Andy Dick Stole a Necklace, Got on His Bicycle and Promptly Went to Jail

In D-list celebrities committing crimes news, Andy Dick was briefly arrested for grand theft after riding away on his bike with some guy’s jewelry

Apparently Andy approached the man on Hollywood Blvd., asked to see his $1000 necklace and then bolted off with it.

No idea if he did it for attention or because he really just liked it THAT MUCH, but sending Andy Dick to a jail full of big burly bros with a thing for petite blonds for thievery is like sending me to the Cheesecake Factory for double homicide.

We can only hope male Piper Kerman hasn’t been bailed out yet and is still living the dream.

Saddest Selfie of All Time?

wiz-jail Here’s why Wiz Khalifa’s selfie from a jail cell in El Paso is one of the saddest of all time:

He was caught with a mere 0.5 grams of weed (he had 60 grams on his tour bus in 2010).

The only thing that costs less than his $300 bail is Amber Rose’s haircut.

It looks like he’s wearing a diaper.

The police are investigating the contraband phone, as inmates are not allowed to take pictures from jail, so He PROBABLY had to shove it up his ass, which explains the diaper and the look on his face.

Worst of all, he was released, so we still have to listen to his music and watch him try to form words at award shows.

Chris Kattan Stumbles Like a Bad SNL Sketch Prior to DUI Arrest

Chris Kattan mugshot DUIChris Kattan, lovable comedic actor and former Saturday Night Live cast member Chris Kattan (Mr. Peepers, Mango, Doug Butabi from A Night at the Roxbury) was arrested for hitting a parked car last week, and TMZ has a video of him a few hours prior wobbling around an airplane like he just watched back-to-back showings of Gravity at IMAX.

An utterly harmless 5’6″ Kattan, who admitted to taking prescription drugs and was reportedly seen “weaving all over the roadway at slow speeds” tweeted that he was more tired than high.

“I just got back from a 15 hour flight after touring out of the country. I was exhausted. The police were so kind. I’m lucky nobody was hurt,” he said, channelling his inner Canadian.

Justin Bieber ‘Races’ at 30 Miles an Hour

Justin Bieber basketball instagramLike Paris, Britney, Lindsay and Amanda before him, Justin Bieber is under a microscope. Not because no one can seem to find his enlarged clitoris, but because he is, in the words of Joel McHale, “a fucking idiot.”

TMZ has been poking around for follow-ups to accompany the news of his DUI arrest and so far they’ve uncovered a video of the Biebs driving slower than a slug in a wheelchair. At a mere 27 miles per hour, Justina Bebeur may just be the worst drag racer of all time. Sad because fatalities usually occur at higher speeds.

We’re also learned that the award for having female genitalia and riding in cars with little famous boys is getting paid to do “webcam events” and stripping for Michael Lohan lesser-known celebs at Scores.  Continue reading “Justin Bieber ‘Races’ at 30 Miles an Hour”

#DeportBieber Trends on Twitter Following DUI Arrest

Jutin Bieber tiger beat mugshot memeJustin Bieber was pulled over and taken into police custody today in Miami Beach for resisting arrest, driving under the influence and driving with an expired license, because Justin doesn’t have time to renew things, not yell “fuck” at the cops, or have someone else drive him after he’s washed a few Xanax down with his martinis.

He had a pretty HUGE smile on his beautiful ladyface in his mugshot, which totally inspired some radical photoshops, dude. (The best involved Orange is the New Black and Miley Cyrus, separately.)

Justin’s hooliganism arrest also inspired some kindness from his thousands of remaining fans on Twitter. Crap like “#PrayersforBieber” and “FreeBieber” trended, while the rest of us pushed “DeportBieber.” From TMZ:

According to the police report — obtained by TMZ — cops approached Bieber’s car and they instantly realized he reeked of alcohol and had bloodshot eyes.  He had a “stupor” look on his face.

The police report says … Bieber was defiant from the get-go, yelling at the cops, “Why the f**k are you doing this?”  He also yelled, “What the f**k did I do.  Why did you stop me?”  Continue reading “#DeportBieber Trends on Twitter Following DUI Arrest”

Rejoice! The Swiss Cheese Pervert is Behind Bars

Swiss cheese pervert mugshotLast weekend we heard about a 40-something man in Philadelphia who was terrorizing women by putting cheese on his penis, driving up to women and asking them to blow and/or handy j him.

This age old story with the added bonus of things we usually put on sandwiches came to a conclusion when Chris Pagano, nicknamed the “Swiss Cheese Pervert” by the press, was arrested this morning in Norristown.

Turns out, Pagano was also cuffed in 2009.

From PhillyMag.com:

Monday: Court documents revealed that Pagano was arrested in 2009 after he allegedly “removed a large block of cheese from his pocket” and offered a woman on the street “$20 to rub the Swiss cheese on his penis.” Pagano pleaded guilty to disorderly conduct, and a solicitation charge against him was dismissed.  Continue reading “Rejoice! The Swiss Cheese Pervert is Behind Bars”

Police Continue to Search For Egg-Related Clues in Justin Bieber Case

Justin and lil za instagramFun and true facts:

1. Justin Bieber’s home was raided on Tuesday after a neighbor complained that he’d egged his house.

2. After an initial arrest for drug possession, Bieber’s buddy Lil’ Za was kept in jail longer for vandalizing a phone.  Sources tell E! he “got angry,” yelled and “ripped the phone off the wall entirely.”

3. Because Bieber’s neighbor claims his house was damaged to the tune of $20,000, the crime has been classified as a felony.

4. Police have not found significant evidence to charge the Biebs, but Los Angeles Lt. Dave Thompson says “The investigation is ongoing.”  Continue reading “Police Continue to Search For Egg-Related Clues in Justin Bieber Case”

It’s Been A Bad, Bad Year For Katt Williams – Comedian Arrested For Child Endangerment

People Katt WilliamsAnd lost cause of the year award goes to… Lindsay Lohan. But after Lindsay it definitely goes to Katt Williams, who just spent a night in jail after cops raided his home and found his four kids were surrounded by guns and drugs.

As the 5’5″ stand-up behind The Pimp Chronicles, Katthouse and Pimpadelic sauntered out of jail, he asked the paparazzi the rhetorical question, “How do you keep kids safe without guns?”

If that was too straight-out-of-NRA-VP-Wayne-LaPierre’s-press-conference-notes for you, Williams also said that he’s “not in a gang” so it shouldn’t make a difference if his preteen kids are sporting AKs and bullet belts.

Here’s a 2012 timeline of ghetto-fab Katt Williams’ moments…

Continue reading “It’s Been A Bad, Bad Year For Katt Williams – Comedian Arrested For Child Endangerment”

Lindsay Lohan Arrested For Nightclub Assault

Lindsay Lohan was put in cuffs after punching a 28-year-old woman who invaded her space at Club Avenue nightclub in New York this morning after attending a Justin Bieber concert.

Lindsay tried to drive away from the scene, but cops pursued her and booked her for assault. She reportedly yelled “Are you kidding me?” over and over again at the police at the time of her arrest.

Hours later, she was separately charged officially for lying to police about her Santa Monica Porsche crash in June.

Pretty sure being arrested in New York as many times as she was arrested in Los Angeles is her new goal. Almost there.

Disorderly Conduct Charges Against Sam Worthington Dropped

A doorman at Atlanta’s Vortex Bar & Grill got Avatar/Terminator Salvation/Man on a Ledge/Wrath of the Titans star Sam Worthington‘s panties in a bunch when he denied the actor access to the establishment.

Skinhead Sam (yes that’s his actual mugshot), was reportedly “highly intoxicated,” pushed the doorman and yelled “I’m a DEA agent! You fucked up now!” after he was refused entry and pepper sprayed in the face.

The charges against Worthington, who is playing a DEA agent called “Monster” in Ten co-starring Arnold Schwarzenegger, were dropped after the doorman accuser failed to appear in court to tell his side of the story…

Continue reading “Disorderly Conduct Charges Against Sam Worthington Dropped”

Flavor Flav’s Latest Vegas Mugshot Is Priceless

Flavor Flav was arrested for the second time in Las Vegas, this time for assault with a deadly weapon.

Flav apparently got into some kind of disagreement with his fiancé and her son and pulled a knife on them.

He was released on bail after taking a pitifully sad-eyed, grey-dreadlocked mugshot.

What do you think he was fighting about with his lady love? I think it was about him not picking New York over Hoopz or Deelishis on Flavor of Love.

Did they forget to jingle the keys behind the camera this time? I say that because he was smiling in last year’s mugshot.

When I used to do those horrible grade school photos they had a Lampchop puppet to distract me but I just cried more when I saw it.  Continue reading “Flavor Flav’s Latest Vegas Mugshot Is Priceless”

Fiona Apple Will Go To Jail For At Least Two Years

Because possessing hash in Texas is a third-degree felony, Fiona Apple faces up to 10 years in jail after her arrest on Wednesday for having four grams on her tour bus (big surprise, the lady with the octopus on her head likes THC).

A third-degree felony in the lone star state gets you at least two years in prison and a maximum of 10, according to the penal code.

Apple was busted in Hudspeth, the same county where Willie Nelson and Snoop Dogg were detained. At a concert on Friday in Houston at  Bayou Music Center, she attempted to explain what happened.

Continue reading “Fiona Apple Will Go To Jail For At Least Two Years”

Taking Advice From The Founder Of Crocs: When In Doubt, Blame Taylor Swift

The shoe company Crocs was unnecessarily founded by three people. One of them said “let’s take the backs off” another added “let’s put holes in them!” and the third said “let’s make them ugly.”

It’s true too.

It turns out one of the founders, like his shoes, is hilariously crazy.

Some people are just scary crazy, and worthy of your fear, but George Boedecker seems like a fun guy to hang out with. Last weekend he was discovered by the police passed out in front of his Porsche. So wasted in fact, that the medics plainly called him “drunk as crap.”  Continue reading “Taking Advice From The Founder Of Crocs: When In Doubt, Blame Taylor Swift”

Artie Lange Arrested In Paris

Comedian Artie Lange was put into a French jail after getting into an intense argument with his girlfriend (Adrianne something?) outside of a local theater last month.

He explained on The Nick And Artie Show that he flew into a rage and called her an “effing cunt.”

The cops arrived and attempted to calm him, but Lange “took a swing” at them, which ultimately closed the deal on his arrest.

Lange, who was booted from The Stern Show in 2009 due to substance abuse, says he was completely sober at the time of the incident.

I’d forgive him, but only if he yelled “YO ADRIANNE!!!” during the fight.

Bobby Brown’s Inevitable Post-Whitney DUI

People associated with Whitney Houston have been in the ultraviolet solar flare-sized spotlight lately. Bobbi Kristina, who is dating her adopted brother while she contemplates changing her last name.

Chaka Khan and Kelly Price tiptoeing around questions about seeing Whitney intoxicated right before her tragic death at the Beverly Hilton Hotel where she died of drowning with cocaine, marijuana, Xanax and muscle relaxants in her system.

And the men in Whitney’s life, well, they’re no better. Ray J trying to deflect ridiculous claims that he had something to do with his girlfriend’s death.  Continue reading “Bobby Brown’s Inevitable Post-Whitney DUI”

R.I.P. BtJunkie, Limewire, Megaupload & Mininova

As all you penny-pinching piracy fiends probably noticed your favorite websites are getting shut the fuck down by specially-trained members of the special forces. (According to the RIAA At least 63% of people illegally download music)

Law-enforcers who can deal with people like Kim “Dotcom” Schmitz, the overweight Megaupload founder (and top ranked Modern Warfare 3 player) whose New Zealand home was raided on January 20. Continue reading “R.I.P. BtJunkie, Limewire, Megaupload & Mininova”

Michael Lohan Retaliates After Being Denied Oral Sex

Lindsay Lohan’s father, Michael, was arrested yesterday morning in Florida after allegedly attacking his girlfriend, Kate Major, 28.

A Tampa police officer told the press, “She had some redness on her arms, some minor bruising and it was determined that he grabbed her arm and threw her to the ground a couple of times.”

Major had a court date later in the day, relating to a restraining order she filed against Michael. A police report obtained on Tuesday states that Lohan got violent with her over the hearing and the fact that she wouldn’t give him a blowjob…

Continue reading “Michael Lohan Retaliates After Being Denied Oral Sex”