Baby Dracula Has Fully Drained Denise Richards

Denise Richards spends some quality family time with her daughters in Bel Air! Denise Richards took her three children out for some ice cream this weekend. Or two of them ate ice cream while the youngest, Eloise, feasted on what’s left of her mother’s circulatory system.

I’ve seen year-old French Bread that was softer than those withered limbs. Swing that thing the wrong way and it either disintegrates or takes someone’s eye out. It’s hard to tell without feeling it in the aquarium touch pool.

That kid she’s holding is a vampire with the worst kind of luck. The luck of living with a green drink-loving pilates master when all she needs is Honey Boo Boo’s mom.

Kris Jenner Watches Rob Kardashian Masturbate 24/7

Rob Kardashian fashion policeSome people get tattoos of fairies, butterflies and stars, while others go with hearts with the word “mom” in them. Rob Kardashian took it one step further in August when he got one of his famous mother, Kris Jenner.

Rob, who has a large sketch of his dad on his right arm, visited Fashion Police on Dec. 21 and was asked about his ever-expanding collection of ink by Joan Rivers.

“I put my mom, which is weird, on my right arm, which is my masturbating arm,” he told Rivers.

I would say he stepped off the ledge of what could be considered “appropriate” by society if he weren’t a Kardashian and therefore incapable of invoking surprise with incest-y jokes.

Awww, Rihanna Actually Was Sick

Last Saturday Rihanna was condemned by Lorne Michaels and SNL producers for missing dress rehearsal and being seemingly healthy in between performances during the live show. Turns out, the poor little dear really was sick.

She posted a picture of this IV in her arm after several of her followers expressed concern over her lack of timeline updates, the very same day she went to the Met Gala.

According to E! she had the flu accompanied by a fever and TMZ wrote that she was given a penicillin shot before SNL, which explains two things: why she didn’t completely collapse and the reason for the sluggishness and watery eyes.