241 Babies Named ‘Khaleesi’ Last Year

dragon baby mobileGame of Thrones is SO popular, you can’t even look through a window without seeing your conservative neighbors licking cherry syrup off each other in Khal Drogo and Daenerys outfits.

It’s the most pirated show of all time, it’s getting its own video game, Stark daughters Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner are reigning queens of social media, and people are naming their damn children after characters on the show.

According to the Social Security Administration, 1135 parents in America named their newborns “Arya” in 2013 and 241 went with “Khaleesi,” after the mother of dragons.

Man, pretty much any baby with that name is going to be a huge disappointment. Oh, Khaleesi said her first words today? Khaleesi used the big girl potty for the first time?? Took her first step? CALL ME WHEN SHE’S TAKING THOSE STEPS INTO A FIRE WITH THREE PETRIFIED DRAGON EGGS!!  Continue reading “241 Babies Named ‘Khaleesi’ Last Year”

North West Has Kim’s Eyes and Kanye’s Look of Disgust

first image of northwest kris Kanye West revealed the first straight-on photo of his daughter, North West. No offense whatsoever, but the kid is really living up that androgynous male name. Babies are genderless to me anyway. And by genderless I mean invisible. And by invisible I mean I want one but I’d ruin its life. You know what they say though, worrying about being a good parent already makes you better than 80% of thoughtless, child-bearing MTV and government check-loving mofos.

This particular child, with its empty eyes and holier-than-thou air balance of ma and pa, made its debut on Kris Jenner’s talk show.

I wonder if Kim and Kanye are on the “troublesome bitch” list at the hospital. You know for me to be on that list I just have to be late, but for them it’s probably a bunch of crazy demands like pillows made from nearly extinct ostriches spliced with Kourtney’s placenta.

Parents Say Bikini Onesie For Babies ‘Gives People The Wrong Idea’

A father was asked his opinion by the news on this onesie that was made with 18-month-olds in mind and he replied that “it gives people the wrong idea too quickly.”

Yes, I’m sure the three-year old boys just go nuts over this. I mean, you wouldn’t want to send them the message that your two-foot-tall child is easy, would you?

This article of clothing is really made for the parents to laugh at. And since they’re laughing at their daughter (or son, even better) it is kind of inappropriate but not really “offensive…”

Not when you compare it to Toddlers & Tiaras and the fact that you can just buy your kid a real bikini, which are sold everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t buy them for my non-existent churrens but I think they’re manufactured for comfort and not to turn on pedos.  Continue reading “Parents Say Bikini Onesie For Babies ‘Gives People The Wrong Idea’”

Four Legit Reasons To Outlaw Public Breastfeeding

Selma Blair possesses a common attitude. On the topic of feeding her son Arthur, she told People“The only time he cries is if he’s hungry, we all have nipples. I don’t care who I offend; my baby wants to eat. If I can’t get a cover over me quick enough, so be it.”

I know I’m going to come off sounding mean. It’s not like she has to go home just because she’s breastfeeding, she can run to the bathroom or maybe a place that is child-sanctioned, like Chuck E. Cheese or Hooters.

I like Selma Blair… Hellboy II is my favorite comic book movie for god’s sake. I even liked when she snogged a ghost in The Fog remake. Regardless, here are my problems with public breastfeeding… Continue reading “Four Legit Reasons To Outlaw Public Breastfeeding”