Schwarzenegger’s Forgotten Unit Unearthed in New Jersey

Arnold flashingThe past week has not been easy for symbols of American machismo.

First Burt Reynolds and his mustache were placed in the ICU after coming down with decimating winter flu. Ron Jeremy, also in intensive care, had an aneurysm, and a vintage photo of Austrian muscle man turned Cali Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger engaged in a lewd act was reportedly discovered in a storage locker belonging to late Penthouse founder Bob Guccione.

I picture a team of khaki-laden archaeologists dusting the corners of this locker, imagining it was a highly precious mystery holding secrets of mankind, or at least deleted scenes from Jurassic Park.  Continue reading “Schwarzenegger’s Forgotten Unit Unearthed in New Jersey”

What Do You Think of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s New Haircut? Be Honest

Arnold Schwarzenegger bowl haircut 1Arnold Schwarzenegger isn’t the type to care about trivial things like attracting potential mates post-divorce, or the type to care about looking good at all.

To be completely fair, he’s 65, and this dyed military side-shaved bowl definitely has to be for a movie.

I guess it’s unfair to expect him to have Mr. Universe muscles as he makes a Hollywood comeback.

After watching The Expendables 2 for five seconds, I think it’s also unfair to assume that he’d remember how to not act like a clueless newbie in front of the camera. I don’t know who this person is, but I miss Arnold. #TrueLies

Arnold Schwarzenegger Totally Recalls His Unbelievable Life With Maria, Brigitte And Mildred

Arnold Schwarzenegger is back in the public eye after his pubic affair with the younger housekeeper Mildred Baena because of his new book, Total Recall: My Unbelievably True Life Story.

The Sperminator discusses the affair in an especially humorous chapter where wife of 25 years Maria Shriver confronted him at the therapist’s office. He admitted to cheating but tried to reassure her by saying he was still “turned on” by her.

Imagine that in Arnold’s accent. And also him telling her she’s the “perfect wife.” In another chapter Schwarzenegger talks a separate “hot affair” with Brigitte Nielsen in 1985 during the filming of Red Sonja.  Continue reading “Arnold Schwarzenegger Totally Recalls His Unbelievable Life With Maria, Brigitte And Mildred”

Damn, I Was Hoping For A ‘Junior’ Sequel

There’s a Twins sequel in the works! Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito are both on board for the second installment which will be called Triplets. It gets better – Eddie Murphy will play the third brother!

In case you don’t remember or weren’t alive, here’s the synopsis: Julius (Schwarzenegger) and Vincent (DeVito) are fraternal twins created in a secret genetics lab experiment. The goal was to create the “perfect child” using sperm from various donors.

Turns out, the twins, who were separated at birth and are at first unaware of each other’s existence, were a failure in that one is perfect and the other is a fat bald gnome with a criminal past.

Eddie Murphy would assume the role of yet another lost sibling. The character will probably be similar to Tower Heist’s “Slide.” Ivan Reitman, who directed Twins, will produce.