Chris Martin has Big Beefy Arms to Impress Girls Not Named Gwyneth

Chris Martin buffThe only thing I ever liked about Coldplay satanist Chris Martin was the rumor that he got revenge on his ex – super healthy Gwyneth Paltrow – by buying fast food for their kids. I suppose there is one other thing I like, and that’s when Coldplay is in between albums and not making the cheesiest, most sleep-inducing music of all time.

Sadly, his band is still promoting Ghost Stories and have invaded Sydney to film their “A Sky Full of Stars” video, and Chris is apparently either enjoying a protein-rich, non-French Fry diet or has discovered steroids.

With giant arms, tulips bursting out of his guitar and a drum strapped to his back, he’s forgotten that most women would rather back up into a glory hole or have a one night stand with Verne Troyer than be with a birthday party magician. And that Nick Cannon’s character in Drumline is the only member of a marching band to ever get laid.


Paris Jackson Hospitalized After Suicide Attempt

Paris Jackson long hairMichael Jackson’s 15-year-old daughter, Paris Jackson, was rushed to the hospital and put on psychiatric hold after calling a suicide hotline early Wednesday morning.

Jackson reportedly needed several stitches for self-inflicted cuts on her right arm. She was also said to have taken a “large number” of over-the-counter anti-inflammatory pills (Motrin).

A source for TMZ says that though this was not her first attempt, it was “far more serious” than past incidents.

TMZ also claims that Jackson cut herself with a meat clever and left a suicide note after she found out that she was not allowed to attend a Marilyn Manson/Alice Cooper concert. The website has two photos of Paris with scars on her arms.

Marlon, Jackie, Tito Jackson’s joint statement: “Thank you for the outpouring of concern and support for Paris. She is safe and doing fine. We truly appreciate you respecting our family privacy at this time.”
Paris Jackson scarsParis Jackson instagram scars
Jackson family lawyer Perry Sanders’ statement: “Paris is physically fine and is getting appropriate medical attention … Being a sensitive 15-year-old is difficult no matter who you are. It is especially difficult when you lose the person closest to you.”

‘A League Of Their Own’ Director Penny Marshall Says Madonna Was ‘Too Cut’

Laverne & Shirley actress, director, and author of the new book My Mother Was Nuts Penny Marshall visited Chelsea Lately on September 26, 2012 and quickly discussed her iconic movie A League Of Their Own, specifically Madonna‘s arms.

“She was in great shape, she just came with a trainer, I said ‘you’ve gotta stop, your arms shouldn’t be this cut in 1943. They didn’t work out that much, they were in the kitchen,” she told Chelsea Handler in her signature glasses.

On the friendship between Rosie O’Donnell and Madonna (who played the swing dancing Mae Mordabito and wrote the movie’s theme song “This Used to Be My Playground” in 1992), Marshall said:

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