down-syndrome daughter and much more…

Continue reading “‘American Horror Story’ Premiere, Rundown And Stills”