Lindsay Lohan Thinks Jennifer Lawrence Spreads Her Legs as Often as She Falls on the Red Carpet and Talks About Food

\Jennifer Lawrence excited
After telling Andy Cohen just the other day that she will not say anything bad about fellow actresses and finds that behavior “sad” after being asked what she thought of Rosie O’Donnell saying her new reality show on OWN caused “suffering, destruction and distress,” it’s hard to believe that Lindsay Lohan accused Jennifer Lawrence of sleeping around to get movie roles, but UPI is reporting just that.

According to the website, Lohan threw Lawrence into her burn book during a drunken interview with Kode magazine, saying the following words:

“She’s so fake and I’m sorry I’m not going to f*ck for roles.”

The chances that Lindsay actually said that are probably slimmer than the number of people who watch her show, but she did tell Cohen that she’s “done with mugshots and ready for an Oscar” – something Lawrence has, along with an intact face and sense of self – so maybe whoever said green was the color of envy was wrong. Maybe it’s redheaded and smells of menthol cigarettes and cab driver semen. Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Thinks Jennifer Lawrence Spreads Her Legs as Often as She Falls on the Red Carpet and Talks About Food”

Video: Lady Gaga – “G.U.Y.”

Lady Gaga‘s self-directed “G.U.Y.” video (with a hint of “Venus”) starts like The Walking Dead and The Hunger Games and ends with gold, and lots of it. Brutal rags to endless riches, with Gaga sporting the longest hair extensions ever and humping the air like a female Bobby Brown, only with more crack.

The queen of pretension (she let someone vomit on her at SXSW in the name of “creative rebellion”) really outdoes herself this time. An 8 minute video with 3 minutes of credits? The sheer laziness of this makes me want to jump into an active volcano.

Did I mention that she brings Michael Jackson, Jesus and Gandhi back from the dead?  Continue reading “Video: Lady Gaga – “G.U.Y.””

Andy Cohen: Sean Avery and I are Platonic Friends!

Sean Avery Andy Cohen instagramThere’s a really amazing[ly hard-to-believe] story that Bravo VP Andy Cohen is dating Elisha Cuthbert’s ex-boyfriend, former New York Ranger Sean Avery.

They are rumored to be secretly engaged after two-and-a-half years of dating, but Cohen insists they are strictly friends without benefits.

“Dude, Sean Avery is straight. Do you understand that? A gay guy and a straight guy should be able to be friends without you asking me if we’re engaged,” he told a paparazzi.

I think the only fucking they’re doing is with the media. In a never-ending game of hash tag, you’re it, Cohen’s response to relationship questions from fans on Twitter is “ask @imseanavery.”

The “I’d be happy if Sean and I were banging” thing also isn’t exactly clear evidence to the contrary…

 

Lady Gaga’s Message to Miley…

Miley Gaga t in front of work
During her visit to Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, Lady Gaga talked about her days as a stripper, coyly said she couldn’t decided which member of One Direction was her favorite, and dropped a bomb of wisdom about everybody’s favorite obsession/thing to hate.

While Gaga said that “everybody is entitled to their own artistic expression” in reference to Miley, she thinks the term “twerk” is ridiculous, and I agree, because we don’t need a new word for booty shaking.

I’d rather plank inside a volcano filled with Tebowing, “Gangnam Style” dance and Monster Claw-doing Little Monsters than acknowledge twerking.  Continue reading “Lady Gaga’s Message to Miley…”

Cher and Tom Cruise Used To Bang Harder Than Illegal Fireworks

Cher Tom cruise dated To wash out the bad taste after Heather Locklear’s snooty Tom Cruise story on Chelsea Lately about his supposedly horrible dance moves, I’ve got a complimentary one for you from Cher.

During a game called “Gypsies, Tramps and Tea” on Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen, Cher said her two-month relationship with a pre-scientology Cruise was “pretty hot and heavy.”

“I’ve had just the greatest lovers ever! … He was in the top five,” she explained.

Cher also told Oprah in 2008 that she was “crazy” about Tom during their steamy mid-’80s fling. Basically she wishes she  could turn back time and be the Elvira to his Dracula for all 365 days of the year.

What would sex between them even look like? He was 23 and she was 39, so I’m assuming she threw him on the ceiling and shot borrowed Village People arrows at his dimples before nap and juice box time.

Anderson Cooper is Not the Pussy Willow Prince

Anderson Cooper What What Happens Live Anderson Cooper has a message for the unforgiving citizens of Buffalo, New York: he’s simply too busy to attend the annual Dyngus Day parade.

Cooper was offered the title of “Pussy Willow Prince,” due to the celebration’s use of the swamp-loving plants of the same embarrassing name, but had to decline due to scheduling conflicts.

“I wanted to go, I would have been happy to go. I never promised I could go. I said I would pencil it in, and if my schedule allowed it I would go. I’m working that day. I’ve got three jobs, I can’t go to a parade,” Cooper told Watch What Happens Live host Andy Cohen.

When fellow guest/Bridesmaids star Wendi Mclendon asked what the hell Dyngus Day was, Cooper gave the following hilarious description:  Continue reading “Anderson Cooper is Not the Pussy Willow Prince”

Farting, Peeing and Menopause, With Your Host: Whoopi Goldberg!

Whoopi Watch what happens liveWhoopi Goldberg makes aging look so fun. You basically get to sit around all day in a hammock smoking pot. Peeing yourself as soon as your foot touches the ground is also a part of it.

Goldberg admitted this week on Watch What Happens Live that her bladder isn’t quite what it used to be. When Andy Cohen asked her if she could do one jumping jack in ten seconds (referencing 1986’s Jumpin’ Jack Flash) she said: “No. You know why? Because every time I land I pee.” She also alluded to the fact that her intestines had somehow improved. “I don’t fart as much as I used to but I find that a sneeze is dangerous. A cough can be dangerous.”  Continue reading “Farting, Peeing and Menopause, With Your Host: Whoopi Goldberg!”